pandagirl Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I just had dinner with a bunch of my closest girlfriends, four are married and me and one other girl the singletons. We were talking about why I don't have any success with men. One is that I am picking the wrong mean, clearly. Another is they said I am very easy going and not difficult and that guys aren't used to that, and thus I let the relationship fall into the friendzone, because there isn't that passion. It's true. Still waters run deep, but I do come off as a little emotionless sometimes. Is my laidback attitude a turn-off maybe? Do I come off as too independent? Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Well, given that I'm 99% sure that no guys you meet are mindreaders, then yes. Not so much a turn-off, but many men will just move on elsewhere if a woman they are interested in acts dismissive of them. I would. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted November 12, 2009 Author Share Posted November 12, 2009 Well, given that I'm 99% sure that no guys you meet are mindreaders, then yes. Not so much a turn-off, but many men will just move on elsewhere if a woman they are interested in acts dismissive of them. I would. I'm not some coldhearted bitch! I'm just easy. I'm nice. Maybe I'm not a challenge? Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny M Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Another is they said I am very easy going and not difficult and that guys aren't used to that, and thus I let the relationship fall into the friendzone, because there isn't that passion. Your friend is on crack. Being difficult and being passionate are totally different concepts. You can be passionate and laid back at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
Sam Spade Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I just had dinner with a bunch of my closest girlfriends, four are married and me and one other girl the singletons. We were talking about why I don't have any success with men. One is that I am picking the wrong mean, clearly. Another is they said I am very easy going and not difficult and that guys aren't used to that, and thus I let the relationship fall into the friendzone, because there isn't that passion. It's true. Still waters run deep, but I do come off as a little emotionless sometimes. Is my laidback attitude a turn-off maybe? Do I come off as too independent? This is such a bul****. More than ANYTHING guys want a sweet, easy going girl. As for the emotions, being too guarded will become an issue - eventually, but by that time one would imagine that at least some intimacy has been built so it;s okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Vertex Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 How old are you/how old are the guys you go after? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted November 12, 2009 Author Share Posted November 12, 2009 How old are you/how old are the guys you go after? I'm 31. I used to like younger guys, but lately I've been dating in the 30-35 range. And let me tell you, I had better luck with the younger ones! Everyone says laidback and sweet is good. OK, so I have that going for me. Maybe I'm just picking the wrong guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Well I guess my question is are you actually showing interest in a guy if you like them or playing it cool and letting them come to you? We can really be profoundly dim sometimes. What may seem like a show of interest to you might not come off as such. Depends on the subtlety. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted November 12, 2009 Author Share Posted November 12, 2009 Well I guess my question is are you actually showing interest in a guy if you like them or playing it cool and letting them come to you? We can really be profoundly dim sometimes. What may seem like a show of interest to you might not come off as such. Depends on the subtlety. In general my MO is playing it cool. For instance, at my surprise birthday party, no one was shocked when my reaction to "SURPRSE!!!!" was, "Oh, hey guys.' haha. BUT I'm not so cool that a guy wouldn't think I liked him. Also, once I do show more signs of liking someone, that's usually when the guy bolts. Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 BUT I'm not so cool that a guy wouldn't think I liked him. Also, once I do show more signs of liking someone, that's usually when the guy bolts. Do you think you tend to go overboard with the signs? Just wondering. I've been getting more luck with the younger guys then again, I used to date a lot of men older than me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted November 12, 2009 Author Share Posted November 12, 2009 Do you think you tend to go overboard with the signs? Just wondering. I've been getting more luck with the younger guys then again, I used to date a lot of men older than me. Definitely not. Now that I think about it, maybe because I am more reserved in the beginning, I am attracted to guy who are just into the chase. Link to post Share on other sites
Vertex Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I personally love laid-back women -- life's better when everything's chill I'm sure the issue is likely unrelated to "playing it cool." My guess is that you're going after the wrong kind of guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Definitely not. Now that I think about it, maybe because I am more reserved in the beginning, I am attracted to guy who are just into the chase. There you go. I know I used to be quite reserved at the beginning of dating someone and then when I know he's interested, I went into showing more signs and sometimes I went overboard. I'm so over that phase! It could be the men that you're attracted to. I vote you go out with all sorts of men. 31 is still young! Link to post Share on other sites
Ody Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I agree with the people who say laid back is not the problem. There's not really enough information to guess what other problems might be. Link to post Share on other sites
nocode Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I have a similar problem with guys. I wouldn't say I'm easy going in that I don't go along with everything a guy says, but I'm not high maintenance either. I think I may come off as independent and (a bit) standoffish. It's frustrating to look at these demanding, high maintenance women who have good guys and wonder what I'm doing wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I just had dinner with a bunch of my closest girlfriends, four are married and me and one other girl the singletons. We were talking about why I don't have any success with men. One is that I am picking the wrong mean, clearly. Another is they said I am very easy going and not difficult and that guys aren't used to that, and thus I let the relationship fall into the friendzone, because there isn't that passion. It's true. Still waters run deep, but I do come off as a little emotionless sometimes. Is my laidback attitude a turn-off maybe? Do I come off as too independent? PLEASE, PLEASE, don't take advice from these drama-mongers!!! Most of them will be divorced within a few years with that attitude while you will find a genuine connection. My gf is very difficult and it drives me insane. Calm and reasonable is a huge turn-on for me, because it means we can work out issues without fighting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted November 12, 2009 Author Share Posted November 12, 2009 Calm and reasonable is a huge turn-on for me, because it means we can work out issues without fighting. That's funny. The last guy who dumped me actually said to me, "I really respect you, you're a very strong, intelligent, reasonable woman. Most aren't like you." THEN WHY WAS I BEING DUMPED? haha. Link to post Share on other sites
kissez Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 That's funny. The last guy who dumped me actually said to me, "I really respect you, you're a very strong, intelligent, reasonable woman. Most aren't like you." THEN WHY WAS I BEING DUMPED? haha. LMAO!!!!!!! exactly lmao! Link to post Share on other sites
kissez Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 i definitely agree it is better to be reasonable and calm though. I even get turned off by men and women who aren't! But, with that said my ex thought/thinks I am bipolar. He still talked to me though!!!! (we aren't together anymore but that's on my part). Actually, a couple guys said that but they still talked to me. I wonder how they are doing anyways lol. Don't take advice from your girlfriends though I agree. Even searching online for the studies' feedback I think gives the best tips. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 That's funny. The last guy who dumped me actually said to me, "I really respect you, you're a very strong, intelligent, reasonable woman. Most aren't like you." THEN WHY WAS I BEING DUMPED? haha. Would you rather be dumped because the connection isn't there, or because you pushed him away by being an unreasonable psycho who can't have a reasonable discussion? Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 There's probably nothing wrong with you at all - you just haven't met the right guy yet. Besides, what's wrong with being single? Being single isn't a default poor second to 'being in a couple'...with your M friends it sounds like they presume noone wants to be single, and it's like they think (in a well meaning way) that there must be something wrong with you that needs fixing and THAT'S why you're 'not in a couple'. Just be yourself and eventually the right guy will come along, and when he does (in 1 week or 5 yrs, who knows), you'll be glad you didn't compromize. Link to post Share on other sites
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