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Talk about your attitude toward your current relationship/non-relationship status


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Old 12th August 2009, 1:34 PM   #1
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Talk about your attitude toward your current relationship/non-relationship status

How many of you choose to be single, and why?

How many of you are green eyed when you know of friends with new SOs? Why?

How do you feel about your current relationship/non-relationship status?
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Old 12th August 2009, 1:47 PM   #2
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How many of you choose to be single, and why?
Well, I'm not in active search mode, though I keep open to the possibility of something happening at any time.
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How many of you are green eyed when you know of friends with new SOs? Why?
Green-eyed? (I'm assuming that means envious.) No. Virtually every man I know who's in a relationship (I can only think of one exception off the top of my head) is having to either deal with a lack of sex, his lady's profligate spending habits or just mountains of drama.
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How do you feel about your current relationship/non-relationship status?
Like I mentioned in the first bit, I'm perfectly OK with being single, but if something happens to change that, that would be OK too. I'm not defined by my relationship status. If/when I get involved again, my partner will be folded into the rest of my life, and neither do I expect to be her #1 priority.
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Old 12th August 2009, 1:58 PM   #3
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How many of you choose to be single, and why?
Because I'd rather be single then settle.

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How many of you are green eyed when you know of friends with new SOs? Why?
I wont lie, I get a little jealous when I see that warm affection being traded, and wish I had that too.

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How do you feel about your current relationship/non-relationship status?
I'm okay with it. Like I said, I'd rather be single then settle.
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Old 12th August 2009, 2:36 PM   #4
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For the first time in years, I am not ok with being single.

I'm ready to share my life with someone but I'm not actively looking.

I won't settle though. I am still ok enough being alone that I won't put up with things I know I'll never be able to live with.

I'm a little jealous of friends in satisfying relationships. More meloncholy than jealous though.
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Old 12th August 2009, 2:46 PM   #5
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How many of you choose to be single, and why?

How many of you are green eyed when you know of friends with new SOs? Why?

How do you feel about your current relationship/non-relationship status?
I chose to be single a few years back for like 5 months. It was great. I was having noncommittal sex often enough, and my high-volume bartending job kept me busy and in the constant company of others, so I didn't feel lonely. And getting hit on by so many male customers left me feeling less "unwanted" than most single women. It worked and I was happy. Then I met a certain boy, lost my job, and that was the end of that jolly single streak.

Then when I moved cities a few months ago, freshly broken up with my XH, I vowed to enjoy the single life again. That too was going swell. Another busy high-paying job that kept me in constant male company, plenty of noncommittal sex again, basically the same scenario. Then I started seeing C2 and it was all downhill from there.

Every time I swear I'm going to stay single, and I'm having a great time of it, I meet a boy. Damn them!

The choice to stay single stems from these:

A) Relationships are full of compromise and drama. I can't just relax and do what I want to do. I always have to consider what BillyJoeJimBob wants.
2) Relationships take up too much of my time/energy and distract me from doing what I need to do for myself to keep my ducks in a row.
3) Relationships (especially significant ones) are emotionally taxing because I'm a bit oversensitive. Then the depression/anxiety kicks in and everything goes boom.

When I see my friends with new SO's and I'm single? Usually I just think, "Good luck with that. I give it 6 months tops before a pot or pan goes flying."

Right now I'm in a relationship. It's a necessary evil because I LURRRRVE him. Blah.

In the end humans have a pairing-off instinct that all the logic in the world can only cover up, never obliterate.
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Old 12th August 2009, 2:46 PM   #6
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Single (my decision) and actually happy about it. Although regular sex would be nice I'm ok with being single for the first time that I can remember. I will admit that there are times when I'm a little envious regarding some of my friends who are about to get married but I'm happy for them so the feeling passes.

I just graduated from law school and I'm looking for a job, so cost wise a relationship is not a good thing right now. Maybe in a few months.
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Old 12th August 2009, 2:47 PM   #7
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I'm single. I don't like it much, but I need it to clear my head and get perspective on my life. Plus, there really haven't been any contenders for me, and the two most recent aren't ones I would want to or need to settle with.

Am I envious? Yes, and I'm not afraid to admit it. I want to be truly, madly and deeply in love and for once have someone feel that way about me too.
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Old 12th August 2009, 2:56 PM   #8
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I've seen the phrase, "I won't settle" and permutations of it here and in other posts.

But what exactly does that mean? Does a potential partner have to have a tic in all those boxes that specify his/her physical and mental attributes? Does a potential partner have to pass some sort of series of litmus tests first?

And how is that different from being 'shallow'? I don't ask this with aggression or irony, I'm honestly curious to determine what the posters think is the difference.
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Old 12th August 2009, 3:07 PM   #9
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For me, it means I won't compromise on certain issues. I've been guilty of that in the past. I've overlooked things I know I can't live with long-term. i.e., drugs, weak work ethic, possessiveness.

It's not so much that they have to have certain physical/mental attributes. It's what they shouldn't have or do.

I'm pretty open-minded, which can be a downfall in dating. I tend to overlook things until they, inevitably, rear their heads.
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Old 12th August 2009, 3:11 PM   #10
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I guess settling means different things to everyone, but I think at the end of the day, the basic concept is that you think you can do better.

How many of you choose to be single, and why?

Im single, but not by choice. I would like to meet someone, but if you read any of my other posts, its just not easy for me. I wish I had a why, but I just dont.


How many of you are green eyed when you know of friends with new SOs? Why?

I think the problem is that the older you get the more you stand out from the crowd by having no one. Everyone I know has a gf/bf, dates, or has some booty call; I have nothing. Its not so much jealousy of one person as it is frustration with always being the odd man out.

How do you feel about your current relationship/non-relationship status?

Annoyed, but not surprised.
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Old 12th August 2009, 4:25 PM   #11
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How many of you choose to be single, and why?

I choose to be single because I don't feel that I am mature enough to have a relationship at this point in time. I feel that I still have some growing to do before I am ready to be in a happy healthy relationship.

How many of you are green eyed when you know of friends with new SOs? Why?

I will admit I do feel the twinge of loneliness when I see my friends with new SO's and it is something solid (not just some guy they met and are hanging out with). It makes me wish I had someone to be crazy about and vice versa.

How do you feel about your current relationship/non-relationship status?

For the most part, my current status works for me. I have a guy that I have a lot of fun with, get to have regular s*x with, and be my date to "couple-y" events. However, I do find myself wanting more of an emotional connection at times. That seems to get me everytime!
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Old 12th August 2009, 4:32 PM   #12
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How many of you choose to be single, and why?

I am.. have been for the last 7 years.. and after 18 months of my separation... I was single by choice..

How many of you are green eyed when you know of friends with new SOs? Why?

OMG... so not green eyed over any of my friends.. If they need someone in their life.. fine.. I don't. To each their own.


How do you feel about your current relationship/non-relationship status?

I am extremely happy with my situation.. actually I've never been so happy in my life. I have always, since I can remember, had a hard time with men that snore... I had two 'snorers'..

Now I have my big huge bed all by myself.. I come and go as I please.. I spend my money on ME...

If I want sex.. well that's the easy part for me.. sorry guys.. (but we, women, have that much easier than you )...

It's all good.. can't complain about a thing right now..

I'm not saying that it will never change.. we never know what's going to happen in our life.. but so far.. I'm verrrry happy and not looking.
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Old 12th August 2009, 4:44 PM   #13
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I've seen the phrase, "I won't settle" and permutations of it here and in other posts.

But what exactly does that mean? Does a potential partner have to have a tic in all those boxes that specify his/her physical and mental attributes? Does a potential partner have to pass some sort of series of litmus tests first?

And how is that different from being 'shallow'? I don't ask this with aggression or irony, I'm honestly curious to determine what the posters think is the difference.
Well, it's one thing to have realistic expectations and another to settle. Settling has a very negative connotation. Often it means having a relationship with just anyone simply for the sake of having a relationship. I do, however, agree that people need to be more pragmatic and realistic about relationships. All this media-produced emphasis on sweeping romance, soul mates, chemistry has done a lot of harm to relationships in general. Life is not like that at all. As far as I am concerned, if a man meets most of my important requirements, I give it a try. You just never know how things can develop.
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Old 12th August 2009, 4:48 PM   #14
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Oh and Lizzie answered all the questions for me. I am quite content being single. It would take someone very,very special for me to want to change that.
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Old 12th August 2009, 4:50 PM   #15
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I've seen the phrase, "I won't settle" and permutations of it here and in other posts.

But what exactly does that mean?

For me, settling = being with someone I'm not attracted to physically or intellectually just so that I can say "at least I'm not single."
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