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How do I stop obsessing and stop thinking so much


moondogg

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I need to know how to overcome this.

 

Whenever I meet an attractive girl and interact via e-mial or a date.

When it happens that I do like the girl I behave in a diffent manner than I normally do(I ve heard this from 1 or 2 ppl).

Let me explain what happens and give examples;

 

When im chatting to a girl that I like via e-mail I become anxious and basically cant wait for her to reply, so much so that I actually litteraly wait for the response.The longer she takes to respond the worse I feel about myself.My mood drops almost instantly.

 

If she does reply and responds positevely to what I said in the previous e-mail I feel happy.The sadnes I feel makes me feel worthless at that point in time.

This type or similar scenarios have repeated itself frequently and each time it happens I feel worse more and more.

 

On another time I picked up a girl and went to a club where we were to meet up with her friend who is already there.

When we got there it seems as if myself and my frends where jst there to give her a good time so I avoided her the whole night but I realized that she was alone all night- she was not with any one else.

 

After speaking to her on the phne a couple of days later and realizing that im the only one thats phoning I told her we should break contact, the moment she agreed I find that I cant resist the strong urge to phone.

The moment she agreed I started feeling really bad, worthless and depressed.

The ladies show interest but something drives them away and each time ths happens my self esteem takes a blow.

I dont want to be to eager I want to be chilled and take things as they come without worrying what shes doing and with who she is.

I want to be sitting at home or at work and not wonder what she s doing and right now it is now like that, i know this is messing up every potential love interest I might have.

On another occasion I would go very queit, not make jokes,calm and loose control bt in the beginning I wasnt behaving like that.

I know I am the cause of all ths by showing too much affection.

 

How do I overcome this and how do I stop "obsessing",think less and just take things as they come and realize that I can just move on if things are not working out.

How do I stop taking things seriously and personally and detach myself?(Especially since I dont know these girls for long)

What are the things I can do, do I need to see a counselor?

 

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Thanx

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Well first realize you are the prize and that there will always be another woman to come along. I think your biggest problem is you do not live in the moment, you live in the past or future(all in your mind). Focus what's infront of you stop creating scenarios in your head, ask yourself do those things ever actually happen exactly how you think they will no they don't.

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It seems you have selfesteem problems and you are to day dreamy and last but not least your letting your emotions control you. Gets some therapy or go to the book store and get yourself a good self help book. And don't get involved until you learn to control your emotional responses to some degree. You need to learn techniques for shorting out this obssesive behavior.

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zilverenvlinder

Oh my god!!!

 

The same thing happens to me! I thought I was the only one!!

 

I am sooo happy to find that I may be crazy but at least I'm not alone!

 

Like, for instance, we have work email, and I work at a bank taking phone calls. The guy I'm seeing works there too, in a different department. If I email him and he takes 10 minutes to reply...that 10 minutes is like hell for me. My mood drops, I feel depressed and worthless and can't even take phone calls...and then once I see a email from him pop up with something positive, my mood completely changes and I'm totally happy again and I'm nice to customers on the phone.

 

I have felt this way forever. Maybe we're crazy, who knows. I just wish I could calm the hell down!

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heartoutside

I think a lot of people deal with this issue. I do and have for most of my life, but I'm also learning to control it because now I know what it is. Basically, what it boils down to is your self worth. You basically place all your value and self worth on this persons reaction towards you. If they reply to your text or email instantly you get that gratification from their reaction, which isn't the way to go about things. You've got to realize that if they reply or not, or if they take 2 mins or 20mins you can't allow your emotions to be tied up with their reaction twds you.....you have to value who you are as person, yourself and not allow how others value you affect you. Once you realize that your self worth comes from within and how you see yourself, you won't need that outside justification.

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Can you say, insecurity? You want to much conformation from the other person as to your worth, in their eyes. This will lead to being needy and obsessive. You need to improve your self esteem so you won't analyze things other people do to death.

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I would think it is somewhat normal. We all have feeling and when we like someone feelings are more intense. But yes we have to control our emotions or assure ourselves that they are going to respond maybe not immediately but they will. I guess sometimes I think no matter what happens I'll be ok I can't control what the other person does. But we can make ourselves happy or we can control what we do. Take deep breaths too to relax. Get in touch with yourself!!

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SoulSearch_CO

Sounds like you have too much estrogen in your system. Get a hobby and quit focusing on another human being coming along to complete you.

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  • Author

Well I could have low self esteem....I had acne for most of my life but Im not bad looking, many girls have told me so but looks are not enough, one s attitude and behaviour can either scare them away or keep them.

So the acne and a past failed longterm relationship could contribute to the low self esteem.

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SoulSearch_CO

Well, quite honestly, Moondog, another human being will NEVER be able to fix your self-esteem. That's something that has to be fixed on your own, first. Nobody wants to be your missing piece. You have to find what it is that makes you happy - what it is that makes you feel good about yourself. Whether that's excelling at your job, doing community service, creating a work of art, exercise...etc. It's up to YOU to be a complete, whole, happy human being FIRST. Once you are, it'll be easier to reach out to other people for companionship. You have to BE the type of person you want to attract.

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