Can I get her back?

[Hurikane]

I was in a relationship with my girlfriend/fiance for 5 years. She moved in with a new roommate(female) and everything fell apart. This girl has totally consumed her life. Now all she does is sit at their apartment with this girl everynight and drink. She has so much potential in life, and I hate to see her make a mistake like this. I have nobody to turn to either. This girl has caused her to lose all trust in me, so anything I say won't get through. I'm lost on this one. She did a complete 180 on me and I want the girl of my dreams back. The girl that had motivation in life and was outgoing. How do you handle the roommate issue?

[Ed]

You said you "were" in a relationship and that everything has fallen apart. I assume that means you have broken up with her but you are still in contact with each other to some extent.

 

Your girlfriend/fiance/ex-girlfriend makes her own choices on how to live her life. She always has and always will. You cannot make choices for her or even come across as if you know what is best for her. That's the role of a parent. You have to let go and let her do what she thinks is best for herself...even if you think it is the wrong thing for her to do. Remember, it's her life. She can live it any way she chooses.

 

As a significant person in her life (at least you were at one time), you have (or had) every right to tell her how you feel about certain things and to offer your advice or opinion about certain things. Beyond that, it's her ball game. She decides how to act or react to it.

 

You are not responsible for anything she does. You nor anyone else can intervene and make her see things your way or their way. The only thing you are responsible for is yourself. Just like her, you make your own choices too. After voicing your opinion or letting your feelings be known, you have to decide if her ongoing lifestyle is something you can live with or not.

 

The recent changes you have seen in her could be temporary or permanent. There is no way to tell. All you can do is live your own life to the fullest and do what you think is best for you. Take charge and go in the direction that suits you best even if it means leaving someone else behind. Those who find your lifestyle compatible with their own will remain beside you. The others will go their own way as they should.

 

Every person in the world has "potential" but, it is not your lot in life to wait around for them to discover it. Discover and focus on your own potential and go where it leads you.

[Tony T]

This girl of your dreams has turned into the girl of your nightmares!

 

People change. Obviously, this new roommate had far more of an impact on her and was a far greater influence on her life that yourself.

 

The very best thing you can do is retreat. You may not realize it right now but this roommate is the best friend you may ever have. She has helped you learn exactly what kind of lady you have been dating and just how fast she is capable of turning on you.

 

This roommate has helped you find out, despite the terrible hurt and pain the lesson has caused, that your lady (or former lady) is not sufficiently stable to be the right person for your life.

 

Take no pain to get her back. She is not worth it. What purpose would it serve? Because of what she has done you will never trust her another day in your life and you will always wonder who may appear again to turn her against you.

 

If some new person can come into her life and cause this kind of grave damage, your relationship was not a good one to begin with. It's unfortunate that it took this kind of experience to show you that.

 

Move on and wish her happiness with her new girlfriend. And don't look back.

 

You can never ever return to what you had so don't even try.

[Additional information]

I first want to thank the people that have responded to my post. I'm still not sure what course of action I will, but I am reading and taking them all into consideration.

 

I'm not sure if this would mean anything, but there are some other things that happened just prior to the breakup. There are also some other details that may come into play. This roommate, before moving in had an abusive boyfriend. I blew the whistle on him, and he ended up in jail. My ex-girlfriend was complaining, that though they live in a two bedroom apartment, the other girl would always go sleep in my ex's bed. She is also about twice the size of my ex-girlfriend.

 

Not sure if these could have a possible impact on things, but thought I would throw it out there.