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Do I have "Players Wanted" or "Booty Call" written on my forehead


MeMyself&I

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MeMyself&I

Hi Everyone,

 

I'm just really frustrated. It seems like lately all I attract are players. I KNOW not all guys are players but that seems to be who I find.

 

Can anyone tell me

 

1) How to detect this earlier before i get emotionally involved?

2) Why they seem to hone in on me?

3) What signal I may be sending out?

4) any other ideas anyone may have.

 

I know if I date a much younger guy this may be expected somewhat more as they are still settling down and not quite there yet. But I've also had guys in their 30's do this too.

 

Any feedback, suggestion or insight would be appreciated! :confused:

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I have a similar issue. Every girl I meet just wants me to take them someplace or use me in some other way. They all offer very vague answers about their intentions, and they all eventually dissapear. I had one girl in particular that even went as far as to admit that she didnt see anything romantic, but would still like it if I continued to take her out while she was single.

 

I think its the vibe you give off. If people get the impression that you are someone who might sleep with them without much of a commitment, they probably dont value any potential relationship you might have to offer. Also, expect to ALWAYS be tested. The part of dating that really sucks is that sometimes the only choice you have is to walk away from somebody that has a lot of traits you like because of the few that you dont.

 

I wish I had an answer for both of us. Seriously, I wonder if I have 'sucker: please use me' on MY forehead.

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Do I have "Players Wanted" or "Booty Call" written on my forehead

 

You might. You may be responding to those types (while NOT responding to others). When someone sparks your interest, it shows (it's obvious to everyone around you). It also shows when someone DOESN'T light your fire... even if they are interested in you and make the first move.

 

You just have to start doing the Mr. Spock thing on yourself the next time you're out commingling with the opposite sex -- observe everything, gauge and record your own response to everything that happens.

 

And be nice to EVERYBODY. Mom was right.

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MeMyself&I
I

 

I think its the vibe you give off. If people get the impression that you are someone who might sleep with them without much of a commitment, they probably dont value any potential relationship you might have to offer. Also, expect to ALWAYS be tested. The part of dating that really sucks is that sometimes the only choice you have is to walk away from somebody that has a lot of traits you like because of the few that you dont.

 

I wish I had an answer for both of us. Seriously, I wonder if I have 'sucker: please use me' on MY forehead.

 

Wish I knew how to get rid of that "vibe" I give off.

 

That must be hurtful to have someone tell you that to your face BCCA.

 

The last guy did test me....."twice". I finally told him that I wanted to be taken on a real date and go out and that I wasn't up for a bootycall. Well.......that was two weeks ago and basically he's disappeared.

 

Except he walked into the bar that I'm a regular at with all of his buddies. Came up and said hi, chatted a minute and then stayed about a 1/2 hr. at another table with his buddies and then came up said bye he was leaving and he and his buddies had things to do and places to go. Guess that's my answer to where I am priority wise.

 

The guy I dated before him promised we'd both be exclusive and found out that he was full of it too.

 

So please, if anyone has any insite on how to get this "sign" or "vibe" to disappear, please let me know.

 

Thank you BCCA

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Chicago_Guy
Do I have "Players Wanted" or "Booty Call" written on my forehead

 

You might. You may be responding to those types (while NOT responding to others). When someone sparks your interest, it shows (it's obvious to everyone around you). It also shows when someone DOESN'T light your fire... even if they are interested in you and make the first move.

 

You just have to start doing the Mr. Spock thing on yourself the next time you're out commingling with the opposite sex -- observe everything, gauge and record your own response to everything that happens.

 

And be nice to EVERYBODY. Mom was right.

 

I agree. The OP is either meeting guys at the wrong places (e.g., clubs) for finding a relationship or she's doing something wrong when she talks to guys. Some women act seem to act disinterested and then all but the most aggressive guys assume they aren't interested and give up.

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MeMyself&I
Do I have "Players Wanted" or "Booty Call" written on my forehead

 

You might. You may be responding to those types (while NOT responding to others). When someone sparks your interest, it shows (it's obvious to everyone around you). It also shows when someone DOESN'T light your fire... even if they are interested in you and make the first move.

 

You just have to start doing the Mr. Spock thing on yourself the next time you're out commingling with the opposite sex -- observe everything, gauge and record your own response to everything that happens.

 

And be nice to EVERYBODY. Mom was right.

 

I know you are right. I asked my friends if I seem hard to approach or if I am not easy to talk to and they say that they don't think that is the problem.

 

Maybe it's because I often attract younger guys........so I do realize they may be more prone to the booty call or to them being in the players category. I like the fact that I look young for my age and that I take good care of myself but I'd like to think that was a plus for me not a minus.

 

It's like the minute a guy finds out I'm about 10 yrs older than I look he sees "oh, potential bed-mate but not relationship".

 

I guess I will do as you suggest and try to be nice to everybody. I think sometimes I'm afraid to show to much interest cause I'll give someone the wrong idea

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That must be hurtful to have someone tell you that to your face BCCA.

 

I seem to be cursed in this regard. Either women say nothing, or they are just mean. Truth be told, this girl in particular was pretty obvious, so I was actually somewhat happy that she was honest. I was expecting some BS about just getting out of a relationship or some ex that hurt her. lol I've also heard worse, if you can believe it.

 

If you see a guy that catches your eye, trust me, you would be so much better off by smiling or making it OBVIOUS that its ok to approach you. Most girls who I see, we catch eachothers eyes and they look away, and for me that = uninterested. I'm not going to approach someone that doesnt want me to, right?

 

It's like the minute a guy finds out I'm about 10 yrs older than I look he sees "oh, potential bed-mate but not relationship".

 

Thats probably just a result of a lot of guys going certain places, say bars/clubs, looking just for sex. I doubt your age has anything to do with it, I meet girls older than me all the time and dont think that. Are you meeting people in bars? Dont believe anything anyone says, unless youre just looking for some action, its a bad place to meet.

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Star Gazer

In a way, I think players and booty calls would draw different types.

 

Players seem to get off on the chase and the ego stroke with attention from different women. Their "prey" know no preference. In fact, the more difficult she is to obtain, the more likely he is to try to conquer her.

 

Booty call guys, on the other hand, look for an easy lay. This is all about how you present and carry yourself, and whether you make your expectations known.

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MeMyself&I
In a way, I think players and booty calls would draw different types.

 

Players seem to get off on the chase and the ego stroke with attention from different women. Their "prey" know no preference. In fact, the more difficult she is to obtain, the more likely he is to try to conquer her.

 

So my ex was a player. Wanted me til he got me!

 

Booty call guys, on the other hand, look for an easy lay. This is all about how you present and carry yourself, and whether you make your expectations known.
And this last guy was a Booty call guy.

 

To be honest, I was flirty and let him know I was interested but I also let him know I wasn't going to be a booty call right up front. Maybe I send mixed signals too (I don't mean/want to though). I firmly believe flirting is fun but I know there is a line too. To where flirting becomes teasing if overdone. I also am not a prude and although I'm no good with one night stands I don't have to wait til I'm married either. Sex is awesome...........If it's with the right person and for me in the right circumstances

 

Thanks for the feedback everyone. This is very insightful.

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MeMyself&I

Thats probably just a result of a lot of guys going certain places, say bars/clubs, looking just for sex. I doubt your age has anything to do with it, I meet girls older than me all the time and dont think that. Are you meeting people in bars? Dont believe anything anyone says, unless youre just looking for some action, its a bad place to meet.

 

I don't know. I know this is always a big debate but I don't feel like bars are always a bad place. If I were a guy and I met ME in a bar.........I'd be lucky!! lol

 

So if nice people like me go to bars, I'm sure there are other nice people there too.

 

Of course I'm open to other suggestions. I know a lot of people say gyms but I can't get to a gym now. I do my workouts when I can find the free time at home cause I have 2 kids. Church???........nope just as many dysfunctional people there. Don't get me wrong. I grew up going to church and believe in God. But.....it also promotes other dysfunction different from the bars. (just my opinion)

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These guys are aggresive and will approach you while the more beta males wait for you to give them a sign you're interested.

Women appreciate a guy who is confident and approaches them but many times these guys are looking for a score and nothing more. The problem is if you wait for the beta guy to approach you then you might lose interest because he is not letting you know he finds you interesting. This is why men who have no problem approaching get alot more dates with women than guys who wait for a sign from the women that she's interested.

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MeMyself&I
These guys are aggresive and will approach you while the more beta males wait for you to give them a sign you're interested.

Women appreciate a guy who is confident and approaches them but many times these guys are looking for a score and nothing more. The problem is if you wait for the beta guy to approach you then you might lose interest because he is not letting you know he finds you interesting. This is why men who have no problem approaching get alot more dates with women than guys who wait for a sign from the women that she's interested.

 

It almost seems like the guys are waiting for the girls to show interest and the girls are waiting for the guys.

 

So I shouldn't always assume initially the guy isn't interested and make an effort if I am and see how he responds? I tend to wait for the guy to make a move.

 

It seems this idea is prevalent throughout this thread that some guys are more hesitant to make the first move and so get left behind by the more aggressive guys.

 

And therefore in waiting for the guys I am missing out on the "nicer" guys and getting the players and bootycallers...........maybe??

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The problem with meeting people at bars is that youre both there consuming alcohol. So, that could lower your inhibitions, make someone seem better than they are, and lead you to do stupid things (like 'why did I give that creep my #' lol) Also, I'm a guy, and I never think 'relationships' when I go to a bar. I'm a relationship guy, FAR from a player, but usually the women are dressed skimy, the booze is flowing, and I'm not thinking past that night. I guess I've never really met a great girl in a bar, though, and I seriously get a lot of women that are looking for booty, too.

 

Church is no better. I'm an aethiest, and joined a church sponsered singles group at the suggestion of a freind. I called and spoke to the woman organizing the event, and she assured me it had nothing to do with my beliefs. Boy was that wrong. I felt like an outcast, and the people there seemed to be looking for a husband, not someone to date. I also found out that there are actually people in their 20's saving their virginity for marrige, and wanted to meet people in the same boat. I feel like these groups were geared for older people looking to settle down, and younger people who were no sexually experienced. Either way, not me.

 

Check this site out: meetup.com. I joined, and met a few new people and am going to some groups. If nothing else, it gets me out, and I meet new people. They have all kinds of groups here in California, so I imagine its similar other places. I just signed up for a pub trivia group next week...how bad could trivia and beer be, right? :)

 

Also, take it from me - dont worry too much about dating. The more you worry, the more painful it becomes. It turns into this unattainable goal of meeting mr. right NOW, and it never works. It usually just keeps making you feel like crap. Take some time off, when youre ready to meet someone, head out there.

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It almost seems like the guys are waiting for the girls to show interest and the girls are waiting for the guys.

 

So I shouldn't always assume initially the guy isn't interested and make an effort if I am and see how he responds? I tend to wait for the guy to make a move.

 

It seems this idea is prevalent throughout this thread that some guys are more hesitant to make the first move and so get left behind by the more aggressive guys.

 

And therefore in waiting for the guys I am missing out on the "nicer" guys and getting the players and bootycallers...........maybe??

 

This is just dating, unfortunately. I personally RARELY just walk up to some girl I've never seen and spark up a conversation, because I'm a kind of shy guy and I just dont want deal with causing an awkward situation for either of us. If I see a girl look over, I'll make my move, or if she smiles, etc...

 

I wouldnt say ALL aggresive guys are players, but all players are aggresive guys. Does that make sense? haha

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MeMyself&I
The problem with meeting people at bars is that youre both there consuming alcohol. So, that could lower your inhibitions, make someone seem better than they are, and lead you to do stupid things (like 'why did I give that creep my #' lol) Also, I'm a guy, and I never think 'relationships' when I go to a bar. I'm a relationship guy, FAR from a player, but usually the women are dressed skimy, the booze is flowing, and I'm not thinking past that night. I guess I've never really met a great girl in a bar, though, and I seriously get a lot of women that are looking for booty, too.

 

Church is no better. I'm an aethiest, and joined a church sponsered singles group at the suggestion of a freind. I called and spoke to the woman organizing the event, and she assured me it had nothing to do with my beliefs. Boy was that wrong. I felt like an outcast, and the people there seemed to be looking for a husband, not someone to date. I also found out that there are actually people in their 20's saving their virginity for marrige, and wanted to meet people in the same boat. I feel like these groups were geared for older people looking to settle down, and younger people who were no sexually experienced. Either way, not me.

 

Check this site out: meetup.com. I joined, and met a few new people and am going to some groups. If nothing else, it gets me out, and I meet new people. They have all kinds of groups here in California, so I imagine its similar other places. I just signed up for a pub trivia group next week...how bad could trivia and beer be, right? :)

 

Also, take it from me - dont worry too much about dating. The more you worry, the more painful it becomes. It turns into this unattainable goal of meeting mr. right NOW, and it never works. It usually just keeps making you feel like crap. Take some time off, when youre ready to meet someone, head out there.

 

Thank you for the good ideas. Just an FYI.......I don't drink so I don't go to the bars for that. But I will definitely try some of these things.

 

And you are right. When you are not looking is when it all seems to fall into place.

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It almost seems like the guys are waiting for the girls to show interest and the girls are waiting for the guys.

 

So I shouldn't always assume initially the guy isn't interested and make an effort if I am and see how he responds? I tend to wait for the guy to make a move.

 

It seems this idea is prevalent throughout this thread that some guys are more hesitant to make the first move and so get left behind by the more aggressive guys.

 

And therefore in waiting for the guys I am missing out on the "nicer" guys and getting the players and bootycallers...........maybe??[/QUOTE]

 

Bingo....

The thing is you want a guy to be interested in you and have the confidence to approach you. Guys have to learn how to handle rejection so they don't lose out on a gal that is waiting on him to say, "hi".

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MeMyself&I
This is just dating, unfortunately. I personally RARELY just walk up to some girl I've never seen and spark up a conversation, because I'm a kind of shy guy and I just dont want deal with causing an awkward situation for either of us. If I see a girl look over, I'll make my move, or if she smiles, etc...

 

I wouldnt say ALL aggresive guys are players, but all players are aggresive guys. Does that make sense? haha

 

 

Okay Yamaha and BCCA I'm going to practice my "I'm interested" smile. lol

 

I try to smile at everybody but then I get the guys that misunderstand it and think it's an invitation too and I don't know how to handle it when they come over. I don't want to give a guy the wrong idea either.

 

I'm just so sick of that mentallity. I have a lot to offer a relationship not just how I look. I mean I don't feel I should have to play down my looks to be liked for more than them. Like I said..........can you say "frustrated" that would be me with the dating scene lately.

 

Thanks again for the advice. I'm going to try to make myself more approachable with more guys. Maybe that is what the problem is.....that I tend to avoid smiling and eye contact. Never thought so but it could be.

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I'm just wondering where exactly are "good" places to meet people. Church? The grocery store? Online? Give me a break, honestly. Buttholes are buttholes, regardless of where you met them.

 

I can totally identify with you. I feel like the only guys interested in me are not interested for the right reason, with the exception of my recent ex who I've decided is not the right person for me long term. It is terribly frustrating and horrible for the self-esteem.

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