indianlover Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 So I starting seeing this guy three weeks ago. We hit it off immediately. Went dancing, flirted, etc. He got my number and asked me out the next day. We went to brunch, walked around, and talked. We both have unusual yet similar backgrounds. He kissed me and we said goodbye. The next weekend I invited him to my place and we had a ball in and out of bed. The next week was dancing, fun, etc. Then he had a party at his place and I got a bit drunk...he was acting weird kinda distant at the party. Some other things like he wouldn't tell me his birthday, email address, etc also bothered me so we got into a fight. He apologized and we talked it through. We spent the rest of the weekend cooking, watching movies, etc. A great time. He called two days later to break up with me - he said he wasn't ready for an intense relationship (he got out of a 3 yr relationship 4 months ago). And left the door open for coffee / maybe starting over more slowly. ...Two weeks later he still hasn't called (but he's had finals so good excuse)...do I keep waiting? Do I try calling? I really like this guy and want to see if we can make it work. Let me know what you think. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Goss Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 call him one last time and calmly ask what he wants to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 I think he left the door open for coffee just like kids say in jr high "Let's stay friends." That is almost always a line that the breaker-up tells the broken-up, just to make them feel better. A Milkbone, if you will. He doesn't want an intensive relationship. What else can he say that makes that better? You want a R, he doesn't. If he wakes up in 10 days and realizes that he misses you badly, he knows how to call you. Until then, if you call him, you are just giving him the satisfaction of believing that he is, indeed, unforgettable and irrestible. Let this one go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author indianlover Posted October 23, 2008 Author Share Posted October 23, 2008 Yeah I hear ya about the "not so in to you" thing. I don't know this guy keeps the commitments he makes which makes me think he'll call again, but I just don't want to be waiting forever. I'm also one of those people that has trouble accepting things and wants to try to make it work when i find someone that I think is worth my time. I just don't want to blow it a second time so I'm trying to play it cool. Playing it cool = not calling? Is there a way to play it cool and call or run into him somehow? Link to post Share on other sites
LoveDeluxe78 Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Yeah I hear ya about the "not so in to you" thing. I don't know this guy keeps the commitments he makes which makes me think he'll call again, but I just don't want to be waiting forever. I'm also one of those people that has trouble accepting things and wants to try to make it work when i find someone that I think is worth my time. I just don't want to blow it a second time so I'm trying to play it cool. Playing it cool = not calling? Is there a way to play it cool and call or run into him somehow? Aaaww....I know exactly how you're feeling! It's happened to the best of us! The thing I'd like to caution, however, is the fact that he said he doesn't want an intense relationship, which probably means casual dating at best. You say you want something more, or that's what I sense from your post. With that said, I think you may just be latching onto this friendship idea HOPING for something more, and I'm sorry to say, but more times than not, that often leads to heartache! I've been there! Furthermore, a guy can keep his commitments, but that only depends on whether what he told you, about grabbing coffee was sincere and not a "friendly send off" so to speak! See the difference? I have told guys I was no longer interested in that I'd like to be friends and let's hang out with no intentions of doing so. I did this in the past of course, when I was much less mature and sensitive to other's feelings, and I have had this done to me as well! So I would just "move on" and if he calls, great, but if he doesn't, then you'd already be well on your way of getting over him! Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 For now, I wouldn't wait or call. He broke up with you. If he isn't ready - you can't make him ready. You don't need to remind him that you're there, he knows you are. If and when he's ready, he'll call you. But... as already stated, don't wait around for it because unfortunately it *is* something people say to someone they don't want to see anymore but they don't want to hurt either. Personally, I'd prefer it if people said to me 'look, I like you, you're a nice gal, but I don't want a relationship with you'. Simple really. I don't want the door left open or indeed to hang onto something when that other person knows they aint coming back. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovegod Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 He called two days later to break up with me ...Two weeks later he still hasn't called Why should he? You and him are no longer together. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveDeluxe78 Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Personally, I'd prefer it if people said to me 'look, I like you, you're a nice gal, but I don't want a relationship with you'. Simple really. I don't want the door left open or indeed to hang onto something when that other person knows they aint coming back. Imagine how much easier dating would be if people were this honest? Sure it would probably sting more at first, but imagine no uncertainty, wondering why this person hasn't called, waiting around, etc... Link to post Share on other sites
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