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Men and Women and Porn and Strip Clubs


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My girlfriend and I recently discussed this topic and I told her how I feel. I've noticed a lot of banter in threads regarding this issue, and I wanted to stir the pot and see how everyone feels.

 

I really don't see what the big deal is. It's just another activity that men can go out and engage in. I wouldn't care if my GF watched porn or went to male strip clubs without me, it would just be out with her girls having a good time.

 

I told my GF this, and that I also told her that I think strip clubs are too seedy an environment for me to ever go to one again, so I think stopped arguing her point once she realized I wouldn't go to one.

 

Any females care to give their side?

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MissConduct

Well at least you recognize you are just out to stir the pot. Why you would do that to your g/f is beyond me...? :rolleyes:

 

If you say this:

 

I really don't see what the big deal is. It's just another activity that men can go out and engage in.

but believe this:

I think strip clubs are too seedy an environment for me to ever go to one again,

then there is no point even arguing the topic with you. On the one hand you try to say it's fine and "just another activity" on the other you will not set foot again because you find it disgusting.

 

If you can see that is a gross environment and not worth going, then it should also not come to you as a surprise as to why women have a hang up with strip joints. To use your words:

 

because they are "too seedy an environment" and they don't see the point of their men being there. It's that simple. Surely you can understand that.

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Every man is different, so not every man would see a porn or strip club in this light.

Every woman is different, so that while many may see nothing harmful, many women see this as a threat to their confidence, in being able to provide their men with the sexual gratification they need.

 

if a man is in love with his partner, and is content and sexually fulfilled - why on earth would he want to go and watch semi-naked women cavorting around for money?

Many men may just excuse it as simply having an evening out with their freinds or colleagues, and there's no harm in it.

In this case, go to a movie, or go bowling.

That also is harmless fun..... but it will create less friction than a man looking at nearly naked women for the fun of it....

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Porn and strip clubs can be fun for a couple if you are both on the same page. This is something that I think should be sorted out early on...before any long-term commitments.

 

I enjoy porn, in limited amounts. I have three porn DVDs, none of which I purchased. A girl I used to date gave them to me - she was a porn aficionado. Probably much moreso than I am.

 

If a girl I'm dating is not into it, I'm not going to annoy her by having it around in front of her. But I'm not going to change my preferences for her, either, or let her judge me.

 

Porn, strip clubs, masturbation...all fun in moderation. Too much is unhealthy, especially without any ambition to find someone to enjoy actual sex with.

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MissConduct
That also is harmless fun..... but it will create less friction than a man looking at nearly naked women for the fun of it....

 

 

Not sure what part of the world you live in but where I live there is no such thing a "nearly naked" try completely naked and gyrating naked intimate parts on a man giving him lap dances all night long and even b/js and god know what else in the VIP room.

 

I'm sorry but there is no place for prostitution in a committed relationship, if a guy needs a guy's night out it doesn't have to be with prostitutes blowing his cash having naked body parts rubbed on him.

 

Porn is a different story, I don't see the problem with that so long as it is not an every day affair and it doesn't interfere in the relationship's sex life.

 

if a man is in love with his partner, and is content and sexually fulfilled - why on earth would he want to go and watch semi-naked women cavorting around for money?

 

Well that's easy, because men love variety. It doesn't matter if he is getting it all the time at home and is in love some guys want the variety of seeing someone new naked. Those types of men should not be in committed relationships with women who feel this intrudes on their relationship.

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Every woman is different, so that while many may see nothing harmful, many women see this as a threat to their confidence, in being able to provide their men with the sexual gratification they need.

 

Wow i couldnt believe a woman wrote this. This is how i see a woman and her aversion to porn/strip clubs in moderation also.

 

I think its their own insecurity that makes this to be an issue, unless its taking away from the relationship.

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Jersey Shortie

Porn and strip clubs are ways for men to cheat right infront of their partners.

 

Easy to be committed to one woman when you can supplement yourself with things like porn and strippers.

 

Strippers are especially shady. It invovles real women, a real situation that is meant to be sexual. There is no man that would like his partner putting herself in a sexual situation with a bunch of other men. Women aren't turned on by male reviews in the same way men are obviously turned on by female strippers. Women don't go to the same extent men go. So I think it's really easy for guys to say.."oh yeah, I'm good with her going". It's not intrinsic to a woman's nature to be turned on by male strippers because women don't evalute men in the same way men evaluate women. Now ask a man if he would be okay with his woman stripping? He will say no. Even though he will go to a strip club while in a relationship and not think he or the stripper are doing anything wrong. He won't like the idea of his woman being observed in more of a manner that is more true to a female nature.

 

Porn and strip clubs can be fun for a couple if you are both on the same page.

 

Which strip clubs? Usually when men say strip clubs can be fun they mean female strip clubs, not male ones. Men want their women to go with them to female ones but are less willing to provide the same in return. How many men would have a fun night going to a male review, watching his SO oggle the other men and get turned on by them?

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But why would it create friction?

 

If a woman truly trusted me 100%, why would it matter that I went to a strip club to enjoy an evening with my friends? If she knows I'm not going to cheat, what's the problem? I wouldn't have any problem if the reverse were true.

 

And of course it's still worth arguing even though I find them seedy. Yes I'm playing devils advocate, but if I thought bowling alleys were seedy I wouldn't go to bowling alleys.

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Trialbyfire

If people disapprove of certain activities, the easiest way to avoid conflict is to avoid men who enjoy these activities. Find a partner who shares your morality.

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Now this has nothing to do with B/J's behind the bar or in the VIP room. Prostitution is a whole other ball game, and for obvious reasons shouldn't be included in this discussion.

 

Porn and strip clubs are ways for men to cheat right infront of their partners.

 

Easy to be committed to one woman when you can supplement yourself with things like porn and strippers.

 

Strippers are especially shady. It invovles real women, a real situation that is meant to be sexual. There is no man that would like his partner putting herself in a sexual situation with a bunch of other men. Women aren't turned on by male reviews in the same way men are obviously turned on by female strippers. Women don't go to the same extent men go. So I think it's really easy for guys to say.."oh yeah, I'm good with her going". It's not intrinsic to a woman's nature to be turned on by male strippers because women don't evalute men in the same way men evaluate women. Now ask a man if he would be okay with his woman stripping? He will say no. Even though he will go to a strip club while in a relationship and not think he or the stripper are doing anything wrong. He won't like the idea of his woman being observed in more of a manner that is more true to a female nature.

 

 

 

Which strip clubs? Usually when men say strip clubs can be fun they mean female strip clubs, not male ones. Men want their women to go with them to female ones but are less willing to provide the same in return. How many men would have a fun night going to a male review, watching his SO oggle the other men and get turned on by them?

 

How is going to a strip club cheating "right in front of their partners?" What do you mean by supplement? When you speak about in those terms it's like you think men are this sexual vacuum that needs to get a daily amount of sexual gratification/stimulation in order to maintain a healthy, monogomous relationship.

 

And to be honest, it wouldn't bother me one bit to see my GF stripping in front of a crowd. It would actually be a turn on, which is why I have trouble seeing the female opinion on this matter.

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MissConduct
If a woman truly trusted me 100%, why would it matter that I went to a strip club to enjoy an evening with my friends? If she knows I'm not going to cheat, what's the problem? I wouldn't have any problem if the reverse were true.

 

 

Would you want your woman hanging out a bathhouse?

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Jersey Shortie
But why would it create friction?

 

If a woman truly trusted me 100%, why would it matter that I went to a strip club to enjoy an evening with my friends? If she knows I'm not going to cheat, what's the problem? I wouldn't have any problem if the reverse were true.

 

And of course it's still worth arguing even though I find them seedy. Yes I'm playing devils advocate, but if I thought bowling alleys were seedy I wouldn't go to bowling alle

 

For me, and I suspect alot of women that don't approve of it, it's a matter of respect. Not a matter of trust.

 

Are you unable to enjoy a night out with your friends at less obviously sexual places?

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Porn and strip clubs are ways for men to cheat right infront of their partners.

 

Easy to be committed to one woman when you can supplement yourself with things like porn and strippers.

 

Strippers are especially shady. It invovles real women, a real situation that is meant to be sexual. There is no man that would like his partner putting herself in a sexual situation with a bunch of other men. Women aren't turned on by male reviews in the same way men are obviously turned on by female strippers. Women don't go to the same extent men go. So I think it's really easy for guys to say.."oh yeah, I'm good with her going".

 

I kind of agree with that, but at the same time it wouldn't worry me if a guy I were with went to a strip club. Just as I'm not worried if a man I'm out with looks at a scantily clad woman. It's just sexual attraction, and fairly meaningless really unless they actively cheat with them. I don't class looking as cheating.

 

What I'd worry about is if a guy I were with formed some kind of emotional bond with one of the strippers. I think some regulars to those places do get embroiled in that kind of thing. That's when I'd start wondering if there was something seriously lacking in the relationship. I guess I'd also think "uh-oh, here's someone who's likely to bring waifs, strays plus all their drama and issues into my life."

 

If they can go along and just enjoy it for what it is without behaving like either abusive thugs or earnest rescuers to the girls (or going into some kind of VIP room and having sex with them) then I don't think it's anything to get stressed out about.

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Would you want your woman hanging out a bathhouse?

 

I don't know what a bath house is, so I guess I wouldn't mind.

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For me, and I suspect alot of women that don't approve of it, it's a matter of respect. Not a matter of trust.

 

Are you unable to enjoy a night out with your friends at less obviously sexual places?

 

Why does it matter that it is a sexual place? Why does him going to a strip club constitute a lack of respect? Of course I can enjoy a night out at a place other than a strip club, but why do some women have such a deep level of hatred for them?

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Jake Barnes
I don't know what a bath house is, so I guess I wouldn't mind.

Its a place where you go wearing a toga and you sit in a hot steaming bath of fresh spring water and have your slave apply frankincense ointment on your body while you talk sentimentally about the days of the republic

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MissConduct
Its a place where you go wearing a toga and you sit in a hot steaming bath of fresh spring water and have your slave apply frankincense ointment on your body while you talk sentimentally about the days of the republic

 

 

Ahh yeah ok...:laugh:

 

A bathhouse is a labyrinth of steam rooms where gay men frequent wearing nothing but towels, and they usually go to these places after a night of partying to "hook" up sexually with other gay men. It is sort of like a spa for swinging drugged up gay men.

 

Imagine if they allowed women to go and watch would you want your g/f hanging out there on a Sunday morning as a spectator?

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Which strip clubs? Usually when men say strip clubs can be fun they mean female strip clubs, not male ones. Men want their women to go with them to female ones but are less willing to provide the same in return. How many men would have a fun night going to a male review, watching his SO oggle the other men and get turned on by them?

 

To answer your last question, not many. That doesn't mean that a couple can't be in agreement about strip clubs (and porn) being allowed. If you would not do that, that's your prerogative, but a lot couples not only allow their mates to go to strip clubs (or accompany them), but go to S&M clubs, happy ending massage parlors, and swingers clubs together, and are able to have perfectly functioning, healthy relationships because they have discussed the parameters involved. In that regard, it is not "cheating," because nobody is hiding anything.

 

The way in which strippers are enjoyed play to the male or female fantasy. Men enjoy the base chauvinism of a woman writhing over him while he drinks a beer. A woman is more likely to enjoy something fantasy-based: A man dressed up as a cop, a businessman, or a construction worker doing a dance and eventually stripping. The men who just dance without a real character on stage will make far less tip money than the men who engage women in a little fantasy. And I don't buy that women don't enjoy it as much as men do, even if they enjoy it differently.

 

That said, some women are fascinated with female strippers. An ex of mine loved strip clubs (with female strippers) and lap dances and the like. She also was the one who loved porn. It didn't bother me in the least that she would talk about how big some porn star's cock was (since there's no arguing it). She enjoyed it as entertainment as a something for us to enjoy together, and I was okay with it, so whether that bothers somebody else was not my problem. I certainly didn't consider it cheating.

 

Another girl I dated never watched porn. It wasn't her thing. She wasn't against me watching it. But you know what? I kept that part of my life away from her when she was around, out of respect and the fact that she really didn't care. (Though she did enjoy the naked pictures WE took together.)

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mr.dream merchant
To answer your last question, not many. That doesn't mean that a couple can't be in agreement about strip clubs (and porn) being allowed. If you would not do that, that's your prerogative, but a lot couples not only allow their mates to go to strip clubs (or accompany them), but go to S&M clubs, happy ending massage parlors, and swingers clubs together, and are able to have perfectly functioning, healthy relationships because they have discussed the parameters involved. In that regard, it is not "cheating," because nobody is hiding anything.

 

The way in which strippers are enjoyed play to the male or female fantasy. Men enjoy the base chauvinism of a woman writhing over him while he drinks a beer. A woman is more likely to enjoy something fantasy-based: A man dressed up as a cop, a businessman, or a construction worker doing a dance and eventually stripping. The men who just dance without a real character on stage will make far less tip money than the men who engage women in a little fantasy. And I don't buy that women don't enjoy it as much as men do, even if they enjoy it differently.

 

That said, some women are fascinated with female strippers. An ex of mine loved strip clubs (with female strippers) and lap dances and the like. She also was the one who loved porn. It didn't bother me in the least that she would talk about how big some porn star's cock was (since there's no arguing it). She enjoyed it as entertainment as a something for us to enjoy together, and I was okay with it, so whether that bothers somebody else was not my problem. I certainly didn't consider it cheating.

 

Another girl I dated never watched porn. It wasn't her thing. She wasn't against me watching it. But you know what? I kept that part of my life away from her when she was around, out of respect and the fact that she really didn't care. (Though she did enjoy the naked pictures WE took together.)

 

This post is awesome. Took the words right out of my 50 future posts. My GF hates porn and strip clubs. But she even said herself she would love to engage in both of those with me. So even though she hates it, she'd have fun watching porn with me, or going to the strip club with me, both of which I would have no problem with.

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CandyGirlXO

I just had this convo the other day with my BF and we did not agree.

 

Here is where I stand.

 

Porn I don't care, no big deal.

 

Strip clubs, I don't care either, go. BUT I do not think lapdances are acceptable. I see them as cheating.

 

Anyone agree? How is a almost naked girl grinding on your sh!+ not cheating?

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Porn and strip clubs are ways for men to cheat right infront of their partners.

 

That assumes you presume looking=cheating.

 

Strippers are especially shady. It invovles real women, a real situation that is meant to be sexual.

 

So what? My woman enjoys strip bars more than I do. In fact, I get off more on her enjoyment more than on what I see on stage. Does that mean she doesn't love me?

 

There is no man that would like his partner putting herself in a sexual situation with a bunch of other men.

 

Wrong. I have no problem with that whatsoever. In fact, I've watched her enjoy multiple men and probably enjoyed it more than she did.

 

Now ask a man if he would be okay with his woman stripping? He will say no.

 

Wrong again. She's done it, with my encouragement and endorsement. It's f-ing hot!

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zilverenvlinder

When I'm not with my boyfriend, I watch porn. I love it.

 

And I expect he does the same when he's not with me. :)

 

Men like going to strip clubs. They are visual creatures. They like boobs. Who cares? It's not like they're going to a whorehouse, or worse...a sorority party and feeling up drunk chicks.

 

I would MUCH rather my man went to a strip club with his friends than a whore-infested college party...

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Anyone agree? How is a almost naked girl grinding on your sh!+ not cheating?

 

Really, what matters is whether your boyfriend agrees.

 

This is what I was talking about...different couples can draw the line at different places. For one person to cast aspersions on what another couple deems acceptable is folly. (I'm not saying you are doing this, Candy.)

 

If a man and a woman agree that lap dances are allowed, then it is not cheating. If they disagree, one person will have to make a sacrifice - or they might just be incompatible. These are the kinds of things people should iron out before making any long-term commitments; they fall under the sexual compatibility umbrella, in my opinion. Personally, I don't believe in compromising very much in this area, because we are talking about long-term happiness and fulfillment.

 

If a woman I was dating told me she wanted to enact a cuckold fantasy, in which another man banged her while I watched, well, if it was what SHE truly wanted I'd have to consider it. Would I do it? Doubtful. But I'd also reconsider whether we were compatible in the long term, because I wouldn't want MY values to be a source of deprivation for her fantasies. If I agreed to it, and we allowed another man into the action, well - that is NOT cheating because it has been approved by both parties.

 

That's an extreme example, but there are plenty of healthy couples out there who share similar fantasies, enact them, and are fulfilled. It's when one person feels he/she needs to be ashamed of his/her preferences that the sneaking around and resentment begin. Therefore, before casting aspersions, think about why your partner might find enjoyment in these things...and what things have YOU been sheepish about sharing? If you at least try to understand someone's enjoyment of porn or strippers instead of automatically labeling it "cheating," you're making a mistake, in my opinion.

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If you at least try to understand someone's enjoyment of porn or strippers instead of automatically labeling it "cheating," you're making a mistake, in my opinion.

 

Correction: If you automatically label it "cheating" without trying to understand it, you're making a mistake. Eh, you know what I mean.

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Jersey Shortie

How is going to a strip club cheating "right in front of their partners?" What do you mean by supplement?

 

Obviously a guy is getting something out of going to see strippers or looking at pornography. Something he can't get from his partner I am guessing. Otherwise he wouldn't seek these sexual items out from other women. A thrill, something he considers a sexual enhancement to his life even though he has a committed parter at home. He is seeking some type of gratification from other women. It's become the 21st century rules to cheating right infront of your partner. Unfortunetly, alot of women just accept it and men take full advantage running right over their girlfriends/wives for themselves.

 

Men say they don't mind that their women go to male reviews. But how many women honestly go to male reviews and are physically turned on by it compared to how many men go to female strip joints and are turned on by it? Most women aren't turned on by gay men gyrating around in a g-string. It's ludicris, funny, and not a threat. most men do get turned on by naked women gyrating down. A much bigger threat. Oh but somehow you are "insecure" if it makes you upset that your man is activly seeking out other women to enjoy a sexual thrill from. That's nothing more then a shaming game. Of course a woman is going to question her mate if he isn't displaying enough self control to not go in the first place. Seriously, men argue that they have "self control" when they go. I think real self control would not be going at all. Not going, putting yourself in a sexual situation with other women and only then saying what a good boy you are. That's bs.

 

 

When you speak about in those terms it's like you think men are this sexual vacuum that needs to get a daily amount of sexual gratification/stimulation in order to maintain a healthy, monogomous relationship.

 

Honestly, it does seem that way. And I even hate to think it but do you know man y times as a woman I have heard guys justify sexual behavior of theirs because they are a *man*. With the amount of porn that men consume and use with in the relationship, and seeking out strip clubs to enjoy themselves with, oggling other women out and about even if they are with their girl or not, do you really blame a woman for thinking that men do seem liek sexual vacuums that don't deny themselves very much and exploit what they can for short term gratification? It sure does seem like men need a daily amount of sexual gratification/stimulation from outside sources to maintain a relationship with one woman. How healthy that is is questionable. We aren't exactly a healthy nation if you think about it.

 

And to be honest, it wouldn't bother me one bit to see my GF stripping in front of a crowd. It would actually be a turn on, which is why I have trouble seeing the female opinion on this matter.

 

That's cool but most men would hate it. Yet feel they are justified in going to watch other women and don't think the stripper or him are doing anything wrong. If he isn't, his girlfriend if she wanted to strip couldn't be doing anything wrong either.

 

Why does it matter that it is a sexual place? Why does him going to a strip club constitute a lack of respect? Of course I can enjoy a night out at a place other than a strip club, but why do some women have such a deep level of hatred for them?

 

I personally don't think men would like their partner going off without him and putting herself in a sexual place. It's a matter of respecting your own relationship. It has nothing to do with having a deep level of hatred. We judge our guy by his actions. This is very simple to understand. His actions of going to a strip club, regardless of an excuse that he is just doing it for his friends, is going to be read for what it is. He is choosing a night out with strippers over the relationship. He wants a sexual thrill from other women. Sure, he also wants to hang out with his friends but if they choose this place to do it, it's more then just that. You can hang out with yuor friends anywhere. And if a guy uses his friends as an excuse, he comes off weak.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

To answer your last question, not many.

 

That's right. Not many would. Funny how more giving women can be in trying to please their man and funny how it's not quite recipocated by men. Men seem to think anything sexual is good as long as it's on his terms. He might suggest she come with him to the strip joint, wanting to enjoy her and the stripper at the same time but most men would never in a million years go with their parter to a male review and let her enjoy those men and him at the same time. Yet wome are expected to ? Or thought to be "insecure" if we don't? It's a joke.

 

That doesn't mean that a couple can't be in agreement about strip clubs (and porn) being allowed. If you would not do that, that's your prerogative, but a lot couples not only allow their mates to go to strip clubs (or accompany them), but go to S&M clubs, happy ending massage parlors, and swingers clubs together, and are able to have perfectly functioning, healthy relationships because they have discussed the parameters involved. In that regard, it is not "cheating," because nobody is hiding anything.

 

I think you are refering to the very small minority here. And I am unsure what your idea is of a healthy relationship but I think we might disagree on that . Allowing the listed above sexual acitivities in a relationship doesn't mean the relationship is healthy. I bet those things are fun at first but in most cases eventually deteroiate the relationship. How many times have you heard about a couple doing a threesome, being all into it, but afterwards things turn to crap? More often then not, has been my thought.

 

 

 

Men enjoy the base chauvinism of a woman writhing over him while he drinks a beer. A woman is more likely to enjoy something fantasy-based: A man dressed up as a cop, a businessman, or a construction worker doing a dance and eventually stripping.

 

I think we understand why men like strippers. Is that reason enough to justify why something is okay to do? I like when men buy me drinks, doesn't mean i should try to get that when I am in a relationship. And even if a man is dressed up like a cop, it still doesn't turn most women on like it turns men on to see a woman. Because women's sexuality is different. That's why men are okay with the reverse. Women are more turned on by being looked at and admired then looking and admiring men. How many men would be oka ywith a woman seeking out attention from other men even if they weren't touching her with hardly any clothes on?

 

 

The men who just dance without a real character on stage will make far less tip money than the men who engage women in a little fantasy. And I don't buy that women don't enjoy it as much as men do, even if they enjoy it differently.

 

Then please start a thread asking women what they think of male strippers. I can gaurentee you most women aren't turned on by it. Neither do most women seek to go like men do. We could bet on it . :) Make it interesting.

 

That said, some women are fascinated with female strippers. An ex of mine loved strip clubs (with female strippers) and lap dances and the like. She also was the one who loved porn. It didn't bother me in the least that she would talk about how big some porn star's cock was (since there's no arguing it).

 

Of course it didn't bother you. There wasn't another penis in the picture. It fed into probably one of your fantasies about more women for you to enjoy. Of course most guys are okay with his woman enjoying other female strippers. It takes the natural competition out of it.

 

Do you think she was masturbating thinking about these big cocks instead of yours?

 

 

Another girl I dated never watched porn. It wasn't her thing. She wasn't against me watching it. But you know what? I kept that part of my life away from her when she was around, out of respect and the fact that she really didn't care. (Though she did enjoy the naked pictures WE took together.)

 

Well, men don't seem to be able to live without porn now-a-days. Kind of sad but true. Women matter very little to their men in the grand scheme of it.

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This post is awesome. Took the words right out of my 50 future posts. My GF hates porn and strip clubs. But she even said herself she would love to engage in both of those with me. So even though she hates it, she'd have fun watching porn with me, or going to the strip club with me, both of which I would have no problem with
.

 

:lmao: And yet in another thread you were talking about how good it made you feel when she said she wanted to work in a different department where there weren't any men. Oh the irony. You liked and wanted her to take herself out of a situation with other men but you encourage yourself to put yourself in situations with other women. Hypocritcal much.

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