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where are the romantics?


shadowplay

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Why is it that any strong display of affection toward somebody you don't know incredibly well is now considered creepy where it was once thought of as romantic? The kind of romantic gestures you see in movies would be considered a turn off in real life. Why is that? I mean I can understand some of the motivations behind this viewpoint, but I think something is lost in the process.

 

I was speaking with my father recently and he said that the idea of falling in love has completely changed since he was young. He said it used to be that it was seen as normal and desirable to fall in love at first sight. Now that is dismissed as infatuation. People look at things more cynically. I'm not necessarily advocating one view over the other. I think a balance between the two is most realistic and ideal. People experience love differently when they are told repeatedly that certain feelings are trivial or inappropriate.

 

There is something to be said for the deep, comfortable feelings you gradually develop for somebody you know extremely well. There's also something to be said for irrational, explosive feelings at first sight even if they have less basis in reality. It's not so much about what provokes the feeling, but the intensity and depth with which the individual feels them. Who is to say that the feelings one has for somebody they've just met can't be as deep as one they might have for somebody they've been with for two years? Only the individual knows the depth of their own feelings.

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I actualy find that acting like a creepy romantic toward a girl you barely know can work. Its kind of funny but true in my opinion, it works

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RecordProducer

Because that old-time blind romance leads to stupidity and heartbreak. Just like the new-time romance or any romance. :D

 

You are right about love on the first sight; the attraction we feel at the beginning is the one that feeds all other feelings that we develop down the road. It's still only infatuation because if that person disapeared after you've known them for a week, it won't feel the same for you as if you lose them after a year or two.

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sweetbutcheeky

I think it's because there are more games, bs and lies in dating today. People just trying to get in each other's pants vs honest dating and it's made people cynical and skeptical. So we also arn't use to someone liking us right away, so it's not something we are used to. I have come across guys who have only met with once or twice and they say they know they like me, which makes me feel a little creaped out or awkward. Though hard to say if these are the love at first sight kinda people cause these guys both turned out to want a instant realationship and one kinda got stalkerish.

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I've walked up to girls before and said something along the lines of "wow I think I'm in love" and it generaly goes over well

 

That's because many women are secretly are a sucker for those kind of displays since they're so rare nowadays.

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A man needs a really fine-tuned sensibility to approach a woman in a way that is sexy and romantic without being either crass or sappy. I don't think most men can pull it off.

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RecordProducer
I know.

 

I drove for 20 hours to leave a rose for Denver guy and then I'm stalker.

 

:rolleyes:

Twenty hours? Just to leave a rose for a guy? If you felt compelled to do that, it probably means he didn't deserve it.

 

I've walked up to girls before and said something along the lines of "wow I think I'm in love" and it generaly goes over well
They know it's a joke and a cute way of saying you like their ass. :p
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Twenty hours? Just to leave a rose for a guy? If you felt compelled to do that, it probably means he didn't deserve it.

 

Twenty hours each way, actually. Well, I wanted to talk to him but then I just left him the rose.

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A man needs a really fine-tuned sensibility to approach a woman in a way that is sexy and romantic without being either crass or sappy. I don't think most men can pull it off.

 

Its like a cliche from movies... the guy has to say "I wanted you from the first time I saw you, you're the most beuatiful girl ever" but pretty effictive stuff

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A man needs a really fine-tuned sensibility to approach a woman in a way that is sexy and romantic without being either crass or sappy. I don't think most men can pull it off.

 

It's true. And because those displays are so discouraged nowadays often the only guys who are gutsy enough to make them are the creeps who have nothing to lose.

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No, not all guys who do this are creepy or creeps. I'm thinking of the situation with my last short-term relationship. Now that was a man who did romance like no one else. I miss him.

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It's true. And because those displays are so discouraged nowadays often the only guys who are gutsy enough to make them are the creeps who have nothing to lose.

Well, the word creep is so overused. I mean an honest-to-goodness creep might be some guy who would grope you on the subway, but who else would really qualify?

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No, not all guys who do this are creepy or creeps. I'm thinking of the situation with my last short-term relationship. Now that was a man who did romance like no one else. I miss him.

I agree, TBF. It can be done quite skillfully in the right hands.

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A man needs a really fine-tuned sensibility to approach a woman in a way that is sexy and romantic without being either crass or sappy. I don't think most men can pull it off.

 

And he needs to make us believe he's genuine, and it's not just a line.

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And he needs to make us believe he's genuine, and it's not just a line.

And maybe it works best if he really is genuine.

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I agree, TBF. It can be done quite skillfully in the right hands.

To reference your genuine comment, he was genuine. Just that kind of guy. Wish there were more more of him around. Wish he had a different occupation.

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RecordProducer

Driving from LA to Denver to talk to a guy is considered creepy.

 

Flying from the US to Europe to meet your dream girl is considered a desperate man's booty call.

 

Forgiving the unforgivable makes you a doormat and a fool.

 

Feeling such strong connection with someone that you make love with them on the first date is - undoubtedly - slutty.

 

Committing to someone sexually from day one is impulsive and clingy; you're too predictable lest you have six dates scheduled after you've met the love of your li... oh, no! you're not even allowed to pronounce the phrase "LOML" until you've lived someone for a year and met all their extended family, bad habits, and dirty laundry - ie., until the magic of love turns into hard work to resolve problems.

 

Is there romance nowadays? People certainly try to kill it with their rationalizations. Love is love. I fell in love madly with my husband 2004 when I knew him for just a few days. Four years later, after many fights and problems, my feelings haven't changed. It's not romantic anymore, because our relationship is falling apart, but if he loved me - I could love him forever.

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movingonandon
Driving from LA to Denver to talk to a guy is considered creepy.

 

Flying from the US to Europe to meet your dream girl is considered a desperate man's booty call.

 

Forgiving the unforgivable makes you a doormat and a fool.

 

Feeling such strong connection with someone that you make love with them on the first date is - undoubtedly - slutty.

 

Committing to someone sexually from day one is impulsive and clingy; you're too predictable lest you have six dates scheduled after you've met the love of your li... oh, no! you're not even allowed to pronounce the phrase "LOML" until you've lived someone for a year and met all their extended family, bad habits, and dirty laundry - ie., until the magic of love turns into hard work to resolve problems.

 

Is there romance nowadays? People certainly try to kill it with their rationalizations. Love is love. I fell in love madly with my husband 2004 when I knew him for just a few days. Four years later, after many fights and problems, my feelings haven't changed. It's not romantic anymore, because our relationship is falling apart, but if he loved me - I could love him forever.

 

Good description. I used to be what would perhaps qualify as 'romantic'. But, narrow and formulatic expectations of courting/dating (e.g. "OMG, he told me he loves me and we haven't even been out for 3 months. LOL!") effectively killed any such inclinations, which is also a vicious circle, because once you get your feathers ruffled, you are less likely to act that boldly in a relationship that is actually doing great (I was restrained towards a great, and truly romantic girl), which in turn affects the relatoinship, etc. etc. etc.

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