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Getting excited too soon?


rod_in_gtown

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So I just went on a first date with a gorgeous woman, we met online and we had our first date tonight. She was very nice, seemed to be into me and even seemed to like the fact that I brought her chocolates from San Francisco (She loves chocolate). I tried to be normal but I think being nervous got the best of me and might have said something dumb throughout the night. After dinner was over, I paid the check and offered to give her a ride home which she accepted and when we got to the door of her building we talked briefly and then we hugged and she got out of the car (should've opened the door for her but too late now), at this point I realize that I still don't have her phone number and as she's stepping out I tell her that I would love to call her and if she would give me her number, to which she responds, "I'll email it to you tomorrow"...

 

I may be overthinking it but this sounded VERY much like a blow-off, in her defense it was freezing cold outside, but how long does it take to give me her number?...

 

I got home and I wrote her a short email thanking her for a great evening and asking her when she's returning from her thanksgiving plans and if maybe she would like to get together again this weekend.

 

I may be overthinking this, but she seemed like she was very much into me, and all the signals up until the phone number seemed to tell me that she would like to see me again.

 

Am I in trouble here? I really like her, but I think I may be getting excited too early.

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I can see myself saying that given the circumstances (asked her for it as she's stepping out, it's freezing cold outside, etc.), even if I was totally into the guy. I wouldn't consider it a blow off at all. :)

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I can see myself saying that given the circumstances (asked her for it as she's stepping out, it's freezing cold outside, etc.), even if I was totally into the guy. I wouldn't consider it a blow off at all. :)

 

Also, she didn't glance back as she was walking into her building. Does that mean anything? Sometimes they glance, but she's a lawyer is that something you gals don't do?

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Also, she didn't glance back as she was walking into her building. Does that mean anything? Sometimes they glance, but she's a lawyer is that something you gals don't do?

 

You're analyzing this WAY too much. It was a FIRST date. RELAX. :)

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I wouldn't be worried about not glancing. I know I make it a point not to glance back when walking away because I'd be disappointed if they had already turned away.

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Well I guess you will find out.. if I am really into a guy I would make sure they have my Number and vise versa.

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Well, how was the chemistry during dinner, did you guys talk a lot, did she seem interested, was she looking at you or her watch :)

 

Without knowing how the whole thing went it is hard to tell but since you seem to have a feeling that she is blowing you off you may be reading it right. I guess I don't see why she would not give you her phone number at the time unless she wanted to think about it first.

 

In any case if you had a good time at dinner, found her fun, then you are ahead even if you don't go out with her again. Just enjoy the moment don't start worrying about what happens next, that way you will not get too disappointed. Good luck hope it works out for you.

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Well, how was the chemistry during dinner, did you guys talk a lot, did she seem interested, was she looking at you or her watch :)

 

Without knowing how the whole thing went it is hard to tell but since you seem to have a feeling that she is blowing you off you may be reading it right. I guess I don't see why she would not give you her phone number at the time unless she wanted to think about it first.

 

In any case if you had a good time at dinner, found her fun, then you are ahead even if you don't go out with her again. Just enjoy the moment don't start worrying about what happens next, that way you will not get too disappointed. Good luck hope it works out for you.

 

The chemistry was very good, we talked a lot, I mean we were there for almost 3 hours! we were looking at each other, at some points we kind of just stared at each other. I was very nervous because I hadn't talked to her on the phone prior to meeting, but she was very easy to get along. We joked a little about things, but all in all she made a great impression on me.

 

Even the good bye hug in the car we lingered a little. I guess I'm reading too much into the whole phone number thing.

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The chemistry was very good, we talked a lot, I mean we were there for almost 3 hours! we were looking at each other, at some points we kind of just stared at each other. I was very nervous because I hadn't talked to her on the phone prior to meeting, but she was very easy to get along. We joked a little about things, but all in all she made a great impression on me.

 

Even the good bye hug in the car we lingered a little. I guess I'm reading too much into the whole phone number thing.

 

I doubt she would have spent three hours with you if she did not find you interesting and enjoyable to be with. So I would not worry.

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1) You're worrying too much. Women can see insecurity. You're sitting here analyzing every move you make and everything that happens. Face it...if she's not into you then there is NOTHING you could have done differently to change that.

 

Calm down...chill out...be yourself when you go out on dates. Do not try to put on an act of what you think is the "ideal man" she wants. Treat dating as you putting your best foot forward, but she's got to love you for you...or else you're both wasting your time.

 

2) I wouldn't look good on her saying she would email me her number. When I see that, it says she's looking for an excuse to cut contact with you. Suddenly you never get that email and no reply to the one you sent...maybe later she'll be seen with some other guy.

 

I'm sorry to be a downer, but I'm of the mind if she really wanted you to call her then she would have given you the number then and there. She might have made up her mind already, or she's going to sit on it for a weekend and decide if she wants to try again with you or move on.

 

You emailed her, now leave her alone. Ball is in her court now. DO NOT start emailing her to try to get her attention. "Hey...was thinking of you. Hope you had a wonderful holiday. Maybe we can meet up this weekend?"

 

Don't do that. This is where you step back now and gauge her interest. If you get the number then she wants more...no reply...move on.

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Not to be a downer but an email ( to me ) might be OK when you are on a 1st date but to not get her number, when you seemed to be having a good time, would make me to question her intentions.

 

All you can do is wait and see.....

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Cherry Blossom 35

Were you dropping her off on a busy street? If someone dropped me off in front of my apartment, I would be wanting them to drive off as soon as possible because traffic will have to slow down for the parked car.

 

It's so hard to tell with these things. I went on two dates with a guy, and both went very well, or so I thought. Conversation came easily, there were some lingering looks, and he emailed me a couple of days later to tell me he wanted to see me again. I went on vacation, and *POOF* he was gone.

 

Hate to say it, but you now have to play the waiting game as the others have said. I honestly can see it going either way. If it was cold out and you were on a busy street, the email thing makes sense. Who knows. I hope it goes your way, though.

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Maybe a little too excited. Sending an email/text the same night is usually done by the lady, it's polite and allows her to thank you for dinner/coffee/drinks etc. Suggesting another get together the same night as your first date sounds too eager, and may also come off as desperate. Not by everyone, but early on in dating you really have to watch you don't reveal your hand too soon. It kills the whole mystery and challenge thing. Personally, if I'm having a good time and I think my date is too I may suggest something during the date itself. The down side of meeting people online is often they have multiple dates, where in most cases the people you meet in real life won't have multiple dates lined up. Yeah the ball is in her court, the waiting game can be somewhat nerve wracking. Hopefully you'll get the number/ reply. Intitiating further contact would be the worst thing you could do. Good luck

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Maybe a little too excited. Sending an email/text the same night is usually done by the lady, it's polite and allows her to thank you for dinner/coffee/drinks etc. Suggesting another get together the same night as your first date sounds too eager, and may also come off as desperate. Not by everyone, but early on in dating you really have to watch you don't reveal your hand too soon. It kills the whole mystery and challenge thing. Personally, if I'm having a good time and I think my date is too I may suggest something during the date itself. The down side of meeting people online is often they have multiple dates, where in most cases the people you meet in real life won't have multiple dates lined up. Yeah the ball is in her court, the waiting game can be somewhat nerve wracking. Hopefully you'll get the number/ reply. Intitiating further contact would be the worst thing you could do. Good luck

 

I agree with the first part of your point... you don't want to show your hand or come off as too eager. However, if she liked you in the first place, the note you sent when you got home won't make or break anything.

 

As far as the online dating thing... I have to tell you, I have been doing it for some time now and as much as the possibility for a date every night is there.... I rarely do it anymore. I truly wait it out and weed them out and only take a date with someone I have really scrutinized.

 

I'd totally tell someone I'd e-mail them my number if it were a similar situation. The whole looking back thing is bogus... I WOULD NEVER do it. I am too self conscious they would see me looking!

 

I don't always follow the body language rules. People are too different. My guy is an "arm crosser".... which typically means "barrier".... but he always does it when we are out, around others, when he's cold, when he's relaxing.... Doesn't mean much if she looked back or not.

 

So what is the deal hunnie? Did you get an e-mail today?

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Maybe a little too excited. Sending an email/text the same night is usually done by the lady, it's polite and allows her to thank you for dinner/coffee/drinks etc. Suggesting another get together the same night as your first date sounds too eager, and may also come off as desperate. Not by everyone, but early on in dating you really have to watch you don't reveal your hand too soon. It kills the whole mystery and challenge thing.

 

If a guy doesn't ask me out during the first date (for another date), I normally won't go out with him again. That's my rule. He doesn't have to say specifically when, but he does have to indicate he wants to see me again.

 

OP, she may just be mirroring you. You waited until the last minute to ask for the number... so she may have felt like "He waited all night and now wants me to stand out in the cold? I'll look desperate!"

 

You'll know soon enough.

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Were you dropping her off on a busy street? If someone dropped me off in front of my apartment, I would be wanting them to drive off as soon as possible because traffic will have to slow down for the parked car.

 

Hate to say it, but you now have to play the waiting game as the others have said. I honestly can see it going either way. If it was cold out and you were on a busy street, the email thing makes sense. Who knows. I hope it goes your way, though.

 

Thanks sweets, I know I'm on the waitring end of the deal. I've decided to just pay attention to my other matches (it's eharmony). As far as the location, it was on a busy street, (Mass ave) but in front of her building, there was a driveway so there wasn't any traffic behind waiting for us to move.

 

Maybe a little too excited. Sending an email/text the same night is usually done by the lady, it's polite and allows her to thank you for dinner/coffee/drinks etc. Suggesting another get together the same night as your first date sounds too eager, and may also come off as desperate. Not by everyone, but early on in dating you really have to watch you don't reveal your hand too soon. It kills the whole mystery and challenge thing. Personally, if I'm having a good time and I think my date is too I may suggest something during the date itself. The down side of meeting people online is often they have multiple dates, where in most cases the people you meet in real life won't have multiple dates lined up. Yeah the ball is in her court, the waiting game can be somewhat nerve wracking. Hopefully you'll get the number/ reply. Intitiating further contact would be the worst thing you could do. Good luck

 

We talked about our disdain for "game-playing" and how we just wanted to meet people, and that we had been each other's first match on eharmony since we joined at around the same time, so as far as the "hand showing" goes, I'm not really concerned. I am aware of the multiple dates and I also have other dates lined up for me.

 

I agree with the first part of your point... you don't want to show your hand or come off as too eager. However, if she liked you in the first place, the note you sent when you got home won't make or break anything.

 

Agreed

 

As far as the online dating thing... I have to tell you, I have been doing it for some time now and as much as the possibility for a date every night is there.... I rarely do it anymore. I truly wait it out and weed them out and only take a date with someone I have really scrutinized.

 

I'd totally tell someone I'd e-mail them my number if it were a similar situation. The whole looking back thing is bogus... I WOULD NEVER do it. I am too self conscious they would see me looking!

 

I don't always follow the body language rules. People are too different. My guy is an "arm crosser".... which typically means "barrier".... but he always does it when we are out, around others, when he's cold, when he's relaxing.... Doesn't mean much if she looked back or not.

 

So what is the deal hunnie? Did you get an e-mail today?

 

She did say that she had been very busy at work and that she was on some kind of deadline, she was the one who was pushing to meet before thanksgiving, so I'm taking that sign as part of her being interested and taking control of the first meeting. She allowed me to pay for the date, allowed me - a complete stranger - to give her a ride home in my car, when she could've done the metro since her place is VERY metro accessible.

 

However, I still haven't heard back from her. She is heading out today to thanksgiving with her family in VA but didn't say when she would be back.

 

If a guy doesn't ask me out during the first date (for another date), I normally won't go out with him again. That's my rule. He doesn't have to say specifically when, but he does have to indicate he wants to see me again.

 

OP, she may just be mirroring you. You waited until the last minute to ask for the number... so she may have felt like "He waited all night and now wants me to stand out in the cold? I'll look desperate!"

 

You'll know soon enough.

 

I usually ask for a second date as part of the first date, and I was nervous to be honest, that's not normal for me so I must've really liked her. But I hope my blunder won't undo any good impressions I made during the date, and to be honest, at our age (she's 35 and I'm 31) if that's a dealbreaker, then we have bigger issues. Plus I had sent her an email about an hour before the date telling her that I just realized that I didn't have her cell number and giving her mine in case we couldn't find each other or anything happened. But she might've not seen it until after I dropped her off.

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I usually ask for a second date as part of the first date, and I was nervous to be honest, that's not normal for me so I must've really liked her. But I hope my blunder won't undo any good impressions I made during the date, and to be honest, at our age (she's 35 and I'm 31) if that's a dealbreaker, then we have bigger issues. Plus I had sent her an email about an hour before the date telling her that I just realized that I didn't have her cell number and giving her mine in case we couldn't find each other or anything happened. But she might've not seen it until after I dropped her off.

 

It's probably not a dealbreaker for her, especially if you met on eHarmony. For me, it is, just because I know if a guy is really into you AND not into playing games, he will usually indicate that he wants to see you again right away. It sounds like you did that, but it might have thrown her off that it didn't happen till the end of the date (she might have begun to doubt the chemistry, etc).

 

Anyway, dating is rough stuff. If she hasn't emailed you yet, I'd say she's, at best, on the fence.

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MexicanBillBacker
So I just went on a first date with a gorgeous woman, we met online and we had our first date tonight. She was very nice, seemed to be into me and even seemed to like the fact that I brought her chocolates from San Francisco (She loves chocolate). I tried to be normal but I think being nervous got the best of me and might have said something dumb throughout the night. After dinner was over, I paid the check and offered to give her a ride home which she accepted and when we got to the door of her building we talked briefly and then we hugged and she got out of the car (should've opened the door for her but too late now), at this point I realize that I still don't have her phone number and as she's stepping out I tell her that I would love to call her and if she would give me her number, to which she responds, "I'll email it to you tomorrow"...

 

I may be overthinking it but this sounded VERY much like a blow-off, in her defense it was freezing cold outside, but how long does it take to give me her number?...

 

I got home and I wrote her a short email thanking her for a great evening and asking her when she's returning from her thanksgiving plans and if maybe she would like to get together again this weekend.

 

I may be overthinking this, but she seemed like she was very much into me, and all the signals up until the phone number seemed to tell me that she would like to see me again.

 

Am I in trouble here? I really like her, but I think I may be getting excited too early.

 

 

What happened to the 2 day rule?

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1. You met without ever speaking on the phone? Would she not give you her number before?

 

2. If she refused to give you her number before meeting, why would that be?

 

3. Definitely would have waited before emailing her. Actually if she still would not give me her number I would have not emailed her at all.

 

4. Who knows.. She may have just been bored, and like many online daters, wanted a night out of the house, free meal, etc. Nothing against you, but she might not really want to date anyone seriously, unless they were way out of her league.

 

5. No kiss? just a hug? I realize some women do not kiss on the first date, but you guys are in your 30's.

 

6. I think you sensed she was not very into you; hence your immediate email to her, and posting a thread here.

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I never kiss on the first date when I meet the person online. It just feels weird.

 

I don't usually kiss on the first date either unless there's CRAZY chemistry. I've had that with about 3 dates this year, unfortunately none of them have panned out.

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