Life is hard and I am tired

[society]

Before I go into a rant, let me start by saying that right now I am sitting here typing this I am very hungry.

 

I can't eat because I am broke.

 

My bills are paid, but I have nothing left over to buy food with today. I am just hoping that my unemployment check arrives today. I have a 12 year old car that I have had for 10 years....

 

I got laid off last year. The very same day I got laid off - instead of getting drunk, I went home and started working on my own business.

 

If I am lucky, on a good week, I make 1/2 of what I made at my last job. This ailing business is all I have to hold on to. I work 7 days a week to make half what I made before.

 

My father died of brain cancer last month. He was only 59 and none of it was related to his lifestyle.

 

My mother is now living all alone and I promised my dad I would look after her when he passed.

 

2 years before that, my brother died at age 33.

 

A few years, ago, I made a big move from PA to South Carolina. I was proud of myself - I made it work until the company I worked for sold out to *********s.

 

I've never been married and it has been a long time since I have felt that I loved any woman other than my mother.

 

My last serious girlfriend cheated and then wanted me back - I told her to go $%$# herself.

 

So my father passed, I wish he could have seen me happy, possibly settled with a good woman.

 

I moved 600 miles for a change of pace, only to find that I may be even worse off than before.

 

I just get so tired of doing it all myself, it would be nice to have someone to lean on sometimes....

 

I've dated so many women since I have moved here and I swear on my life they all are on meds and have no clue how to treat a man.

 

I would never take my own life or anything like that, but believe me when i say -

 

"I don't care if I die tomorrow."

 

I really, really don't.. our society has become so greedy and selfish.

 

Seems like all I do anymore is "fret for my job" and "fret for my car" and "fret for my health"......

 

The only way to fix it is to flush it all away??

 

Thaks for listening to my garbage.

[2sure]

I can not believe no one responded here? Am I the only one that has been in this person's shoes? No way.

 

Its called rock bottom, and its a place most of visit - sometimes more than once.

 

Gotta make a change. Thats all there is to it.

Start with small stuff if you have to, like not drinking if you do.

Or better yet - you said your mom could use some help, she is alone. She loves you, and you are currently alone...

 

I know it might feel like giving up...but sometimes you have to regroup...why not consider moving back in with your Mom?

 

In my own experience - the one good thing that comes with hitting rock bottom is that you have no where to go but up.

 

Of course, sometimes it turned out I could go a little further after all.

[TaraMaiden]

Society,

I have no idea what you are going through, but I have had desperate situations and experiences also.

The tragic thing is that you are not isolated.

But it is good for you to share your thoughts.

if you were to die tomorrow, it would cause your mother untold heartache.

So be kind to her. Don't die tomorrow, if you can possibly avoid it.

let me just say from my own perspective.... to be a human being is actually more of an honour than we realise.

You have this one life to make a difference.

2sure has given you some points to consider.

I'm sorry you are hungry right now.

Do you know anyone you could ask for a sandwich?

 

Not having money teaches us that sometimes, pride is a foolish vanity.

 

I wish you well and if it makes any difference, I am concerned for you and will make votive offerings for your well-being.

I hope I don't insult you in saying this.

And i do not belittle your situation.

I too have had days without food.

When it is not a choice, it makes you feel hungrier.

try to not be despondent.

It's easy to say.

hard to do.

But hang in there....

[marlena]

I am terribly sorry for your double loss. Death devastates like nothing else. You sound very alone and troubled but also very strong and determined. I applaud you for two things: first, for starting your own business and 2) for taking a strong hand with your ex girlfriend.

 

2sure is right. Most of us have hit rock bottom, some of us not once but many times. And we are all here to talk about it. So, eventually, things do take a turn, nothing ever stays the same forever.

 

2sure's suggestion to go and live with your mother until you can stand on your own two feet again financially is an idea that you might want to give some thought to. If that's not an option, perhaps finding a roommate is although I get the distinct impression that you like living alone. So do I.

 

You don't have a girlfriend right now. Know that you are in good company. There are people all over the world who are not in a relationship and are quite happy. You have so much to fret over, we all do, so let this go for now and concentrate on making your life more enjoyable in other ways.

 

Yes, we do all live in a greedy and selfish society but that is something we have to come to terms with. What I do is rule out these people and never allow them to enter my life. I know it looks grim but there are nice and interesting people out there. See if you can't build up a small network of friends on whom you can rely for company and support.

 

I know you don't care about dying but I am sure your mother cares very much considering she lost a son and a husband. Perhaps the two of you can find some comfort in one another.

[society]

I can not believe no one responded here? Am I the only one that has been in this person's shoes? No way.

 

Its called rock bottom, and its a place most of visit - sometimes more than once.

 

Gotta make a change. Thats all there is to it.

Start with small stuff if you have to, like not drinking if you do.

Or better yet - you said your mom could use some help, she is alone. She loves you, and you are currently alone...

 

I know it might feel like giving up...but sometimes you have to regroup...why not consider moving back in with your Mom?

 

In my own experience - the one good thing that comes with hitting rock bottom is that you have no where to go but up.

 

Of course, sometimes it turned out I could go a little further after all.

 

Thanks for your kind words.

 

Seems like I've been at rock bottom several times in my life.

 

The most disheartening aspect is that you can work really hard, only to end up in my situation.

 

Yeah, I could move in with Mom, but as a 32 year old man, that's something I have put off.

 

My mother is not going to be around forever, what happens when I get laid off from my next job and my girlfriend bails? That is what scares me.

 

All I have left is a deadbeat stepbrother.

 

What happens when there's no one left that gives a ****?

 

Every option I have right now sucks.

[mr.dream merchant]

Well I'm 20 years old and while I haven't been through the hardships you have I always carried this piece of advice with me whenever **** hits the fan:

 

Things aren't as bad as they seem.

 

I know it sounds lame but my Physics teacher laid that one on me back in highschool when I got caught up in a bunch of ****. I looked at him like he was crazy but looking back on it, he's right. The rut anyone is in right now, its not as bad as it seems, and the only way you'll ever see or know that is by keeping your head to the sky, sticking it out, keep on keepin on. Then when you finally climb out of that hole you're in, and you gotta climb, cause right now the only way for you to go is up, you'll stand up, dust yourself off, look into the hole and tell yourself that it wasn't so bad after all. Not calling you a quitter and I know the thoughts cross everyone's mind to just give up, but you gotta fight **** face to face. There's opportunity costs with everything. You take one window, you're missing out on a different one. But always remember that success is a process. No matter how hard you fall just know that its progress. But the only way you can turn it into progress is by picking yourself up and climbing up those notches on the ladder. I know its hard and there's been times where we've all felt like breaking down, and just letting it sink in, and I don't know about you..but I'm a ****ing winner and I really don't want to be a quitter until I'm 6 feet under.

[paddington bear]

All I can say is that life is damn unfair sometimes, there's no rhyme or reason to it, horrible things happen to good people.

 

When I hit the same place as you are now (which I have on a number of occassions). I sit down with a pen and paper and write down a list of the major things wrong. In your case, the fact that your father and brother passed away, you cannot change, however other things you can.

 

In my experience, deep depression, hopelessness and world weariness comes from a feeling like you have no control over your life, you try to make it better and it gets worse and you start to believe that it's always going to be the same forever and ever.

 

Anyway, I digress, make a list of your most pressing problems and then see how they are interconnected. For me it all came down to finances, the lack of dates, lack of socialness, feeling like I had no choices, no future.

 

No finances for me meant looking like ****, no new clothes which equals no men, no dating, no money for socialising with friends = uttery misery and a self-perpetuating cycle. Sounds like a similar case for you.

 

I found that setting some kind of goal helped. Then you figure out how to get there, step-by-step. Starting to do even the smallest thing towards achieving that goal was miraculous, I felt like I was back on track, so I attempted another step and another and eventually I managed to crawl out of the horrible situation I found myself in.

 

Your list could include (as you are a businessman) looking into another business idea that would bring in more finances, modifying your current business so that you work less hours and bring in more finances, finding another job and damn this working for yourself thing, moving elsewhere where there are women around with the same interests and values as you, subletting a room to bring in some more money...

 

I mean, I don't know, I'm just flinging things out at you in the hope that maybe you can get fired up to make small starts - it's impossible to be excited about life and your future when you're depressed, as you are now, so somehow you need to find small achievable things to bring some little sparks of hope back into your life.

[torranceshipman]

Hi there,

From what I've read of your post - you sound like a really strong guy, and I'm impressed with how well you seem to be coping. You could have fallen into a bad R for comfort (so many people do this) and you DIDN'T - you've stayed strong for your mom, you didn't let losing your job stop you for a second. Wow...is all I can say - you should be so proud of the person that you are to pull yourself through all this with such resolve.

 

There's this saying that it rains on the good as well as the bad. I used to be a teacher and some of my teenage students had been in care, and confided to me about their lives. I marvel to this day at how much crap those kids had to go through and how much one person should really be expected to bear in a lifetime. It truly sucks. BUT, things wont always be this way. You're going to get a lot of great stuff in the future to look forward to-it just hasn't arrived yet. But when it does, you'll look back at your life now, and think wow, can't believe things were so bad then, cause now things are awesome! I've been there too, and I can tell you its the truth and it will happen that way for you.

 

One last thing - I don't see any shame in moving home to your mom. Since the credit crunch hit, I've known more than one pretty wealthy guy lose everything and, yes, move home to the parents. Plus I bet your mom would love it! If you need to do it to get back on your feet, then you should! It's a sound financial strategy in these crazy fiscal times Just keep pushing through right now - things WILL get better (and a lovely girl will be part of that picture too).

 

You sound like a great guy - good luck.

[2sure]

Hey, its quite alright to take a step back sometimes - like moving in with your Mom. She is alone - you will be helping her possibly? Who could see anything wrong with that?? And thats not important anyway.

 

At some point in each of our lives - we come to the understanding that what other people think is not the most important thing. And you know what? Its a freeing thing. If there is a way to realize that important fact sooner rather than later - hitting rock bottom is it. So, theres a good thing to be had.

 

As to change and what to do. You sound overwhelmed, especially when you said :Mom wont be there forever. OK, come on. Life changes drastically in a year or two and you have no way to predict the details. Good or bad. The smallest thing you can do, is the best thing: Change is coming - Just be facing the right direction.

 

With hindsight, this is easy to say. But looking back at times that my life was overwhelming me and change was needed I realize that facing the right direction included.....identifying which problems had nothing to do with my behavior and in what areas I was getting in my own way.