caring guy Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Hi It seems i've noticed over the last 10 years that i can think of only 2 people i've dated, i've actually been attracted too & they have been attracted to me! When girls show me attention, it always seems that i don't feel this for them & the ones that i'm attracted to, inevitably aren't attracted to me!! This isn't a 'looks' thing, it that 6th sense chemistry/compatibility thing, that surge of heat that you get & that wanting to be with someone a lot!! Am not sure whether its a subconscious 'challenge' thing, but am sure its kind of a push & pull situation, that when someone comes to me, i back off & i guess when i like someone, i invest more hence maybe pushing them back!! Also, girls that i've dated that are probably more suitable & would probably last longer with, i don't feel the same, so maybe it is a challenge thing!! I dunno Link to post Share on other sites
Adri Ana Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 I do so much relate to you . The guys that are attracted to me , I just push them away . It works subconsciously maybe , but maybe we just did not meet the right ones. Link to post Share on other sites
Thaddeus Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 It's biochemistry. I know, it's not very romantic, but this vaunted 'connection' has everything to do with biochemistry and evolutionary adaptations. Fascinating radio program on this very thing: Your Brain on Love Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Story of my love life. Rarely have I been involved with mutual attraction, and it never seemed to last. The ones that I am most attracted to, and I mean nearly desperately so never seem to give me a second look and if they do it is to 'hit it and quit it'. So frustrating. And the ones I am not attracted to end up nearly stalking me - leaving me having to screen calls, block emails, block FB/MS, you name it. Such extremes. I really hate it at this point. But you know... I will not settle. I'd rather be alone than be with someone I am not attracted to. There are far things worse dating wise than being with someone whose touch leaves you having to swallow your mild repulsion. Link to post Share on other sites
Hkizzle Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 The reason this happens is because when you let someone know you like them you automaticlly lower your value, and vice versa when people do it to you. One of the keys to seduction is to create attraction in the other person whilst maintaining your own value. Most people can't do that because they are too obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caring guy Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 LukreziaBorgia & Hkizzle i hear ya so loud!! I mean when i know i like someone as in looks, which is obviously that 1st impression thing & many people say that you know after the 1st couple of minutes if you want to see someone or be with them & then because you get that 'WOW' factor, i think we tend to be a little cautious not to do anything to mess things up & kinda tense in a way!! Last night for example, i went out with a girl, we had a great time because i felt not totally attracted to her, maybe a maybe, but not a 'WOW' bumping heart etc & so therefore i was, & this sounds bad, but a couldn't care less attitude, not trying & as Hkizzle says, i didn't lower my value by letting the person know!!, & i don't mean by telling them, just in my actions!! It's about not getting blown away by meeting someone & them realising that your blown away!! or getting blown away, just not showing it!! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 HK, I hear you man. My problem mostly is that the guys I am attracted to are very masculine, tall, nicely hairy-chested, dominant without being a dyck (the ones who are dycks are actually subs who want to be doms), etc. Those guys are not attracted to tall, solid, athletic, round-assed/hipped, strong (and I do mean physically - I could break bones with my grip) women. They want the sylph-like feminine types. The ones who look delicate and need to be protected regardless of how short or tall they are. Megababes, as bangmate calls them (though he also says that most megababes are dumb bitches who will ruin your life). Can't change that. I will always look like someone who will hand their ass to them. I will have to say my current bangmate fits the bill perfectly though and he loves my strength (and is obsessed with my ass and hips and the generous waist ratio to them - I have the body of a woman, an amazon woman maybe - but clearly a woman) - but... it will never get past 'friends with hormones'. He sees me as the female equal to himself, and equals don't 'fit' - you have to have something like puzzle pieces for it to be romantic, where you complete each other instead of compete with each other. He recently moved back up north (12 hours away), and moved with clear knowledge of what he was leaving behind. He will visit and all, but... Its fun, but I would love for him to really love me and want to be with me on a more permanent arrangment. Of course he is a LOT younger than me, that has a lot to do with it too. Logistics, you know. So, I guess I'm doomed - I'm attracted to and want to be with men who are more than happy to be with me, but only to a certain extent. The ones who want to literally absorb me are the less masculine types, or the ones who look masculine but want someone to nurture them like a mama. I hate being the 'mama' type. Maybe one day I'll find it. I'm not going to give up hope. Who knows? Bangmate might move back down here and we may live happily ever after but... then again, maybe not. I try not to get too down about it in general. So what do people like me and CaringGuy do? Link to post Share on other sites
Hkizzle Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Well if you're talking about body type preferences then that's another issue. You should join a fitness club (I don't mean gym), or body builders club, where there might be more men looking for athletic women. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Haha... they are looking for athletic cheerleader types, not 'is able to beat your azz' types. Besides, I'm screwed regardless. I'm in the 'freak' category due to circumstances out of my control (no boobs, and I mean NONE - cancer took them). It doesn't bother bangmate, but he did say that he would imagine that it would prevent 99.99999% of men from wanting to be with me. He wasn't being mean, just realistic. CaringGuy - I'm curious as to what type of guy you are, what type of women you are attracted to/not attracted to. Just would be interesting to hear a guy's version of what I'm going through in a little more detail. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caring guy Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 Obviously there has to be a physical attraction, but its not about that where the issue is!! The people i date & inevitably stop dating are the ones that are the most hard work & demanding, which really what i like, or so i thought, its so hard to explain as there are so many conflicts.. It seems that when someone that is really nice & genuine & accepting of issues i have, then they are a turn off, unless i haven't met the one that is accepting & yet turns me on too!! There has only been 1 in my life that was like that & i messed up big time, hey ho! It just so happens that all the girls that i date that like me, i just dont get that feeling & the ones i like who i dated, i screwed up cos as Hkizzle said, i invest more then come across as liking them which they sense & maintaining of value is gone & thats that! Over & out. Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 It doesn't bother bangmate, but he did say that he would imagine that it would prevent 99.99999% of men from wanting to be with me. I really, really doubt the number is quite that high, LB. Regardless of whether you opt for reconstruction or not, there are plenty of women either in your situation or who have naturally pretty much negligible boobage, and many of them still find good relationships. Sounds almost like your "bangmate" is trying to make a point about how wonderful he is for hanging out with you...kinda jerky if you ask me Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Obviously there has to be a physical attraction, but its not about that where the issue is!! The people i date & inevitably stop dating are the ones that are the most hard work & demanding, which really what i like, or so i thought, its so hard to explain as there are so many conflicts.. It seems that when someone that is really nice & genuine & accepting of issues i have, then they are a turn off, unless i haven't met the one that is accepting & yet turns me on too!! There has only been 1 in my life that was like that & i messed up big time, hey ho! It just so happens that all the girls that i date that like me, i just dont get that feeling & the ones i like who i dated, i screwed up cos as Hkizzle said, i invest more then come across as liking them which they sense & maintaining of value is gone & thats that! Over & out. 2 much game playing. If you have 2 be so stealth in your every move then what fun is it to hang out with the person? I believe this business of not showing you hand and being a challenge is just drama. People have been getting married for eons and they didn't seem to have the trouble they we have today. Maybe we need to quit being so selfish and stop the games and love might be attainable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author caring guy Posted August 10, 2009 Author Share Posted August 10, 2009 Thats true, i look at my grandparents etc in their day, they were married 70 years. People seemed honest then & if you liked someone, it was said & dating people seemed quite straight forward with no head messing! Even my family often tell me it was different in their day & less complicated!! Today it seems unfortunately that if you show someone you like them, then as HKizzle says, you less valued & a turn off! Its a shame you can't just say to someone how you feel or show it in actions & not expect to have to think you've messed up. Relations should & can be so easy, i think modern life & modern people make it harder than it should be!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts