Men and the chase!

[pinkberry]

I've just finished reading an interesting little book called, "Why Men Love Bitches". One of the things the author touches on is that a man will inevitably appreciate something more if he has worked hard to obtain it. This applies to a man pursuing a woman.

 

She uses an example of men camping out in a crummy little tent for an entire week, surviving on food prisoners wouldn't even touch simply for the thrill of hunting game. However, if you were to plunk the very same animal down on their doorstep already dead, they wouldn't appreciate it half as much because it was handed to them. There was no effort involved in obtaining it.

 

I've also read that "the chase" is a mating ritual dating back to primitive times.

 

I've often noticed that the men whom I have no interest in and try to 'brush off' are the ones who keep trying. Some (not all) take the word 'no' as their queue to try harder.

 

A recent ex of mine follows the 'rubber band' pattern to a tee. Whenever I was to get too close, he'd back right off. Whenever I backed off, he'd try to get closer.

 

Anyway, my fellow LoveShackers, I'd really appreciate your thoughts on this.

[bean1]

I say it is very valid. Take note of ANY female who has had to pursue a man to get him to date her and let me know the success rate

[manugeorge]

A man who loves the chase loves just that---the chase--, not you or anyone else. Don't be fooled into thinking you mean anything to him because the day he "catches" you is the day he gets bored and leaves to find another chase. It means if you are going to get him to stick around, you have to keep running away from him...forever (yikes!), who wants to live like that?

 

A man who won't take no for an answer is an egomaniac who is only out to prove something to himself. It totally has nothing to do with you or how much he likes you or whatever.

 

I for one don't believe men are that complicated. Mature man sees something he wants and goes after it. If she says no, he retreats and goes after someone else. There are too many desirable women in this world to zone in on only one.

 

Animals in the jungle look for the weakest prey aka, the easiest to catch prey. Not one in the middle of the herd. Even they won't expend that much energy.

 

What a man doesn't want is a desperate, no-life having, over-eager, doormat of a woman, this is the already dead animal plunked down on his doorstep. Nobody wants someone who will automatically say how high when you say jump.

[Sam Spade]

I've just finished reading an interesting little book called, "Why Men Love Bitches". One of the things the author touches on is that a man will inevitably appreciate something more if he has worked hard to obtain it. This applies to a man pursuing a woman.

 

She uses an example of men camping out in a crummy little tent for an entire week, surviving on food prisoners wouldn't even touch simply for the thrill of hunting game. However, if you were to plunk the very same animal down on their doorstep already dead, they wouldn't appreciate it half as much because it was handed to them. There was no effort involved in obtaining it.

 

I've also read that "the chase" is a mating ritual dating back to primitive times.

 

I've often noticed that the men whom I have no interest in and try to 'brush off' are the ones who keep trying. Some (not all) take the word 'no' as their queue to try harder.

 

A recent ex of mine follows the 'rubber band' pattern to a tee. Whenever I was to get too close, he'd back right off. Whenever I backed off, he'd try to get closer.

 

Anyway, my fellow LoveShackers, I'd really appreciate your thoughts on this.

 

 

The author is clearly a woman and clearly has no idea what the eff she's talking about .

I consider myself a well-balanced, well-adjusted and reasonably assertive guy, and it would *never* occur to me to pursue a woman. I'll just conclude that she's not interested and move on.

I would, however, spend a week in the bush trying to outsmart an animal because that would mean that I'm a badazz - it is a matter of survival for the animal to outsmart me (or kill me - if big enough), so it's an enjoyable battle of wits. It wouldn't work if I was trying to impress the animal by being persistent :). Trying to show persistence to a woman sets a very bad precedent and is certainly not conducive to a partnership. So, the analogy is so poor it suxx azz . Oh well, perhaps it does apply to people who actually view relationships as conquests .

[alphamale]

I've often noticed that the men whom I have no interest in and try to 'brush off' are the ones who keep trying. Some (not all) take the word 'no' as their queue to try harder.

thats bull****, then those guys are losers...personally if a woman doesn't want to be with me i just move on to the next one. i'm not wasting my time on that crap, there are too many single women around.

 

so, basically, you're forgetting about the competition factor.

[yeex]

I go for the women that reciprocate interest back. If she does not, I go and find one that will. Also most of the male dating guides say don't chase a woman or you will look desperate and then she will lose interest. So take all these dating guides with a grain of salt and see what really works for you. In my opinion, only a desperate dude with no other options would chase a woman that does not show any interest back at him.

[Dexter Morgan]

I can't relate to this at all. i don't chase women. Either they are in to me or not.

 

I also don't "fight" for a woman when she would pit me against another man to see who she'd rather have. The other guy can have her and all the problems that come with her.

[alphamale]

In my opinion, only a desperate dude with no other options would chase a woman that does not show any interest back at him.

indeed .

[Untouchable_Fire]

I've just finished reading an interesting little book called, "Why Men Love Bitches". One of the things the author touches on is that a man will inevitably appreciate something more if he has worked hard to obtain it. This applies to a man pursuing a woman.

 

Remember that the goal of the author is to sell books first, impart wisdom second.

 

Both men and women value something more when they put effort into it.

 

Besides... here is the whole point that you are missing. If you have to play games to get/keep a guy... are you sure he is the right person for you?

[bean1]

There is often an air of truth to stereotypes, including the infamous "men like to chase".

 

In my experience, men are attracted to women who are not so easily available. A woman who has friends, work, a social life, activities, etc. is a woman who is well-rounded and enjoys life. That is attractive (to both sexes). A woman (or man) who has nothing going on and will allow their life to revolve around a new romantic prospect is not attractive.

 

Is it chasing? Not really, it seems to be more of an attraction to people who have fulfilling lives. You have to wiggle your way in there.

[alphamale]

Not really, it seems to be more of an attraction to people who have fulfilling lives.

 

which probably means they:

1. are above average looking
   
2. educated and have a good job
   
3. above avg income
   
4. close with their family
   
5. lots of friends (i.e. "popular")
   
6. have a number of hobbies and interests
   
7. date a lot of people
   
8. generally have a lot of fun
   
9. don't need someone else to hangout with or date
   

[terra]

I totally agree with you Bean1. I'm definitely attracted to men that have a life - means they are more interesting and if they make time for you it means a bit more.

[yeex]

There is often an air of truth to stereotypes, including the infamous "men like to chase".

 

In my experience, men are attracted to women who are not so easily available. A woman who has friends, work, a social life, activities, etc. is a woman who is well-rounded and enjoys life. That is attractive (to both sexes). A woman (or man) who has nothing going on and will allow their life to revolve around a new romantic prospect is not attractive.

 

Is it chasing? Not really, it seems to be more of an attraction to people who have fulfilling lives. You have to wiggle your way in there.

 

Yea agreed. But again if I am attracted to a woman like this, and they do not reciprocate the interest, then I will leave that and look for the next lady with similar qualities that will reciprocate the interest. I would not waste time and try harder to make the first one like me or anything. Only fools fall for that. I got my own fulfilling life to live.

[bean1]

Yea agreed. But again if I am attracted to a woman like this, and they do not reciprocate the interest, then I will leave that and look for the next lady with similar qualities that will reciprocate the interest. I would not waste time and try harder to make the first one like me or anything. Only fools fall for that. I got my own fulfilling life to live.

 

In John Gray's "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", it talks about "the chase". Basically, it states that women should not be "hard to get" but rather "receptive" to a man's advances. If she does not show interest, then yes, move on. An interested, but busy woman, will be receptive.

[refurb]

One important part of the "chase" is value. Men want valuable women. What makes a women "valuable"? Woman who don't give it up easily. The definition of "it" depends on the guy. Some define "it" as physical closeness, some emotional closeness, most a mix of the two.

 

Why do they want women who don't give it up easily? Because if every guy can get "it" then it has no value. It's like saying you can bench 50 lbs. Big deal, anyone can do that.

 

So this translates as such: Women should play hard to get in the sense of being selective, not in the sense of making the guy chase you.

 

If a guy is interested in you, be receptive, but don't just jump right in. Take the time you need to know him. Don't jerk him around or play games or get close then pull back. Just show him that you're selective about who you get close to and that if he's the right guy he'll get something valuable in the end.

 

RF

[IrishCarBomb]

I've often noticed that the men whom I have no interest in and try to 'brush off' are the ones who keep trying. Some (not all) take the word 'no' as their queue to try harder.

 

A recent ex of mine follows the 'rubber band' pattern to a tee. Whenever I was to get too close, he'd back right off. Whenever I backed off, he'd try to get closer.

 

Don't you see the validation game going on here?

[You'reasian]

I've just finished reading an interesting little book called, "Why Men Love Bitches". One of the things the author touches on is that a man will inevitably appreciate something more if he has worked hard to obtain it. This applies to a man pursuing a woman..

 

Nope. If a woman is a bitch, I don't chase her. We'll butt heads and I'll move on

 

She uses an example of men camping out in a crummy little tent for an entire week, surviving on food prisoners wouldn't even touch simply for the thrill of hunting game. However, if you were to plunk the very same animal down on their doorstep already dead, they wouldn't appreciate it half as much because it was handed to them. There was no effort involved in obtaining it...

 

I think you misunderstand why men hunt (for anything).

 

We do it because its part of our nature, as men, to provide - and the prize is usually not entirely for ourselves, but for our family and is a source of pride as a provider.

 

I've also read that "the chase" is a mating ritual dating back to primitive times. I've often noticed that the men whom I have no interest in and try to 'brush off' are the ones who keep trying. Some (not all) take the word 'no' as their queue to try harder..

 

Somewhere, somehow - the phrase 'no' is lost in translation to us men - because we see an action that contradicts the response to your answer.

 

A recent ex of mine follows the 'rubber band' pattern to a tee. Whenever I was to get too close, he'd back right off. Whenever I backed off, he'd try to get closer.

 

Lack of communication - I guess the two of you never addressed the reason why..

[colosseum]

That book, and those of its kind, are the very reason why dating today has turned into a fruitless "game" that prevents genuinely good people serious chances to meet other good people.

 

To quote SamSpade: the author is a woman who doesn't know what she is talking about. Good luck trying to abide by the rules of that book; you'll waste not only other people's times, but your own as well.

 

For example, the reason men chase is not because we want to work harder and feel better about ourselves, but more likely that the woman has attractive qualities that keeps her busy/worth competition.

 

*Sigh* Why in the world do people read these things; it does society no good...

[alphamale]

most women know within the first few minutes of meeting a new dude whether he'll every sleep with her. so chasing for more than a few days is futile.

[MissHollywood]

Manugeorge and yeex hit the nail on the head. I've told guys I'm not interested in and they slowly disappear from my life (though I wouldn't have minded if we became friends). Those with the most success have been the guys being the ones showing initial interest with me following up. I don't think any interest from only one side would have led to anything much.

[BCCA]

Dating today is all but ruined because of crap like this.

 

Instead of just meeting someone, deciding you like each other, and going from there, it's now all a stupid contest to prove how manipulative you can be.

 

Books like 'The Game' teach guys to belittle and ignore the women they want, so as to build some sort of desire on the woman's part to garner your interest. Why in the world do I want to be a douche to someone I want to date, and play on their insecurities, just to get them to go out with me? If chatting with me for 5 -10 minutes isn't enough to give me your number, I guess we aren't meant to be.

 

Then you have books like this, and others, which teach women to be evasive, not return calls, and generally show a very minimal amount of interest. This is intended to trigger the guys 'hunter' instincts, but let me tell you what it does: it pisses us off, and anyone with a pair bails. Seriously, if you like a guy - make it obvious! We like that, we're really simple creatures, we don't speak in inuendo or body language. We like it when you let us know you like us, it makes it easier for everyone.

 

Books that teach you to use tricks and manipulation are just a waste of paper. Seriously, you just have to be yourself and roll with the punches. If youre not going to be yourself, youre not going to get the guy right for YOU, youre going to get some guy you beat in a test of stubborness.

[MissHollywood]

Books like 'The Game' teach guys to belittle and ignore the women they want, so as to build some sort of desire on the woman's part to garner your interest.

 

Personally unattainable guys don't pique my interest. If they show me they aren't interested or they have SOs, I back off. Why would I want to beat down someone's door when they are waiting behind the door to hit me with a bat? It's not about being persistent. If they aren't interested in you in the beginning, there isn't very much one can do to make them change their minds (except in rare cases).

[xpaperxcutx]

Personally unattainable guys don't pique my interest. If they show me they aren't interested or they have SOs, I back off. Why would I want to beat down someone's door when they are waiting behind the door to hit me with a bat? It's not about being persistent. If they aren't interested in you in the beginning, there isn't very much one can do to make them change their minds (except in rare cases).

 

 

I would agree. But I would also like to ask what those rare cases are?

[MissHollywood]

The rare cases are when one party shows more concern consistently and is considerate toward the other party and it takes this other party to turn around and realize that they really have it good, that the first party really loves him/her that the other party should give the first party the chance and a relationship between them a chance.

[xpaperxcutx]

The rare cases are when one party shows more concern consistently and is considerate toward the other party and it takes this other party to turn around and realize that they really have it good, that the first party really loves him/her that the other party should give the first party the chance and a relationship between them a chance.

 

The percentages of this happening is slim to none. Wouldn't you call it wishful thinking?