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I am not sexually attracted to my girlfriend, but I love her so much.


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Old 16th March 2009, 8:20 AM   #1
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Post I am not sexually attracted to my girlfriend, but I love her so much.

Well this one has a lot in it. I am not sexual attracted to my girlfriend/x. Just last night my girlfriend asked me if I was sexually attracted to her. I could not continue to lie to her and well I told her that I just don't have that attraction for her. She started crying her eyes out and didn't want me to touch her. I felt extremely bad and my heart dropped into my stomach. We have been dating for 3 and a half months and only had sex once and that was before we started dating. I do love my girlfriend with all of my heart. She has every quality that I have always wanted in a woman, but just not the sexual attraction. I am not that affectionate with her. I do not hold her all the time. I might give her 5 to 10 kisses a day and she wants’ a lot more. I do not hold her hand. I do not open the car door for her, which I always thought I would do in a relationship.

Oh, just to let you know she is my first real relationship. Sorry I am backing up in the past right now, but we broke up once before (1 month of dating) and got back together a week later. I asked her to give me another chance and told her that I love her for the first time. Well I got back together cause of the feelings I have for her and I was hoping the sexual attraction would come over time and it didn't. She is leaving in a week for one whole year singing and dancing with this military band. I will have to go a whole year without her and I know that will not be easy. I am not a bad looking guy. I have a lot of women look at me and well they are attractive but not the type of woman I like. I love a woman with a beautiful heart like my girlfriend/x. The reason I am saying "x" is because she broke up with me last night. She said if I don't have an attraction by now then I will never have an attraction. I am not going to beg her to stay if she is right about that.

I need to have a sexual attraction. I am afraid that she will be the love of my life that got away and I will not be able to find a woman like her ever again. I could move on but I don't know if I could get anyone like her. I hope I have every detail in here. What do you think I should do and what do you think she should do? I hope someone can place some light on this situation. Thanks to everyone that replies back.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 16th March 2009 at 9:11 AM..
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Old 16th March 2009, 9:11 AM   #2
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Sorry dude. By telling her you hurt her like you will never believe. It is very common knowledge that romantic relationships cannot flourish without sexual attraction...so basically what you told her is that it's pretty much over between the two of you. There is no way you can counsel sexual attraction into someone who doesn't have it for another. It's a matter of natural chemistry...it's either there or it's not. Yes, you were honest, but the very last thing in the world a woman who loves you want to hear is that you are not sexually attracted to her. After all, reproduction is basically what it's all about.

Let her go, very nicely and assure her many other will be very attracted to her.
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Old 16th March 2009, 9:49 AM   #3
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The post above is pure wisdom. Listen to it. And next time make sure you're sexually attracted to a girl before dating. Don't just go out with a girl because you feel sorry for her and want to be a nice guy.
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Old 16th March 2009, 10:29 AM   #4
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True that again 2 posts up.

You will find another woman with whom you will share sexual chemistry. Keep looking.

I broke up with a great girl for the same reason (no chemistry), I couldn't even bear the thought of having sex with her, but I met someone who has it all together + the chemistry is amazing.
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Old 16th March 2009, 12:24 PM   #5
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moman thanks. I am glade someone has experienced what I am talking about. I just got done having lunch with her and we somewhat came on some type of agreement. Things are looking better. She isn't as heart broken today. What she had to say made me feel a little better. We both have to get our lives on track and that year she is going to be gone will give us both plenty of time. When that year is over and I feel like I have a sexual attraction then we will try to work things out. She said she will get back together with me in a heart beat but only and ONLY if I know for sure that I have that chemistry. If I find someone else before she gets back then great and the same with her part. If she finds someone then I will be happy with her. This is hard because it was my first love. If anyone wants to give me advice then please do so. I would like to hear from as many people as possible. Thanks for the people that have wrote so far for taking the time.
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Old 16th March 2009, 1:11 PM   #6
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Hi Cowboy. Im glad you guys met up and are talking this out. But, I agree with Tony in that what you have said will forever change everything between you two. Even if a years time has passed, and you two decide to give it another try, she will still have the memory of that conversation, and I think it will undoubtedly cause problems in the future.

However, I know you love her, and that she is an amazing girl... but if theres no sexual chemistry between you two.... doesnt that just make her a very good friend?

I dont think you should force a relationship with her if all the components arent there.

Why dont you just save you both some heartache and chalk it up to her being a wonderful best friend.
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