LostInLA Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 Just curious: I was with my ex for 10 years and our break up happened about 7 months ago. I'm not sure I'm ready to date yet...not that there's anyone for me to date at the moment...but just wondering about others who have gone through similar break ups and when you felt ready to date. Link to post Share on other sites
chocolate.strawbery Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 Just curious: I was with my ex for 10 years and our break up happened about 7 months ago. I'm not sure I'm ready to date yet...not that there's anyone for me to date at the moment...but just wondering about others who have gone through similar break ups and when you felt ready to date. I don't know if my opinion is valid, I have never been through an experience like that. But I believe the faster you date and meet new people and friends, the faster you will forget about your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
mushmush Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 differnt strokes for differnt folks.. I'm interested in this topic as well. I'm patiently waiting and keeping in contact every now and then with someone special who broke up with her boyfriend over 3 months ago, but has only just told her ex last week she is moving out. (took me not calling her for 2 weeks for her to realise she had to move on in her life, ya!) CS it's not how fast you go on dates with new people that matter as you might just be going on a rebound and filling a void without really truly being over your ex or doing any healing. Certainly keeping yourself busy with little or no time to think about your ex helps. Now from personal experience I can say you are ready to date again when you are not bringing any baggage from past relationships into a new one. Also depends on how bad the break up was. From a male prospective when I ended my last serious relationship it took me around 9 months before I actually went out on a serious relationship that was more than me just looking for sex. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 I don't think there's a hard-and-fast rule. This is one of those things that is very personal. Me, I got divorced in August 2008 after a 4-year marriage. That's when it FINALIZED, but I filed back in May. And we had been sleeping in separate rooms since like March or April. I thought I was "ready" when I joined eH in October. So - I'm just going to count from when I filed since that was the "final nail," so to speak - 5 months after we "broke up," I was looking around. HOWEVER - looking back now, I do not think I was ready and wish I had taken more time for reflection and just doing what I wanted. From eH, I ended up in a pointless time-waster relationship from Jan-June of this year. I did get a good friend out of it (he and I still talk and harbor no ill feelings). But I still wish I would have used that time for myself. So my point is - don't rush it. You're ready when you're ready. Don't let anyone push you into it and do NOT do it until you are 100% sure that you are ready. Trust me - you'll know. If you have to ask "Am I ready," you aren't. Link to post Share on other sites
mushmush Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 opps, meant to say took me 9 months to go out on a serious date. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 After about a year is when I was actually ready for a new relationship. Up till then I was just ****ing around, being a young guy, and moving on as best I could. Link to post Share on other sites
eiithan Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 Like what everyone else has said, there is no fixed rule. Each individual takes it differently. From my experience, it was when I realised I let go of the last bit of my obsession over things that did not work out with my ex. Then I knew I finally became comfortable with the prospect of meeting new people without certain expectations, that I was free of the possibility of rebounding. It took me 1.5 years (breakup of a 2 years relationship) and a brief encounter with someone whom I could see myself married to. Perhaps it is a bit selfish, but at the 95% of recovery, meeting new people helps to reach the final stage of letting the past go. Please do not mistake it with rebound however. Being on dates and interacting with different people without misleading them that you are after a serious relationship, does provide a chance to reflect on your emotional status and you will instinctively know that you are ready or not. After a major breakup, people tend to keep themselves closed inside for healing purposes, and it does take some exposure to the outside (people) to open up again. Then one day the time comes, and you will know that you are ready to meet people again and take a chance with them. Link to post Share on other sites
tryagaintoday Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 For me, I know I'm ready when I date because I want to. Not because I want to prove any point to anybody. ...And also, you're not ready if you still tear or cry for your ex. ie, still have feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
stepka Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 My husband of 23 years dropped a bomb 3 days after Xmas, and I was ready to date almost right away. I thought. I posted on a dating site and went on a few, but quickly realized that it was a mistake and got back off of it. I still write to some people but with no intent of a future relationship, and honestly I can't say when I'll be ready. I finally figured out that the reason I wanted to date right away is b/c I was tied up in a marriage for half my life, and I had no idea whether anyone would want to date me, but once I figured out that some men will, I can wait. Also, my husband had really messed up my head about my attractiveness and he blamed me for all of our marital problems, which turned out to almost all be his. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 I don't know if my opinion is valid, I have never been through an experience like that. But I believe the faster you date and meet new people and friends, the faster you will forget about your ex. Yep I agree with this. I started dating again about 2 weeks after my ex and I broke up and it helped me to move on alot better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostInLA Posted October 27, 2009 Author Share Posted October 27, 2009 Thanks for all the replies, I was just curious about how long it took for some. I know there's no hard and fast rules, everyone is different and I was just curious. I feel that I'm getting there...but not quite yet. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Honestly, I'm 10 years out [almost] from my divorce and I'm still not sure I am ready to date. But I started dating about a 1 1/2 years after we split. Link to post Share on other sites
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