P for Potential

[Itisyours]

Any feedback would be appreciated, thanks in advance!

Ok so I've been talking to this guy for a month now. Here are the key points about our dynamic.

 

The facts

we're both in our early 20s.

I’ve had one other serious relationship previous to this one---I feel hard and got hurt. I believe I will never get hurt as badly as I did my first time but I don’t want to take a chance on loves call on just any Joe blow

he’s had a not to serious long distance relationship. He is a serial first dater, he finds it hard to ‘click’ with certain girls and is stoked to click with me.

although he didn’t click with his ex he was ready to wife her...so he’s pretty much over the moon on our level of clickage n is down for the long haul

in terms of our dynamic we get along REALLY well as in if we were work partners we would make a dynamic team that would accomplish the task and have fun in one shot.

we make each other laugh-i LOVE listening to him tell me an interesting story, lol, although sometimes I zone out b/c he tends to talk a lot.

we're both finishing school this year but i want to come back to do grad studies n I think he wants to work for a while. This doesn't sit well with me b/c i know my parents expect me to be done grad school and my SO to be done min a Masters degree as well. He's expressed some interest in this but I hope he develops some sort of drive

 

The Good:

me makes me laugh-a lot and this is rare

he is kind

]- we're both spiritual people

he comes from a good family

he's responsible for his age

 

The Bad

he is still 'young' mentally...he prioritizes times spent playing ball, with his boys etc over time spent with family, me, etc[

- he is afraid of affection--he's giving but he's reluctant

[we have different conceptions of love. I need to feel loved by someone deeply for ME, my essence, my soul. He believes in compatibility n attraction n love will grow after marriage b/c you spend so much time with that He's an attractive guy but I don't think we have that *spark.[/

[FONT=Arial]- he seems to be motivated towards marriage for the soul purpose of having children. I want to marry someone because I want HIM b/c of who HE is and our children are an embodiment of our love---mayb I’m naïve but I believe it exists bc I can give that love to someone deserving.

 

Again we’ve only been seeing each other for a month. After a month I don’t’ feel on top of the world. I don’t feel like he really cares about me, I feel like socially I just fit the script but he isn’t motivated by his interest/fascination in ME.

 

I LIKE him I do and he LIKES me I know he does but if our likeage can never blossom beyond that I will feel like I’ve shorthanded myself out of something beautiful.

 

Questions on my mind

can love grow

is his lack of understanding of the type of POTENTIAL for love due to his lack of experience with women

is it b/c he doesn't know how to love like that b/c of his background-family etc

are we forcing a relationship that is not built on emotions

am i needy

are we both settling

Or conversely should I give it more time to get to know him and see if he has potential to be the man of my reality

Is P for Potential?[/FONT]

 

Please help, its eating away at my heart.

[bean1]

You are young. You WILL get hurt again until you learn that you cannot fix or change people.

 

Lukewarm men never heat up. He is who he is, and he makes you feel like he doesn't really care much about you. He puts other things ahead of you.

 

A person who believes that a low attraction will grow and get better AFTER marriage clearly has no business even thinking about marriage. Quite the opposite is often true. What a disaster waiting to happen!

 

NEVER FALL FOR SOMEONE'S POTENTIAL! That is YOUR idea of what they can be, NOT what they actually are! This is essentially falling for a fantasy.