Relationship Status

[AaliyaA]

Hi all,

 

I am new here and need major help fast - thanks in advnace

 

Well my "guy" is so confusing and so I am not really sure of our status. Here is the deal, I have been going out on dates with him for like the last 4 months. But only in the last month did we become very intimate, sexually, but we haven't had sexual intercourse. In the last month we have also discussed that we should be exclusive and we have been. BTW it was his idea to be exclusive. I know he really likes me and I like him, but I don't know if he really is my boyfriend or not.

 

He calls me his "special friend" but we totally act like boyfriend and girlfriend. We talk on the phone every other day for like 15-20 min. and hang out about 2 times a week, but since it was the holidays and exams we were both very busy the last month. And when we go out he always pays, which I think is very generous and kind of him. Anyways he said he wants to hang out more often, he even suggested meeting up every day, but we haven't done so yet, however, I am sure we will sooner or later. He also talks about future outings like doing something special on Valentines or going on mini-trip together next month or hanging out next New Years together.

 

We also just introduced our friends to each other just recently and that went great. But we only introduced each other as a friend, but we were acting sort of like a couple in front of our friends.

 

So what do you think our relationship status is? Is it just a matter of time before he calls me his girlfriend, and if so then how much longer should I wait?

 

Please help... thanks.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK:

 

1. "So what do you think our relationship status is?"

 

You have defined the status very well.

 

2. "Is it just a matter of time before he calls me his girlfriend, and if so then how much longer should I wait?"

 

This is something you're going to have to discuss with him. The two of you seem to be close enough friends you can have this discussion.

 

This man may never have had a girlfriend in his life and doesn't know exactly how to proceed. He may be a virgin and doesn't know exactly how to proceed sexually. He may have an STD and doesn't want to pass it on to you but cares about you too much to let you go.

 

Have a heart to heart talk with him and just let him know this is very frustrating to carry on. Let him know you are a woman and you have needs that must be met in a relationship, especially needing to know exactly what the relationship is. Have him define it...what it means to him...in detail.

 

The only person you will get the required information from is him. Not one of the more than 125million Internet users will have that answer for you.

 

If you aren't able to nail this down after a talk, I would say you are wasting your time and you should move on to other things.

 

That's the best answer I can give you absent knowing how old you are. If you are very young, you've got some time to hang around a while and see what he does. If you are 18 or over, I feel you have a right to know what's going on and to reasonably expect more to be happening.

[AaliyaA]

Hey Tony and all...

 

Thanks for the speedy reply. As for the virginity thing, um he's not a virgin, he has ALOT of experience, but don't get me wrong, he is NOT a dog either. However, I am a virgin, but I have ALOT of experience in other areas Also I'm 23 and he's 26 and we have both had our fair share of relationships and flings.

 

I think he may think we're going out but he just has NOT defined our status for us or for anybody else which is quite annoying. And where I come from this label thing is very important.

 

So I will ask him, but how do I ask without being pushy? I don't want to scare him off, because he also seems like the type of guy who likes to take things slowly, because he kinda indicated that he's been hurt a lot and is very sensitive. So which is why I think I should wait a little, so what would be an appropriate amount of time?

 

Thanks.

[Tony T]

Nobody but yourself can know the correct timing. We can put some numbers in front of you but our purpose here is to empower you to use your best judgement and intuition.

 

If you think you ought to wait a bit more, fine. But there are many thousands of very kind ways of asking a man exactly what he feels the status of your relationship is. You have to determine the timing based on your experience with him and your own gut feeling.

 

I would just tell him, "Hey, we've been going out for 50 years...no sex yet...or whatever. I won't live forever so before I die all I'd like to know is if you consider me your girlfriend."

 

That oughta do it.

[AaliyaA]

Hey Tony,

 

You are too funny, but right as well. However whoever is out there if they can provide ways to ask this question without freaking the guy out then that would be great. I may or may not use it, but it should be fun to read. It would also be nice to have some insight as to why guys have an issue with this whole label and status thing - I mean its not like we're getting married. And again yes, I will ask him myself within the next couple of weeks.

 

Laterz....

[HokeyReligions]

You said you are a virgin. Does he know that? Maybe he is afraid of being your first.

 

Do you want him to be your first? How important is it to YOU to move this relationship to another level? Is it going to break the relationship if he does not call you his girlfriend? If that is the case I would think that the relationship is very tenuous as it is and you need to decide if you want to go forward with him or leave things as they are.

 

If you don't want to hang on with the relationship the way it is, just be honest with him and tell him that you are developing deeper feelings for him and would like know how he feels about you and if he truly sees a long-term relationship in your future. Tell him you are concerned about the fact that future plans are stated generally, but nothing is actually done about it and you want to know how he feels. Be honest with him too though, and tell him that if he does not want to make a commitment then it's time to part ways, or be honest and tell him it's okay if he doesn't want to make an open commitment and that you are fine with going on as you are - you just want to know where you stand. The important this is to be honest. He may be taking on more responsibility for you than he should. You both need to know that he is not responsible for how YOU feel, neither are YOU responsible for how he feels.