older women as compared to younger women...thoughts?

[confused192]

So, I am a 25 year old female and lately I have been feeling bad about myself and my age....I would greatly appreciate an feedback on this topic, as it is very important to me.

 

I highly prefer dating older men (my most recent boyfriend was 41) just for the plain and simple fact that guys my age have always held zero interest for me. I have always felt that way. Shortly after my boyfriend dumped me last month, I decided to go on a date with a 25 year old man, just to make sure that I wasn't judging hastily. I tried to have an open mind about the whole experience. Well needless to say, it was awful...I wanted to cut my arm off with a spoon, I was so not interested in anything that came out of his face. Just the way guys that young talk, I don't even feel like we could ever have a conversation. I am not even remotely attracted to anyone my age, I don't even look at them. I am not trying to be disrespectful to guys in their mid 20s, but I just really prefer men with more life experiences who have goals and ambitions in their life and are actually following through on those. They don't play games (most of the time) and generally know what they want out of life.

 

So all that being said, here lately I have had a few guys tell me that I was just too young and we didn't really have much to talk about or that they weren't sure how a 25 year old would fit into their life. Geez, taste of my own medicine right? Here I am discriminating against all young men and then I get shot down because of MY age! Serves me right I guess. But honestly, it makes me wonder if there are things about me that scream "I am too young" or "I'm so immature"...things that I don't even realize.

 

Also can I just say that the guy who told me we really didn't have much to talk about...I think he said that because he's a loser. I just moved to the city that I am currently living in and I literally know like 2 people here. I remember him once telling me about a date he went on and how great it was because "we knew all the same people so we talked about that all night." So to me, that's just out of my control and if he wants someone who has lived in the same town for their whole life and knows all his friends, then I can't do a thing about it. Never once did he think to just introduce me to these people...

 

So anyway, about me: I am smart and I am very ambitious...being accepted into this highly competitive grad program at one of the nation's top universities is my next goal. I try very hard to not be involved in gossip or anything that makes me appear as a giggly high schooler. Not because I am trying to change who I am but because I don't WANT to be like that when so many young women are. I love science and often find myself in debate over global warming or depletion of fossil fuels. I travel often and would love to talk travel with someone. I love children and enjoy the company of those with children and just hearing their stories (I don't have any of my own yet). I am an avid learner and welcome any and all new experiences...my ex taught me how to skeet shoot (so much fun by the way) and taught me a lot about wine. I like to have fun but don't much relish the thought of going to a "kegger" or playing any kind of drinking game or BS like that. I enjoy meeting new people and being active outdoors. Also, I would say that I am not a huge, overwhelming talker. That being said, I can talk all day about a lot of things, but if there is nothing to talk about, I can sit and be quiet and not feel awkward. This has caused some concern in past relationships, with men wondering if I was bored or if I was boring. I have explained that I am not one of those women (nor do I want to be) who voices every thought that comes into their heads. That's just not me at all.

 

So what about me just seems so young? The biggest thing I can think of is the fact that I have no children and a lot of older men do, especially the ones that I have been interested in lately. Does the fact that we don't share that huge, life-changing experience automatically proclude me from being a potential long-term dating interest? I have always been open to the idea of being with a man who has children, young or grown, and would welcome that challenge in a heart beat. Is it the fact that I am not a big talker...is that a sign of me being young or is that just me?

 

I would love to hear some feedback from some older women and older men. Ladies, what generally do you feel you have to offer as an older woman that is different than when you were in your 20s? How would you say your personality has changed or insecurities you may have had in your 20s faded? What big 'red flags' designate the women from the girls, so to speak? Older men, feel free to comment on anything as well...what do you love about older women that you can't find in younger girls and what can I do to help myself? Help me out please because my preference is never going to change.

[bac]

There is the only thing that drives a man to a women. It is sexual drive or it can be called chemistry. This is the basis. So, first you need to have it and then everything else comes like to be smart, mature, love kids and go on. Older men love any woman who are much younger, mostly, because a younger girl is a better turn on for sex. You are lucky that you are able to have drive to men in 40s because it is rare. They will treat you much much better than younger guys. There is a chance that you are not mature enough about old men's sexual expectations when they are with a girl who is much younger.

[GorillaTheater]

There is the only thing that drives a man to a women. It is sexual drive or it can be called chemistry. This is the basis. So, first you need to have it and then everything else comes like to be smart, mature, love kids and go on. Older men love any woman who are much younger, mostly, because a younger girl is a better turn on for sex. You are lucky that you are able to have drive to men in 40s because it is rare. They will treat you much much better than younger guys. There is a chance that you are not mature enough about old men's sexual expectations when they are with a girl who is much younger.

 

Bac, with all due respect, I don't know what the hell you're talking about half the time. No worries, it's probably me.

 

I'm in my mid-late 40s. I may find younger women attractive, true, but the women I find particularly attractive are around my age. The combination of common interests, self-assuredness, and a certain style or grace that comes with a few years under their belt is what does it for me.

 

But everyone has different tastes. There's no doubt in my mind whatsoever that you'll find the guy for you because, frankly, you sound like a hell of a catch.

[Thaddeus]

what do you love about older women that you can't find in younger girls and what can I do to help myself?

I'm 50 and I'm SO glad I'm this age because I happen to LOVE women over 40. Generally, they've really got it all together. They've got experience - not just sexually (though that certainly helps) but basic life experience. They're far more willing to take the lead instead of wait around for the man to constantly make the move/ask for the date/suggest a romp/whatever.

 

Now, you can't pretend to have life experiences that you actually haven't been through yet, so that can only come with time. But you there are some things you CAN do:

 

• Ensure you're drama-free. I personally have zero time for drama and simply won't tolerate it.
  
• Take initiative. If you see someone you like, approach them. Ask them out if the situation warrants it. Don't expect the man to do all the work.
  
• Have an active social and career life. A man will not make you his #1 priority, nor should you make him the #1 driving force in your life. (I suspect that this isn't an issue for you, but all the same it's worth consideration.)
  

Those are just a few things that might help.

Help me out please because my preference is never going to change.

Never say never. Someone younger could waltz into your life tomorrow that may make you question your previous preferences. Happens all the time.

 

Doing anything later?

[butcher's hook]

What these older men who rejected you saw in you was exactly what any mature man who thinks with his brain instead of the little head would see in you and that is the actual age, you are 25 compared to theirs. This represents the place life in life, goals, immediate needs and what you need to do to get to achieve your emtional and social goals. That is not to say you are not mature for your age or that you are not the type of girl that exudes confidence and potential for your age but the reality is that (and I do stress mature thinking) a mature thinking man will see the long term appeal to you as opposed to just how you make his penis and heart feel today. Men who think maturely project to a few years down the line when the reality of the relationship sinks in. People often have problems in relationships but add to that a significant age difference and the fact that you live two entire worlds apart, this can produce a very rocky and unhealthy relationship long term.

 

I would not be offended that these older men rejected you in fact you should try to see them with more positive eyes these men are actually emotinally stable and intelligent and are doing you a favour, they have more experience and therefore know what is best for them and in turn you even. They had enough experience and the maturity to spare you from future pain as they do for themselves. You know that in years down the road when you are with someone who is significantly older than you you will also feel a disconnect you might realize in time that some of your best years were taken away because he wanted a more mature settled down relationship and you gave up those years to adhere to his needs, OR vice versa a man will feel frustrated and less loved because he can't get you to settle down and act in your life at the pace he would prefer which is only fair since you will both have different needs. It can become a very controlling relationship and a tug of war on control. It's not natural for people of that big an age gap to make their worlds meet. A relationship needs more than just sexual chemistry for it to work long term.

 

The Peter Pan types who just think with their little heads are no prize to take home, they are addicted to their childhoods and they more than likely don't really care about the younger women themselves, they care about what they represent for them; a youth they cannot contain because life happens for all of us. And for young women who like older men you should consider there is a lot more to a relationship than just how he makes you feel when you talk together or are out there is a lot of sharing on your part and a lot of things you will need to give up in order to sustain a happy man. He will have demands that younger men might not simply because of the stage in life he is in. Is this really what you want in this point in time? Is this really what an older guy should setttle for as well?

[Sam Spade]

It's hard to establish functional relationship with a very big age difference. Perhaps lower your desired age range.

Quite frankly, i;m "only" 32, and even at this age, 25 almost seem a bit too young. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have a harem of 17 year olds waiting for me at home (which I could then keep in my closet and not have to talk to ), but as far as actual relationships are concerned, I can't see it happening. Sure, there are some awesome and mature 25 year olds that I'd date, but those would be the exceptions. And I wouldn't touch a woman under 25 with a 10 foot pole (except Isolde :love:) . Girls that young pretty much still act like toddlers .

[confused192]

Thank you all for your comments...keep 'em coming!

 

I regards to what's been said so far, I definitely think these are all extremely valid points. For me, its almost as though I wish I were older, because I know what I want and I don't want to wait until I am of a more "mature" age to get it. It's so incredibly frustrating to me, I don't even have the right words to illustrate my frustration. Do you know what I mean....if the only thing holding me back is that I just haven't been around long enough, what am I to do about that? Am I supposed to try to date younger guys, conform to what is "normal", even though I would rather jump off a cliff? To me, that sounds like a lot of years of being unhappy. Or am I supposed to keep going on random dates with older guys who eventually will just tell me that they think I am too young? Again, that seems horrible.

 

I do feel I have a lot to offer...why does no man see that instead of focusing on the unknown? How does he know that he is going to live a life unfulfilled with a younger woman? I have no drama and, honestly, considering the countless stories I have heard on dates and such, I might have a lot less drama/craziness than the majority of women, no matter what the age! I try not to let anything bother me and I have incredible self-worth and self-esteem....all things negative just kind of roll of my back. This issue is the only thing that really bothers me. So yes, drama free is the way to be in my book. I am quite skilled sexually (I had not planned on going here but since it came up in some of the responses...) and don't have many if any inhibitions, I am never afraid to ask for what I want or say how I feel. I always have been the one to make the first move with men. As a matter of fact, I have never even once been officially asked out on a date...I always had to do the asking myself, always! I feel mature and I act mature, but then after I get that same "you're just so young..." speech, I second guess myself and wonder if I really am mature at all and if this is how all people my age feel. Am I dilussional, do I really act just exactly like a 25 year old? I would hate that.

 

On top of all that, I really take care of myself and value a healthy lifestyle. I like to be active and I eat right. I am a model/actress and I have a contract with a hugely well-known sports apparel company that takes me all over the country (and all over the world next summer, when I go to South Africa for the World Cup!)...it is a life-changing experience I will always treasure. I am going to a very prestigous awards show in September with a man who was nominated for an award...how many people get to do that?!! But you know why he invited me? Because I am funny, smart, beautiful, full of energy...but yet he is not sure how "25 years old would fit into my life of divorced fatherhood." I have so many blessings in my life and I am so thankful for them. Men have always been interested in me...I am beautiful, I am not afraid to say it...but I care very little about looks in the long run. All of those great things don't seem to matter when I am stuck in this awkward limbo of being just not old enough. I want to find someone to share all of this with!

 

I get the fact that older women have simply lived longer than me and therefore have more life experiences. But is there any way to overcome that barrier for someone in my shoes? What about explaining that I am open to lots of new life experiences and sharing those with someone I care about? I don't know, I am not sure exactly how to overcome that but I do see the value that holds for older men and it makes me sad because there is literally nothing I can do about that! Hell, if I were an older man I would want a woman with more life experiences! But I would also want one who is open to learning and experiencing new things...I have tried to make this my selling point, but should I focus on something else?

 

It's just frustrating I guess because I don't feel I should have to "sell" myself to anyone. Age is a state of mind right, not just a number? I am a phenomenal person and yes, a hell of a catch, if I do say so myself...why don't people see that instead of my age?

[confused192]

Again, seriously, thanks for all your comments (I was in the middle of typing my last comment when you posted, Sam Spade, so I didn't see yours until just now). This is hugely important to me so thank you all so much!

[confused192]

Also, I would like to add...I think older men sometimes have misconceptions about young women. For example, making the decision to date an older man is one that you have to commit to! Looking down the road, if you are with a man who is significantly older than you, you have to be prepared for every scenario. What if he gets ill and you spend a majority of your late-adult life taking care of your aging husband when you are still relatively young? You have to be prepared for the very real prospect, if you marry an older man, that he will die before you and you will spend many many years alone. Maybe he already has kids and doesn't want any more...can you handle that choice? These are all things you have to think about. You have to make those choices early on. I did make these choices and this is still what I want. I just can't deny how I feel and I hate being disrcriminated against before they ever really get to know me.

[bac]

Bac, with all due respect, I don't know what the hell you're talking about half the time. No worries, it's probably me.

 

Sorry, it is not you. You do not understand my way of thinking because I am a female in 40s but you are a male, and also because I am too open. I think that men and women are often opposite in their way of thinking about sex and relationships. Especially, when they are the same age.

 

And by the way, there are many people of any age and any sex, who do not care for sex at all. And they are totally happy.

[butcher's hook]

confused I understand what you are saying and you sound like a fantastic lady. I am not just saying that you do sound very mature and together for your age. What stood out for me was that you said "you should not have to prove yourself to someone" and that's just it. You should not have to prove your woth to someone you love, your worth should come to light naturally as a relationship evolves and moves forward.

 

It's just frustrating I guess because I don't feel I should have to "sell" myself to anyone. Age is a state of mind right, not just a number? I am a phenomenal person and yes, a hell of a catch, if I do say so myself...why don't people see that instead of my age?

 

But age is not "just a state of mind". It is experience, it is time, it is direction, if is eye opening, it is selfawareness and resolution at the same time. For some people it takes them an entire lifetime to figure things out, for most though they do in stages and through gaining experiences. When a person passes you up it's not because they think you are not good enough, it is more than likely for fear of what could come down the road.

 

Let's say a guy at 40 does choose to stay with you and in two years you are pregnant and leading the life of a stay at home mom, you cook you clean you are super mom and your husband who is now well established in his career and a great provider needs you to take care of the homefront. By the age of 31 you are now with a child who is going to school and your personal goals re. career or social goals were never developed you were busy making a home and becoming a mother. Then suddenly you realise hey I missed out on all that I want to focus on me now, now your 40yr old husband is 47 going on 50 and he just wants to relax and enjoy life with you and you want to go out and descover what more "Confused192" is capable of, you yearn for something more than just being a housewife and mother.

 

 

These are the possible changes you can run into and then what? You start to resent him for not supporting you, he resents you for changing "you are not the woman I married, I liked you being a wife and mother not someone who is concerned with making a career" or you want to live in Central American helping orphans I don't know what your goals might be in 10yrs time. People change people go through different phases and what they may seem like they want today could very well change in 10 yrs time. When the age difference is so significant you can pretty much guarantee that you will be going through different patterns of changes at very different levels.

[norajane]

I get the fact that older women have simply lived longer than me and therefore have more life experiences. But is there any way to overcome that barrier for someone in my shoes? What about explaining that I am open to lots of new life experiences and sharing those with someone I care about?

That's part of the issue. Older men may not necessarily want to go through the same experiences with you that they've already been through themselves. Some men like that role, but others would rather be with someone who has experienced them already and is on the same page, not someone just starting out.

 

A woman 15 years older than you has already been through many disappointments and successes, has changed her life several times and reinvented who she is and what she wants out of life, has learned about what is and isn't important to who she is as a person, has experienced many other people and ideas, has developed and refined her values and beliefs. So has a man 15 years older.

 

You, you're making your plans now and putting them in action. You haven't yet solidified who you are and where you will be 15 years from now.

 

Plus, there is the family issue. You still want one. Many men your age already have one and just aren't interested in changing diapers again. They don't want to be older daddies. They've been there, done that, and now they are in another chapter of their lives where they can revert back to focusing on themselves and less so on starting a new family.

 

I think the best you can do for yourself is look around for a guy a few years older than you who does share your values and your level of engagement with the world. That's the best person for you to grow with, without settling for guys who haven't gotten out of the frat boy zone. Your graduate degree program is probably a really good place to find one of those men. There are men out there who are similarly minded as you, even if they are your age.

[Kamille]

When I was 20 I dated a 35 year old who once sat me down to berate me about being immature. His line was: you'll see, once you're older, you'll want to stay home, watch movies and make your relationship a priority. I responded with : "that's right, when I'm older, I might want those things. However, I'm 20 right now and I want to party." We felt it was best we should end things and we did.

 

Oh wait, this thread isn't about me! Sorry, I forgot. But the anecdote is linked to my point: I tend to attract older men who for some reason assume that I'm more mature then I actually am. Don't really know why that is, but the one thing about me is this: I am who I am.

 

Much the same way, you are who you are and you shouldn't have to change just because you want to attract a perticular kind of men.

 

Also, I would suggest you redefine what you are looking for not so much in term of age but in term of qualities you are looking for. While you may feel that the qualities you're looking for abound in older men, the ones you have been dating have proven to be... well... quick to judge and in that, a bit immature.

 

There are mature 25 years old men out there, just like you are a mature intelligent driven young woman. There are immature 40 year old men out there too. Focus on getting people for who they are, no matter what their age, and you'll likely meet someone who melts your heart away.

[confused192]

Thanks again for all the comments, it really does help me.

 

I hate to say it, but maybe I just need to not be with anyone. Just be by myself for now. Because I want what I want. And I will not settle for anything less, such as finding some guy closer to my age. I don't want to even talk with guys (I call them manboys) my age because they literally make me feel sick to my stomach. I can't STAND them. I have seriously tried, but I cannot fake it. I just feel how I feel. It will never ever change. I really feel like people want me to just go 'be normal' and date people my own age, like every other good American citizen. Well F--- that. I won't do it.

 

I get that some men may think that, 10 years down the road, I might feel that I have missed out on things in life. But I know I will not feel that way...how do I convey this without going over the top? My problem is that nobody gives me the opportunity to really get to know me and find out 'oh hey, she does have some depth and vision to her life after all.' It's almost like from now on, I have to blurt out my whole list of hopes and goals and experiences within the first 20 minutes of a first date, just so he will give me a shot! But that sounds CRAZY to me, who would do that and why should I have to? There is nothing out there that I feel I need to do. Like I said, I travel all over the country currently and am traveling to several countries including South Africa next summer for World Cup festivities. I couldn't ask for anything more! It's phenomenal but that is not what really holds a thrill for me in life. I want a family and I want a committed relationship. I do in fact have my head on straight and I know that I am going to be desiring the same things 5-10 years down the road. I cannot convey to you all how incredibly frustrating this is to me...to know exactly what you want and not be able to get it because of my AGE?!

 

This is so discouraging to me.

 

So literally, there is nothing I can do if I want the kind of fulfilled, happy life I am seeking...

[norajane]

I think you're trying too hard. Maybe it would be a good idea to not worry about dating for a while. Just do your thing and you'll eventually meet someone you connect with who "gets" you without you having to do any kind of hard sell. He'll be the guy who becomes a part of your life without you having to convince him to be there - he'll want to be and you'll want him there, too.

 

Get to know men as people, not potential relationship material, through your daily activities.

[confused192]

I understand that I shouldn't age discriminate, especially when that is exactly what is happening to me, but I have seriously tried, I really have. I cannot stomach it. I have never met a young man that intrigued me, never once. I don't know, maybe there is something wrong with me. I don't want to party, I don't want to talk about how you have 'like, scored with so many girls lately' (yes an actual line from a date I went on). I just can't even stand how they talk to me, I feel I have nothing in common with these men! I can't put it into words but I know I do not want it. Ever. These guys just don't seems to have much direction, even when they think they do. And that is not their fault...your mid 20s are supposed to be about learning about what makes you happy and makeing and pursueing your goals. Its a transition phase in many peoples lives and I get that. But not for me.

[Lizzie60]

Well... I think you just didn't meet the right guy yet...

 

Not ALL 20 yrs old are immature.. some are very mature.. (just like you )... not ALL older men are mature... some are real players..and they will get their ways with you and leave you to rot...

 

I am an older woman.. I date much younger men (some in their 20s).. I'm 57 now.. I prefer younger to men my age.. but for a long term relationship.. we've got to be realistic here.. it just won't work... so if I was looking for long term, I would go let's say mid 40's to mid 50's..

 

same with you.. older men love younger women.. but they are realistic about long term.. so if they want something 'solid' they will go for a woman their age or close.

 

Eventhough I can see that you are very articulate.. you seem to know what you want.. you still come through as being a little immature..

 

You still are 25 and DOES NOT have the life experience an older woman has..

 

Be patient.. you'll eventually meet someone..

[butcher's hook]

II want a family and I want a committed relationship. I do in fact have my head on straight and I know that I am going to be desiring the same things 5-10 years down the road. I cannot convey to you all how incredibly frustrating this is to me...to know exactly what you want and not be able to get it because of my AGE?!

 

There are TONS of guys in the 25-33 group what's wrong with a guy in his early 30? Why does it have to be someone 20 yrs older than you? that's what I don't get?

 

A 30 yr old guy is more than ready for all the things you just described so is a guy in his late 20's and chances are is that you can grow together. It is really beautiful to be able to grow with someone as opposed to growing apart because you want different things in life.

I am not saying it could NEVER work with a much older man, of course it could but you are ruling out a whole bunch of great men who would be really well suited for you, why? A guy 5 or 7 yrs older than you is a good age difference. At your age it is significant enough that it will feel different than dating a 21 yr old guy, and not damaging enough of an age difference that you would have some serious compatibility concerns long term.

 

I think you should stay single for a while, that's not a bad idea.

 

You could be surprised on who you are in 10 yrs we often feel like we will never change but sometimes we do.

[bac]

You want a family and commited relationship. Some people just need to put some effort to get what you want. You told that you have trouble to communicate with young men. You are not successul with old ones as well. It means you need to help yourself to find the right person. My advice would be to read good books about relationships and communication skills. It is a good idea to read books written by men and books with some advice for men about relationship. It is because men know better the way they think. Use your common sense to choose the books because some books are not in touch with reality. But you need just practical advice.The best thing for communication skills is NLP. The point of NLP is that you stop focus on yourself and you focus on a man during communication. Other words, you try to understand him and fit him.

Then you need to practice your communication skills by dating men.

By the way, dating men can be done without any sex. Practice makes perfect. You can not change the world around including the men but you can adapt to reality and get what you want.

 

By the way, there are hundreds single men in 40s, who have never been married, on dating sites like match.com or yahoo personals.

[Kamille]

Sorry for the threadhop - I read your other thread about your ex and I guess I now understand better where you're coming from.

 

Stories like that one are the reason why you shouldn't fool yourself into thinking that older men are more mature, or have more to offer.

 

Clearly, they're as confused - and confusing - as the younger guys. But I think I get your infatuation with older men better now. Yes, it is true they usually have it more together and, in my experience, they know how to treat a lady better. They also usually have more money and so can pay for trips, fancy dinners, etc.

 

But none of that actually makes them more mature - or means they are ready for a relationship.

That's why the focus should always be on what you two are building together.

 

I understand, from actually dating younger men, your hesitation in their regard. I do wonder, however - how do you meet the guys you date, young or old? this might have a lot more to do with the quality of the men you meet then their actual age.

[confused192]

How do I come off as being immature? I would really like to know please...don't hold back.

 

I know there are plenty of mature men in their late 20s and early 30s. I have been on numerous dates with men in that age group. And every time, I feel like I am forcing myself to do something I hate. It does not feel right to me.

 

I am going to make a comment that I hope is not seen as disrespectful. But the more I think about it and the more I am honest with myself about my feelings, the more I wonder if this might be SOMEWHAT, though obviously not exactly, similar to how gay/lesbian individuals feel as they are about to come out and be public about what they truly want when they know their families may not handle it well. They know what they want and they know what feels natural to them, but others try to tell them it's wrong to feel that way or how could you be like this. Please don't jump down my throat, I know I don't face the social struggles or religious prejudices that gay/lesbian individuals do. I am simply saying that I wish people would stop telling me to just date this group or these kind of people. I don't want that, I feel it in my gut, I can't think of any other way to articulate this.

 

By the way, I was married to a man 14 years older than me. We divorced basically due to the fact that he lied to me...alcoholism is a ridiculous and devastating disease. However, he did truly love me. If it can happen once, it can happen again I guess right?

 

However, I think I am just going to be single for a while. I will not do what feels wrong to me and if men who are older can't see my value, then that's a real shame. Thanks everyone for all that was said. I appreciate it.

[Kamille]

I don't see where people were telling you to force yourself to date younger men.

 

You obviously have the right to your preferences. What most of us are saying, it seems to me, is that age is a number. Age does not a man make. What matters, obviously, is how two people interact with each other.

 

But definitely, take some time off. The best things usually happen when we are busy leading our lives.

 

Oh and grad school! Watch out Mr. Professor!

[Thaddeus]

For the record, confused192, I'm 50 and if you're all you say you are - and I have no reason to disbelieve you - I would go out with you in a heartbeat.

[zicke]

How do I come off as being immature? I would really like to know please...don't hold back.

 

I know there are plenty of mature men in their late 20s and early 30s. I have been on numerous dates with men in that age group. And every time, I feel like I am forcing myself to do something I hate. It does not feel right to me.

 

I am going to make a comment that I hope is not seen as disrespectful. But the more I think about it and the more I am honest with myself about my feelings, the more I wonder if this might be SOMEWHAT, though obviously not exactly, similar to how gay/lesbian individuals feel as they are about to come out and be public about what they truly want when they know their families may not handle it well. They know what they want and they know what feels natural to them, but others try to tell them it's wrong to feel that way or how could you be like this. Please don't jump down my throat, I know I don't face the social struggles or religious prejudices that gay/lesbian individuals do. I am simply saying that I wish people would stop telling me to just date this group or these kind of people. I don't want that, I feel it in my gut, I can't think of any other way to articulate this.

 

By the way, I was married to a man 14 years older than me. We divorced basically due to the fact that he lied to me...alcoholism is a ridiculous and devastating disease. However, he did truly love me. If it can happen once, it can happen again I guess right?

 

However, I think I am just going to be single for a while. I will not do what feels wrong to me and if men who are older can't see my value, then that's a real shame. Thanks everyone for all that was said. I appreciate it.

\\

 

 

I think some of your immaturity is showing in the fact that you are "hell bent" on having an older man. There's nothing wrong with preferring what you prefer, however, when it's an "it must be this or nothing else" type scenario, people who have realized that it isn't always that way tend to think of you as immature.

 

When I was 35, I met and got engaged to a 25 year old man. HE was mature of his age, initially. But as time went on, I could see so clearly that we were so not in the same life space. And by this I mean, there were all these things I had already experienced, growth-wise, life-wise and love-wise that he just had no experience with. I loved him completely, as is, but I could see after about two years in that he had soo much more living, and growth to experience, things that I had already gone through. I knew it would be our downfall in the end, and it was.

 

Find someone in your age group who has the same interests than you do. You are in the mindset right now that all younger guys are "losers" and "boring". They aren't. When I was your age, I dated well rounded, smart, ambitious, handsome men, my age. They exist, they are out there.

 

The only other option is to date an "ageist", trust me, they are NOT what you are looking for.

[monkey00]

I think you should give guys around your age range another shot there are a lot of immature and mature guys for every single age range out there. You seem pretty insistent on dating much older men..you give good reasons and I can agree with most of them. You say you shouldn't have anything to prove to these older men, but on the other hand are you trying to prove something by only going after these men?

 

You're still young and there are so much fish in the sea, I think you should keep your options open as you already have made so much personal accomplishments and there will be much more in the future. Relationships can come later in life.

 

I'm 25 and personally for me I'd much rather go out with someone in their late 20's, because I have more to relate to them with than someone my age and younger. Beauty and youth can be vain. Beauty lies in wisdom, experience, knowledge, insight, and emotional/mental maturity. However, my options are open...if a woman my age or younger is able to wow me with the above, I'm hers in a heartbeat.