doodle52 Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 My friend broke up with her ex about a year and a half ago. They dated for almost two years. She has since moved on and they have remained friends. We all live in close proximity and over the course of the last six months her ex has gone from being just “my friend’s ex” to a close friend of mine. I can’t ignore it; there is a noticeable chemistry between me and him. When we go out, people confuse us for a couple all the time. We have similar goals, interests, and a great understanding of each other. At least to me, it feels like there’s the potential for so much more than just close friendship. Can there be exceptions to “girl law”? Could I initiate something with my friend’s ex without ruining my friendship with her / offending our mutual friends? Should I speak to her beforehand? Should I just ignore the attraction? Then there’s always the question about how to initiate something more. We’ve both teetered on the edge of admitting our feelings. I think that maybe we’re both scared of the stigma associated with the ex issue… Link to post Share on other sites
RickValentino Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 I suppose it's only respectable to talk this through to your friend to see how she feels. Reason to her that his unexpected chemistry was never intended, but it happened, and you wanted to share your feelings with her. If she respects you as a real friend, I suppose it's ok to take it a step further with her ex. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBlaze Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Rick's right; talk to your friend, first. Assuming that "girl law" is the same as the guy's "Code" on this one, the rule isn't actually "no dating a friend's ex," it's "no dating a friend's ex without your friend's consent." As long as your friend gives you the nod, you're good to go. Usually, a friend will only veto such a request when the breakup was messy and they really don't want to see the ex ever again. In this situation, that's obviously not the case, so ask your friend and then ask the guy! Link to post Share on other sites
dreamergrl Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 It would only be right to talk to your friend. Link to post Share on other sites
utterer of lies Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 My friend broke up with her ex about a year and a half ago. They dated for almost two years. She has since moved on and they have remained friends. We all live in close proximity and over the course of the last six months her ex has gone from being just “my friend’s ex” to a close friend of mine. I can’t ignore it; there is a noticeable chemistry between me and him. When we go out, people confuse us for a couple all the time. We have similar goals, interests, and a great understanding of each other. At least to me, it feels like there’s the potential for so much more than just close friendship. Can there be exceptions to “girl law”? Could I initiate something with my friend’s ex without ruining my friendship with her / offending our mutual friends? Should I speak to her beforehand? Should I just ignore the attraction? Then there’s always the question about how to initiate something more. We’ve both teetered on the edge of admitting our feelings. I think that maybe we’re both scared of the stigma associated with the ex issue… You might warn your friend that there is mutual attraction between you and the ex, but don't 'ask for permission'. Link to post Share on other sites
Vet Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 If she broke up with him, and she isn't harboring any secret feelings for him, there's absolutely no good reason that she would have a problem with you dating him. I wouldn't hide it from her, but I wouldn't ask for permission either. If she has a problem with it that doesn't go beyond that they dated once, so you shouldn't date him, then maybe she's not that great of a friend or someone that wants you to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
missdependant Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Ask your friend how she feels. Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Ask your friend how she feels. This^ You dont ask for 'permission', per say, but you should see how she feels. I personally dont consider anyone thats dated any friend of mine even an option, but I know some people arent that way. If you value this friendship, at least see what she says, so you know what youre getting yourself into. There is always a risk involved, but you would hate to break up with the guy at some point and realize the friend hates you for not saying anything beforehand, too. Its just respect. Link to post Share on other sites
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