Stood Up!

[velvet]

This charming man who has wined and dined me has stood me up tonight. I became aware, as it was getting late in the day and had not herd from him, that something was wrong. But I didnt call him, I just got ready a little later so that if he were to have stood me up I would go out anyway.

 

So he calls me, and I let my voice mail pick it up. He says that hes having to work late tonight and we have to make plans for another time. Gee, you think he could have called earlier!

 

Im not calling him back. He asked me to and said that he wanted to talk. Am I being just a little rough? Does he deserve a phone call in return? I certainly dont think so.

 

If I knew him a little better I would call. I only know he is charming, yet has a hint of vanity. So I dont think I know him well enough to give him the satisfaction of calling.

 

Damn, and he is so fine!

[yes]

if i were u, i'd just call him. maybe it was an urgent after-hours session... what do u know... and it's pure politeness to return calls, too. i think if he does it once, its fine. if it becomes a habit, that sux.

 

see you,

 

-yes

This charming man who has wined and dined me has stood me up tonight. I became aware, as it was getting late in the day and had not herd from him, that something was wrong. But I didnt call him, I just got ready a little later so that if he were to have stood me up I would go out anyway. So he calls me, and I let my voice mail pick it up. He says that hes having to work late tonight and we have to make plans for another time. Gee, you think he could have called earlier! Im not calling him back. He asked me to and said that he wanted to talk. Am I being just a little rough? Does he deserve a phone call in return? I certainly dont think so. If I knew him a little better I would call. I only know he is charming, yet has a hint of vanity. So I dont think I know him well enough to give him the satisfaction of calling. Damn, and he is so fine!

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Im not calling him back. He asked me to and said that he wanted to talk. Am I being just a little rough?"

 

No, not at all. Whether he had to work late or not, he should have called you earlier in the day to leave a message and warn you of the possibility of cancellation. He certainly should have called you the minute he knew he would have to work late...and, for sure, prior to the time he was scheduled to pick you up.

 

2. "Does he deserve a phone call in return?"

 

No, not really. But I would call him and briefly listen to his BS. Then I would tell him that what he did was totally unacceptable and men who do that do not have a place in your life. Better yet, leave a message on his voicemail at work very late tonight after you get back from wherever. Tell him you just got in from your evening, that you don't appreciate his late cancellation, and you don't tolerate that sort of thing from men...PERIOD!!!

 

He needs to learn that no matter how great a stud he is he still has to show politeness and consideration to the women he pursues.

[clia]

Do not, absolutely, do not call him back. If he wants to explain himself, let him call you. One thing I've learned is that if a guys is really sorry, he will call YOU. and apologize profusely for what he did. He will not expect you to call him after he was the one who screwed up.

 

And furthermore, if a guy doesn't call to confirm a date a day in advance (a guy you hardly know anyway, like this one), you should consider yourself free to make other plans if you haven't heard from them in a week. A gentleman confirms plans.

This charming man who has wined and dined me has stood me up tonight. I became aware, as it was getting late in the day and had not herd from him, that something was wrong. But I didnt call him, I just got ready a little later so that if he were to have stood me up I would go out anyway. So he calls me, and I let my voice mail pick it up. He says that hes having to work late tonight and we have to make plans for another time. Gee, you think he could have called earlier! Im not calling him back. He asked me to and said that he wanted to talk. Am I being just a little rough? Does he deserve a phone call in return? I certainly dont think so. If I knew him a little better I would call. I only know he is charming, yet has a hint of vanity. So I dont think I know him well enough to give him the satisfaction of calling. Damn, and he is so fine!

[Tony T]

Let us know how you finally resolved this situation. Maybe he's got a smoothe tongue and will be able to talk his way back into your life, at least for a while. Please give us a follow-up report.

 

Thanks...and very sorry this happened to you.

[BeenThere]

It's his place to telephone "you" with an explaination just as it should have been the night he stood you up. And don't be so eager to eccept his excuse and go back out with him. I think you need to get busy and not make yourself so available to him. I can feel the hair standing up on the back of my neck...the "jerk" alarm is sounding real loud for this one...

 

Be careful.

 

Do not, absolutely, do not call him back. If he wants to explain himself, let him call you. One thing I've learned is that if a guys is really sorry, he will call YOU. and apologize profusely for what he did. He will not expect you to call him after he was the one who screwed up. And furthermore, if a guy doesn't call to confirm a date a day in advance (a guy you hardly know anyway, like this one), you should consider yourself free to make other plans if you haven't heard from them in a week. A gentleman confirms plans.

[sparkle]

Tony, Clia and BeenThere are absolutely correct! Boy, I wish I had these posts to guide me when it happened to me. Consider yourself lucky.

 

I had a guy do this to me, not once, but repeatedly. It was my own fault for letting him get away with it the first time. If I had put my foot down and done what these people have suggested, I would have saved myself A GREAT DEAL of pain and frustration.

 

Don't let him get off easy about this. If you do, I guarantee it'll happen over and over again. Your thinking seems good though, you're on the right track.

[yes]

why dont u guys give this guy a chance to explain himself?

 

what if he was about to leave to pick her up and got an urgent call from work?

 

i know ppl whose job includes being available for urgent calls 24-7.

 

i wouldn't be so damn hard on him as long as he's very sorry and gives a good explanation and it doesn't happen again.

 

-yes

Tony, Clia and BeenThere are absolutely correct! Boy, I wish I had these posts to guide me when it happened to me. Consider yourself lucky.

 

I had a guy do this to me, not once, but repeatedly. It was my own fault for letting him get away with it the first time. If I had put my foot down and done what these people have suggested, I would have saved myself A GREAT DEAL of pain and frustration. Don't let him get off easy about this. If you do, I guarantee it'll happen over and over again. Your thinking seems good though, you're on the right track.

[Tony T]

As I stated in my post above, if he thought there was any chance of his having to stay at work late, he should have

 

warned Velvet of the possibility.

 

If his work involves getting emergency calls or calls for his services at the last minute, Velvet should have been warned...and therefore would have understood.

 

This is a clear case of inconsideration, lack of respect and lack of responsiblity. He deserves what he dishes out. Screw him!!!

[velvet]

Well I left and went to McDonalds grabbed a combo and headed to a g/f to for awhile. Than came home and decided to call him. I did, after reading Tonys reply to my post. Got his voice mail. I told him that I didnt appreciate the late cancelation, that is something I dont care to tolerate. I also said that because he had to work, I understood that and to give me a call sometime.

 

If it happens again, I wont tolerate it. So Im going to give him a chance to make it up. I expect that he would call me sometime before the day is late today to explain himself. If not, Im going to take that as another warning to back off all the way.

 

He usually calls me every other day. We always try to find a time to get together, but my sch is hectic at the beginning of the week and slows down Thursday thru the weekend. Hes tried several times to get up with me on my busy days, but Ive turned him down everytime. That is why we decided for Friday, yet he calls the last min. Im guessing also, that perhaps he tried to finish his work and could be the reason for calling late.

 

why dont u guys give this guy a chance to explain himself? what if he was about to leave to pick her up and got an urgent call from work? i know ppl whose job includes being available for urgent calls 24-7. i wouldn't be so damn hard on him as long as he's very sorry and gives a good explanation and it doesn't happen again. -yes

[Tony T]

I like McDonalds' combo meals sometimes when I'm really pissed. And they're cheaper than if you buy the burger or whatever, fries and Coke separately.

 

Let us know if he calls. No more breaks for this chump...I don't care what kind of a GQ model he is...all the more reason to not take this too seriously.

 

I think Wendy's has better burgers...and really great Chili, too. But if you want really great burgers you've got to go outside the chains. They're just a little bit more expensive.

 

What a jerk this guy is.

 

I also like chicken sanwhiches all the way almost anywhere.

[clia]

He can certainly have a chance to explain himself, but he needs to call her to do so. I personally think the "give me a call and I'll explain" excuse is BS. If he really cares, he will call her and do everything in his power to track her down. He's the one who screwed up. The ball should be in his court, not hers.

 

(This is slightly moot since Velvet already called him, but I still stand by it. There is no way I would've called.)

why dont u guys give this guy a chance to explain himself? what if he was about to leave to pick her up and got an urgent call from work? i know ppl whose job includes being available for urgent calls 24-7. i wouldn't be so damn hard on him as long as he's very sorry and gives a good explanation and it doesn't happen again. -yes

[velvet]

I like McDonalds' combo meals sometimes when I'm really pissed. And they're cheaper than if

I have od on McDonalds so much, I should own a chain.

 

I wonder how in the world McDonalds became so big, they obviously do not have the best food. I only go for the ketchup, I drown all of it ketchup before I dare to eat it.

 

If I dont have extra ketchup, I wont eat it.

[Junior]

One thing you have failed to mention. What kind of work does he do? Does he have the kind of job that would cause him to have to work late on a Friday night? I know some people have jobs where, once it's quitting time, they are never obligated to stay late. Ever. SO you know best whether his "excuse" sounds believable or not.

 

My guess is that it was a Friday night and Don Juan found someone else to go out with. People don't usually get hit with a pile of work that requires them to stay late, at the last minute, particularly on a Friday night. Sounds a little too fishy to me. If it had been any other night of the week, other than the weekend, I might have bought it. But considering all you've posted about this slick-willy and the fact that he has player tendencies, I'd say you should just write him off. So what if he had to work late. Couldn't he have suggested changing your plans last night to something else, perhaps meeting a couple hours later and going for a bite to eat or coffee or a drink? What, did he have to work til 3am?

 

Don't act so desperate. Like someone else said: if someone is truly sorry, they will apologize profusely. And they usually won't start off a relationship by calling off a pre-planned date at the last minute. That isn't a good indication of things to come.

Well I left and went to McDonalds grabbed a combo and headed to a g/f to for awhile. Than came home and decided to call him. I did, after reading Tonys reply to my post. Got his voice mail. I told him that I didnt appreciate the late cancelation, that is something I dont care to tolerate. I also said that because he had to work, I understood that and to give me a call sometime.

 

If it happens again, I wont tolerate it. So Im going to give him a chance to make it up. I expect that he would call me sometime before the day is late today to explain himself. If not, Im going to take that as another warning to back off all the way. He usually calls me every other day. We always try to find a time to get together, but my sch is hectic at the beginning of the week and slows down Thursday thru the weekend. Hes tried several times to get up with me on my busy days, but Ive turned him down everytime. That is why we decided for Friday, yet he calls the last min. Im guessing also, that perhaps he tried to finish his work and could be the reason for calling late.

[Junior]

I'm quite fond of Whopper Jr's with cheese, myself. I think they're better burgers than McDicks or Wendy's.

I like McDonalds' combo meals sometimes when I'm really pissed. And they're cheaper than if you buy the burger or whatever, fries and Coke separately. Let us know if he calls. No more breaks for this chump...I don't care what kind of a GQ model he is...all the more reason to not take this too seriously. I think Wendy's has better burgers...and really great Chili, too. But if you want really great burgers you've got to go outside the chains. They're just a little bit more expensive. What a jerk this guy is. I also like chicken sanwhiches all the way almost anywhere.

[Junior]

If someone screws up as he did, it should be up to him to contact her and make amends/make it up to her/apologize/ask to meet in person to apologize. It's cowardly and questionable, him wanting her to call him so that he can explain. That's not her job to go chasing the guy down for an apology. If he's such a winer and diner, he should be sending her flowers with an apology or at least going out of his way to show her he is sorry. This is not the kind of behavior that sits well in the beginning of a relationship, it's unacceptable and would set off warning bells in my mind. Like I said above, I doubt he worked all night long. He could have simply changed their plans so that they met a couple hours later, that would have been more believable and decent.

He can certainly have a chance to explain himself, but he needs to call her to do so. I personally think the "give me a call and I'll explain" excuse is BS. If he really cares, he will call her and do everything in his power to track her down. He's the one who screwed up. The ball should be in his court, not hers.

 

(This is slightly moot since Velvet already called him, but I still stand by it. There is no way I would've called.)

[velvet]

We of course were just starting to know each other, and he says he owns his own constructions business doing just all kinds of projects, and that the summer is his busy season. When I asked him for a business card, he said he doesnt have any made, that he works by word of mouth. Well when he said that I felt like jumping out of the vehicle and going home, but dinner was excellent. He talks alot about his job, which I believe he is a hard and dedicated person at it, but and owner? Strikes me as not, if you dont have anything to back it up. He has told me a couple times that I should see his shop, that he and his buddies drink some beers when they work late and pull all nighters.

 

Wed he said he had material coming in late thursday afternoon. Anyway, Im going out tonight, hitting the clubs, and if I should see him, he gets the cold shoulder.

One thing you have failed to mention. What kind of work does he do? Does he have the kind of job that would cause him to have to work late on a Friday night? I know some people have jobs where, once it's quitting time, they are never obligated to stay late. Ever. SO you know best whether his "excuse" sounds believable or not. My guess is that it was a Friday night and Don Juan found someone else to go out with. People don't usually get hit with a pile of work that requires them to stay late, at the last minute, particularly on a Friday night. Sounds a little too fishy to me. If it had been any other night of the week, other than the weekend, I might have bought it. But considering all you've posted about this slick-willy and the fact that he has player tendencies, I'd say you should just write him off. So what if he had to work late. Couldn't he have suggested changing your plans last night to something else, perhaps meeting a couple hours later and going for a bite to eat or coffee or a drink? What, did he have to work til 3am? Don't act so desperate. Like someone else said: if someone is truly sorry, they will apologize profusely. And they usually won't start off a relationship by calling off a pre-planned date at the last minute. That isn't a good indication of things to come.

[BeenThere]

If someone screws up as he did, it should be up to him to contact her and make amends/make it up to her/apologize/ask to meet in person to apologize. It's cowardly and questionable, him wanting her to call him so that he can explain. That's not her job to go chasing the guy down for an apology. If he's such a winer and diner, he should be sending her flowers with an apology or at least going out of his way to show her he is sorry. This is not the kind of behavior that sits well in the beginning of a relationship, it's unacceptable and would set off warning bells in my mind. Like I said above, I doubt he worked all night long. He could have simply changed their plans so that they met a couple hours later, that would have been more believable and decent.

[Angel]

I wouldn't call him not even if my life depended on it. Make him find you, if he can. He should be sending you flowers and apologizing profusely. If he doesn't, he's not the man for you. A man loves a chase.

 

From a latina woman.

if i were u, i'd just call him. maybe it was an urgent after-hours session... what do u know... and it's pure politeness to return calls, too. i think if he does it once, its fine. if it becomes a habit, that sux. see you, -yes

[velvet]

My g/f and I went out clubing, and the last club we went to was the place where I had meet him. Well, I ended up seeing him. He told me he thought my message was mean. I dont know what I said, I was to busy. I had all these fine looking men around me and the music was kicken, so I just danced. He left and late I ended up geeing up on a table type thing, I danced, he came up to me. Put his hands around my waist and he was like waist high to me and and was pulling my body toward his face. I pushed his hands away but playfully rubbed my hands on his head.

 

Well, come 4:30 in the morn. I was so ready to get home. He was at the exit when I was leaving. I was hugging so many necks going out the door that I didnt pay him much attention. Odd that he knew when I was leaving! But I hugged him and told him to give me a call sometime, he kissed me.

 

He is so adorable. I want him, I do! But I certainly dont want an a-hole.

[:(]

well you didn't really stand up to him did you? that's a shame. it would be a cold day in hell before I'd tolerate a guy standing me up like that, then ending up meeting up with him and allowing him to get all friendly, kissing him goodnight and telling him to call me some time. you say you don't want an a-hole but your behavior speaks otherwise.

 

you say he is so adorable. obviously your only hooked on his looks. coz there's really nothing adorable about a guy who gives you some bs-excuse for cancelling your date at the last minute; which was no doubt a lie anyway. people only end up with a-holes if they allow a-holes into their life. don't complain if this guy stands you up again or plays you, coz you are giving him permission and you are sending him a message that it's acceptable of him to treat you like dirt and that you forget it all very quickly. this guy's got it made in the shade. you need to get some self respect girl.

My g/f and I went out clubing, and the last club we went to was the place where I had meet him. Well, I ended up seeing him. He told me he thought my message was mean. I dont know what I said, I was to busy. I had all these fine looking men around me and the music was kicken, so I just danced. He left and late I ended up geeing up on a table type thing, I danced, he came up to me. Put his hands around my waist and he was like waist high to me and and was pulling my body toward his face. I pushed his hands away but playfully rubbed my hands on his head. Well, come 4:30 in the morn. I was so ready to get home. He was at the exit when I was leaving. I was hugging so many necks going out the door that I didnt pay him much attention. Odd that he knew when I was leaving! But I hugged him and told him to give me a call sometime, he kissed me. He is so adorable. I want him, I do! But I certainly dont want an a-hole.

[Tony T]

well you didn't really stand up to him did you? that's a shame. it would be a cold day in hell before I'd tolerate a guy standing me up like that, then ending up meeting up with him and allowing him to get all friendly, kissing him goodnight and telling him to call me some time. you say you don't want an a-hole but your behavior speaks otherwise. you say he is so adorable. obviously your only hooked on his looks. coz there's really nothing adorable about a guy who gives you some bs-excuse for cancelling your date at the last minute; which was no doubt a lie anyway. people only end up with a-holes if they allow a-holes into their life. don't complain if this guy stands you up again or plays you, coz you are giving him permission and you are sending him a message that it's acceptable of him to treat you like dirt and that you forget it all very quickly. this guy's got it made in the shade. you need to get some self respect girl.

 

[stovetop]

Enough of your sad story. You are INVITING guys like that to BURN your fanny and believe me, you are GONNA get burned. If that's ok, go play with those matches some more. Read the message before Tony's. It says it ALL!

[velvet]

and free from dishonesty. But Ill let you guys know if I see him again, or what he does next if anything.

Enough of your sad story. You are INVITING guys like that to BURN your fanny and believe me, you are GONNA get burned. If that's ok, go play with those matches some more. Read the message before Tony's. It says it ALL!

[Tony T]

You just never know about people. There are some great actors. I think most people on the board believe in second chances so in a very reserved fashion maybe you ought to do that. It seems you're really smitten with this guy and wanting to depend him to the hilt despite the fact that he dumped on you.

 

See him again if he calls and see what happens. But remember...fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice, shame on Velvet. It'll be a risk but you never know.

 

If he pulls this stunt one more time, stay far away from him. And don't be so nice to him now after what he did. Be businesslike. By being nice, you just encourage him and teach him it's OK to be rude.

 

I have found that people who have screwed me over in the past felt genuinely upset because they felt genuinely guilty. They were sorry they did whatever because they knew it was wrong. If he knew he had conducted himself properly, he would have no reason to be upset at all now, would he???