i cheated...feel really guilty

[beverlyblack]

me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year now, he saved me when i was in a really low time in my life. i have no family whatsoever, just myself. we are really in love with each other and just got a new apartment and just came back from a vacation. he said he wants to show me the world.

 

he recently went away for two weeks for family business and i was heart broken when he left....i went to a party and ended up getting really really drunk and ended up cheating on him. i barely remember anything but woke up this morning and realized what had happened. i remember really really not wanting to do it but i guess it did. i dont even like the person.

 

ive been cheated on once and it is the worst thing you can tell someone. i cheated on on of my ex boyfried of three years and told him becuase i couldnt live with the guilt and it ruined it. it took me 2 years to get my life back together after that.

 

now it is finally back together and everything is perfect. i feel so stupid and guilty. i dont know what to do.

i have random breakdown moments and want to call him and tell him but i cant!!! i dont want to hurt him..i dont want to hurt myself. i love him to death. he comes back from his trip soon. i dont know what to do. its awful....im so lost. i know what i did and i know i dont deserve any sympathy. i tried to pray but i just cant. i feel so bad i did that, i cant believe i did. please help. please give me some advice.

[SoulSearch_CO]

It's pretty obvious that you have no clearly defined sense of self. You depend on other people to be that reflection of you. When that person is gone (like your BF on vacation), you all of a sudden feel empty and scramble to fill the void. I'd say this is the bigger issue at hand than the cheating. How can you provide a whole person in a relationship when you depend on the other person for your identity? I think it would be better for you to NOT be in a relationship right now. Then I'd recommend getting some counseling so you can get on the road to discovering yourself. It's not fair to put so much responsibility on the shoulders of the other person. It shouldn't be anybody's job to tell you who you are. And anybody in a relationship deserves a 100% return from the person they are with.

[boldjack]

Bev, You have been in two relationships and cheated on both, you deserve no sympathy at all. But you need some advice. What soulsearch said is a really good idea. You will never be able to have a good relationship until you have a handle on your self-esteem and self-identity issues.and you must do this yourself with the help of a trained counselor. BUT FIRST you must be absolutely honest with your BF, he deserves to know the truth about you. Then you should break it off. You don't really love him anyway, or you would not have cheated. You are not a good person right now, but if you are honest, you can be a good person in the future.

[Jambalaya]

Well if you don't tell him, that horrible stomach sinking feeling will hang around for as long as you two are together.

 

If you do tell him, you risk losing him.

 

But that's not your choice to make.

 

Most people who have been cheated on say that that would definitely rather know, than have it kept a secret. Simply so they can make their own decisions.

 

You don't want to hurt him. But you already have. He just doesn't know it yet.

 

Tell him, be honest. If he breaks up with you, then you have to accept the consequences of your actions. This is what happens when people cheat.

[Dexter Morgan]

now it is finally back together and everything is perfect. i feel so stupid and guilty. i dont know what to do.

i have random breakdown moments and want to call him and tell him but i cant!!! i dont want to hurt him..i dont want to hurt myself. i love him to death.

 

if you loved him, you wouldn't have cheated. And you are a repeat cheater...maybe you shouldn't be in a committed relationship for a LONG time and shouldn't have a boyfriend.

 

 

he comes back from his trip soon. i dont know what to do. its awful....im so lost. i know what i did and i know i dont deserve any sympathy. i tried to pray but i just cant. i feel so bad i did that, i cant believe i did. please help. please give me some advice.

 

If you don't tell him, then basically your X deserved the truth, but your current bf does not.

 

and if you don't tell him, which wouldn't surprise me a bit for you to take the easy way out and deny him the right to know....then maybe partying and drinking should be completely OVER for you. And drinking isn't an excuse. Drinking does nothing more than brings out the true character in a person. You would have wanted to cheat when sober, but being sober simply kept you from doing so.

 

So either tell him....or don't. If it is the latter...then no more partying. And if thats not acceptable...then just break up with him.