Feeling very smothered....

[Rachel]

I've been seeing this guy for about one month now. It's apparant that he's crazy about me, because he's told me that.

 

Two problems;

 

1. He keeps calling me, maybe 6 times a day. Many calls are during the day when I'm at work(I can take any number of calls at work), and I feel like I'm interrupted during my work. He works by appt only type of thing, so in between appts. he is not busy.

 

Also, I am buying a house, selling a house, basically have a lot going on in my life, and I just feel a bit smothered.

 

2. He expects to see me WAY too much during the week. It's like he's taken this relationsip to the next level, and its only been one month.

 

Help. I want to put on the brakes.... I feel like if he would just TONE IT DOWN, it would be fine, because I DO enjoy his company, just not this much of it.

 

I don't want to hurt his feelings.

[Tony T]

First of all, what gives you the idea you have the power to hurt his feelings? He is totally and completely responsible for how he feels and you have no control over that.

 

So you are willing to be put through hell rather than tell someone to back off??? It doesn't work that way.

 

First, tell the man your workplace has a new policy of allowing only one short personal call each day. Any more than that could make you subject to termination. That should handle the calls at work.

 

Second, doesn't this man ask you out? Or does he just show up at your place? You've only been seeing him one month. If he just shows up, let him know you always prefer a call before visits so you can be ready. Let him know you don't answer the door unless you're expecting somebody.

 

And when he asks you out, you are able to tell him you have things to do and suggest another day. That's what it's all about, I thought.

 

You are the captain of your ship. If you allow some chump you've only been dating one month to turn your life upside down and make a nuisance of himself, that is your fault...not his.

 

Learn to be assertive and express yourself. Not only will you free up more time for yourself and be happier with life and this guy, but he will like you and respect you all the more for speaking up.

 

I feel sorry for this guy you're dating. He knows absolutely nothing about women. If he continues on his present agressive course, you will grow to resent him.

[Rachel]

Things were developing at a normal pace, until about 10 days ago. Then all of a sudden, the increased phone calls, etc.

 

I feel like I mislead him, because at first it was just fine and dandy.... but now ALL OF A SUDDEN, its like I can't breathe.

 

I don't want to tell him how to act, but how do I let him know he's not even giving me a chance to miss him or want to be with him?

 

I feel like he's just ALL into me, and he doesn't even really know me.

 

I gave him the go ahead on dating exclusively last Friday, and now I regret it. So how do I renig on it? Let him know I really made a mistake, and I'm not ready for an exclusive relationship?

 

Help!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First of all, what gives you the idea you have the power to hurt his feelings? He is totally and completely responsible for how he feels and you have no control over that. So you are willing to be put through hell rather than tell someone to back off??? It doesn't work that way. First, tell the man your workplace has a new policy of allowing only one short personal call each day. Any more than that could make you subject to termination. That should handle the calls at work. Second, doesn't this man ask you out? Or does he just show up at your place? You've only been seeing him one month. If he just shows up, let him know you always prefer a call before visits so you can be ready. Let him know you don't answer the door unless you're expecting somebody. And when he asks you out, you are able to tell him you have things to do and suggest another day. That's what it's all about, I thought. You are the captain of your ship. If you allow some chump you've only been dating one month to turn your life upside down and make a nuisance of himself, that is your fault...not his. Learn to be assertive and express yourself. Not only will you free up more time for yourself and be happier with life and this guy, but he will like you and respect you all the more for speaking up. I feel sorry for this guy you're dating. He knows absolutely nothing about women. If he continues on his present agressive course, you will grow to resent him.

[Tony T]

If you don't set boundaries for people's dealings with you, nobody else will do that for you.

 

There is NOTHING in the universe sexier to a man than for a woman to put him in his place. I suppose it's a flashback to mama and childhood thing.

 

Don't be the least bit shy about telling him straight out what you've told us here. You're smart enough to use words that will be discrete and kind but also get your message across.

 

I promise you that if you don't set him straight RIGHT NOW, this thing will be over in a flash.

 

Straight away, let him know you are an independent person and while you enjoy relationships, you don't want them to rule your life. Let him know you really enjoy hearing from him but just once a day, and NOT at work.

 

Dating is all about learning about the other person. If you don't disclose these likes and dislikes about yourself to him, he doesn't stand a chance.

 

It seems this guy is really hooked on you. Give the poor guy a heads up by clueing him in on what it will take to win your heart...that's backing off somewhat.

 

Let him also know that if you don't start feeling better about all this, the exclusive thing will be withdrawn without notice.

[quankanne]

yikes, it sounds as if you've found yourself with a sticky-booger kind of boyfriend. You know, you understand at first that the booger isn't harmful, but the longer you leave it in place, the more annoying it gets.

 

While it's normal to want to be together as much as you can, you aren't in any way wrong in setting up boundaries, especially if you feel that you need to e-e-e-a-a-s-e into a relationship. He sounds excited about being with you (that's good) but needs to understand what the boundaries are. The more quickly you tell him, the more quickly you place your relationship on an even keel -- otherwise, you'll start resenting him and will soon find yourself going out of your way to avoid him, like a sticky booger.

 

keep us posted, I'm interested in how things work out

[Angel]

When men are looking and ready for a relationship, and they think they've found the right one---BAM, they fall in love real fast! You better tell him loud and clear right now that it is going too fast; you set the pace, you tell him when, where, and what time you will see him. If he loves you (which it sounds like he's real smitten), he'll do what you ask. YOU take control. Go as slowly as you need to. Good luck.

Things were developing at a normal pace, until about 10 days ago. Then all of a sudden, the increased phone calls, etc. I feel like I mislead him, because at first it was just fine and dandy.... but now ALL OF A SUDDEN, its like I can't breathe. I don't want to tell him how to act, but how do I let him know he's not even giving me a chance to miss him or want to be with him? I feel like he's just ALL into me, and he doesn't even really know me. I gave him the go ahead on dating exclusively last Friday, and now I regret it. So how do I renig on it? Let him know I really made a mistake, and I'm not ready for an exclusive relationship?

 

Help!