pandagirl Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 Almost every guy I have been involved with from relationships, to dating, to making out, who has ended things with ME, has always disappeared, only to try to weasel their way back into my life months or years later. I had, no lie, three guys contact me this week in this vain. Do all guys do this when they get bored? I can say that I *never* contacted anyone I've dated before once a good amount of time has gone by. I either want that person gone from my life, or realize an attempt to reach out and reestablish communication is just a result of me being bored Link to post Share on other sites
4givrnt4gtr Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 Nope not all guys...or actually, not with all girls... I can say that of all the guys ive ever dated Ive only had 1 contact me again after we were over. The rest, all good and gone. Why? I dont know. Im not a B. or anything like that...actually most of them say im too nice. And actually, the only one that contact me again, was the only one i was not very nice with to begin with... So who knows...maybe you're just the right balance of mean and nice that makes them crawl back after a while.... Link to post Share on other sites
zicke Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 Every guy I've dated seriously has tried to come back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted November 23, 2008 Author Share Posted November 23, 2008 So who knows...maybe you're just the right balance of mean and nice that makes them crawl back after a while.... Haha. I'm definitely not "mean," I actually get the "too nice" thing more often. But, it's true. Once you're not interested anymore, they come knocking at your door. Link to post Share on other sites
SushiX Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 It could be that they're bored or lonely, but most of the time they come back for sex and that is all. Maybe they didn't get it the first time or misses it or thinks they can get it now, so they come back. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 I can say that I *never* contacted anyone I've dated before once a good amount of time has gone by. I either want that person gone from my life, or realize an attempt to reach out and reestablish communication is just a result of me being bored usually i end relationships with women and i've only had a handful who tried to get back together. most women are pretty good about staying away if the man ends it. but...if the woman ends it many men do try to crawl back eventually. maybe they can't take rejection as well as women can?? Link to post Share on other sites
jason83 Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 I've had ex girlfriends do the same with me. One called right after she got dumped "just to say hi and maybe catch up". Others out of the blue have texted me or called just to see how things were going and have asked about going out for lunch or dinner. Personally, I keep them all out of the picture for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted November 23, 2008 Author Share Posted November 23, 2008 usually i end relationships with women and i've only had a handful who tried to get back together. most women are pretty good about staying away if the man ends it. I agree, most women don't crawl back if the man ends it. In my situation, two of the three guys I've ended things with, and the other one broke up with me. But they're all hovering around! Also: would these guys still be contacting me if they had girlfriends or were dating others? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 I agree, most women don't crawl back if the man ends it. thats why the majority of stalkers are males... Also: would these guys still be contacting me if they had girlfriends or were dating others? most likely not Link to post Share on other sites
MN randomguy Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 Could be that you were too A, whatever. So, they date a girl that's opposite of you. B. After breaking up with girl B they decide that its better to err on the side of A. I've thought about calling back a girl I haven't seen in a year. I'd thought at the time that since she was a recovering Alcoholic it wouldn't be fun to date her. She doesn't drink at all, where would we go. Maybe drinking is overrated. Probably shouldn't have dumped her so fast. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 pandagirl, there are all kinds of reasons why exes initiate contact, from the most innocuous, to the worst case scenario. It's all up to you whether you want to maintain contact. If I recall correctly, from your previous threads, you like it when you can keep them in your life, since you consider people non-disposable. Why are you questioning it now? Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 All the men I know are like that. They go through their list of ex-girlfriends after something goes wrong with their current relationship. I think it is just easier for them instead of having to start from scratch. I will never fully understand it because I feel like if they are my ex then they earned that title and need to keep it. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 I think some people have a deep sense of regret. They sit there and dwell on their so-called mistakes rather than believing in themselves enough to know they made the right choice at the time. In that way I see them as weak and personally I'd have no time for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted November 23, 2008 Author Share Posted November 23, 2008 pandagirl, there are all kinds of reasons why exes initiate contact, from the most innocuous, to the worst case scenario. It's all up to you whether you want to maintain contact. If I recall correctly, from your previous threads, you like it when you can keep them in your life, since you consider people non-disposable. Why are you questioning it now? It's not that these guys aren't nice guys, and I would be friends with them, but I question their motives. I would be happy to have a friendship with these men, but at the same time, I don't want to be used as some girl to entertain themselves/ego while they're bored. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 It's not that these guys aren't nice guys, and I would be friends with them, but I question their motives. I would be happy to have a friendship with these men, but at the same time, I don't want to be used as some girl to entertain themselves/ego while they're bored. But that's the beauty of it all! You have the choice to be friends or not, if friendship is what YOU are looking for. How can someone use you to salve their ego, if all you're looking for is friendship? The ones who are looking for an ego-stroke will wander off eventually, if you don't give them what they're looking for from you. In the interim, you can focus on enjoying what they provide to you, which is the friendship element. Does that makes sense? Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 I mean, in the case of guys that ended things with you, it's entirely possible they just regretted missing out on a good thing. The ones that you rejected, it's more clear--they're just desperate. Link to post Share on other sites
kashmir Posted November 24, 2008 Share Posted November 24, 2008 but...if the woman ends it many men do try to crawl back eventually. maybe they can't take rejection as well as women can?? That's because a relationship can end and the woman can get a date the next day, unlike the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted November 24, 2008 Author Share Posted November 24, 2008 But that's the beauty of it all! You have the choice to be friends or not, if friendship is what YOU are looking for. How can someone use you to salve their ego, if all you're looking for is friendship? The ones who are looking for an ego-stroke will wander off eventually, if you don't give them what they're looking for from you. In the interim, you can focus on enjoying what they provide to you, which is the friendship element. Does that makes sense? Yes, it does make sense, but I guess if they do wander off again, I'm afraid my feelings will get hurt by letting myself believe they were sincerely interested in being my friend and just not for ulterior motives, i.e. sex, ego boost, boredom. I understand that ultimately, it is up to me to decide how I view these situations though. I mean, in the case of guys that ended things with you, it's entirely possible they just regretted missing out on a good thing. The ones that you rejected, it's more clear--they're just desperate. Psh. Of course they are missing out on a good thing! haha. But, seriously -- that is partly what I'm afraid of. There is something still there with this one particular guy, but it isn't something I really want to revisit at this time. He has contacted me three times now without me responding, and my resistance is wearing down. As for the other guys, they're just silly boys. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted November 24, 2008 Share Posted November 24, 2008 Being friends with an ex who you're not over is asking to be bent over a barrel. By the same token, aren't you pretending friendship when you want more? Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted November 24, 2008 Share Posted November 24, 2008 That's because a relationship can end and the woman can get a date the next day, unlike the guy. It's not THAT easy, Kashmir. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted November 24, 2008 Author Share Posted November 24, 2008 Being friends with an ex who you're not over is asking to be bent over a barrel. By the same token, aren't you pretending friendship when you want more? I don't want to be with him, but there is still something there, which is why I'd rather not see him or talk to him. Maybe down the line, but not now. I've learned the hard way that even if you DON'T want to be with the person, but there is still even a smidgen of attraction there, it can lead to more trouble than it's worth. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted November 24, 2008 Share Posted November 24, 2008 I don't want to be with him, but there is still something there, which is why I'd rather not see him or talk to him. Maybe down the line, but not now. I've learned the hard way that even if you DON'T want to be with the person, but there is still even a smidgen of attraction there, it can lead to more trouble than it's worth. Once again, the beauty of it all. It's ALL your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
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