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The reality of other people lies not in what they reveal to you, but what they cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand them, listen not to what they say, but rather to what they do not say.

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You are correct that human beings are complex creatures. Psychologists call it the Iceberg Theory...that 90 percent of the human psyche is buried below the surface and inaccesible to most people...just as the iceberg is mostly buried under the sea.

 

But in relationships, communication and trust is extremely important. If people don't disclose things to you that are important, depending on your intuition or speculation is pure nonsense and highly subject to error.

 

If people lie about important details you should be made aware of by concealing them and you find out about it, dump them.

 

It is up to each person to pay attention, listen with all their faculties, and ask the right questions in order to get to know their partner well. If you think for a minute that most people, especially men, are going to take the time to try to listen to the unspoken you will have a great deal of problems in life.

 

It is not that people CANNOT reveal certain things about themselves, as you stated in your post, it's that most people honestly don't know what to reveal and what not to reveal...or they are afraid of rejection...or it just doesn't come to mind.

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We all hide things. Do not fool yourself. There is just some things that you cannot tell others. Some people have bigger secrets than others. Some of these secrets may hurt their mate, and they may never tell. Yes communication is extremely important in a relationship. People damn well know what they cannot reveal to their partner.

 

I'd say about 99% of the people have something that they cannot tell their partner because of fear of what might happen.

 

This is a completely true statement. It is based on a famous quote none the less. People don't reveal things because they KNOW they are harmful, and they KNOW it will cause conflict. We all are different people when we are by ourselves, and if you deny this, you are denying yourself.

 

Trust is earned not given. Trust is something you must work for. This quote is merely for someone that does not completely have your trust. You will know when someone has your trust. It takes a long time to build trust, but only a second to destroy it.

 

"The reality of other people lies not in what they reveal to you, but what they cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand them, listen not to what they say, but rather to what they do not say. "

You are correct that human beings are complex creatures. Psychologists call it the Iceberg Theory...that 90 percent of the human psyche is buried below the surface and inaccesible to most people...just as the iceberg is mostly buried under the sea.

 

But in relationships, communication and trust is extremely important. If people don't disclose things to you that are important, depending on your intuition or speculation is pure nonsense and highly subject to error. If people lie about important details you should be made aware of by concealing them and you find out about it, dump them. It is up to each person to pay attention, listen with all their faculties, and ask the right questions in order to get to know their partner well. If you think for a minute that most people, especially men, are going to take the time to try to listen to the unspoken you will have a great deal of problems in life. It is not that people CANNOT reveal certain things about themselves, as you stated in your post, it's that most people honestly don't know what to reveal and what not to reveal...or they are afraid of rejection...or it just doesn't come to mind.

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Your post, the one you just wrote, confirms everything in my earlier post.

 

The problem is I was commenting on your two-sentence post further up...which was, in my opinion, not accurate.

 

But your post immediately above simply restates exactly what I said in my comments.

 

I am glad we DO agree on this matter!!!

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it is funny how people can be agreeing on the same thing and not even realize this.

 

my fiance argue about something and if it lasts long enough we come to find out that we are agreeing on it in differnt ways but still agreeing, we just have such different ways of expressing ourselves that it does not sound like we agree.

 

"The reality of other people lies not in what they reveal to you, but what they cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand them, listen not to what they say, but rather to what they do not say. "

 

i totally agree with this statement because that is how i am. there are some people you feel 'safe' with to reveal certain things, people you know who will not throw it back in your face, make fun of you, or use it against you in anyway.

 

i've been with my guy for almost four years now, and to this day there are things i would love to confide in him, day to day things but i feel i cannot comfortably tell him certain things because of his nature.

 

he does not understand alot of about what i am or who i am. he thinks things in life are only as complicated as you make them and that i make things complicated for myself so i have no right to bitch about them.

 

so i dont, not to him anyway, so on days like today when i am having these bad anxiety attacks, i cannot go to him for comfort in the way i want to.

 

i cannot go to him and tell him what is stressing me out so greatly. he is from mars and that should explain why i guess.

 

so if someone can look past what you show to them and see what you are not saying, then they are someone very intuitive and sensitive to me anyways and i would love to be around someone like that to help me draw myself out. i think that is what counseling does and that is what they do.

 

Your post, the one you just wrote, confirms everything in my earlier post. The problem is I was commenting on your two-sentence post further up...which was, in my opinion, not accurate. But your post immediately above simply restates exactly what I said in my comments. I am glad we DO agree on this matter!!!
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They're as much of an annoyance to each other as they are to us women! ;)

 

Fortuneately evolution is beginning to eliminate them from the human gene pull via the process of "natural selection". Because women these days prefer their men more sensitive than arrogant, there is little chance we'll be breeding any more of them in the very near future.

 

And before I duck for cover, let me remind you two gentlemen that a little teasing is all in good fun. Besides, I owe Tony one for the jab he took at my poor writing skills. :)

 

Gotcha!

it is funny how people can be agreeing on the same thing and not even realize this. my fiance argue about something and if it lasts long enough we come to find out that we are agreeing on it in differnt ways but still agreeing, we just have such different ways of expressing ourselves that it does not sound like we agree. "The reality of other people lies not in what they reveal to you, but what they cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand them, listen not to what they say, but rather to what they do not say. " i totally agree with this statement because that is how i am. there are some people you feel 'safe' with to reveal certain things, people you know who will not throw it back in your face, make fun of you, or use it against you in anyway.

 

i've been with my guy for almost four years now, and to this day there are things i would love to confide in him, day to day things but i feel i cannot comfortably tell him certain things because of his nature. he does not understand alot of about what i am or who i am. he thinks things in life are only as complicated as you make them and that i make things complicated for myself so i have no right to bitch about them. so i dont, not to him anyway, so on days like today when i am having these bad anxiety attacks, i cannot go to him for comfort in the way i want to. i cannot go to him and tell him what is stressing me out so greatly. he is from mars and that should explain why i guess. so if someone can look past what you show to them and see what you are not saying, then they are someone very intuitive and sensitive to me anyways and i would love to be around someone like that to help me draw myself out. i think that is what counseling does and that is what they do.

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this is too wild -- I just sent a post to a friend addressing the very same thing.

 

I agree with Crystal, that it takes an intuitive and sensitive person to look past the facade to "get" what a person is really like. You figure out what people really are that way, like knowing that while someone might seem nice and fun, you instinctively know when something darker lies beneath their facade. My thought is, we typically tend to ignore those instincts because we want so much to like someone, that we want to prove that instinct wrong...

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That's kind of the way it is lots of times.

 

And there are many who present a false self, a public image of who they want others to see them as or believe they are.

 

And there are those who are "what you see is what you get" and people often want to change them.

 

Is there any winning here???

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You agreed with me too in your post! Ah, this situation is over.

Your post, the one you just wrote, confirms everything in my earlier post. The problem is I was commenting on your two-sentence post further up...which was, in my opinion, not accurate. But your post immediately above simply restates exactly what I said in my comments. I am glad we DO agree on this matter!!!
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Huh? It all sounds like double-speak hogwash to me. Sorry guys---a little too esoteric for me. Is that how you spell esoteric? I can't find my spellcheck.

That's kind of the way it is lots of times.

 

And there are many who present a false self, a public image of who they want others to see them as or believe they are. And there are those who are "what you see is what you get" and people often want to change them. Is there any winning here???

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