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I feel like I'm back in high school again! (warning: long post)


Remry

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Ok, here's the situation. Five years ago I met this fellow at the local university library, where I was taking classes. The following year, unbeknownst to me, I register for this guy's class. I'm surprised that he was a prof as I did not know that when I met him the previous year. As the semester goes on, he would chat with the class during breaks and before and after class. While chatting we found that he and I have a lot in common (one thing we both love is photography). At the end of the class, I ended up bringing a book I borrowed of his to the final but forgot it in the car. So I emailed him afterwards asking how to get it back to him, and he told me to leave it in the departmental office. (This was a solid month after grades were turned in and I had graduated). So I leave it in his mailbox and that was that.

 

I graduate, two years pass with no contact from either of us.....I'm no longer a member of the university.

 

Last fall I was at the university library doing some research for a class that I teach and he was there and we got to talking. Turns out he was teaching a class in the building the night I was there. So over the next few weeks, every night that I'm there doing research he would see me and come and chat while his class was doing group work, or on their break during class. One night he told me that his office hours were before the class and no one ever comes to his office hours. So the next week, I surprised him and showed up and we chatted until he went to dinner. We continued in this vein until late spring when he asked me if I wanted to join him for dinner before his class. So we walked over to the school's cafeteria and had a quick meal together. The next time I saw him he invited me over to his house to hang out and shoot some photos (since he lives in a really cool area of town to photograph). So I go over to his house and hang out for the day with him shooting photos, and some of his friends (who all knew about me and made comments to that effect) came over in the evening and we all hung out for a while, but eventually it was just he and I again. We lost track of time sitting outside in his yard, and only realized what time it was when I went in to go to the bathroom at 5:15am!

 

Needless to say, over this past summer, he and I hung out 2-3 times a week, usually just in the evenings but once a week we would end up talking until the sun rose in the morning! (I can honestly say that I've seen the sun rise with this fellow more times than I have with all of the other guys that I've dated combined!)

 

Near the end of the summer, we had the opportunity to travel with a group of his (now becoming mine as well) friends for long vacation (10+ days!). We had a great time together and got along great.

 

He'll buy me dinner from time to time when we go out -- he's only part time at the local university -- during the day he works as a properties manager for a rental company. (He gets his unit & utilities paid but during the day takes care of all the rental stuff). Basically he makes about half as much as I make. I bake him cookies and brownies and other food periodically.

 

I can tell you that we've never kissed. While on vacation we were on one of the couches in the rental we had, and I fell asleep curled up against him, but other than that, no hand holding or other touching.

 

I know for a fact that he's not seeing anyone, one night he went through his entire phone telling me who everyone in it is and how he knows them, etc etc. There were no phone numbers of women that I did not already know!

 

Nowadays, I will go to the university and we will have dinner before class, then I will do work and research during his class, then he and I will walk out together. We also will get together once or twice more during the week -- Sometimes I'll call him to tell him about the class I'm teaching or ask him about something we were talking about, and he'll ask me to join him for dinner. Or we will have made plans to get together as we are leaving the university. Most times its just he and I, sometimes others will join us. (I enjoy the others so that's not a problem).

 

We had a conversation over the summer, about how we both grew up feeling like everyone else was a step ahead of us in development, like somehow we both just lagged behind the crowd. That really stuck out, and made me wonder if he's shy or not sure what to do. He's dated other women, even living with one for a while. Though he hasn't dated anyone for easily five years.

 

I feel like I'm back in high school again, with the "does he like me or not" issue! I keep thinking with all the time that we spend together, he likes me. But then I think, why hasn't he made a move? Then I wonder, if we are just friends.

 

Is he interested? Is he waiting for me to make a move?

What kind of move do I make? My biggest concern is that he's not interested in me and I mess up the incredible hanging out and spending time together that I have right now.

 

I thought about inviting him over for dinner, but I would feel super shady trying to kiss him or put any moves on him at my house since that will have been the first time we've hung out at my house since we usually go out or hang out at his house because he has a great yard -- and I just have an apartment.

 

There are so many more conversations and things that I could add to this, but that would make it so much longer than it already is!

 

 

 

Thanks for your thoughts and for reading to the bottom of this!

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Well, we know you like him. But has he done anything aside from hanging out with you, etc that confirms that he likes you in that way?

 

It's really hard to differentiate being platonic and being more than friends especially if he hasn't really made a move or a pass at you that confirms that he's looking for more.

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You are exactly right about showing his interest in more.

 

 

When I was in his class, the night of the final, a group of us went out after class and the first question was to ask about his/my relationship. A few weeks ago, the students in his current class, asked him about his "wife" (me) - which I didn't hear them ask about, but he promptly came over and told me about this with a smile on his face.

 

He maintains excellent eye contact, whether we are alone, or in a group. I feel like I'm the only one in the room with him.

 

One night at the library, one of my students was there also, and he came up to me and started talking to me. The fellow was not happy about this (as seen on his face) until I started talking about how this student was in my class and wanted more information for his project, etc etc.

 

He (as with most males) absolutely hates shopping. While we were on vacation, he would come up to me and ask me if I wanted to go shopping and he would either come into the stores with me, or find something to amuse himself with while I was in the store. One of his friends later commented that he was surprised at how much shopping he was doing, but that he figured it was due to the company.

 

He had to go home to his family as his dad was having emergency surgery, and while he was gone he found some reason to call or email me every day -- even if it was something that really could have waited.

 

Its just so hard, as every other guy that I've spent time with has either been much more physical, or (if we were friends) making sure that everyone knew (in no uncertain terms) that we were friends and friends only. In this case, that isn't the case.

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Man it seems like you two make a great couple! I say you make a move.. if you dont you might lose him to some other lady. I would ask if he would be interested in going to see a movie as more than just friends. Yes put him on the spot... i wouldnt just go in for the kiss because if he doesnt like you like that , it would be more weird than if he just said "i only see you as a friend" ...

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