lostrealization Posted June 30, 2002 Share Posted June 30, 2002 about 3 months ago me and my ex bf broke up over distance! he said he couldnt handle being so far apart from me and it was harder on him than he could deal with. 5 days later he tells me hes with another girl. he said they had always had feelings for each other while he was there at school. i have chased this guy for 3 months now trying to make him see that distance wasnt a problem that we could work that out. now he has asked me if i want to come for a few days to spend with him before school starts back and all. and im not really sure what to do. if he cant handle the distance then im only going to hurt myself right? i mean.. i loved this guy and now that i might have a chance to be with him again im not sure what exactly it means. if i go there and we are together and i feel that same love come back and he says he cant handle it what am i supposed to do. i cant go through that again. it hurt to bad to begin with. can anyone tell me what i should do? Link to post Share on other sites
Standing Up Posted June 30, 2002 Share Posted June 30, 2002 It depends on how desperate you are. If you are desperte or in love (it's all the same), GO SEE HIM! If you are NOT deserate and NOT in love, DON'T go see him. On the other hand, you should do the opposite. If you are deperate or in love with him don't go see him. You will only be disappointed. If you don't care about him one way or the other, go have some fun! Let him spend some money on you and soak it up. Relationships are such a head game. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 30, 2002 Share Posted June 30, 2002 The guy screws you over big time, breaks up with you with some dumb lie so he can be with the girl he admittedly really likes, and you chase him for three months??? That's nuts. The guy's trying to shake you and he's losing respect for you by the minute because of your annoyances. Back off this, lady. You're making a fool of yourself. I don't mean to be cruel. I know you're hurting. I've been dumped a few times and it hurts like hell. You want to do whatever is possible to restore the love you thought you once had. In your case it wasn't real and never existed. But I know what it's like and now that it's in the past for me, I know what kind of fool I made myself look like. So you want to know if you should see him a bit and let him have some of your body and play with your feelings before he goes back to be with the girl he really loves??? Wow, what a choice you have to make. Well, I don't know your mental state. If you have even an average level of self esteem and intelligence, you won't go near this guy. He has jerked you over royally and you should be considering him the enemy. But people have slept with the enemy before. Do what you want. You're going to do that anyway. But if you're planning on seeing this guy a little before he dumps your butt again, start putting some money away for a good counsellor or therapist and some boxes of tissue because you're gonna need them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostrealization Posted June 30, 2002 Author Share Posted June 30, 2002 its not like im asking to be hurt or anything! thats the last thing i want out of this. it just seems to me he cared once and he still cares but over the distance it made things difficult. i do understand that he went to another girl just after we broke up but i did ask him about that and he told me it was just a crush .. it would never go any farther than that. i dont know what to do anymore i guess i have some time to figure it out. i mean i want to see him just to see if my feelings are still there. if they are not then guess what ! i'll be a happy single girl ... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 30, 2002 Share Posted June 30, 2002 You just don't get it. The guy screwed you over...it doesn't matter how you feel about him...he just wants to use you at this point. Have some self-respect and back off. If you see him, don't be lovey dovey. You just don't get the point and I guess that's OK. I've been where you are and made a total fool out of myself as well. I don't know why people come here for advice sometimes when they are hell bent on making fools out of themselves and hurt themselves. This guy has clearly, VERY CLEARLY, shown you he is just not interested at this time. It really doesn't matter what your feelings are, if he doesn't feel the same, go love him alone somewhere and then get over him. Please, for yourself, heal from this a go find somebody you can have romance with who is in your proximity and doesn't have a crush on some other girl. And by the way, if you believe what he told you about this other chick, you are way too gullible. Guy's say that so they can keep sweet ladies like you on reserve in case other things don't work out. Wise up and get strong. This love stuff is not for the weak of mind and heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostrealization Posted June 30, 2002 Author Share Posted June 30, 2002 grr your mean! im not wanting to make a fool out of myself or anything! im just trying to understand what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. BreakItOffGood Posted June 30, 2002 Share Posted June 30, 2002 Listen to the man! Love is painful. It is a lot like slavery. Come to think of it, isn't love really a form of slavery? Anyway, Tony's right. You are now a playtoy to this guy. So, if you are up to getting kicked in the head, you should go see this guy. Don't feel bad if you end up going anyway. There are a lot of people who enjoy torturing themselves instead of accepting the truth. Maybe you are one of them. If you like stupid love games, let me know. I could be a friend of you! Mr. BreakItOffGood Link to post Share on other sites
BeReal Posted July 1, 2002 Share Posted July 1, 2002 Tony's not trying to be mean. He's just trying to get you to understand. Your boyfriend said he couldn't deal with the distance and then 5 days later he is with another girl. What we want you to understand is that he was lying. He just told you it was the distance so that he could get with that other woman. It was an easy way out for him. Maybe there was a shred of truth to it but his actions really don't support that. I'm curious of how much distance there really is between you two? Now your ex has invited you to spend a few days with him and you are thinking it will lead to a relationship. Did he mention anything about wanting you back? He wants you to come for a few days. It could be that he is just looking for some easy female attention. Has he said anything to make you think otherwise? He dropped you before and I'm afraid he might do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
questionaire Posted July 2, 2002 Share Posted July 2, 2002 forget that guy think of this way IF HE DUMBS YOU, why he still wants you? i see NOTHING but your SEXUALY ACTIVITY IF HE DOES IT ONE, HE WILL DO IT AGAIN CONTROL YOU EMOTION there is nicer guy who will love you and treat you with all respect TELL HIM NOT TO CALL YOU AGAIN AND WARN HIM IF HE CALLS YOU AGAIN , YOU WILL REPORT IT TO COP AND WILL GET THE WARRANT TO ARREST HIM FOR HARRASHMENT THE RELATIONSHIP is 2 WAYS. and he can't turn ON and OFF whenever he feels like it Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostrealization Posted July 3, 2002 Author Share Posted July 3, 2002 well thanks for your help. im most likely not going to end up going for the simple fact that i know i can do better and i dont need a guy to make me happy. esp one that screwed me over once and im sure he will do it again. just thought i would let you guys know! Link to post Share on other sites
questionaire Posted July 4, 2002 Share Posted July 4, 2002 Originally posted by lostrealization well thanks for your help. im most likely not going to end up going for the simple fact that i know i can do better and i dont need a guy to make me happy. esp one that screwed me over once and im sure he will do it again. just thought i would let you guys know! you are not "lostrealization" any more. Congratulation ! have any questions? please re-visit us again. We are glad to help Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostrealization Posted July 4, 2002 Author Share Posted July 4, 2002 thanks a lot ! Link to post Share on other sites
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