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He is driving me insane!


What_is_love

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What_is_love

I don't understand if he is bipolar... or if I'm the one with the problems..

Well here's my story :

My boyfriend and I .. which we met online .. have been dating for already 5 months. It's been a short time but I can honestly say that I'm crazy about him and I really do care for him tremendously. My family loves him, His family loves me... everything seems right from those perspectives.. BUT he is extremely jealous of absolutely ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. He is very controlling ... and I'm also very controlling so we're always bumping heads to see who has more control over the other. We fight basically everyday about the silliest things ... He says I can never just "keep my mouth shut" that I always have to debate everything he says. & true I do this... But I can't help it.

Point is that about two days ago after having a pretty good day, he pops up with "sometimes 50% of me wants to be with you and the other 50% of me wants to be single". I told him he could break up with me, if it's what he truly wanted. He replied by saying "I would do anything for you and if you want me to be with you then that's what I will do". I got kind of confused by this.. He continued to talk about how he is afraid that he is "too young to feel this strongly about someone"...

Before dating me.. He was a little crazy.. partying all the time, going from girl to girl.. drinking & drugs.. He's definitely changed since we've been together and this is what shows me that he does care about what we have

 

In the end he did not break up with me.. I tried to get over that talk.. & tried understanding him, he told me he felt he loved me, & that he didn't want to lose me, that he was just trying to be open with me to make our relationship stronger....

 

But then today.. we had again another dumb argument... about .. I can't even remember why? & he says "We're over I can't stand you"..... I left his house really mad and confused.. Got home and he calls me asking "if i had gotten home safe" ..

 

WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM.... I understand we are young and I may be over stressing this .... But i care A LOT about this dumb boy even if he drives me insane.

Is maturity what's lacking in this relationship ??

Can anyone help me out? :mad:

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You pretty much answered your own question. Mature people are not controlling and they have a foundation built on trust and honesty. You two are a train wreck waiting to happen and it has nothing to do with love. Sounds like obsession to me. Believe me I have been there and done that!!

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KINDNESS

 

Is kindness more important to each of you than having your way, being in control, or being right? Do you each receive joy out of being kind to each other? Being kind rather than controlling with each other is essential for a healthy relationship.

 

SPONTANEOUS WARMTH AND AFFECTION

 

Do you and your partner well up with warmth and fullness of heart for each other and express it with affection? Are you each able to see the beautiful essence within each other, rather than just the faults? Are you able to get beyond the outer to the unique inner Self of each other? Do you enjoy sharing affection? Warmth and affection are vital for a healthy relationship.

 

LAUGHTER AND FUN

 

Can the two of you laugh and play together? Do you appreciate and enjoy each other’s sense of humor? In the midst of difficulties, can you help each other to lighten up with humor? Can you let down and be playful with each other, letting yourselves be like kids together? Laughter and fun play a huge role in a healthy relationship.

 

ENJOYING TIME TOGETHER AND TIME APART

 

Are you both each other’s favorite person to spend time with? Are you motivated to set aside time just to be together?

 

Do both of you have friends and interests that you enjoy doing? Are both of you fine when you are not together?

 

Some couples spend a lot of time together because they really enjoy it, while others spend a lot of time together out of fear of being alone. It is important for a healthy relationship for each person to have friends and interests, so that they are not dependent on each other. Dependency is not healthy in a relationship, particularly emotional dependency.

 

A METHOD FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION

 

All relationships have some conflict. It is not the conflict that is the issue, but how you deal with it. Do you have a method for resolving conflict, or do the issues just keep getting swept aside? If fighting is part of how you deal with conflict, do you fight fair, or are you hurtful when you fight?

 

LETTING GO OF ANGER

 

If one or both of you get angry, do you hang on to it, punishing your partner with it, or can you easily let it go? In healthy relationships, both partners are able to quickly move on, back into kindness and affection.

 

TRUST IN YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER

 

Do you each trust that the love is solid, even in very difficult times between you? Do you each know that you can mess up, fail, disappoint the other, emotionally hurt the other – and the love will still be there? Do you each know that the love is about who you are, not what you do? This level of trust is essential for a healthy relationship.

 

LISTENING, UNDERSTANDING, ACCEPTING AND LEARNING

 

Do you each feel heard, understood and accepted? Can you share your secrets with your partner without fearing being judged? Are you each more interested in learning about yourselves and each other than you are in controlling each other? Is listening to each other with an open heart and a desire to understand more important than judging each other or defending yourselves?

 

SEXUALITY

 

Is your sexual relationship warm and caring? Can you be sexually spontaneous? Can you talk with each other about what brings pleasure to each of you?

 

FREEDOM TO BE YOURSELF

 

Do you each feel free to be all that you are? Do you each feel supported in pursuing what brings you joy? Does your partner feel joy for your joy?

 

While some people may naturally be open, kind, affectionate, accepting, and emotionally responsible for themselves, most people need to heal the fears and false beliefs they learned in their families. Healthy relationships evolve as each person evolves in his or her ability to be loving to themselves and each other.

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Is maturity what's lacking in this relationship ??

 

According to your profile, you are 18 yrs old.

 

Gosh, at that age I didn't have a clue about relationships.

 

I don't understand if he is bipolar... or if I'm the one with the problems..

 

Are you just tossing in that tidbit of thinking, or are you serious about the bipolar part?

 

Bipolar disorder requires medical attention...have you discussed this with him?

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SoulSearch_CO
You two are a train wreck waiting to happen and it has nothing to do with love. Sounds like obsession to me. Believe me I have been there and done that!!

I totally agree with this. It's nice that he's making more positive choices in his life because of you, but it sounds like co-dependency on both your parts. A guy like he is cannot have a healthy relationship - he needs professional help.

 

As for you - have you had a boyfriend before for as long as this one? How were you in THAT relationship? Were you the same - argumentative? Or even in your family/friend relationships...do you pick fights and argue a lot? Or is this something that is exclusive to this boyfriend and may actually be your subconscious (healthy, in a sick way) attempts to sabotage things because you can tell this relationship is not doing good things for you?

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