Scarlett513 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I mean this in terms of someone you're newly dating and haven't slept with yet. I like to wait a bit before sleeping with a guy, but inevitably they want it sooner that I do. How do you put it off in a polite way without making the other person feel like you don't like/want them? Is it better to just be honest (i.e., "I want to take it slow") or to come up with excuses (i.e., "I'm so sorry but I have my period!" lol) or to just avoid the situation altogether. If you're in the honesty camp - how do you word it without sounding like a commitment-crazed freak?? If you're for avoiding the situation - how exactly do you decline an invitation to his house without coming off uninterested? Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Nothing wrong with putting off sex for a bit, especially if he's someone you want to be with for a while. If and when it comes up, I would simply say "Not just yet. Maybe in another week or two." If he respects you enough, he'll say that's ok with him. If he's something else, he will let his true colors show. You don't have to come up with some hilarious excuse just because you don't feel like it. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Honesty is the best policy and better executed prior to his penis leaving his pants Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Why even bring it up unless it becomes an issue? Not every guy moves that quickly. As well, how you react to kissing and contact, helps to slow down the pace. As for avoiding his place, just say "Hmmm...how about xyz restaurant for dinner, instead?". If he's got any kind of dating savvy, he'll understand. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 However, with honesty upfront, a date can enjoy one of my memorable home-cooked meals and feel no pressure to have sex or be sexual. Everything has its time and place FWIW, my wife and I had this discussion early-on in our dating lives and spent considerable time at each other's homes prior to first making love. No pressure, no fuss. Lots of fun cuddle and intimate time. I can say that even in the midst of divorce. It doesn't change my philosophy on such matters.... Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I like to wait a bit before sleeping with a guy, but inevitably they want it sooner that I do. How do you put it off in a polite way without making the other person feel like you don't like/want them? How about this: "I'm incredibly attracted to you, but I don't feel like I know you well enough yet. Sex is a big step for me." And leave it at that. If he's a keeper, he will respect your preference. If he's a jerk, he will keep pressuring you. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 How long generally do you prefer to wait? I think it's important to be honest and not try to dance around it. He needs to be able to make an informed choice to stick with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I don't think it's up to the woman to give the guy an ETA for sex. That's his risk in getting involved, whether it turns into a second date thing or never. I don't know about Scarlett but a lot of women don't have a defined date they're willing to have sex. They just know when the time is right and much of it has to do with the combined words/actions of the man. It's like expecting a guy to define upfront, when he expects sex. Hey, maybe that's what you do Scarlett. Ask him when HE expects sex! Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 How about, "I'm not quite ready for that, yet." It's your body - you should never have to feel bad about denying VIP access. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 How about, "I'm not quite ready for that, yet." It's your body - you should never have to feel bad about denying VIP access. Generally, in my dating life, guys allowed me to move along at my own pace. If we got to that point where they pushed I usually just said, "Oh. So that is how you think I am!" just to watch them back peddle completely and fall all over themselves trying to convince me that wasn't so. Then, even with those guys, I set the pace. Yeah. I was a Hell Cat (still am). Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Interesting discussion, as when to have sex is in almost all cases up to us ladies. I have never even thought about having to "get out of sex". I guess that's because I have always felt in control of when it happens. No one has any right to my body, no matter what he does. The only thing that gives him the right is me granting it, which I will do when I've decided he's completely worth it -- and not a moment before. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 No one has any right to my body, no matter what he does. The only thing that gives him the right is me granting it, which I will do when I've decided he's completely worth it -- and not a moment before. HERE, HERE! And don't you wish you could implant that into a lot of these young women's heads somehow? Link to post Share on other sites
burningashes Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 You could say something along the lines of, "I like you, but I want to take it slow." Be honest, don't come up with excuses because the guy will just keep trying at you, which is what you don't want. If you have informed him of your wish to take it slow and he keeps pressuring you anyway, dump him. Link to post Share on other sites
griffinchicken53 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 how long do you usually wait? you talking weeks, months, more than a year? don't get the question wrong, i'm just curious. some guys would probably wait a long time, others might think a few weeks is torture. so it depends on the guy. me, well i don't see myself getting a date anytime soon, so i don't have to worry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scarlett513 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 Thanks for all of your responses =) For those who asked how long I prefer to wait - I don't have a specific time, it depends on the guy and my comfort level. I don't wait for the purpose of "having the upper hand" or playing games or anything like that, I just need to be comfortable in order to get that intimate with someone. Usually it winds up being around a month or so, but again it depends on the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 The bottom line is, you want him to wait at your pace, which is fine, but you cant control how he feels about you. If he really likes you he will wait, if he just wants sex, he wont. If you want him to wait for you, you have to take the risk losing him, no matter how you phrase it. Link to post Share on other sites
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