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my boyfriend got his ex girlfriend PREGNANT


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My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost a year, and just yesterday I found out through his EX-GF that he gotten his EX-EX-GF pregnand before. After she gotten an abortion, he and her broke up (she did the deed) and then after he was with his exgirlfriend she came back and started wanting him back. He didn't want her back, treated her like a stalker and was extremely mean to her. After his exgirlfriend discovered this she freaked out and made him propose marriage to her to which he responded by getting her a ring and getting engaged to her!

I discovered all of this information from his exgirlfriend's message, and was so hurt and shocked I cried for hours on...

I was hurt mainly because he has thought about proposing to mee, and spilled this secret to me by accident on my birthday (a whole other story...). But when I asked him if he had ever gotten engaged before he said no, and lied to my face about it. Also, at another time, I asked him if he had ever gotten a girl pregnand, he said no as well which was also a lie.

I really love him, and i do not know what to do...

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SoulSearch_CO

I'd say the biggest issue here is why are you believing your BF's ex over your BF? If my BF's ex came to me with all kinds of wild claims, I would take it up with my BF and ask him to be honest with me - give his side of the story. Of course, there are always 3 versions - his, hers, and the truth. I'd be most concerned in this whole mess that you distrust your BF so much. There must be a reason for that.

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SoulSearch_CO

Hrm. You know, I read your other post about being obsessed with your BF's ex. Seeing the amount of drama that has been brought into your life from dating your BF, why the hell are you still with him? To be with a man for a year and not be able to trust a word that comes out of his mouth is cause for concern.

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Chrome Barracuda
I'd say the biggest issue here is why are you believing your BF's ex over your BF? If my BF's ex came to me with all kinds of wild claims, I would take it up with my BF and ask him to be honest with me - give his side of the story. Of course, there are always 3 versions - his, hers, and the truth. I'd be most concerned in this whole mess that you distrust your BF so much. There must be a reason for that.

 

Just a sidenote - it's called PREGNANT.

 

LOL because he'll lie!!!!!! come to him and he'll tell. no he wont. he wants to keep both women for as long as possible!!!'

 

just dump him already, have some self respect for yourself and leave him, for yourself.

 

He's with you and getting someone else pregnant? WTF and your there because of what? Find concrete proof because you know if he's guilty he' wont be honest let's be real about that.

 

Good luck to you.

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Island Girl
After his exgirlfriend discovered this she freaked out and made him propose marriage to her to which he responded by getting her a ring and getting engaged to her!

 

You can't make someone propose to you.

You can't make someone buy a ring and get engaged.

 

She did not have a gun to his head.

 

He may have been pressured by her but he easily could have said no and not done it.

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How old are you two? He doesn't sound very mature, and not very responsible either.

 

And it's pregnanT with a T.

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SoulSearch_CO
He's with you and getting someone else pregnant? WTF and your there because of what? Find concrete proof because you know if he's guilty he' wont be honest let's be real about that.

 

Good luck to you.

The story's hard to follow, but it appears to me that he was with the first girl, got her pregnant, she got an abortion and then dumped him. Then he got with girl #2 and while he was with her, girl #1 was harassing him to get back with her. This scared girl #2 and she forced an engagement out of him. They ended up breaking it off and now he's with girl #3 - the OP.

 

I'm not saying the guy won't lie - but why is she believing what his ex says without talking to him? How would you feel if your GF believed some half-cocked stories one of your ex's came up with?

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Chrome Barracuda
The story's hard to follow, but it appears to me that he was with the first girl, got her pregnant, she got an abortion and then dumped him. Then he got with girl #2 and while he was with her, girl #1 was harassing him to get back with her. This scared girl #2 and she forced an engagement out of him. They ended up breaking it off and now he's with girl #3 - the OP.

 

I'm not saying the guy won't lie - but why is she believing what his ex says without talking to him? How would you feel if your GF believed some half-cocked stories one of your ex's came up with?

 

I wouldnt like it and i hoped to believe she'll trust me, but this guys track record screams to me if what you said is true is that he cannot make a rational deceision and is constantly flip-flopping why would any woman be with a man who is threatened by his ex from a past relationship that has no ties with him? He's an idiot because he fell for it and cowered to the ex's demands. I could see if she used a child as a pawn against him but there's no child so why cant he make up his mind, steer clear of the drama and do right by his woman? why all the drama? As a man he needs to man up and put an end to it!

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Hi SoulSearch_CO! Thanks so much for replying!

and yesss I posted this story up here under so much emotional stress I didn't even realize it was so confusing for others to read... but you got the story line right! And I DID confront him about it, and he admited to EVERYTHING... which is why I am so upset right now over it.

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Citizen Erased

wtf kind of guy are you dating if you even think to ask him if he got someone pregnant before? Seems odd to me...

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SoulSearch_CO
Hi SoulSearch_CO! Thanks so much for replying!

and yesss I posted this story up here under so much emotional stress I didn't even realize it was so confusing for others to read... but you got the story line right! And I DID confront him about it, and he admited to EVERYTHING... which is why I am so upset right now over it.

Yikes. He sounds like real quality. TOO MUCH DRAMA. Besides the fact that he lied to you to begin with. I think it's time to move out and move on. He's a loser.

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xpaperxcutx

His history spells RED FLAG.

 

I can't imagine being with a person as irresponsible and deceitful as him. How he treats other girls can be easily be reflected in how he would treat you in the present or the near future.

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Hi SoulSearch_CO! Thanks so much for replying!

and yesss I posted this story up here under so much emotional stress I didn't even realize it was so confusing for others to read... but you got the story line right! And I DID confront him about it, and he admited to EVERYTHING... which is why I am so upset right now over it.

 

OK I don't quite get why you are so amazingly upset that he has gotten someone pregnant before, and that they had an abortion. That isn't quite the thing that people have printed on t-shirts and wear to the gym, you know? Judging from your reaction NOW, I can see why he wasn't comfortable to tell you something that could be an intensely personal and unhappy memory to him; if he knew you would freak, then maybe he felt it was best to withhold HIS personal past about the pregnancy from you.

 

Yes, he lied - but damn skippy I will lie sometimes. There are things in my past that I am not entirely proud of, and I don't go sharing them with everyone, even if they ask. You have not even been dating a year, but you expect to know all of his darkest and deepest secrets?

 

You know, he isn't the only guy in the world to get someone pregnant; everyone has a past of some sort.

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SoulSearch_CO
You have not even been dating a year, but you expect to know all of his darkest and deepest secrets?

Hellz, yeah. I'm one of the least judgmental people when it comes to people's pasts. But I expect to know what kind of person I'm in relationship with before I waste a bunch of time with him. If my BF dropped a bombshell on me at one year of dating, I'd feel trapped! Even if I wouldn't have had a problem with his past, I'd feel angry that he felt deception was the path to take to keep me around.

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Chicago_Guy
How old are you two? He doesn't sound very mature, and not very responsible either.

 

And it's pregnanT with a T.

 

I agree. That guy is irresponsible and a liar. The OP should dump him, because I guarantee he has or will continue to lie to the OP about things. It's obviously in his nature to lie.

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Hellz, yeah. I'm one of the least judgmental people when it comes to people's pasts. But I expect to know what kind of person I'm in relationship with before I waste a bunch of time with him. If my BF dropped a bombshell on me at one year of dating, I'd feel trapped! Even if I wouldn't have had a problem with his past, I'd feel angry that he felt deception was the path to take to keep me around.

 

We can agree to disagree on this one.

 

I can tell what sort of person I am in a relationship with after a year, even though I may not know all of his secrets. If he is kind, if he is intelligent, if he is tolerant; the fact that he got a past girlfriend pregnant and they aborted wouldnt' change his basic personality. That just isn't the sort of issue that people broadcast.

 

I don't see a past abortion as a bombshell; it's something that has happened to an extraordinarily large number of people.

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Hi Lucky_One thanks for replying... and theres quite a few reasons why I am upset. For one, he lied to me, he could've sat mee down and talked to me about this seriously. Instead I had to find out through such a harsh way. Two, I have asked him if he had ever gotten a girl pregnant before, and had ever gotten engaged in the past he said no but I later found out he was engaged to BOTH his exes. Three, he tells mee he loves mee, he tells mee I'm not like the others, but history often repeats itself as women we all like to believe we're the exception and he'll change because of us but I am scared out of my mind of the same treatment that he had disclosed on both his exes. All the above had now broken my trust in him, if he hid all this from mee what else is he hiding as I found out about all these one after another like bombs when he had promised mee there isn't more? Yes yes I do UNDERSTAND his pain, I want to just leave it in the past and be there for HIM like any mature together person would do but these couple of days I could not even look at him without thinking about how they killed an innocent baby together and how he proposed to her and was thrilled about the arrival of the baby and he had all that with another women when I had thought all along I'd have that honour with him for our first child marriage... etc as he had wanted mee to think...

YES he lied, theres always a motive behind everything, just because he lied to mee to protect mee from getting hurt, and he lied to mee because he loved mee and wants to keep mee, my dilemma is: does that make it okay?

And no, I have NEVER lied. Never. We have a very strong connection between each other and I have told him all the events that happened in my past. Some of them too embarrasing for mee to even tell my closest of friends but I have told him, and he made mee believe so strongly he had done the same.

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Since you have asked, I think giving you guys a bio of us both would help since everyone reacts differently in diff situations :

HIM:

-Portuguese

-23 years old

-Engineering student

 

MEE:

-Chinese

-20 years old

-Sociology student

 

HIS EX:

-Chinese

-20 years old

-Life Science student

 

HIS EX EX:

-29 years old, while they were dating he was 19 and she was 25

-Engineering student

-Chinese

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Dear evampr18:

No, I am not believing his exes over him anyone would be smarter than that!

I confronted him about what they said to mee and he ADMITTED to everything.

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"these couple of days I could not even look at him without thinking about how they killed an innocent baby together"

 

And you wonder why he didn't tell you?

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well I guess my question for you is just:

"is it okay for him to lie to mee in order to protect mee, in other words deceive mee into keeping on seeing him when the truth would've damaged our bond or even broken us up."

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You have not even been dating a year, but you expect to know all of his darkest and deepest secrets?

A year is a LONGGG time. Yes I don't expect someone to tell mee about these sortof things on a first second third date but after being asked many times it's not okay for him to lie to my face about it just so our relationship would drag on smoothly. They say "what you don't know can't hurt you" but when the truth is this devastating when revealed through all the wrong ways and wrong resources its not alright

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Lying isn't a right or a good thing to do.

 

But when there are strong personal feelings about an intensely private matter that happened years ago, then yes, I can see lying about something in order to protect a person or to protect a relationship that is unstable enough that the revelation may end it.

 

You have to remember - these engagements and this pregnancy/abortion just didn't happen to him. There were other women involved in them, and those women may very well want their privacy. Who is he to go telling other people (who may tell the entire Internet) about this woman's secret abortion?

 

Granted, you found out about this from one XGF. So somehow, somewhere, someone talked or someone snooped and found out.

 

But had you left the obsession with his XGF alone, none of this would have happened. Keep your focus on YOUR relationship and on YOUR life, instead of on the past or on other people's actions.

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Obviously, this abortion is a deal breaker for you. If you have asked him if he has ever gotten a woman pregnant repeatedly over a year, then it matters to you immensely. He did. They aborted. End of story. If you can't accept what he and another woman did in the past that had NOTHING to do with you, then this is not the relationship for you.

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