When women ignore you at social events

[Bells]

I was wondering, I hang out with a circle of friends and sometimes they invite their friends to these get togethers. Be it dinner or movies as a group.

 

Well, I was seated next to these two rather attractive women and while we were all waiting for dinner....I introduced myself, the girl next to me was cordial, but had no real interest in conversing, even the married friend of mine was talkign to her, and he later told me "Man, what's she afraid of, I'm married, lol"

 

A couple of other guys tried to talk to her and her friend only to be met with coldness or shortness. They'd acknowledge you, then turn back to talk with their friend.

 

Well, the friend we knew (and that THEY knew) showed up later, and they went to hang with him (apparently co-workers or something) and they went off in their own little corner.

 

Well, the friend that invited them (that we knew pretty well) I go, "Hey, what's up with your friends, they seemed to be rather stand-offish"

 

And he goes, "Well, typically they try to avoid getting hit on by guys, and they are with us....)

 

But they weren't with them as "dates" but I found them to be rather rude. And he goes, "Well, they are under no obligation to entertain or even really converse with you if they don't want to."

 

And I said, "Well, why show up to a private party and ignore people who are trying to introduce themselves?"

 

Apparently, he has had female friends come to our gatherings, and thens top coming because they kept getting "Hit on" by men

 

"Hit on" meaning "Trying to gosh forbid, TALK to them" at these events.

 

Apparently these women fall in the category of, "If a man is trying to talk to me, he's hitting on me" category. They assume the worst.

 

Why is this? And why come to a private party if you're going to discount making new friends? Isn't that just bad karma (if youbelieve in that kind of thing)

[2sure]

The boggest thing their behavior screams is :

 

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO BEHAVE AT A DINNER PARTY

 

As you seem to grasp completely - it is polite, friendly, and expected to introduce yourself and chat with other guests.

 

They apparently have not been guests at adult parties or are hill billys.

[crosswordfiend]

I don't think this behaviour is unique to women. I'll admit that I've been guilty of this in the past. It's a matter of getting to a party, sizing up the crowd and deciding if you want to engage. To give an example, my cousin invited me to a party a while back and when I got there I realized that it was all her church friends. Totally not my scene, and so I completely closed off and kept to myself. Needless to say, I don't get invited to those functions anymore, and I'm grateful for that.

 

Group dynamics are tricky. You either feel comfortable or you don't.

[Jersey Shortie]

Those women were rude. This is no justification but I think women fear leading men on and try to cut it off if they think that possibility is there. We also get mixed messages, even guys tell us that if we are talking to you we are probably interested. Maybe this was the case or they are just snots who don't know how to act.

 

I am probably gulity of being more polite to taken men, knowing they are not looking for anything, then single ones.

[Bells]

Those women were rude. This is no justification but I think women fear leading men on and try to cut it off if they think that possibility is there. We also get mixed messages, even guys tell us that if we are talking to you we are probably interested. Maybe this was the case or they are just snots who don't know how to act.

 

I am probably gulity of being more polite to taken men, knowing they are not looking for anything, then single ones.

 

Right, what's funny is their male friend was defending their actions. "They aren't required to entertain you nor continue conversing with you if they don't want to."

 

I guess he was perturbed that I was insinuating HIS friends were snots.

[carhill]

It's OK, OP. Some women just like being alone and they've become experts at it, even at parties. Maybe they have a possessive cat

[2sure]

You know, sometimes you just have to be polite. With my H , I attend countless social obligations and have to have the same dinner conversations every weekend. Sometimes I feel like turning to my dinner companion to my left and just saying: BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

But I havent yet.

 

Regardless of how we feel, if you're a guest, a dinner companion, etc...you have some obligations.

Sure, its nice to sincerely enjoy yourself - but sometimes you just have to act right.

 

These women did neither. They are beneath you.

[chrissreef]

the hotter the girl, the more likely she'll be like this (edit: or if they don't see a ring on your finger)

 

last week i went out with my sisters, OMG they kept getting hit on so i just left and talked to other people. it's probably both annoying and nice as a girl in this way, even hot guys don't get hit on like girls do.

 

i made a female character in a game once and OMG guys would NOT leave me alone!

 

From a hunter's (male) perspective, we don't notice because girls never hit on us. From a prey's (female) perspective it gets VERY annoying and it's difficult to tell if someone just wants to talk or if they're hitting on you because it's essentially the same behavior.

 

Remember how they say a girl will know within 10 seconds if she wants to screw your brains out? Yea, I think if they give you attention for a few you'll know how they feel.

 

Of course there are pretty girls that don't know they're pretty and will talk to anyone =) that's who I go for =)

[Trialbyfire]

Bells, if they were friendly, would you have asked one or the other out or tried to get their number(s)?

[Jersey Shortie]

the hotter the girl, the more likely she'll be like this (edit: or if they don't see a ring on your finger)

 

last week i went out with my sisters, OMG they kept getting hit on so i just left and talked to other people.

 

Maybe your sisters display an ample about of decolletage.

[Star Gazer]

Bells, if they were friendly, would you have asked one or the other out or tried to get their number(s)?

 

He most certainly would have.

 

And an intuitive woman can sense that.

[2sure]

"Going out" to a bar or another public venue is completely different from being a guest invited to a private dinner party. Out in public we can choose who we speak to, and assume most guys that start conversation radomly, may be hitting on us.

 

As a guest at a private affair, especially a dinner party - every guest should be polite and as a good guest, mingle and chat. The OP was behaving correctly and for anyone to think they are being hit on at a dinner party just because another guest is making conversation, is just ...well, maybe they dont get out much. Or they just dont know how to behave in polite and more sphisticated surroundings.

[Star Gazer]

"Going out" to a bar or another public venue is completely different from being a guest invited to a private dinner party. Out in public we can choose who we speak to, and assume most guys that start conversation radomly, may be hitting on us.

 

As a guest at a private affair, especially a dinner party - every guest should be polite and as a good guest, mingle and chat. The OP was behaving correctly and for anyone to think they are being hit on at a dinner party just because another guest is making conversation, is just ...well, maybe they dont get out much. Or they just dont know how to behave in polite and more sphisticated surroundings.

 

Have you followed Bells' threads?

 

I really, really doubt that if you were in these women's shoes you'd have the same opinion.

[2sure]

LOL. I have read some of Bells threads and was thinking the same thing. But figure I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

[Trialbyfire]

He most certainly would have.

 

And an intuitive woman can sense that.

As a woman, you can sense interest v. someone being friendly, most of the time. There's the odd man who's pretty good at hiding it but I would be surprised if Bells has that ability to do so.

 

If I were at a private function and sensed that the guy was interested where I wasn't, I would most likely freeze him off. It's reliant on his approach, whether it's overly-friendly, off in some way, or otherwise, friendly but with a respectful distant admiration. It's very difficult to explain this in easy terms. It's like trying to explain the difference between what makes a guy's stare, creepy or not.

 

The only exceptions would be for any kind of dinner party that's work-related in some way. Then I would suck it up and turn down any requests.

[serial muse]

He most certainly would have.

 

And an intuitive woman can sense that.

 

Sadly, I suspect this is true. Bells has started a number of threads to complain about various women blowing him off, being "rude," rejecting him, and the like - and he always seems to think it's her fault, or the fault of women everywhere.

 

Just doesn't add up. Nobody's luck is that bad. Sorry, Bells, but it seems pretty clear that something's not right in your approach. You should probably take this time to look within, and I really mean that without snarkiness.

 

Okay, maybe a little snarkiness - per Despair, Inc.:

 

Dysfunction: The only consistent feature of all your dissatisfying relationships is you.

[Bells]

LOL. I have read some of Bells threads and was thinking the same thing. But figure I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

As a guest at a private affair, especially a dinner party - every guest should be polite and as a good guest, mingle and chat. The OP was behaving correctly and for anyone to think they are being hit on at a dinner party just because another guest is making conversation, is just ...well, maybe they dont get out much. Or they just dont know how to behave in polite and more sphisticated surroundings.

 

Thank you 2sure, I'm glad someone can see it. I think people here are just basing the quantity of threads (that amount there of) as the sole evidence that it's "Me" not them.

 

You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find the princess (well, it's the other way around genderwise, lol)

 

And believe me, there's a lot of weeding in the process. I do go out on a date occasionally, so I do have my successes. ;-)

[BubblyPopcorn]

You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find the princess (well, it's the other way around genderwise,

 

Oh thank God you clarified that.

 

In any event, the opposite is true. And just so you know, women have a lot of weeding out to do themselves.

 

Serial muse made a good point, and it is far easier to point the fingers at others versus pointing the finger at ourselves. I can say the same thing about myself, whereas I have my own complaints towards the opposite sex and I will post about them when I have them. It's an outlet.

 

But I am also aware that I can only control my own thoughts and behavior, sometimes I am stubborn, and sometimes I will fight it tooth and nail. It all depends on how I am approached, the feed back I receive from others, so on and so forth.