Jump to content

On the road to get back together...and then he leaves to be a Marine. :-(


Driver

Recommended Posts

My boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half. I developed bulimia, and it really started to destroy our relationship. Because I became withdrawn, depressed, and moody. So, a few months ago, I broke it off with him. I told him I needed time to myself to change and that when things got better I wanted to be with him. I told him we both needed to be apart for a while anyway, because we're both only 20 and need to have some other life experiences before settling down.

 

For these few months that we've been broken up, things have been rocky. Because we planned on getting back together, we still hang out and communicate on a regular basis --- and, of course, when you're single but talking to your ex who you're still in love with, insecurities and jealousy and fears and anxieties will arise. Regardless, we are still sleeping together, going out on dates...and it is clear that we are both in love with each other.

 

Two weeks ago, he just randomly announced he is going to be a Marine. He is leaving in ONE MONTH for a three-month bootcamp, and then he'll be back for ten days, and then he goes off to more training...and after that, he will be deployed somewhere and will owe four years of his life.

 

Right now, I am dying. I can't sleep or think about anything but him. I feel so stupid for breaking up with him in the first place, because if I hadn't, he probably would have never signed up for the Marines. How am I supposed to act for this last month that he is here? Should we continue to have our quasi-relationship or cut things off entirely? It makes everything so complicated. Because we can't start up a fresh relationship now...

 

It is like trying to run a race with a broken foot. It's impossible. He's going off to the Marines, and nothing is fixed...our relationship is still broken. But we're still in love with each other. I just don't know what to do.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's a lot simpler than you think, if you break it up into the Practical and the Emotional:

 

The practical means that he is actually doing something with great value. It will possibly be one of the most challenging, difficult and courageous things a young man could do.

Laying aside what I personally may think of War and the Military, in general - This is no 'easy option' for him.

It's brave and constructive. he's doing something with his life that an awful lot of young men don't even consider.

And not all those who do, cut the mustard or make the grade.

So personally, I wish him well, and much success.

I'd be very proud of him, if I were you.

 

THis relationship (on the Emotional side) is not all about you.

It's about making allowances and compromises and helping each other grow.

he's not abandoning you, he's doing something to improve himself and be a better man.

 

All you have to decide, now - is whether you can wait - or not.

And then tell him.

But make your decision, then stick to it.

 

He's going to have a hard enough time in training without having someone at home who prevaricates and hesitates.

 

So:

Do you have what it takes to be a Marine's girl?

Link to post
Share on other sites
It's a lot simpler than you think, if you break it up into the Practical and the Emotional:

 

The practical means that he is actually doing something with great value. It will possibly be one of the most challenging, difficult and courageous things a young man could do.

Laying aside what I personally may think of War and the Military, in general - This is no 'easy option' for him.

It's brave and constructive. he's doing something with his life that an awful lot of young men don't even consider.

And not all those who do, cut the mustard or make the grade.

So personally, I wish him well, and much success.

I'd be very proud of him, if I were you.

 

Oh, this is SO much easier said than done. I agree with all of that. But the practical side also is that one party signing up for 4 years in the military is basically screwing the chances of the relationship. Certainly, some have made it. But it's far, far more difficult to make it than most people who have never been in an LDR think. 4 years looks short on paper, but it really is a most excruciating length of time when you're in love with someone whom you can't have or hold beside you. Add that to the fact that most likely even daily computer/phone communication might not always be guaranteed due to him being in the marines.

 

THis relationship (on the Emotional side) is not all about you.

It's about making allowances and compromises and helping each other grow.

he's not abandoning you, he's doing something to improve himself and be a better man.

 

All you have to decide, now - is whether you can wait - or not.

And then tell him.

But make your decision, then stick to it.

 

He's going to have a hard enough time in training without having someone at home who prevaricates and hesitates.

 

So:

Do you have what it takes to be a Marine's girl?

 

OP, honey. I've been in 3 LDRs. I would advise you... no. Don't. Very, very, very, VERY few LDRs can survive four years. I think we only have one on the boards at the moment. You're setting yourself up for a lot of heartbreak and pain this way. Especially if your relationship is already rocky and uncertain now EVEN though both of you are together IRL, which is really a dream circumstance for any of us who are LDR. If it's so uncertain in a dream circumstance do you really think it can withstand 4 years apart?

 

I would have a very honest talk with him. Pour out your feelings. Maybe he really thinks you don't love him anymore and he has nothing to lose. But you also have to prepare yourself for the possibility that this COULD be his dream, his goal in life, and he might decide to pursue it anyway.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Good post Elswyth.

Thanks for putting another side to things. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...