whitburn1986 Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 I'm a 22 year old male from the Northern half of the United Kingdom. What I would like to know is, how can you be definitely sure that someone is genuinely single?? A friend of mine was dating this girl he met (this was back in 2005), and he thought she was single, and they went out for a few weeks, then about 6 weeks down the line, he got a phone call from her boyfriend asking who is he and why is he going out with her. My friend said to him that he had absolutely no idea she had a boyfriend, and said to him "You know we've been played by this girl" and he was just shocked. He actually thanked my friend rather than getting jealous or mad. Amazingly, the guy said he had no idea she'd done this to him behind his back - and my friend was surprised to find he also had a lot of interests in common with this guy. They met up to discuss her, and, as a result, ended up becoming friends, which they still are to this day. An odd way to end things, but I suppose it's different for everybody. However, I don't think all experiences would end up like this I wonder, how do you know that someone is genuinely single?? Just because they don't mention a partner doesn't mean they aren't, as my friend found out above. Link to post Share on other sites
LovieDove24 Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 Well it's not rocket science. 90% of people who say they are single really are single. Six weeks is relatively early into a relationship to find out ANY kind of extremely revealing information of a person. You are just as likely to be fooled by them saying "I don't live with my parents" for six weeks only to find out they really do. People aren't that smart when they're constantly covering their butts. You will find out eventually. In the meantime look for the persons good qualaties and see if they match your ideals. Sounds like you may have some trust issues though, just sayin. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 What I would like to know is, how can you be definitely sure that someone is genuinely single?? you can't... Link to post Share on other sites
motive2002 Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 You could stalk them. That's one way of finding out Link to post Share on other sites
likestolaugh Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 well 6 weeks is 2 months.... it's not THAT early anymore... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 I always verify marital or relationship status through third parties or other means. People aren't always honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whitburn1986 Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 You could stalk them. That's one way of finding out That's not a good idea. No illegal suggestions, please... Trialbyfire, I'll try your suggestion - seems like a good idea there. Sounds like you may have some trust issues though, just sayin. Well, I've never actually dated properly so to speak, even though I have had women's attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 - ask them (so you can avoid getting the "but you never asked!" line) - check trough third parties or other means (like TrialByFire suggested) - find an excuse to show up at their place, ask for their home phone numer - if they are often busy on the weekends and in the evenings, and you usually meet at "unusual" times, be wary. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whitburn1986 Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 Adunaphel, I'll try those ideas - hopefully they may work. As for the "find an excuse to show up at their place", well, unless it's something like a fast-food store or branch of WHSmith's/<insert shop name here>, it would be a bit stalker-like. Also, regarding the meeting at "unusual" times, thankfully that hasn't happened to me yet. I did consider dating coaching, but that's expensive and I've only ever heard negative reviews about it. Dating is a social skill in itself, isn't it? Thank you to everyone so far - Six weeks is relatively early into a relationship to find out ANY kind of extremely revealing information of a person. You are just as likely to be fooled by them saying "I don't live with my parents" for six weeks only to find out they really do. Regarding that, well, my friend didn't intend for it to happen... it was down to chance! Thank you for all your help, and any advice is always appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
LostLamb Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 I think it is easy to know that someone is genuinely single. You can call them at anytime , go to their house wheneve you want to etc Unless you live in a different city of course , then you have to be trusting seeing as you live a motorway journey away. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 I think it is easy to know that someone is genuinely single. You can call them at anytime , go to their house wheneve you want to etc Unless you live in a different city of course , then you have to be trusting seeing as you live a motorway journey away. That's assuming you're willing to date them first, begin investing in them to the level that you're frequenting their home. Myself, I'm not even willing to date anyone purportedly previously committed...once. Link to post Share on other sites
LostLamb Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 That's assuming you're willing to date them first, begin investing in them to the level that you're frequenting their home. Myself, I'm not even willing to date anyone purportedly previously committed...once. What do you mean? You wouldn't date a person who has been married in the past? I would find it hard to date someone with kids but don't mind if they were previously married. By the time had been dating my ex for six weeks , he was almost living me as I was ill. We knew each other for 8 months before dating , though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whitburn1986 Posted January 20, 2009 Author Share Posted January 20, 2009 Thank you for all your advice, it has been very helpful! I think it is easy to know that someone is genuinely single. You can call them at anytime , go to their house wheneve you want to etc. Unless you live in a different city of course , then you have to be trusting seeing as you live a motorway journey away. I suppose the same "rule" applies if someone lives in the next county from you, as where I'm from borders on four counties! Mind you, my friend's situation is a bit unusual, has it ever happened to anyone else here, out of curiosity? Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Thank you for all your advice, it has been very helpful! I suppose the same "rule" applies if someone lives in the next county from you, as where I'm from borders on four counties! Mind you, my friend's situation is a bit unusual, has it ever happened to anyone else here, out of curiosity? I haven't found out someone had an actual girlfriend, but I did find out that the guy I dated a few times was dating other girls even though he told me that he wasn't. I wasn't dating anyone else either and told him so. One night I was out with my friend and saw him holding hands with a blonde girl at a bar. He saw me and had this pathetic smile on his face. He called me to apologize but I never returned his call after that. I wasn't pissed he was dating other girls, I was just mad he lied about it. In short, I had NO idea that he wasn't being truthful with me. I had just met him by chance (in a bar) so I probably should have known he was a bar hopper. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 I had just met him by chance (in a bar) so I probably should have known he was a bar hopper. Comments like this always crack me up. If you met them in a bar, that means you too were in a bar. Should the same "bar hopper" assumption be made about you? OP - there's no way to know for certain unless you're with them 24/7. My good friend's BF was carrying on a complete double life for over 2 years. He even would switch out the pictures around his apartment when each girl would visit (put Girl A's pictures up/out when she was over, take them down and replace when Girl B came over) and even employed his family and friends in his deceit. That's why trust is so crucial. There's only so much verification you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Comments like this always crack me up. If you met them in a bar, that means you too were in a bar. Should the same "bar hopper" assumption be made about you? Haha, true. He was one of those guys who go out to bars like every weekend and get drunk though. I was never a huge fan of the bar scene. I used to go like once or twice a month. Link to post Share on other sites
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