Hkizzle Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 This is one for the ladies. Your input welcome. Why is it even with women's ability to sniff out bull****, so many women still fall for jerks? Just want to see your view on the subject. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 In my past experience with the jerk XH... I was attracted because of his charisma. Now, you have to be specific about which type of "jerk" you mean. There are all kinds - they are jerks in different ways. But I would assume that a lot of women are attracted to the rough edges. Like there's something "sexy" about it, or something. Or maybe she needed a project - somebody she could fix up. And a big one - Women tend to fall in love with potential in a guy. Thinking, "Oh, he'd be such a great guy if only he'd...." Fill in the blank. I think a lot of women see what a man COULD be and that's what gets them excited. I'm learning to drop such assumptions and decide if I love/like the man presented right in front of me. I know fully now that men do not change. If there's some big incompatibility that I see between us, I have to decide if it's a dealbreaker for the long term - not hope that one day he'll change his mind. No thanks. I'm not wasting my time on that one anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
New Again Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 This is one for the ladies. Your input welcome. Why is it even with women's ability to sniff out bull****, so many women still fall for jerks? Just want to see your view on the subject. I "fell" for a jerk only once. Very simply it's because we had amazing chemistry and I was too young to know better. Maybe it's the opposite of why men love b*tches; I honestly don't know. There are many reasons I'm sure. My question is, why are so many men here so fascinated/upset/fill in the blank with why women fall for jerks? I didn't read the "nice guy" thread, maybe the answer lies there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Vet Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Not a woman, but the "jerks" are the ones that usually have personalities. The "nice guys" are the ones who are too meek to ask out the girl that falls for the jerk. If you're about as interesting as melba toast, it doesn't matter how nice you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 My question is, why are so many men here so fascinated/upset/fill in the blank with why women fall for jerks? I didn't read the "nice guy" thread, maybe the answer lies there.Simple. When it happens - that is, when a woman falls for a jerk - it's absurdly obvious to everyone on the planet except her. She'll defend and defend and defend, "Oh, he's not as bad as you think" and "I can change him" (that's the classic and most often used line) and "He's rough on the outside but has a heart of gold inside" and all the other nonsense. Then when it comes to grief (and it ALWAYS does) she'll complain that there aren't any good men around. Meanwhile, she's rejected good men in order to be with a jerk. It happens all the time... and I do mean all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 What type of women are you looking at here that fall for jerks? You're average nice girl or your super hotties? Cause I always find it funny that average joes complain about women falling for jerks but it's usually because the women they are looking at are these club-like girls that like to party. Link to post Share on other sites
39388 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 My question is, why are so many men here so fascinated/upset/fill in the blank with why women fall for jerks? I didn't read the "nice guy" thread, maybe the answer lies there. A lot of us have "nice guy" tendencies and can't get a girlfriend no matter how hard we try. It's strange that it is such a huge red flag to many women. I'm trying to get rid of these tendencies, but still have way way too many. Link to post Share on other sites
39388 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 What type of women are you looking at here that fall for jerks? You're average nice girl or your super hotties? Cause I always find it funny that average joes complain about women falling for jerks but it's usually because the women they are looking at are these club-like girls that like to party. That's not true. There are some men who hate overweight women for example, but I'm not one of them. It's funny how you like to generalize. Link to post Share on other sites
New Again Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Simple. When it happens - that is, when a woman falls for a jerk - it's absurdly obvious to everyone on the planet except her. She'll defend and defend and defend, "Oh, he's not as bad as you think" and "I can change him" (that's the classic and most often used line) and "He's rough on the outside but has a heart of gold inside" and all the other nonsense. Then when it comes to grief (and it ALWAYS does) she'll complain that there aren't any good men around. Meanwhile, she's rejected good men in order to be with a jerk. It happens all the time... and I do mean all the time. I guess I don't have much experience with my friends falling for jerks! That's actually pretty new to me. A lot of us have "nice guy" tendencies and can't get a girlfriend no matter how hard we try. It's strange that it is such a huge red flag to many women. I'm trying to get rid of these tendencies, but still have way way too many. Just don't try too hard I agree that it can be a red flag, but more so if the guy does something ELSE that I'm uneasy about. Then I would start feeling like maybe the single or nice thing could be a red flag. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hkizzle Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 I "fell" for a jerk only once. Very simply it's because we had amazing chemistry and I was too young to know better. Maybe it's the opposite of why men love b*tches; I honestly don't know. There are many reasons I'm sure. My question is, why are so many men here so fascinated/upset/fill in the blank with why women fall for jerks? I didn't read the "nice guy" thread, maybe the answer lies there. For me the answer is similar to Thaddeus's. Whilst I know why women do it, and it's a result of programming from evolutionary past requirements to find a strong male. I'm looking for ways to teach women how to get past this programming without resorting to settling for someone they have no feelings for. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 I'm looking for ways to teach women how to get past this programming...Uh, yeah. Good luck with that. Link to post Share on other sites
New Again Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 For me the answer is similar to Thaddeus's. Whilst I know why women do it, and it's a result of programming from evolutionary past requirements to find a strong male. I'm looking for ways to teach women how to get past this programming without resorting to settling for someone they have no feelings for. So your assertion is that only jerks are strong males? I have to disagree with you, based on personal experience - mine and many other people I know. Are you posting all these same threads doing research for a book or something? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 For me the answer is similar to Thaddeus's. Whilst I know why women do it, and it's a result of programming from evolutionary past requirements to find a strong male. I'm looking for ways to teach women how to get past this programming without resorting to settling for someone they have no feelings for. Darling this is like programming men not to like beautiful women. Useless! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 What type of women are you looking at here that fall for jerks? You're average nice girl or your super hotties? Cause I always find it funny that average joes complain about women falling for jerks but it's usually because the women they are looking at are these club-like girls that like to party. I agree with this. Not all women fall for jerks (that is a generalization). It does seem that a lot of guys are complaining about women falling for the "jerk" aka "bad boy" type of guy. Well the super hotties most often like this type of guy because of their god given "charisma" and super hot looks because these guys present a challenge for them. What puzzles me is guys who go after these type of women instead of settling for a nice girl. My question is why is it when a guy can sniff out bulls--- why do they still fall for the hottie "bad girl"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hkizzle Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 Darling this is like programming men not to like beautiful women. Useless! No, let me elaborate. I know a few women that understand men well and they found strong outgoing men, without falling for jerks. These women tend to have an in depth understanding about how men think. You can get past the programming and still get what you want by understanding the reality behind how things really are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hkizzle Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 I agree with this. Not all women fall for jerks (that is a generalization). It does seem that a lot of guys are complaining about women falling for the "jerk" aka "bad boy" type of guy. Well the super hotties most often like this type of guy because of their god given "charisma" and super hot looks because these guys present a challenge for them. What puzzles me is guys who go after these type of women instead of settling for a nice girl. My question is why is it when a guy can sniff out bulls--- why do they still fall for the hottie "bad girl"? True, works both ways. Despite ideals, people are driven to find the best they can get. The most attractive. People have an internal value system and know what they can get. They then go out and try for the more attractive individuals, even if it means getting hurt or a lower success rate. Whilst nice is the ideal. People still want the most attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 No, let me elaborate. I know a few women that understand men well and they found strong outgoing men, without falling for jerks. These women tend to have an in depth understanding about how men think. You can get past the programming and still get what you want by understanding the reality behind how things really are. Okay that's just a few women compared to how many thousands of women who fall for the high maintenance type of guy. There are also a few men who will look past the "hottie" type and go for the average girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Vet Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 No, let me elaborate. I know a few women that understand men well and they found strong outgoing men, without falling for jerks. These women tend to have an in depth understanding about how men think. You can get past the programming and still get what you want by understanding the reality behind how things really are. I think your main problem is one that a couple of people have already touched on. You're putting all men into two mutually exclusive classifications: jerk and nice guy. The world isn't so black and white. I think the key here is to be the middle of these two stereotypes: the morally guided individual who is also assertive in protecting his interests. Link to post Share on other sites
39388 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Just don't try too hard I agree that it can be a red flag, but more so if the guy does something ELSE that I'm uneasy about. Then I would start feeling like maybe the single or nice thing could be a red flag. Good luck! I try hard in everything I do and when I fail I try harder. I know the women on the dating websites get 20+ emails a day and I have to compete againt every one of these males. The threads on here say a lot though. I'm a big guy who can't lift a woman who didn't get his first date until several months ago at 35. Every one of the 4 women I had a date with asked about previous relationships and of course I had no answer for them. I just have too many red flags. This game, which is all it is, is just too competitive for me right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hkizzle Posted August 18, 2009 Author Share Posted August 18, 2009 the morally guided individual who is also assertive in protecting his interests. Yes, and I focus on the extremes because well at least when it comes to jerks they are so obviously wrong. But unfortunately the vast majority of men fall into the two extremes. The type of men you quote actually only make up about 10% of men. Unfortunately many attractive men and women who know they can attract the opposite sex abuse their power. When you have 100% of women competing for 10% of men, you get..........well you see it here on this forum. Lots of threads of people complaining the person they like is a jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
39388 Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 I agree with this. Not all women fall for jerks (that is a generalization). It does seem that a lot of guys are complaining about women falling for the "jerk" aka "bad boy" type of guy. Well the super hotties most often like this type of guy because of their god given "charisma" and super hot looks because these guys present a challenge for them. What puzzles me is guys who go after these type of women instead of settling for a nice girl. My question is why is it when a guy can sniff out bulls--- why do they still fall for the hottie "bad girl"? You love perpetuating a lie. I avoid the hottie "bad girl" at all costs. I don't want this type of person anywhere near me. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Every one of the 4 women I had a date with asked about previous relationships and of course I had no answer for them. Nice red flag for you, regarding them. A proper lady does not question a gentleman's past on the first date, or even the second. My wife never once questioned my past. We disclosed, voluntarily, as we got to know each other better. IMO, that's healthy. On-topic, IMO, perhaps a better question to ask ourselves as men is why we care if women fall for jerks. We know they all don't, so, the ones that do just become irrelevant. They're not for us. Different path. Alternative universe. Have a nice day Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 On-topic, IMO, perhaps a better question to ask ourselves as men is why we care if women fall for jerks.We care because those of us who aren't jerks get painted with the same brush. These women who fall for jerks tend to see good men through lenses that have been tainted by their experience with 'bad boys.' (Sorry for the mixed metaphors...) Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 The imperative is so simple..... that woman is irrelevant. Her past, her future, her present. If her desire, attraction and psychology is such that jerks are her path, or her path is affected by her affinity for jerks, then she is not in my universe of potentials. Simple. I really don't care about anything else other than that, specifically Link to post Share on other sites
Vet Posted August 18, 2009 Share Posted August 18, 2009 Yes, and I focus on the extremes because well at least when it comes to jerks they are so obviously wrong. But unfortunately the vast majority of men fall into the two extremes. The type of men you quote actually only make up about 10% of men. Unfortunately many attractive men and women who know they can attract the opposite sex abuse their power. When you have 100% of women competing for 10% of men, you get..........well you see it here on this forum. Lots of threads of people complaining the person they like is a jerk. First, both are so obviously wrong, just for different reasons. Your stereotypical nice guy is a weak person that is unable to defend himself assertively. Secondly, how exactly are you getting this statistic that 10% of men are like this? I'm of the opinion that these stereotypes you're projecting are very rare in the population, that one person is definitively one or the other. The world is never black and white. Furthermore, just because one has been labeled a "nice guy" doesn't mean he can't really be an *******, and vice versa. We're people, not robots. As far as people making threads about jerks, I doubt the people they're with really are this stereotype: either they're with someone that is a much more dominant personality that can't respect them (and is therefore, being a jerk), or they're exhibiting specific behavior that is "jerky". Link to post Share on other sites
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