gummybear Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 In my past 3 relationships, I was always the dumpee? It seems like with casual dating, I reject ALOT of people so I actually only get serious with people that I really like. But because of that, I have trouble letting them go for fear of starting over. Also, for some reason I seem to get serious with guys who also have a history of being the DUMPER. Should I start dating people who have the history of being a DUMPEE instead? That way hopefully things will finally last lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Gummy, you're establishing a pattern in your mind and my question is if it's due to your choices or to external factors. Have you gone into these short relationships ignoring red flags? Have you historically been attracted to emotionally unavailable men? Is it bad luck? Some combination of the above? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 In my past 3 relationships, I was always the dumpee? It seems like with casual dating, I reject ALOT of people so I actually only get serious with people that I really like. But because of that, I have trouble letting them go for fear of starting over. Also, for some reason I seem to get serious with guys who also have a history of being the DUMPER. Should I start dating people who have the history of being a DUMPEE instead? That way hopefully things will finally last lol. I don't see how that is going to matter. If you are the dumpee often, then you need to look at yourself internally and figure out what you need to fix. We quite often want to place the blame on the dumper when really, it's things that we haven't identified and corrected about ourselves that contributed a lot to the demise of the relationship. I can go back over my last few relationships and point out exactly what I did wrong and how I fixed it. As for my exes, there's nothing I can do about them. They have issues too but it's not my problem. The only thing we control in our lives is ourselves. Fix what you have control over and don't worry about what you don't. Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gummybear Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 Ok well this thread is more like a poll to LSers. How many times have you been the dumper? And how many times have you been the dumpee? Maybe it doesn't matter, but I'm just curious if there are patterns. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHarvest Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 It started out with a trend of me being the dumpee. That percentage is slowly declining to about even though. I think I've gotten less leniant in my standards of dating. It's around 60% dumped/40% dumpee now. for me at least. Link to post Share on other sites
Shygirl15 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I was the dumpee only once and I'm still not over it... yet. He just kinda vanished..no dumping speech/farewell/bye-bye, nothing. He dumped me in the most cruel way because he didn't give me a chance to have closure with him. Since this incident, I vowed to always be the dumper. Link to post Share on other sites
zilverenvlinder Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Good question. I'll have to run through my relationships in my head. :thinks: I'd say it's about 50/50. I've had three serious relationships though and I've been the dumper twice, the dumpee once. But when it comes to not-so-serious relationships I'm usually the dumpee, sometimes the dumper. So yes, 50/50. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 In my past 3 relationships, I was always the dumpee? It seems like with casual dating, I reject ALOT of people so I actually only get serious with people that I really like. But because of that, I have trouble letting them go for fear of starting over. Also, for some reason I seem to get serious with guys who also have a history of being the DUMPER. Should I start dating people who have the history of being a DUMPEE instead? That way hopefully things will finally last lol. Aww well gummybear (love the name by the way, since gummy bears are awesome ), I think you should change the type of people you date. Look at all your past relationships, what was the common denominator in those guys other than you? Were they all players, commitment phobes, what was it? Whatever it was they all were, avoid that in people you look to date now. Oh and in all my previous relationships I've always been the dumper at one point in the relationship (ex dumped me for someone else after I dumped him and then got back with him). Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Good question. I'll have to run through my relationships in my head. :thinks: I'd say it's about 50/50. I've had three serious relationships though and I've been the dumper twice, the dumpee once. But when it comes to not-so-serious relationships I'm usually the dumpee, sometimes the dumper. So yes, 50/50. ......te slecht. Link to post Share on other sites
zilverenvlinder Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Too bad indeed... Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Hm. I hadn't really thought about it before, but now I feel kind of bad. I've always been the dumper. I mean, in one scenario we weren't all that serious and it was a mutual kind of drift-apart-thing...but when he tried to ignite things again, he got the brush off. But now you have ME thinking. LOL Does it make a difference that 2 of the "dumpings" were incredibly hard and broke my heart? Link to post Share on other sites
t0ri Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Should I start dating people who have the history of being a DUMPEE instead? That way hopefully things will finally last lol. I wouldn't say so. Every relationship is different, so I don't think a person's history of being dumpee or dumper is super relevant. Just take a good look at the type of guys you've been dating, and yourself, and make adjustments where you see needed. Learn from your mistakes in past relationships. But as for your poll, I was the dumper twice, dumpee once (although I did break up with him once before he dumped me...still not over that one). Link to post Share on other sites
sand26 Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 They always dump me. I like it that way. It makes them feel in control and gives them confidence. I have always been prepared, expecting the break up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gummybear Posted September 24, 2009 Author Share Posted September 24, 2009 They always dump me. I like it that way. It makes them feel in control and gives them confidence. I have always been prepared, expecting the break up. That's awesome. But why would you rather give them the control/confidence rather than to give it to yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Soul Bear Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 im the dumpee, and truth be told, I can't wait to get my heart broken again! You learn so much about yourself, what your worth and what your looking for. 7 months post breakup and im happy happy happy, im the best I have ever been. physically and mentally Link to post Share on other sites
splintered thing Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 They always dump me. I like it that way. It makes them feel in control and gives them confidence. I have always been prepared, expecting the break up. Those are some interesting thoughts (both yours and Soul Bear's). Dumpee here, too. Now that I think about it, I'd imagine that being the dumper would be harder. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I like being the dumpee, but I probably would like being the dumper even less. Link to post Share on other sites
Maoky Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 im the dumpee, and truth be told, I can't wait to get my heart broken again! You learn so much about yourself, what your worth and what your looking for. 7 months post breakup and im happy happy happy, im the best I have ever been. physically and mentally I agree (except for the bit where I can't wait to get my heart broken again ) My relationships where I've been dumped, I've self-reflected and grown so much as a person. I got a bit obsessive sometimes, but in the end, I do think I'm maturing and becoming a better person after being dumped. Plus you get the satisfaction when it's all over, that you made it through it all. Link to post Share on other sites
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