LoveLace Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 An online guy looked pretty cute and interesting; lots of common interests and claims to seek a relationship. Then he asks me to IM him, and after exchanging a few more pics and very small chat, I got a phone call...came back and apologized for having him wait...then he says he was about to start playing with himself. I suggested not to say something like that in the 1st 5 minutes of meeting a woman, then he just said why not? and made a joke that at least he waited 10 minutes, ha-ha. I just closed out of messenger...am I overreacting or is that just inappropriate? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 Inappropriate? From your perspective, it appears so. I'd go with that The corollary might beg, would a gentleman garner your attention any longer? Something to think about... I'd move on. If he had apologized, what would you have done? Link to post Share on other sites
EllieBean Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 No, you are not overreacting. What he said was totally inappropriate, and does not give me any hope of him being a decent person. My advice would be to cut contact before you get in any deeper. It kind of reminds me of a guy I really liked, who was intelligent and interesting... until he told me a story about this girl who let him feel her breasts, and that made her a slut so he didn't want to date her. To me that indicated he was chauvinistic and didn't see men and women as equal (he thought she was a slut for letting him feel her, yet he didn't think there was anything wrong with him for having done it!) I made my excuses and never spoke to him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Katherineos123 Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 I would have had the exact same reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 Unless you met him on Adult Friend Finder, I'd say your reaction was totally appropriate. Honestly, sometimes I wonder how some people make it through life. I recommend you not use online dating, partly for reasons like this. You can tell much better if a guy is a creep if you meet him in person (though a few pathological weirdos slip through the cracks). Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 Crude...... Link to post Share on other sites
confused_2008 Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 I hear stories like this and honestly wonder what's going through people's heads at the second they say these things. How can you make a comment like that during an initial conversation and not expect to send someone running for the hills? Imagine what will come out of his mouth when he's comfortable with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted April 7, 2009 Author Share Posted April 7, 2009 I"m glad you most agree. If he were to say sorry, I'd still feel weird about it. But he made a joke instead of saying sorry which it's even a bigger turn-off. So yea don't plan to talk with him again. And it was not one of the websites that people use for strictly sex; just online dating site. But yes I wonder, what possibly makes a person think this is not bad manners? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted April 7, 2009 Author Share Posted April 7, 2009 It is sooo disappointing when a person appears to be together, attractive and fun, then they open their mouth and crap comes out. Link to post Share on other sites
missmich Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 Not all the guys on the dating sites act that way though. I'm always clear that I'm not into phone/cyber sex or any real sex right away and that I want to be friends or date if we do meet and maybe that will lead into a relationship. Some men try the dirty talk anyway though and I just delete them from my MSN or whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
grogster Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 The guy should be on AFF, and not a traditional dating site. The early interaction (when first impressions are critical) demonstrated both his lack of judgment and rudeness. You did the right thing in terminating the IM. Link to post Share on other sites
EYECANDY000 Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 It sounds like he was just on there for sexual purposes. If he really wanted to get to know you then he wouldnt have made that inappropriate comment. So , No you did not overact. Link to post Share on other sites
DarkestDreams Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 I suggested not to say something like that in the 1st 5 minutes of meeting a woman, then he just said why not? and made a joke that at least he waited 10 minutes, ha-ha. I just closed out of messenger...am I overreacting or is that just inappropriate? Honestly, I would have closed the window as soon as he mentioned playing with himself and not even bother typing what he should or shouldn't say to a woman in the first 5 minutes. Let him learn the hard way. When it comes to first interactions in online dating, I think everyone has the red flag radar turned on. Making unwarranted sexual comments so early is such a stupid mistake...and yet, some never figure it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Zorie Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 Sounds like he was just testing you to see if you wanted to "play" and then made a joke about it when he realized you may not play along with him. Still totally unappropriate IMO! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted April 7, 2009 Author Share Posted April 7, 2009 The guy should be on AFF, and not a traditional dating site. The early interaction (when first impressions are critical) demonstrated both his lack of judgment and rudeness. You did the right thing in terminating the IM. My thoughts exactly. And even if you are on a site like AFF, I'd still see it as disrespectful, there are just more mature ways to get a sex talk going.. Link to post Share on other sites
grogster Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 My thoughts exactly. And even if you are on a site like AFF, I'd still see it as disrespectful, there are just more mature ways to get a sex talk going.. You're absolutely right. AFF may be mostly about sex, but that doesn't mean that you treat potential partners disrespectfully and rudely. Even for a sex site, the behavior would be out of bounds. Link to post Share on other sites
voldigicam Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 I would think there's something wrong with that kind of individual. My wife has had lots of guys pop up with inappropriate statements on IM. It's a bit weird. Oddly, I've had a number of women become quite inappropriate with me. Have to wonder if he really does that, or if this is just socially awkward behavior. From someone who doesn't talk with girls well. On the other side of the equation, quite reasonable and well spoken IM friends often get around to sexual topics. However, mentioning what one is doing to oneself is quite inappropriate unless the chat has clearly and unambiguously gone that way. Personally, I find staring at text to be an intellectual activity, not a sexually exciting one. Although I have gotten hot in discussion with one particular friend. She has that magic streak of naughtiness - but we're good friends. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 You did the right thing he was being crude how ever its not just men who are guilty of this I'm not shocked by it. I just recently joined a supposed networking site and the women are just as trashy if not worse then some of the guys. Not saying you are like that Lovelace but I think women like that ruin it for the rest of us girls just looking for a nice guy... Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 In my experience with meeting and talking to A LOT of people online (and I'm talking more than just dating boards...forums, chat rooms, Yahoo, etc), it's definitely a bad sign when he does what he did. No, you're not over-reacting - I would do the same thing! Total trash. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted April 8, 2009 Author Share Posted April 8, 2009 I would think there's something wrong with that kind of individual. My wife has had lots of guys pop up with inappropriate statements on IM. It's a bit weird. Oddly, I've had a number of women become quite inappropriate with me. Have to wonder if he really does that, or if this is just socially awkward behavior. From someone who doesn't talk with girls well. On the other side of the equation, quite reasonable and well spoken IM friends often get around to sexual topics. However, mentioning what one is doing to oneself is quite inappropriate unless the chat has clearly and unambiguously gone that way. Yes it hadn't gone that way at all, but clearly he wanted it too...it's like what did he think I would do? laugh? Say, "oh yea baby?"....seriously! It's like come on, if you wouldn't say it on a 1st date, don't say it on the 1st chat either, morans! Link to post Share on other sites
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