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I can't get over how he threw me away like that!


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I was with him for 2 years, I have posted a few threads which were posted when I was angry and out for retribution

 

I did not deserve to be treated this way and thrown away like yesterday's rubbish for a 21 year old!

 

How can he live with himself? I busted him and he called me up when he was with her telling ME that we split up a year ago! WTF .. He then text me apologizing and today I sent a text telling him that his lies will catch him up, he replied telling me not to call or text him again. I have no intention of it but I am soooooooo angry!!!!:mad:

 

How can I just let this go when he has disrespected me so badly? I made a facebook name to talk to this girl and find out the facts and what she has told me has astounded me, he has basically lied to her and me so badly and I did not think he would do that!

 

One day I hope that he will know what he has lost and will suffer for what he has done

 

Has anyone else been through this?

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My heart and my sympathy go out to you. I find that people who have had their emotions toyed and played with are much more careful not to do it to others.. I can only imagine he has never been treated like that, otherwise he would know how it feels........

 

The only advise I can offer you is to try and hold back from getting to angry... because then it's like he is screwing you over even when he's not around.

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SoulSearch_CO

Seriously - get help. This is NOT healthy. You are obsessing. No wonder he told you to stop contacting him. This has fatal attraction written all over it. *shiver* I would highly recommend you get yourself to a mental health professional because to be STILL wrapped up in this guy after this much time is NOT healthy! Especially since you claimed that getting what you wanted on Facebook would give you closure - obviously it didn't. I'm not being flip when I say to get yourself some help - I'd say the same thing if somebody was limping around with a broken leg and complaining about the pain and inability to walk. Mental health is no joke - I seriously think it would help you to talk to somebody. Nobody here has your answers.

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After all this time? This happened 2 weeks ago!

 

I thought this site was to offer support, not to damn people and make them feel worse?

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This happened 3 weeks ago!

 

Am I not entitiled to ask for help/support? Is that not what this site is here for?

 

Soul, I would prefer you not to reply to my threads please as you are not one bit helpful, I am not crazy, I am upset, heartbroken and just searching for a way to deal ok?

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SoulSearch_CO

Well, if you don't like public opinions, then don't post on a public board. :) I'm entitled to free speech just as you are. And my opinion of above stands. Yeah - I think after two weeks dwelling on somebody of such low moral character (your ex), that is a long time. Basically - and the point you're missing that has been pointed out - he's scum. Why the heck are you wasting your energy on him? He's not worth it. But it won't matter what anybody here says - you will continue to dwell and obsess over somebody that is so far beneath you, it's sickening. Quite honestly, I'm frustrated FOR you that you continue to let him take up space in your life. And part of me is angry - that women (and men) allow somebody that broke up with them to take such a large part of who they are. Do you really want this event to define you? I feel you need some tough love. And that tough love was that I really think you ought to talk to somebody IRL about this - a counselor, therapist, whatever. I wasn't being flip. But rather than take what I said at face value, which was trying TO HELP, you took it as an insult. Very well - that's fine. Continue on with your obsession and with everyday continue to lose more of who you are to this piece of trash (your ex) that doesn't deserve to have that much power over you. I don't feel like wallowing is going to help you at all. But if all you want to be is the sad woman that allowed a man to define her value by the trashy way he treated her, then by all means - proceed. I just think you deserve better.

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You are talking to me like I am a silly girl, I am sorry if you think I should be over this already but we cannot all be emotional robots!

 

You have made some good points but the way you have said it makes it seem like you are just putting me down and if you think that is helping then maybe YOU need to go and see someone!

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SoulSearch_CO

Well, I guess I'm really confused on what it is you are looking for, here. There are some real quality people on this board and several of them have given you very good advice about this on your last several threads about this. You have already been given tips on what you can do to get past this - which is what you claim you want to do. Continuing to post about it is wallowing in it. The more you wallow, the worse you will feel and the more you will question, "WHY?" You will never get your "why?" answered. Life will never make sense especially when there are people like your ex out there. Since nobody that has responded to your threads in the past has been able to "fix" this for you and make you feel better, that is exactly why I recommended a therapist. Look up the definition of "flippant." I am not being flippant in recommending this to you. A therapist can help you talk through your thoughts and feelings and to deal with them in a healthy way - nobody here is qualified to do that.

 

Let me ask you a question - if you saw somebody walking into the path of an oncoming car, would you very softly say, "Honey, you better be careful and come back over this way - you look like you're headed for some real trouble." Or would you maybe be a little more forceful when you saw that person headed for more hurt? Gentle coddling didn't work in fixing it in your last threads. You are hurting yourself more with each day. I'm sorry if I don't like to see somebody like that. It's frustrating and from such a distance, what can any of us do for you? I felt that a more forceful message was in order and maybe you'd listen. But I guess I was wrong.

 

FTR - I never said you should already be over it...but you are not taking any positive steps to GET over it by continuing to post duplicate threads about this situation.

 

All I can say is what has been said before - he's trash, he doesn't deserve to own your power, and your best revenge is to be happy and move on. But as long as you wallow, he owns you.

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Island Girl

Dollie -

 

It didn't just happen three weeks ago -

 

You posted on February 18th:

I am in need of some advice and help

 

I was with my bf for 2 years and we had a very on and off relationship. It was a roller coaster of emotions. I have been been in an on and off relationship like this so it was even more confusing for me.

 

We would run a pattern of him getting upset over something and ignoring me for up to weeks and then he would call me as if nothing had happened, he would listen to what I had to say and then we would be back on. He asked me if I would marry him many times and I always said no as we were too up and down.

 

Just before christmas we had a falling out and did not spend christmas together but got back together in January, we were more like friends and rarely had sex. 3 weeks ago we fell out over something really silly and we did not talk for 2 weeks (not unusual) and then I found out he is seeing a girl 18 years younger than him! He is with a girl who is a couple of years older than his son!

 

By your own admission this has not been a consistent relationship.

 

You broke up in December - back together in January but, again by your own admission, you were more like friends.

 

Then you have another falling out 3 weeks before this post above.

 

AGAIN that post was from February 18th.

 

So that puts the last time you were "talking" at the end of January.

 

That was five weeks or more ago.

 

Instead of moving on you embroiled yourself in this silly high school game of yours on Facebook.

 

So you are no further along mentally.

 

You refuse to let go of this relationship which was not reliable in the first place.

You were on again and off again and would consistently go through periods of no contact for weeks.

 

As far as this girl goes - she has been seeing him for the last seven months. Depending upon how often she has seen him and if she has gone through the same "on again off again" experiences with him - in all honesty he may have been cheating on HER with YOU.

Since you are the one with irregular contact.

 

You may not want to see it that way but it's the truth.

 

Why are you wasting your time? What is so difficult to let go of?

HIM??!

 

I don't think so. You turned down his marriage proposals and said it was a very confusing relationship for you with weeks of no contact being a very regular occurrence.

 

So really what is it that you can't get past?

 

The fact that he is with someone else?

So what -- she has HIM - someone you didn't want anyway.

 

The fact that he is with someone younger than you are?

Why would THAT bother you?

You could move on and be with someone else as well.

And you MAY actually end up -- oh I don't know -- HAPPY!!

 

Quit making excuses and trying to come up with justifications about hanging on to the whole mess.

 

You need to let it all go and MOVE ON.

 

Focus on yourself and making yourself happy - and that has nothing to do with him, who he's with, how you can punish him, etc.

 

Act like an adult.

 

Realize you were in a cycling unhappy relationship and now you are:

 

F R E E

 

That means you can now look for someone that you may actually WANT to marry and be with!

And someone who is dependable and doesn't disappear for weeks at a time.

 

Come on!

 

Is it clicking??!!

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MotherGooze

Don't take this so harsh Dollie, sometimes people have to be straight forward to you because you are blinded emotionally, and even though that might hurt, you will realise they are right.

 

 

 

Ask yourself: Does he really deserve this kind of attention that you are stil giving him? NO, he doesn't, he's trash and scum! Be happy that you got rid of a specimen like that, he ain't worthed.

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I know it is hard but you need to move on. If he is going to treat you like that then he is not worth it.

 

I know it is easier said than done but you can do it.

 

Go out with your friends and have fun. Go out for meals and drinks, go to the cinema, to the theatere, bowling and do lots of other things. Join a gym and maybe get a hobby or join some clubs. This will take your mind off things and make things easier.

 

You need to stop all contact with him, block him as a friend on face book and move on. It is not healthy and you are getting in a mess and getting depressed/angry over someone who is not worth it.

 

Talk to your friends, that is what they are there for. I never mind helping a friend or cheering them up when they are down because that is my job as a friend.

 

I also recommend talking to a therapist because if you carry on like this it will ruin your life and that is not a route that you should go down. Unfortunatley heartache is something everyone goes through at least once in their life and some many more times than that. It is apart of human life and you should learn lessons from these experiencies.

 

so:

 

* Stop all communcation with him and remove him from face book

* Speak to a therapist

* Get rid of anything bad which reminds you of him

* Talk to your friends

* Go out and have fun with your friends

* Remember you are better off with out him

* And dont get angry

 

If you do all this, it should help you and you will be able to get over him and live a healthy happy life.

 

I have been here and got the tshirt so I do feel for you and understand. I went through a narsty break up from a 18 month relationship last year. I Still tried to communicate etc and it was the worse thing that I done. After a while I stopped communication and am no longer on friends with him on face book. It was a good move and I found it so much easier to get on with my life. Im still a bit insecure but im seeking professional help for my depression and getting on with my life. I still sometimes think about him but I do realise that im better off with out him

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Thank you everyone for your well thought out replies, I know you are all right and I know I need to just forget him and think that I am the lucky one to be away from him.

 

Thank you

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SoulSearch_CO
The only advise I can offer you is to try and hold back from getting to angry... because then it's like he is screwing you over even when he's not around.

 

* And dont get angry

 

You know, I heard a REALLY interesting quote once. "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." - Carrie Fisher. You're doing all the suffering and he's off living life.

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I thought you walked away with closure and a smile on you face:lmao:

There are a lot of people on the coping boards that can help you.

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I thought that was what your revenge plot was for? You're still not done? Are you going to carry out another revenge plot?

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sunshinegirl

Dollie,

 

You are likely to get different kinds of responses if you post on the Breaking Up or Coping boards - there are a lot of people over there who are struggling with the end of their own relationships... and can provide valuable feedback on the grieving process and what you're going through.

 

This board is more geared for people who are actively dating, or seeking dates / relationships.

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Island Girl
I thought that was what your revenge plot was for? You're still not done? Are you going to carry out another revenge plot?

 

This is a pretty serious thread and Dollie clearly needs help - But this is hilarious.

 

Especially considering the backlash that posters who said all of that revenge crap was a bad idea got (I was one of them).

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OP, you are clearly confused on just the amount of time it's been since you've been broken up. You used revenge to try and resolve your feelings. You keep lashing out wanting help, but you're not listening to any sound advice. Break ups suck, but what you're doing is so unhealthy I think it's time you seek some professional help.

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Trialbyfire

Brutal responses. Dollie, go to the Coping boards as referenced by ssg. The expectations of people are unreasonable here.

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This is a pretty serious thread and Dollie clearly needs help - But this is hilarious.

 

Especially considering the backlash that posters who said all of that revenge crap was a bad idea got (I was one of them).

 

I wasn't joking. Although personally I disagree, but if revenge was the right medicine, like some of the posters suggested, and Dollie certainly felt justified, then why not try the "right medicine" again? Dollie even said herself that it was for her to reach closure. Well, looks like closure was not reached. Try again?

 

I agree with you Island Girl. It was a bad idea the first time around. But not everyone agrees. So if there's any merit to her revenge plot the first time, the same merit should exist this second time around.

 

I wouldn't do it. But then again I'm not Dollie. I can just stay home and play guitar and OD on video games, then weeks later I'll re-emerge back into the world feeling, not necessarily back to normal, but enough to move on. That's my medicine. What's Dollie's?

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Trialbyfire

Is this type of judgement helpful to the OP? When she posted her minor "revenge" thread, it was already over and done with. Now she's working through the issues of new information gained, of which the cheating lasted for 7 months.

 

Are people more interested in being right or more interested in helping the OP through these issues?

 

I'm sure I could easily find threads from assorted members when they didn't do the perfectly adult thing. For that matter, who's to say what works for one, will work for someone else, particularly in five weeks.

 

So now, Dollie has let the cheater know that he got busted. OH NOES...how horrible...

 

Realistically speaking, who gives a crap what a cheater feels or believes about the person they cheated on.

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Well I can see I am at the wrong site, most of you are like a pack of wolves homing in on their prey!

 

I wish I could be as perfect as y'all, I have never been in this situation and it hurts ok?

 

Thank you Trial and everyone else who was more leniant and understanding!

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Trialbyfire

Dollie, just post in the Coping forums. You'll find plenty of members who are trying to move on from breakup and cheating.

 

There's also a cheating forum.

 

When people are trying to get over a situation of cheating, it's a helluva' lot more complex than simply trying to get over a break up. There's a lot more anger involved since the person you trusted, is a liar and a cheater.

 

Take that anger Dollie and try to focus it towards moving on. It will take time to get over this. Don't expect that you'll do it in a couple of months.

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One day I hope that he will know what he has lost and will suffer for what he has done

 

 

This is your problem. Vengance is keeping you stuck. People aren't telling you to get some help to put you down. It's just very apparent you have an unhealthy amount of anger. My post on your other thread was among the harshest. While I feel bad for anyone who gets cheated on and lied to, I have no sympathy for people who resort to being deceitful and pretending to be someone they're not. Your FB trick closely resembled what that woman did to the teenage girl who ended up killing herself. In fact I think there is now a law about false impersonation on the internet.

 

Anyhow, the best way for you to start feeling better and to let the healing begin would be to work through the rage. If that is just too much right now, then try and put it aside and deal with it later once your getting back on your feet emotionally. And I suggested using the coping boards because there are so many other people who are going through the same thing and it will help you. And yes, a lot of other people have been through this. But most will not act on revenge. Your best revenge would be to take care of yourself, and work towards being truly happy again.

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