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The word casual really doesn't turn into a relationship does it?


Lucky555

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WoW i have had the term casual misunderstood!!! I am not dating anyone but i figured i would share my thoughts.

 

I always though casual was getting to know the person and then continue to date them to from a relationship (if its right for both)

 

After reading some articles online I found a guy asking for advise about "how to keep things casual" it talks about how he wants to continue to have time to date girls on the side and how he will plan on making things casual with a girl he likes. He had a great date but he didn't see himself having a relationship.

 

He laughed at a fact that he will keep her around by talking online, using facebook, and texts. He had also stated the days that he would contact her as to keep things casual.

 

Now, it sounds rather awful to just string someone along like that. I hope this girl doesn't keep him around. The fact he laughed of how he would do this is so dishonest.

 

He should just tell her right out that he "only wants to see her when he wants to" (this is his words to in the post).

 

It just stunned me to see that he was asking for advise on this but i am glad because these signs and behaviors are good for my future encounters hahahahaha

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MeMyself&I
WoW i have had the term casual misunderstood!!! I am not dating anyone but i figured i would share my thoughts.

 

I always though casual was getting to know the person and then continue to date them to from a relationship (if its right for both)

 

After reading some articles online I found a guy asking for advise about "how to keep things casual" it talks about how he wants to continue to have time to date girls on the side and how he will plan on making things casual with a girl he likes. He had a great date but he didn't see himself having a relationship.

 

He laughed at a fact that he will keep her around by talking online, using facebook, and texts. He had also stated the days that he would contact her as to keep things casual.

 

Now, it sounds rather awful to just string someone along like that. I hope this girl doesn't keep him around. The fact he laughed of how he would do this is so dishonest.

 

He should just tell her right out that he "only wants to see her when he wants to" (this is his words to in the post).

 

It just stunned me to see that he was asking for advise on this but i am glad because these signs and behaviors are good for my future encounters hahahahaha

 

Hi Lucky,

 

We recently had another post that kinda led into this. It seems the new lingo for "dating" is "casual" for the 20-something generations.

 

Dating may happen but it's far less common than "hanging out" and "chillin'". I personally don't get it. I think someone posted we are breeding a whole new generation of commitment phobes.

 

Mabe/Maybe not but ya.......the attitude you described above shocks me too.

 

Makes me want to date older where maybe there is still some of the traditional mentality/etiquette to dating. ;)

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Well, as my dad once told me, most people in this world are dicks or retards. People these days are all about whats good for them, and care very little on how their actions affect others. It still shocks me when I see people who can bluntly state how theyre using people, and generally being a douche, without feeling bad about it at all.

 

At the end of the day, though, this girl will see the light one day. It sucks that she's probably going to waste a lot of time and energy on this guy before she sees whats going on, but I suppose thats dating.

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I totally agree with both of these posts. I have in the past had a guy say this to me "lets keep things casual and see where it goes" then he acted like he was "with me" and it just NEVER led to ANYWHERE. When i read this post by some random guy I was SHOCKED. I wish I had only read this when I had dated that Douche that I did in the past, because it really reflected his behavior. I never did understand what was going on and he couldn't give me a "logical" answer, so I dumped him at the time. This was awhile back but i remember it.

 

I am in my 20's and I do date guys in their 20's. I have dated guys who wanted relationships but I didn't see myself with them, didn't lead them on. But it looks as though "SOME" GUYS are LEADING girls on and I guess there are a few bad apples out there.

 

This post also put me aware of signs that it maybe time to move on if I encounter the situation of "CASUAL".

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xpaperxcutx

Dating just seems so stressful, because most people do go out of their way to impress on a date. Hanging out merely means you're spending time together without any drama or attachment. It's really just up to the persons involved to decide whether they actually want to pursue further or not.

 

I don't blame the guy for wanting to be casual, but the way he's being so cocky about it is disgusting.

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People have been leading each other on to get what they want forever. You just have to be smarter than that, and look at things objectively.

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xpaperxcutx

Actually isn't it already obvious and previously been discussed that if a guy tells you he doesn't want a relationship, he's telling the truth and being honest about it? Then why can't we take their words for it when they say they're being casual? Especially since we now know what " casual" actually means, we can be more cautious about the type of guys that we date or " hang out" with.

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Actually isn't it already obvious and previously been discussed that if a guy tells you he doesn't want a relationship, he's telling the truth and being honest about it? Then why can't we take their words for it when they say they're being casual? Especially since we now know what " casual" actually means, we can be more cautious about the type of guys that we date or " hang out" with.

 

The problem is what I call the 'exception clause', meaning that everyone out there knows at least one person who said that wanted to date casually, then changed their mind and now theyre married.

 

Its the same reason people dont let an ex just go, because SOMEONE they know got back with their ex, and things worked out.

 

Instead of taking what people say for face value, we would like to believe that they didnt mean it, and really will change their mind later. Since we dont want to hear the truth this person has to offer, a lot of people dont ask or assume, hoping that in the end, it will be what they wanted.

 

You live and learn, though.

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cappygirl26

I don't know, from my experience most guys don't really want a relationship (particularly when they're younger) and are usually just into the "casual". I doubt you'd find many guys who are actively looking for relationships, instead of just happily being single and going with the flow. And being casual with someone doesn't stop them from falling into relationships through time. I personally prefer casual dating because it allows you to hang out with guys without any of the pressure, and if there's no connection or future between you two, you can just be friends instead. Don't let douchebags who mistake casual for glorified fck buddies turn you off from the idea with other men.

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MeMyself&I
Don't let douchebags who mistake casual for glorified fck buddies turn you off from the idea with other men.

 

LMAO :lmao:

 

I must have found the "Glorified F#ck buddy" guy!!

 

Well put Cappygirl!! ;)

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I think "casual dating" is different from "dating".

 

 

Dating says lets go out and have a great time and see if this turns into something like a relationship or whatever the two agree to. It just seems the two are trying to find compatibility.

 

Casual dating NOW is just this: "i don't want a relationship but I would like to see what i can get from you (sex)"

 

However too many times its put in "lets start out casual and see how it goes" Then this makes me think its "no pressure" but if we continue seeing each other its going to be more. (But clearly casual is just referring to a physical relationship whenever he wants to see you)

 

Also i think hanging out is different than casual. Hanging out is more "platonic and no pressure", the people can go out for a movie and depart ways. Sometimes hanging out can lead to more but usually it suggests they are not in a "dating" mode.

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MeMyself&I
I think "casual dating" is different from "dating".

 

Dating says lets go out and have a great time and see if this turns into something like a relationship or whatever the two agree to. It just seems the two are trying to find compatibility.

 

Casual dating NOW is just this: "i don't want a relationship but I would like to see what i can get from you (sex)"

 

However too many times its put in "lets start out casual and see how it goes" Then this makes me think its "no pressure" but if we continue seeing each other its going to be more. (But clearly casual is just referring to a physical relationship whenever he wants to see you)

 

Also i think hanging out is different than casual. Hanging out is more "platonic and no pressure", the people can go out for a movie and depart ways. Sometimes hanging out can lead to more but usually it suggests they are not in a "dating" mode.

 

Well in my last experience "hanging out" and that's how he put it was definitely not dating or platonic but it WAS pressure for sex. Of course he was patient and stopped if I said no but after we "Hung out" about 4 times and the last time were intimate...........not more contact from him. Imagine that! So I'm hellaconfused. Dating? Hangingout? Casual? WTF?

 

And I think most relationships start out casual. They should. When you first meet somebody it's waaay healthier to take it slow then rush right in. To me this means casual/slow (but this is my generations definition of casual) 30's.

 

Now I would not define casual in the past as it is defined now. Now when someone says casual now it means slow, no comittment but sex is an okay option. Well........this seems odd because in traditional dating (meaning years ago) it was common for sex to wait until after the casual/acquaintance/slow/dating period. Once the sexual intimacy started the relationship kicked up a gear to bf/gf. I'm not saying there wasn't sex w/o the bf/gf but it was not as common. I just think the sexual freedom our youth has attained is Constantly changing how we define intimacy. IMHO!

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BlueHarvest
Casual is usually what leads to more committed. No relationship starts off as a relationship it usually starts off as casual dating. BUT what you described up in your original post Lucky, is what you simply can't escape sometimes. There is always going to be some guy out there who is going to trick women and play with their heads. I hope that young women out there are smart enough to catch on to a loser like this quickly and not waste a lot of their time catering to his selfish needs.

 

But having said that it is not all guy's fault when it comes to the way young men and women date. Guys preferring to "hang out" or "chill" rather than court a woman, is due to one factor only:

 

 

 

It is no one but women's fault that guys make little to no effort at all into getting to know them:

  • Women who constantly pursue guys before he has a chance to pursue her.
  • Women who are impatient and feel that they have to make it happen, when the only thing they make happen is heartache and disappointment for themselves.
  • Women who show up at men's apartments like a $9.99, 30 mins or it's free pizza before the guy even has a remote invested interest in her.
  • Women who will do cartwheels for a guy for fear of being lonely and would rather do all the chasing in the name of "equality" and modern rights to act like a guy.
  • Women who think that getting what she wants is doing all the work in getting a guy only to find out that not only can she not handle playing the role of the guy, she never even gets what she wants. She ends up feeling empty and angst-ridden never knowing where she stands. When a woman doesn't know where she stands with a guy it is because she has no platform to stand on.

Young women who are doing all those things are training young men to sit back and let women do all the work for them. For every one woman who does not do this there are 10 more who will. Everyone loses when this happens because though men may be getting instant gratification they are just as unhappy as the women who are giving far too much to undeserving men to get a love back, which they will NEVER get like that.

 

First off, this sounds like something straight out of "The Rules" book. Sounds like you don't want relationships to be equal, sounds like you want men to do all the work so you can play games with them.

 

Secondly, I'm in (or was ...not sure yet) in a casual relationship...except SHE is the one who suggested it be casual and she used that EXACT sentance "Let's just keep things casual and see where it goes."

 

Except we have been "casual" for about 7 months before she told me that she didn't want to be exclusive, and we didn't have sex.

 

So what do you have when you have a person who wants to be a casual dater with you, but doesn't want anything else from you, and doesn't want to contribute at all to a relationship? A friend? Yet she still wants to do all the things normal couples do: Like go dancing, go out with friends on double dates, etc etc.

 

She wants to have her cake and eat it too.

 

If you want a more in-depth look at my situation and how the roles are reversed (where the man is pursuing the relationship and the woman is leading him on) you can look here.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t189701/

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Blueharvest- I read your post and i also read the link you had. I believe dating really does START casual but then turns into more at a certain point or they break up. At 7 months, that should have given the girl plenty of time to know if she wanted a relationship with you or not. It must have broken your heart, but at least you know what you want and I don't know how your situation turned out, but i do hope you didn't keep her around (if you wanted more). She sounds like she wanted to keep you around as a friend instead of as a boyfriend, but if you two were dating that really changes the dynamics.

 

I think dating is confusing, but communication is key. I think early on in dating it is also important to ask what the other person is looking for in general too. For instance you say "what are you looking for when dating?" (basically where are they at this point in their life?). However, the line "casual and see where it goes" really seems like it suggests that if you continue dating for awhile that there is more....seriously if the person has no interest in dating you they should really just end it at that point. It really sounded like you got LED ON for FAR TOO LONG!

 

Dating is tough until you meet the right person i suppose, well at least thats what my friends have said.

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