I really don't know how to handle this.

[cnik1010]

Ok, this is going to be a long one. A little background to start: My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. I am 30, he is 28. We pretty much live together.

 

A couple weeks ago my boyfriends brother Joe moved back here after serving two tours in Iraq with his girlfriend of 5 years. The brothers are very close...almost like twins. My boyfriend made it clear that we would be spending a lot of time with Joe and his girlfriend Sam. The night they got back into town, the brothers had their night so me and Sam went out and hung out. When we got back to the house, the boys were pasted out, and she and I stayed up and talked. She had mentioned something about her sister Kathy and my boyfriend sleeping in the same bed. And then mentioned something about my boyfriend taking Kathy out when they were in town visiting, and Kathy taking my boyfriend out when he went to visit out in Cali. (this all happened before he and I met) I just got a bad feeling. So they next day, after her bringing it up again I asked her about it. She then denied she ever said they slept in the same bed. But there was a lot of flirting going on. And that Kathy was upset that he never made a move because she really liked him.

 

So a couple days later I asked my boyfriend "Tell me about you and Kathy" and he said there was nothing to tell. They hung out, and he didn't deny there was flirting. But nothing happened. And I had nothing to worry about.

 

I trust him. And I know he is with me now. We have been through a lot in the six months we have been dating, and we have pulled through when I wasn't sure we would.

 

We spent this whole last weekend with Joe and Sam. And she continued to bring up Kathy and my boyfriend. Saying stuff like "Didn't you take Kathy to so and so place?" And Kathy is coming in town in March. She wants to come in next month too, but she has changed her mind. You should call her and get her to come. And then she would be telling a story and be like "Oh but you were out with Kathy when this happened"

 

Why would she pull that? Just to get under my skin? I, honestly think she doesn't like me. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months and have become very close with his large family. (He has 6 brothers) Her boyfriend, Joe, likes me a lot and shows it by making fun of me..which is fine, and we have a good time with it, but he gives me a lot of attention in doing that. Their mother adores me. Another brother always calls me his favorite sister in law. And the rest of the family really likes me as well.

 

She is VERY VERY VERY needy in her relationship. It is annoying. And not just to me. She whines about EVERYTHING. (she is 31) She is also a talker. And likes to tell the family things that family doesn't need to know. Their family is a bunch of talkers and knows everyones drama. My boyfriend warned me about that family talk, so I keep my mouth shut, and keep personal things personal.

 

So I told my boyfriend that I know he wants me to like Sam but I just don't. And he said, I don't blame you if you don't, but I want you to get along with her. It is important to him that we get along because he is so close to Joe. I told him he would have to say something to her about Kathy. To make it clear that there is no need to bring up these things. But he is super shy, and I know he wont. So I said "You say something or I will, and you are a lot nicer than I am"

 

I really don't know what to do and how to make it stop. Because as much as I know my boyfriend loves me and I know he is with ME. It does get under my skin. And it is just going to be hell when Kathy is in town. And who knows what Sam will say to his family about me.

 

I am just stuck. Do I just shut my mouth and not say anything or do I nip it in the bud now?

[SoulSearch_CO]

Well, it sounds to me like she just really liked the idea of she and her sister dating brothers and was disappointed when it didn't work out. What she's doing is pretty b*tchy, but not really your problem. If you outright say something to her about shutting up about Kathy, it'll likely just make the situation worse and then you two will NEVER get along. Seeing how important family is to your boyfriend, it's not a wise path to take.

 

But I think any time she brings up Kathy, I'd counter it with something from the PRESENT. Like if they're talking about a certain place they went and she pipes in about Kathy being there with your boyfriend, think of someplace similar you have been with your boyfriend and start in on a story about that. LOL If she wants to play, let's play. A girl like that would not understand straight-talk. She's passive aggressive - so hit the serve back to her court.

[cnik1010]

Kathy will be coming into town in both Feb and March. I am trying the whole kill her with kindness crap. So I texted Sam today just to see how things were going.

 

I understand that we will have to see her in March, because of St.Patty's day. Which is a really really big thing in his family since they are 1005 irish. But do I tell my boyfriend that I would not be happy if he or we saw her when she is here in Feb? Is it unreasonable to tell him that I don't want him to have any contact with her outside of St. Patty's day? After all, this is Sam's doing. I wouldn't have any knowlege of it if she wasn't being a bitch.

 

I also believe she wants the brothers dating sisters thing because it is another way she could have her "claws" in Joe.