What do women do when around an attractive guy?

[EddieN]

Disclaimer: I don't mean any kind of elitism or narcissism by this thread.

 

I am an attractive guy. In many ways, but for our purposes with looks. It took me a while to realize it after being an ugly little lump for so many years, but now I can finally look at myself and say, "Yeah...I'd tap that."

 

I had such a rough start with girls that I think I'm allowed to use a little handicap and use my looks to get some confidence. What I mean by that is, not necessarily go for girls with "game" or whatever other crap, but start off with a girl who is already physically attracted to me so things will be easier. Seems fair, no?

 

Thing is, I can never tell when girls are attracted to me. Girls never look at me. They never smile at me. Every now and then I'll see a girl I like and try to make eye contact but she avoids me like I'm just in the background.

 

I realize that not every girl will be attracted to me, but SOME must, right?

 

I'm a friendly person, so there's no reason anyone should be so cold to me unless they're cold themselves. The other day I mentioned to a co-worker that I used to be socially awkward and fat when I was younger, and he said he couldn't believe it...that I seemed like a normal happy guy.

 

So...

 

a) Is this normal for me not to notice any girl looking at me or showing interest in anyway?

 

b) What do girls (18-22 years old) normally do when they see a guy they think is physically attractive?

 

c) How can I tell if a girl I see is physically attracted to me?

 

d) What is an appropriate way to talk to her if I think she likes me and I like her?

[Chicago_Guy]

If you really are attractive, they probably are checking you out without you noticing it.

[sally4sara]

If I'm giving an attractive guy the blank out it is one of two reasons:

 

I am in a relationship and don't want to deal with an awkward situation if he approaches me to ask me out.

 

I noticed him and I noticed he is attractive, but I also noticed he seemed like a arrogant, preening ass.

[EddieN]

I noticed him and I noticed he is attractive, but I also noticed he seemed like a arrogant, preening ass.

 

I can be an ass sometimes, but only around people who know that my assiness is for kicks.

 

In public, when I see girls, there's NOTHING I can be doing that makes me seem like an arrogant preening ass. I'm pretty sure of that.

[Isolde]

1) No matter how cute you are, you a) won't be everyone's physical type and b) there are lots of other cute guys out there. For those reasons, relying on your looks is a bad idea.

 

2) People are busy + girls are shy = you're not likely to get a girl approaching you even if she is attracted. Ambiguity might make for some cute eye contact back and forth, but that's about it. If you want things to happen, you're the guy, so make them happen.

 

I understand, I really do. But I think trying to rely on people's first impressions is just going to doom you to shallow encounters.

You'll likely have far more success if you don't factor your looks into it at all, instead letting your confidence move outward towards others. I know this isn't the kind of concrete advice you want to hear, but I think it's true.

 

I'd also put far less pressure on talking to strangers and put more effort into speaking to people you already kind of know. Sure, if you see a cute girl and exchange smiles, approach her, but more often than not it's best to start with a chance interaction or a shared activity rather than a cold approach.

[Green]

a) Is this normal for me not to notice any girl looking at me or showing interest in anyway?

 

b) What do girls (18-22 years old) normally do when they see a guy they think is physically attractive?

 

c) How can I tell if a girl I see is physically attracted to me?

 

d) What is an appropriate way to talk to her if I think she likes me and I like her?

 

a) Yes it is normal for you not to notice because unlike men women aren't expected to make the moves so don't expect a girl you've never met or never hung out with to just start up a conversation with you and then ask you out.

 

b) girls 18-22 if not approached by you will probably do absolutly nothing when they just think a guy is physically attractive.

 

c) unless your a mind reader the best approach to finding girls who you find attractive who will like you back is you as the man setting yourself up for rejection by putting yourself out there in a cool calm confident way that forces the girl to either reject you or accept you. In other words starting a flirtatiouse conversation and putting the girl on the spot by asking her out or to a party or what ever... she may say no she may say yes.. but they are attracted if they are willing to spend time with you.

 

d) Instead of asking yourself if girls like you and going from there... I sugest taking your role as the man seriously and just talking to girls you find attractive. If the girl reciprocates and finds you attractive also it will be obviouse.

[Hkizzle]

Most women are attracted by the confidence level of the guy and whether he comes off fun to be with or not.

 

Looks only get's you in the door. If you can't show confidence, a sense of humor, and fun to be with, many women will shut the door in your face.

[motive2002]

It seems to me that women are extremely coy when it comes to checking a guy out. I'm not a woman, so I can't really give it to you from a woman's point of view, but I have got into this type of conversation...

 

ME (To a woman that has established her attraction to me)

"So you noticed me before?"

 

HER

"Yeah I was checking you out"

 

ME

"What? I didn't really notice...."

 

On many occasions, this whole "checking out" thing was a revelation to me because I was completely oblivious.. or more likely, she was being really coy about it. I think it's the latter.

 

Women have a lot more to be careful about when it comes to strangers than men do. I don't think they'll be so apt to bat their lashes at a guy based on looks alone, know what I mean?

[EddieN]

1) No matter how cute you are, you a) won't be everyone's physical type and b) there are lots of other cute guys out there. For those reasons, relying on your looks is a bad idea.

 

2) People are busy + girls are shy = you're not likely to get a girl approaching you even if she is attracted. Ambiguity might make for some cute eye contact back and forth, but that's about it. If you want things to happen, you're the guy, so make them happen.

 

I understand, I really do. But I think trying to rely on people's first impressions is just going to doom you to shallow encounters.

You'll likely have far more success if you don't factor your looks into it at all, instead letting your confidence move outward towards others. I know this isn't the kind of concrete advice you want to hear, but I think it's true.

 

I'd also put far less pressure on talking to strangers and put more effort into speaking to people you already kind of know. Sure, if you see a cute girl and exchange smiles, approach her, but more often than not it's best to start with a chance interaction or a shared activity rather than a cold approach.

 

a) Yes it is normal for you not to notice because unlike men women aren't expected to make the moves so don't expect a girl you've never met or never hung out with to just start up a conversation with you and then ask you out.

 

b) girls 18-22 if not approached by you will probably do absolutly nothing when they just think a guy is physically attractive.

 

c) unless your a mind reader the best approach to finding girls who you find attractive who will like you back is you as the man setting yourself up for rejection by putting yourself out there in a cool calm confident way that forces the girl to either reject you or accept you. In other words starting a flirtatiouse conversation and putting the girl on the spot by asking her out or to a party or what ever... she may say no she may say yes.. but they are attracted if they are willing to spend time with you.

 

d) Instead of asking yourself if girls like you and going from there... I sugest taking your role as the man seriously and just talking to girls you find attractive. If the girl reciprocates and finds you attractive also it will be obviouse.

 

I just have so much trouble meeting girls in social situations, like through a group or through mutual friends. That doesn't happen to me. I'm on on my own with a lot of things or just surrounded by guys. My only chance to meet a girl is through a cold approach.

 

I just have no idea how to talk to a girl I want to talk to in an everyday situation. Like if I'm eating in the food court at the student center and I see a girl I like, I have no idea what to say.

 

Most women are attracted by the confidence level of the guy and whether he comes off fun to be with or not.

 

Looks only get's you in the door. If you can't show confidence, a sense of humor, and fun to be with, many women will shut the door in your face.

 

Exactly my point. Looks get you in the door. I can handle the rest after that, but my biggest problem is getting in the door.

[motive2002]

I just have so much trouble meeting girls in social situations, like through a group or through mutual friends. That doesn't happen to me. I'm on on my own with a lot of things or just surrounded by guys. My only chance to meet a girl is through a cold approach.

 

I just have no idea how to talk to a girl I want to talk to in an everyday situation. Like if I'm eating in the food court at the student center and I see a girl I like, I have no idea what to say.

 

 

 

Exactly my point. Looks get you in the door. I can handle the rest after that, but my biggest problem is getting in the door.

 

You're just gonna have to make an approach and be prepared for rejection should you receive it. Feel the fear and do it anyway. That's my motto

[BobSacamento]

What do you do when you see an attractive woman?

[EddieN]

But my probability of rejection will be nearly certain if I just go up and say, "DAHHHH, UMMMM, hello."

 

No, I'm not that much of a social retard, but I really don't know what to start with. I don't know what's appropriate. If I just go up to a girl and say, "Hi," they're going to be thinking, "Who is this guy and why is he talking to me?" Obviously, my reason is that I think she's attractive and want to get to know her, but as you know I can't say that.

 

Once a conversation is started I'm good at keeping it going and making it interesting, mostly through humor.

 

But starting it? I suck at it. I mentioned this girl in the gym in a thread a few weeks ago. Still haven't said anything to her, because I have no idea how to start.

 

I can go up and start with just a simple "hi" when the girl shows she's welcoming and a bit interested by looking at me or smiling. Otherwise I have no idea what to say.

[EddieN]

What do you do when you see an attractive woman?

 

Head up, chin up, relax everything, and just smile, like my day is going great.

[Hkizzle]

Exactly my point. Looks get you in the door. I can handle the rest after that, but my biggest problem is getting in the door.

 

I think you've confused what I mean. The initial interaction with a girl is very crucial. Even if you're an attractive guy, if you make the wrong first impression a girl might never regain the interest.

 

Looks don't matter as much to women as much as the interaction.

 

Reliance on looks and not understanding the psychology behind the dating game is what holds back men and women.

[EddieN]

I think you've confused what I mean. The initial interaction with a girl is very crucial. Even if you're an attractive guy, if you make the wrong first impression a girl might never regain the interest.

 

Looks don't matter as much to women as much as the interaction.

 

Reliance on looks and not understanding the psychology behind the dating game is what holds back men and women.

 

What I'm trying to say is, temporarily I want to use my looks to get me going. I've been in a VERY dry spot the last few months, and overall I've been in a dry spot my entire adult life (which isn't that long, but still). I haven't been out with a girl since February.

 

I feel like if I'm able to see a girl or two then I will get much better insight on the dating psychology that you're talking about.

 

I have a much more difficult time than most guys my age. I'm not in positions or locations where I can meet girls. I do many things on my own and don't have many friends to go out with. That's hard to do, and I just want a little boost to help me out. I'm not sure how to do that though.

[Hkizzle]

That's my point. Looks don't get things going. What you're hoping for is an easy score with your looks, when the opposite is required to get a girl......... you need to be a go getter.

 

Well getting girls is like getting a good job unfortunately. Without the experience you can't get there, but how do you get the experience? It's a vicious circle.

 

Go buy some books written by pick up artists and then go and hit on lots of girls just for the practice to build up your confidence and test what works and what doesn't.

 

I was in much better shape and better looking when younger in my opinion. In the last few years I've attracted more women. So really the initial interaction is more important.

 

But to answer some of your original questions.

 

a) Most girls if interested will look more or even smile at a guy

 

b+c) Many women will subconsciously show interest in their body language without realizing it. They will play with their hair, lick their lips, touch you, or playfully hit you.

 

d) Be fun to talk to, don't try hard to impress her, so just be chilled out but interesting.

[EddieN]

That's my point. Looks don't get things going. What you're hoping for is an easy score with your looks, when the opposite is required to get a girl......... you need to be a go getter.

 

Well getting girls is like getting a good job unfortunately. Without the experience you can't get there, but how do you get the experience? It's a vicious circle.

 

Go buy some books written by pick up artists and then go and hit on lots of girls just for the practice to build up your confidence and test what works and what doesn't.

 

I was in much better shape and better looking when younger in my opinion. In the last few years I've attracted more women. So really the initial interaction is more important.

 

But to answer some of your original questions.

 

a) Most girls if interested will look more or even smile at a guy

 

b+c) Many women will subconsciously show interest in their body language without realizing it. They will play with their hair, lick their lips, touch you, or playfully hit you.

 

d) Be fun to talk to, don't try hard to impress her, so just be chilled out but interesting.

 

People have suggested PUA stuff and I've read a lot of it but it doesn't help me.

 

The biggest problem with using PUA stuff is I don't have a place to use it. I'm not in contact with many girls, and I can't go to bars or clubs. With the girls I DO see, the community is too small so that rejection is not simply rejection. When I try something and I mess up, I try to just forget it but it usually comes back to bite me in the ass. The girl I approach tells her friends and they're all looking out for me. I tried doing more approach a bit more than a year ago and that's what happened - I only approached 5-10 girls around campus and I ended up establishing a pretty crappy reputation, so I stopped.

[Hkizzle]

Ok I see.

 

From your other posts and this one I think you want an overall better social life, more friends and know how to attract girls.

 

I had the same issues when younger. I wanted more people to like me.

 

Getting people to like you isn't so much what you do to try and impress them, it's about being comfortable with who you are, and being fun to be with.

 

When I went out and had fun and stopped worrying what people thought about me then I got more people liking me, and that self confidence builds on itself.

[EddieN]

Ok I see.

 

From your other posts and this one I think you want an overall better social life, more friends and know how to attract girls.

 

I had the same issues when younger. I wanted more people to like me.

 

Getting people to like you isn't so much what you do to try and impress them, it's about being comfortable with who you are, and being fun to be with.

 

When I went out and had fun and stopped worrying what people thought about me then I got more people liking me, and that self confidence builds on itself.

 

Right, you understand. I'm confident that if I can get out there, then I will attract girls with all I have going for me.

 

I just don't get out enough. I honestly have nowhere to go or no one to do anything with. If I was 21 I could go chill at a bar, but I can't do that. Everyone I know is away, so I have no parties to go to. All I really have is my 30 min lunch break where I occasionally see a cute girl in the food court. THAT'S my expose to girls right now. =p

 

Once school starts it will be better, but I still can't go to parties.

[Green]

Right, you understand. I'm confident that if I can get out there, then I will attract girls with all I have going for me.

 

I just don't get out enough. I honestly have nowhere to go or no one to do anything with. If I was 21 I could go chill at a bar, but I can't do that. Everyone I know is away, so I have no parties to go to. All I really have is my 30 min lunch break where I occasionally see a cute girl in the food court. THAT'S my expose to girls right now. =p

 

Once school starts it will be better, but I still can't go to parties.

 

Hmmm I'm sorry to try and snap you out of your funk but you have every oportunity to meet a girl. You take everything every one says and use it as an excuse. Bars are not the greatest place to meet women because women will be weary of guys they meet at bars especialy if they were drinking when thye met you. If you meet a girl sober at the food court she will be more likely to remember you and go out with you if you get her number as oposed to if you chatted her up at a bar and call her. Women like being met by attractive guys while at school eating lunch far more then being hit on by drunk guys at the bar. Look just ask yourself what a confident guy would do and then do it, the more awkward and rejection heavy what your doing is the more your on the right track. Most girls won't flat out reject you either and if you start up a conversation with a cute girl and then ask her for her number even if she has a bf or isn't interested if you were cool about it she'll be flattered even if shes like no thanks or what ever.. before you know it you'll have dates an be enjoying the presence of a lady in your life

[joseffrost]

Sorry to jump in here late, and I have to say that the previous replies (particularly Green's) are well worth heeding.

 

I just want to add that maybe getting a girl isn't the quick fix you think it would be. If, by your own admission, you have nothing to do and nowhere to go, do you really think that is going to be attractive to a girl? I know this sounds a little harsh, but the whole 'handsome loner' thing might work in the movies, but in real life it can just make someone look a bit unfriendly.

 

Please don't take that paragraph as some kind of criticism or character assassination - I just think you are approaching the situation from the wrong direction. Concentrate on meeting people (male and female) in general first and the confidence will come.

[2sure]

Women love confident men and will choose an average looking confident man over a better looking guy without it.

 

What I like about this poster is that he likes the way he looks. Inattention or not being approached by women has not affected how he thinks about himself. He figures they must be wrong. Honestly, I love this.

 

You have confidence, just have to fine tune it. Experience will do that for you.

[espec10001]

I just have so much trouble meeting girls in social situations, like through a group or through mutual friends. That doesn't happen to me. I'm on on my own with a lot of things or just surrounded by guys. My only chance to meet a girl is through a cold approach.

 

I just have no idea how to talk to a girl I want to talk to in an everyday situation. Like if I'm eating in the food court at the student center and I see a girl I like, I have no idea what to say.

 

 

 

Exactly my point. Looks get you in the door. I can handle the rest after that, but my biggest problem is getting in the door.

 

You have to learn to love yourself first and be self assured that you are a wonderful man who deserves a wonderful and beautiful woman. Far too many guys just sort of end up with someone because they don't want to be alone, and then they get trapped in a relationship with a girl they aren't really into. Be grateful you are not stuck in a bad relationship with someone you don't really want.

 

As a man, you have to define first what kind of girl you want, and go to the places where that type of girl would be. A guy who doesn't know exactly what kind of girl he wants will be lost.

 

As much as I might be bashed by some women here, women want to be treated as a prize, they want the man to view her as a treasure and be the center of his world. But just because there are pretty girls everywhere, that doesn't mean you'll have something in common with them.

 

So you have to have a common interest to have a conversation with them. For example if you are a more intellectual type the chances of meeting an intellectual type at a bar isn't very good. Whereas meeting an intellectual girl at a bookstore or coffee house is much more likely. You see what I'm saying? Know what you want.

[EddieN]

I'm not trying to make excuses. I really appreciate the help and really want it.

 

I'm just saying that it seems so hard to approach a girl in the daytime in a place that's not a social setting. I've heard from many that college girls are weary of any guy they meet in an encounter like that. Instead, they only trust guys who they meet through their friends. They don't want to or need to get approached in the student center or library.

 

Believe me, I've tried, but nearly every time the girl acts really pissed as soon as I say "Hi." 6 months ago or so I approached this girl in the student center reading who I had seen around campus. She was incredibly cold to me, so I took the hint and left in 10 seconds or so. That wasn't just a simple rejection. I can take a simple rejection fine, I've done it many times before. Instead, this is what happened - she was part of the women's field hockey team. Until that say any of those girls seemed warm to me...you know, they wouldn't avoid me and would smile at me if I smiled. Then after I approached this girl, every one of them has scowled at me whenever they see me.

 

I didn't say anything creepy to this girl, just simple small talk with a welcoming smile. I don't just get rejected by one girl, but instead I establish a negative reputation with an entire group of girls, some of which could have been opportunities for all I know. This is why I think it's so taboo to approach a girl in college like this. It's so out of the ordinary because people have their cliques and meet plenty of the opposite gender that way.

 

It seems to me like I'm stuck in this vicious cycle and can never break through.

[espec10001]

All things pass, don't worry this will too.