Sublime333 Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I've been dating a pretty cool guy for the past few weeks. I really like him, but things aren't very consistent. It's in the very early stages, yet he only calls or texts maybe once a week or once every two weeks (even after we've been intimate). But here's my problem. An old flame has sort of re-enterd the picture. We have been friends for years, but it has always felt like there was something more. We've hung out a few times in the past few days, and I feel like I'm being drawn back to him. I want to keep hanging out with this new guy...even if we're not in a relationship I think he could potentially make a really great friend (or more in the future). But at the moment it's very hard for me to hide my emotions. So should I be honest with him? I was thinking about telling him that I'd love to keep hanging out, but just purely as friends until I can close the door on this old thing. You think that would offend him? That's the last thing I want to do. I'm not saying I don't want an intimate relationship EVER, just not when half of me is stuck in the past. I really don't know what else to do. Any alternative suggestions would be highly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I've been dating a pretty cool guy for the past few weeks. I really like him, but things aren't very consistent. It's in the very early stages, yet he only calls or texts maybe once a week or once every two weeks (even after we've been intimate). So you have only had three phone calls/texts ever from this guy you've been sleeping with? Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 The infatuation is existing in our imaginations, isn't trustworthy, our mind plays games with us. I would go for the solid friendship and a deep bond. by the way didn't you sell yourself short by sleeping with him so soon? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sublime333 Posted May 4, 2009 Author Share Posted May 4, 2009 We hung out casually the first few times, went on a date and after 2/3 weeks we got intimate. Yes, I admit that things may have got intimate too quickly. Poor judgment on both our parts. That doesn't mean the relationship is necessarily ruined, but I'd say it's far from perfect! I just don't know the deal with this other guy. I love him, but I don't think he's ready to be in a committed relationship so I'm afraid to enter that whole mess. Regardless, I'd like to get it figured out first. But I just don't know what to tell this new guy in the meantime. I'd love to hang out, but it might be odd when I don't want to be intimate? Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 IMO you have to tell him 'no intimacy', or you hang out with him in public places that is impossible to have sex. You are NOT sure where you are standing with him, more intimacy bring no good to the relationship if you don't want to make it a pure sexual thing. sex will make a woman tie herself in some deep way to the man, but man isn't Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I want to keep hanging out with this new guy...even if we're not in a relationship I think he could potentially make a really great friend (or more in the future).What makes you think he could potentially be a "really great" friend? He has barely contacted you since having sex with you. He barely contacts you at all. These are not the signs of a great friend. Have you even gone out again since you had sex? If not, he may be backing off as it is and you won't have to worry about telling him anything about not having sex again for a while. Since the old flame isn't ready for a committed relationship, and the new flame is hardly paying any attention to you, I'd suggest you not tie your hopes to either of them. Keep going out and meeting new people, until someone comes along who is all about you and you don't have to question what's going on. Link to post Share on other sites
start-fresh Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I think if the new guy had interest in a relationship with you and any self respect he would balk at the suggestion of being friends until things didn't work out with the old flame. With that being said, he doesn't sound too interested if he only contacts you every week or two. So old flame is a guy you've been friends with for a while but never more? He doesn't really sound like an old "flame" then, moreso an old friend. Why hasn't anything happened between you already? A lot of times if you're having a hard time choosing between two guys it means you should choose neither. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sublime333 Posted May 4, 2009 Author Share Posted May 4, 2009 I get what you're saying. We've seen each other a little over a month, so I'm not all heartbroken that he isn't calling every other day. But he IS still calling and we have fun when we hang out (even when it's not intimate). I'm not trying to put all my eggs into one basket with this guy, but I don't want to sabotage something that *could* eventually turn into something good. I just need to put things on hold now so that I get everything else figured out with this other guy. I know some girls can date multiple guys at once, but that's just not my style. I DONT want to break things off, but I also want to be honest with him. I just don't know how to do it...... Trust me, if he turns out to be a bad guy I'll walk away. Amistad- Me and the old friend had more of an emotional relationship. We talked about being together a lot. He still calls me up all the time, even though we are a few hours apart. But like I said before, I still think he's in his 'party mode' and I can't be with a guy who hasn't matured yet. As far as the new guy, he calls basically every weekend (both of us are busy during the week). Neither of us are head over heels for each other, but there is definitely growing interest. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 But here's my problem. An old flame has sort of re-enterd the picture. We have been friends for years, but it has always felt like there was something more. We've hung out a few times in the past few days, and I feel like I'm being drawn back to him. Question: If you two have been friends for years, and have felt a "connection", what has kept you from exploring that? Has one or both of you been in other relationships during this time which precluded such exploration? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sublime333 Posted May 4, 2009 Author Share Posted May 4, 2009 We started out as friends, and it sort of progressed over time. He'd always tell me about all these girls he was dating and I'd just make fun of him. After awhile, it hit us at the same time. Recently he has tried pursuing me, but I haven't given in (especially after all his escapades). He's still in that college mode and it scares the **** of me to risk losing him as a friend. But that's not really what I'm asking. Let's just pretend that there IS something with this new guy - even tho no one here seems to think so. Is there anyway of telling him that I'd like to keep things just as friends until I get this old guy out of the picture? I wish I could pretend that this old friend isn't affecting me, but I wear my heart on my sleeve. One of my fatal dating flaws I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Why can't you see them both since it doesn't sound like you are in a committed relationship with either one of them? And just don't tell them about each other unless they ask? And if the guy you slept with wants to sleep with you again if you feel like it do it and if not don't? That's what I would do. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 A good question to ask yourself right now is what do *you* want? Tell me about that. What kind of relationship do you want? Forget these guys for a moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts