br0ken_w0lf Posted December 3, 2008 Share Posted December 3, 2008 Wow, it seems like just yesterday that I was posting in the divorce section and my life was crumbling all around me (wife left for another dude). Never thought I'd be posting in this section again (though it did take a year) but, hey, it's good to be here! So a few weeks ago I was introduced to a friend of a friend. We talked and she soon after asked me out for coffee, which went well. Since then, we've been on a couple of dates and we really enjoy spending time with each other. We trade e-mails or chat almost every day and last night we just hung out together, watching TV and cuddling on the couch. And that was just.... really, really nice. One of the most enjoyable evenings I've had in a long time. The only potential issue is that there is a fair (12 year) age difference between us: she is mid-20s, I am mid/late 30s. This doesn't bother me other than that I wonder if it bothers her (though all signs point to no). She has a young son from a previous relationship so I believe her to be more mature as a result and I am still quite playful so this has been my justification for not trying to overthink things. So just trying to get a feel here for opinions (I have my own obviously but I'm biased). Is this a huge age difference at this point in our lives and given the circumstances? I'm looking for something long-term (always have been) and I believe she is as well but I'm reluctant to have "a talk" about expectations, concerns, etc. this early in the going... I didn't really get briefed by the friend as it's not a close friend of mine in particular. Oh, another question: Do women generally like a follow-up after a date? Just to say that I had a really nice time? I'd like to her know that I had a great time last night but don't want to scare her either Link to post Share on other sites
belladonna Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 First of all, congrats on coming back to the dating forum I feel inclined to say something because my new relationship is with a guy who is 11 years older than me. I'm 21, he's 32. He's kind of immature for his age, and I guess I'm mature for my age, so it sort of works out there. I know he isn't bothered at all about the age difference, but sometimes I wonder if it will affect things in the future. To get over that, we decided to take things slow, relaxed, and just kind of day by day. It's only been 3 months, but so far so good. I normally wouldn't go for a guy that much older than me, but I really have strong feelings for him. It does help a little that he looks a lot younger too. I think it has the potential to work out well, but it might take a little extra effort to understand what point the other person is at in their life, you know? I think you're ok in not trying to overthink things. Keep it simple, and if you're wondering that much you could just come out and ask her if the age gap bothers her, maybe after a few more dates. I like a follow-up after a date. But I think that really does depend on the woman..personally I think it's sweet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author br0ken_w0lf Posted December 4, 2008 Author Share Posted December 4, 2008 Thanks for the reply, belladonna! Good to know I'm not alone here, even if I'm on the other end of the stick I think part of my problem is that I'm so out of the dating scene that I'm getting hung up on timelines, what should happen when, etc. My previous relationships progressed very naturally (as this one is as well) but maybe because I'm older, I'm thinking too much as you said. So it sounds as though you discussed the issue and then both decided to take it slow, correct? That seems logical and, hey, communicating about it is a good start. I think you're right in that I should continue on a few more dates and see where things go. All I know at this point is that I like this person a lot. Best of luck in your relationship, it sounds like you've thought it out very well and are taking a sensible approach. BTW, I like to follow-up as well and let the person know I like them, had a good time, etc. I think I needed a woman to agree with me Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 My parents have 11 years between them (father being older). They have just celebrated 55 years of marriage. The only issues in a big age gap are at the beginning (what 18 year old boy would go out with a 7-year-old girl - ?! ) and at the end. True to relate, much as they still do deeply love one another, my mother has become my father's carer. He's physically infirm, although as sharp as a new pin, mind-wise...... Link to post Share on other sites
Gremio Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 w0lf, it's hard to say. I'm a mid 20s male. My friend's sister is 22 and she's dating someone who is 37. AFAIK, they are great. I also know someone who is 22, married for three years where her husband is 35, and she isn't happy at all. To me, and this may sound contradicting, but age doesn't matter. At the same time, I stay away from anyone younger than me (except for ONE person, the exception to the rule). Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 I was married to a man 15 years older than me. This was not the problem in our marriage. The problem was that even with 15 years more life, he still did some really immature relationship things at times (like resorting to chatting sexually with other women online, on the phone) and expected that he would just get a "slap on the wrist." Other times, he acted like his life was almost over (he's in his early 40's) and he was getting ready to retire/die. Um...being in my 20's, my life is just revving up - his old-man attitude bothered me when it reared its head. So, no - just the age difference is not an issue. Your attitude makes all the difference in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
JoeNat Posted December 4, 2008 Share Posted December 4, 2008 I'm currently or not currently depending on how you look at this in a relationship with a 36 year old. I'm 25. She is gorgeous and doesn't not look or act her age. Howerver, there are some hurdles (as if you look at my post history you will see what I mean). I think the hurdles are because she is 36 and "stuck" in her selfish ways...It is rough to say...I think if you connect and have stuff in common then age is just a number... ehh... Link to post Share on other sites
belladonna Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Thanks for the reply, belladonna! Good to know I'm not alone here, even if I'm on the other end of the stick I think part of my problem is that I'm so out of the dating scene that I'm getting hung up on timelines, what should happen when, etc. My previous relationships progressed very naturally (as this one is as well) but maybe because I'm older, I'm thinking too much as you said. So it sounds as though you discussed the issue and then both decided to take it slow, correct? That seems logical and, hey, communicating about it is a good start. I think you're right in that I should continue on a few more dates and see where things go. All I know at this point is that I like this person a lot. Best of luck in your relationship, it sounds like you've thought it out very well and are taking a sensible approach. BTW, I like to follow-up as well and let the person know I like them, had a good time, etc. I think I needed a woman to agree with me Yes, we were sort of dating for awhile, but before we started a relationship he asked me if it bothered me and we had a talk about it. And like I said, we decided to take it slow from there and just see what happens! Hope things go well Link to post Share on other sites
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