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Signs you're dating an alcoholic?


runnergal

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I know this is an open ended question but I'm wanting to know what are some signs that the guy you are dating is an alcoholic. I want to hear what you have to say before I put out there what some of the issues are with guy. I will say this part to clarify. Beginning stages of dating, so we don't live together or in the same town. We don't hang in the same crowds or go to the same places to hang out. Now go.......

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If he can't go out to dinner without a few drinks.

 

If all his dates revolve around drinking.

 

If all his stories revolve around drinking.

 

If his idea of Friday or Saturday nights is going and getting S bombed.

 

If he constantly has a huge stock of liquor/beer in his house.

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If when you talk, he always needs a drink to tell you how he feels about you.

 

If he is moody and irritable when doing non drink related activities.

 

If he has a history of irrational / bad decision making when it comes to jobs, relationships and family.

 

If he only seems to act 'normal' when he's had a few drinks, but then seems to get drunk fairly quickly (topping up what's in his system)

 

Also if you are out, see how agitated he gets if his his drink runs out.

 

Just a few observations from watching my Dad :eek:

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  • Family history of alcoholism. While the interplay between genetics and environment is not entirely clear, if you have a family history of addiction, you are at higher risk for abusing alcohol.
  • History of mental illness.Alcohol abuse can worsen mental illness or even create new symptoms. See dual diagnosis for more information on mental illness and alcohol abuse.
  • Peer pressure. If people around you drink heavily, it’s hard to resist. If you are a teenager, you might feel you won’t be accepted. If drinking is common practice for work celebrations or entertaining clients, you might feel pressure to conform.
  • Stressful situations or a big life change. If you have a major change or a stressful situation in your life, without other coping skills, you might turn to alcohol to help you get through.

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missdependant

 

If he constantly has a huge stock of liquor/beer in his house.

 

Though, one would think an alcoholic WOULDN'T have a huge stock of liquor or beer in his home, because he'd already drank it all..

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Ok..if you click on my name, you will see my previous threads. Put the pieces together. I know it's alot of trouble but there's no sense in retyping the WHOLE thing. But I will add that recently he has been "unreachable" in the evenings. He will "read" my instant messages on the phone but not respond to them until the next morning. Last night he sent me an email and I responded to his with a question. He replied to me telling me he was tied up doing something at his house and would reply when he got finished with what he was doing. I just responded with "ok". I got a read receipt that he read my email at 1:45 this morning!! He's had two weekends, that I know of, during the time that we've seeing each other that he's gone on drinking binges for the entire weekend. Now what he does during the week, I have no idea. He's distanced himself away from me slowly and we hardly spend time together. He still initiates contact with me daily, it's just at night that he pulls away and ignores me only to initiate the next day. He either avoids conversations about spending time together OR comes up with an excuse that he's too busy. I've playfully mentioned to him before, during his "story telling" about one of his drunkened weekends, that he was an alcoholic *jokingly*. His response was "alcoholics go to meetings, i don't go to meetings". I was just like :eek:. So there you go....

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torranceshipman

If he always has a drink in his hand, or your dates always seem to be in a bar, a restaurant (with drinks with the meal), friendly drinks with friends, wine with a picnic...a bottle of wine in front of a movie at home....you get the picture...

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Pink Cupcakes

He may be an alcoholic, but you are saying he distances himself from you. He is not into you, that is the first problem. You had the 1st euphoria of the early sex, he's done with it now. He'd rather go drinking with his friends than give you the time of day.

Yes he MAY be an alcoholic, but he's also not into you really. Don't use the supposed alcoholism as an excuse. He just doesn't feel it, hon.

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SpanksTheMonkey

Yes hes at the very least a binge drinker witch if you ask me is an alcoholic if hes spending hole weekends drunk then yea theres a prob. Don't let him fool you Hun hes busy with the booze!

 

Theres a reason he gets back to you the next day its cause hes hammed all Thu the night. Mine use to do the same thing its not fun to deal with an alchy believe me they don't change ether my advice run don't walk away from this one trust me..

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Ok..if you click on my name, you will see my previous threads. Put the pieces together. I know it's alot of trouble but there's no sense in retyping the WHOLE thing. But I will add that recently he has been "unreachable" in the evenings. He will "read" my instant messages on the phone but not respond to them until the next morning. Last night he sent me an email and I responded to his with a question. He replied to me telling me he was tied up doing something at his house and would reply when he got finished with what he was doing. I just responded with "ok". ....

 

The man is unreachable in the evenings. Do you know his schedule? There's the chance that he could be doing alot of things, not just drinking.

 

I got a read receipt that he read my email at 1:45 this morning!! He's had two weekends, that I know of, during the time that we've seeing each other that he's gone on drinking binges for the entire weekend. Now what he does during the week, I have no idea. He's distanced himself away from me slowly and we hardly spend time together. He still initiates contact with me daily, it's just at night that he pulls away and ignores me only to initiate the next day. He either avoids conversations about spending time together OR comes up with an excuse that he's too busy. I've playfully mentioned to him before, during his "story telling" about one of his drunkened weekends, that he was an alcoholic *jokingly*. His response was "alcoholics go to meetings, i don't go to meetings". I was just like :eek:. So there you go....

 

A drunken weekend does not an alcoholic make. I know lots of men and women who drink during the weekends, some casually, some heavily.

 

It sounds to me like the real issue isn't with a possible drinking problem with this man, rather your desire to seek more attention from him.

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Ok...I know in my gut that he is an alcoholic...he went to a football game last night and when I asked if he had fun...he said "i think so"....I said "you think so? did you blackout?" ...he said "I like to call it "time travel""....so there you go........of course he's not "into me"...he's not nor EVER will be into anyone as long as he has the alcohol....:(

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Pink Cupcakes

I still don't think you can certifiably call him an alcoholic. That comment really meant nothing, he was blitzed out of his mind, ok, so he likes to drink a lot. Not my cup of tea in a guy. To be fair, you have spent a very small amount of time with him personally (let's face it - because he hasn't wanted to see you). He's not into you, did he even ask you to go to the game?

just be done with it all and move on!

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Well, the comment does mean something when he does it every weekend and almost every night. He didn't ask me to the game because he knew that I had my kids and it was 2 hours away. I don't know if the following is a question or a statement: I know he's not into me, he's into the bottle! But why does he msg me out of the blue to apologize for being a jerk and saying how much he sucks and that i'm right for feeling the way I have...when I haven't prompted these apologies or statements.

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Pink Cupcakes

You can't really say he's an alcoholic. LIke I said, that's not for you to diagnose.

He can say sorry all he wants, but is he wanting to see you?

When he was saying "You are right for feeling that way" he was saying 'we are not compatible, I am not into you, I am moving on"

 

Clearly, even if he is or is not an "alcoholic" you two are not cut out for each other. It sounds like he's completely checked out of the relationship (if there was one in the first place - doesn't sound like it even had time to establish.)

Also you might want to think about not sleeping with a guy too soon. If you had waited you would have known this info about him - his drinking. This is the type of thing you want to know before giving it up to him.

Also guys who drink a lot aren't good in bed. You'll be lucky if he can get it up half the time.

 

So...think of this as a gift. You can move on and find a guy who doesn't drink like that and actually wants to spend time with you.

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Well, the comment does mean something when he does it every weekend and almost every night. .

 

You said he doesn't contact you in the evenings, but you did not say that this guy drinks almost every night - very slick of you.

 

He didn't ask me to the game because he knew that I had my kids and it was 2 hours away. I don't know if the following is a question or a statement: I know he's not into me, he's into the bottle! But why does he msg me out of the blue to apologize for being a jerk and saying how much he sucks and that i'm right for feeling the way I have...when I haven't prompted these apologies or statements.

 

It almost seems like you're trying to convince us that he's an apologetic, self-hating, alcoholic.

 

If the guy is an alcoholic and you care about him, get him some help. If not, leave him alone and find someone else.

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Actually... I totally understand your question and you're right... It would explain a lot wouldn't it? I've been involved with two heavy drinkers in the past and they shared some similarities: when they were into me, they were extremely into me. When we were in the groove or on nights when we had a connection, they would promise me the moon. And then, in both relationship, they started introducing distance. And in both, they struggled to take responsibility for their emotions - so they also struggled to include a healthy R in their lives.

 

So yeah, your guy might be an alcoolic and that would explain why when he's with you, he's as sweet as honey and yet doesn't move the relationship foward. Addiction is a demanding girlfriend.

 

I concur with whoever said Run, don't walk away from this one.

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You can't really say he's an alcoholic. LIke I said, that's not for you to diagnose.

He can say sorry all he wants, but is he wanting to see you?

When he was saying "You are right for feeling that way" he was saying 'we are not compatible, I am not into you, I am moving on"

 

Clearly, even if he is or is not an "alcoholic" you two are not cut out for each other. It sounds like he's completely checked out of the relationship (if there was one in the first place - doesn't sound like it even had time to establish.)

Also you might want to think about not sleeping with a guy too soon. If you had waited you would have known this info about him - his drinking. This is the type of thing you want to know before giving it up to him.

Also guys who drink a lot aren't good in bed. You'll be lucky if he can get it up half the time.

 

So...think of this as a gift. You can move on and find a guy who doesn't drink like that and actually wants to spend time with you.

 

While I totally agree with your point here: that it doesn't matter whether or not the guy is an alcoolic since runnergal deserves better anyway, I feel obliged to point out that

 

1) Heavy drinkers (like you I think only they can diagnose themselves as alcoolics) can hide their game for quite some time. It took me months to realize either of my exes had problems with alcools, ie, that their relationship to alcool actually impacted their lives (in negative ways). So I disagree re: if you wait you'll find out their alcoolics.

 

2) Guys who drink a lot can still be amazingly funcitonal in bed. At least, in my experience. Most studies report dysfunctions happen later in life, after years of abuse.

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SpanksTheMonkey
But why does he msg me out of the blue to apologize for being a jerk and saying how much he sucks and that i'm right for feeling the way I have...when I haven't prompted these apologies or statements.

He is an alcoholic believe me go with your gut! They say those kind of things so you will feel sorry for them thats all. To help keep you around and on the hook even more so if he thinks your noticing the excess drinking.

 

This sounds just like my ex always giving me empty meaningless apologies and putting himself down. I'm telling you its a road you DON'T want to go down girl especially if you have kids! please please drop this guy now he will NOT CHANGE...

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Thanks Kamille and Spanks! Although I understand where you are coming from Pink, there's sooo much more to this story than has been revealed for the purposes of I don't like to put ALL my information out there.

 

As Kamille stated, I didn't know he had a drinking issue the first month we were dating. He was fine. We saw each other regularly and it was just a couple of beers for both he and I, social type drinking. Then after a month or so of dating, that's when he went on a weekend drunken tyraid. And I do know this because he told me that he drunk the whole weekend, wasn't his usual behavior, apologized endlessly and understood if I was pissed because we were supposed to have spent that weekend together. That was the point that phone call started to become less and less, contact was becoming less and less, time spent together was becoming less and less. Now, we did spend time together, just not as much. And he would chat with me msging, on the phone, at night just not as much. It was about a month and a half ago, when I noticed that the time spent together was extremely minimal and the talks at night had vanished. That first drunken weekend he stated that he had some work stressors come up and it's been some kind of stress for him sense. He, apparently, would rather turn to the bottle than to someone who genuinely cares about him. But I can't fix him or help him unless he wants help..I can't contol him, I can only control myself. I attended my AL-ANON meeting last night online and it was wonderful..I wasn't there for him, I was there for me because my issues stemmed from life occurences a long time ago. And, asian, I'm not to convince anyone of anything...just stating facts. ;-)

 

Kamille, I think you totally get where I'm coming from and I want to say THANK YOU and hug you!! :-)

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Pink Cupcakes

It doesn't even sound like this is a committed relationship in the first place, however. Al-Anon seems silly.

Why do you have kids and want to be in a relationship with a man like this? Put your kids first and kick this guy to the curb.

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While I was dating my heavy-drinking ex, I also attended a few Al-Anon meetings. Amazing how much they helped ME understand myself and some of the warped thinking that kept landing me into co-dependant relationships.

 

I grew up with a severely depressed parent and had therefore adopted a lot of the reasonings that kids of alcoolics do. This permeated (and still permeates) my relationships. I always feel responsible for the happiness of my partners and tend to worry about their well-being too much, not drawing the lines between what should be up to them and what should be up to me. I make up excuses for them and often turn to them for validation (the same way I would always measure my worth as linked to the impossible well-being of my mom).

 

So, regardless of the status of your current relationship, I say keep going if the meetings help you figure yourself out.

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of course he's not "into me"...he's not nor EVER will be into anyone as long as he has the alcohol....:(

 

So why or are you still interested in him. I would cut him off. Sounds like loserville to me. Just take the alcohol out of the equation and his behavior alone is rude and unacceptable. Whether he is alcoholic or not is not really the issue. The issue is whether he treats you the way you deserve or would like to be treated? It sounds like the answer is no, so he needs to go to the back of the line or better yet kick him to the curb.

 

Run Runnergal, Run!

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