MissGoLightly Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 (edited) Maybe I should rephrase. Trying again! My bf and I have been dating for about two years. He talks about us living together, getting married, having kids. Semi-seriously, semi-jokingly was always my take on such comments. He lives close to his family. His brother and his sister both love me, as do his parents - they think I'm great. His sister asked me to co-host Thanksgiving with their family at her house this year. He is close to his family, and his siblings specifically refer to me as family; his parents treat me like family. Family is important to me, but I don't think I'm as close to my parents as he is with his. He has met my siblings, who I am very close to. I talk to my parents on the phone at least once a week, but don't see them often, because they live out of state. It's too expensive for me to travel to them very often (like, I have to save up in order to go to them for Christmas), and even though they can easily afford to, they've only visited me once in the time I've been dating my bf. About 2 months ago my bf had had the opportunity (and the means) to visit my parents with me for a weekend, and he declined. I'm not sure if he straight up doesn't want to meet them, or if it's because he would feel uncomfortable staying in their home and didn't want to pay for a hotel or something. (He says he would be uncomfortable staying in their home, but I don't understand why that should be the case.) Anyways, from my first post: Over the weekend, when we were driving back to his house after having a dinner party for his mom's birthday, we were joking about inappropriate things to say/do in front of an SO's parents. That topic of conversation was kind of winding down, then he says, "If I ever do meet your parents it'll be because we're serious, and then they'll have to like me." Well, I thought we were serious. What do you make of this? And how do you know when you're "serious"? And is it a red flag if he doesn't want to meet my parents? Maybe I'm imagining things, but it seems like he doesn't want to. Edited November 9, 2009 by MissGoLightly Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Maybe I should rephrase. Trying again! My bf and I have been dating for about two years. He talks about us living together, getting married, having kids. Semi-seriously, semi-jokingly was always my take on such comments. He lives close to his family. His brother and his sister both love me, as do his parents - they think I'm great. His sister asked me to co-host Thanksgiving with their family at her house this year. He is close to his family, and his siblings specifically refer to me as family; his parents treat me like family. Family is important to me, but I don't think I'm as close to my parents as he is with his. He has met my siblings, who I am very close to. I talk to my parents on the phone at least once a week, but don't see them often, because they live out of state. It's too expensive for me to travel to them very often (like, I have to save up in order to go to them for Christmas), and even though they can easily afford to, they've only visited me once in the time I've been dating my bf. About 2 months ago my bf had had the opportunity (and the means) to visit my parents with me for a weekend, and he declined. I'm not sure if he straight up doesn't want to meet them, or if it's because he would feel uncomfortable staying in their home and didn't want to pay for a hotel or something. (He says he would be uncomfortable staying in their home, but I don't understand why that should be the case.) Anyways, from my first post: Over the weekend, when we were driving back to his house after having a dinner party for his mom's birthday, we were joking about inappropriate things to say/do in front of an SO's parents. That topic of conversation was kind of winding down, then he says, "If I ever do meet your parents it'll be because we're serious, and then they'll have to like me." Well, I thought we were serious. What do you make of this? And how do you know when you're "serious"? And is it a red flag if he doesn't want to meet my parents? Maybe I'm imagining things, but it seems like he doesn't want to. After two years, you have every right to believe your relationship with this man is serious. It sounds to me like he is trying to back off in some way. You need to ask him, directly, where he sees your relationship going. Link to post Share on other sites
conehead Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 It's been 2 years, so I personally think it's very disrespectful of him to imply that you two are not serious. That being said, it's possible that his definition of serious in that context is different from yours. Maybe he meant serious as in 'engaged, getting married etc'. So why don't you just casually say 'hey, remember how you said you'll only meet my parents if we're serious? What do you mean by that?' and see how he replies. Link to post Share on other sites
New Again Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 Not trying to offend anyone here, but there's a thread in the getting married forum that, IN MY OPINION really shows the difference between a serious relationship and a long term committed one. TO MY MIND, a serious relationship is one with a future; a long term, committed one does not, necessarily. And of course, a serious relationship could be long term or short term, and is definitely committed. It's hard to tell from the OP if he was maybe just kidding around with his comment about being serious. That said, I think that after two years, if it were a serious relationship, he would be interested in meeting your parents, especially since it seems as though you're becoming an important part of his family. Does he refer to as family, or is that just his siblings? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MissGoLightly Posted November 9, 2009 Author Share Posted November 9, 2009 Thank yous for the replies. conehead: You may be right about his definition of "serious." Although that still confuses me a little, since I'm such a big part of his family. I mean, I hang out with his sister without him sometimes, and his mom too. I wish at the time I had just said "hey, what do you mean by serious? Aren't we?" I think that's a good suggestion, but I'm hesitant to come right out and ask, because I'm wondering if the distinction is as New Again said, in which case I don't think he'd come right out and tell me that. What (intelligent) guy who loved his gf and liked his relationship with her would? New Again: Yes, he also has referred to me as his family. Who knows how serious he is though (ha, ha). Link to post Share on other sites
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