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Old 29th September 2008, 12:27 AM   #1
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Stalker mentality

I've been stalked in the past. Some guy who won't leave me alone or does something crazy. After a while, I understand the mentality of the stalker. They are lonely, dillusional, all their self worth is attached in the person they want who are not responding to them, etc.

Here is a question : When considering the PERSON that they are stalking, is there a certain something about the PERSON that provokes an unstable person to stalk them? You may not be a ravishing beauty, but sometimes when you are just being friendly and chatty with someone they will get an unnatural attachment to you. So should I just be paranoid and just not be friendly and chatty with others I meet? Where is the balance?
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Old 29th September 2008, 12:55 AM   #2
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LOL, "stalk" is a word that is used so loosely these days. There are clingy people, people who don't respect certain boundaries, and then there's the guy who posted here about being banned from a site because of his love for a celebrity or something.

There are two reasons people seem overly clingy or invasive... 1. they're in need of something you offer that they can't find easily at all, and 2. your definition of "clingy" or "invasive" is far more strict than their own.

Some people are just naturally more .... THERE than others. And some are naturally more aloof or private. Similarly, how much is too much all to often changes depending on our interest level.

Guy I don't like showing up at the places I frequent = stalker. Guy I like doing the same thing = cute (unless something else he does creeps me out).

Why people do certain things, well... unless they have mental problems, often has something to do with what you provide and less to do with you directly. So, yes, there is something about you that "crazy" people like.

People who end up in abusive relationship after abusive relationship. They're attracted to one another's character. She doesn't seem like she'll give me too much lip. She doesn't seem like she would be overly critical of me. She seems like she would do whatever it takes to please me. He seems very masculine. He seems authoritative. He seems like a man whose approval I would want and respect. Whatever it is, there's usually some common denominator.

So, depending on what these guys are doing, it could be anything from you being the first attractive women to be extra nice to them, to you seem like you're too nice to call the cops (as you should).
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Old 29th September 2008, 1:04 AM   #3
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I've come across a few "stalkers" in my life. Almost all of them were innocent (meaning they kept their stalking to a minimum while expressing annoying, persistent interest). These were my pseduo-stalkers.

But I have a current one that is a persistent fu@cker. He won't go away. We started off as friends. I was really forthcoming and nice with him...I went as far as trying to set him up with a friend and told him that he was a "great" catch. He always joked around with me (about my "attributes") and I always brushed it off or came back with a response that was all in good jest.

Then, we stopped talking b/c he became annoying (and we had a fallout). Since then (it's been over a year), he has been stalking me online. He'll email me nonstop about BS and asks me about my bf or our life.

I used to respond and tell him to bugger off. My bf has since helped me deal with him more effectively.

I just ignore him.

I also notice that it's easy to become the object of obsession when you put so much of your life online. My ex used to post pics of us (of me in particular) all over his site. Turns out there was this one girl (who I had no idea even existed) who used to frequent his site. When we broke up, she was really upset and lamented the fact that he'd no longer have "cute babies". That was mucho weird. She knew quite a bit about us (where I was going to school, what I was doing, etc) even though none of that stuff was online (I guess she figured it out or looked into it).

I'll admit that it's nice to be the objection of such vehement "affection" BUT I draw the line at some point. This psycho I'm currently dealing with has gotten under my skin a few times. Once he wrote me saying he had come by my house and written something and left it there. That's when I knew he was crazy.
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Old 29th September 2008, 1:33 AM   #4
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I've been pseudo-stalked once before - there was this guy at my hall who everyone thought was someone's younger brother because he looked about 12. When he hadn't left a good two weeks after everyone else's family had, we figured he was living there too... Turned out he was 22 and had a medical condition which stunted his growth, and also prevented him from coming to uni earlier.
So one day I notice he is in my Politics class (I barely ever went to lectures so I hadn't seen him before) and there was a spare seat next to him, so I thought 'he's probably a nice guy, who knows? and he's in my hall he'd probably appreciate some friends' so I sat next to him. We didn't even talk, except to exchange names and determine which essay question we were going to do. After class, I went home and within literally 10 minutes he was knocking on my bedroom door (he must have looked my picture and first name up in the RA's book, and found what floor I was on) with a stack of paper he printed off the internet from some website he thought was useful for our essay. I thought it was a BIT keen, accepted graciously and let it go. But he continued to follow me around, knocked on my door at 4am, one time fell asleep on the floor next to my bed when I had left the door unlocked. When I woke up I got the hugest fright and he said sorry he was just watching me sleep and dozed off. I locked the door from then on... When I started going out with a guy at the hall, he would come and listen to us have sex outside my and/or his door. One time he showed me the red dots all over his wrinkly stomach and back, and then showed me how they go blue when he gets cold. It was an odd experience because he was saying it in this 'sexual' voice. We were the only ones in the common room - up late writing essays for the politics class. Oh and one time he took me aside and told me I should break up with (boyfriend at the time) because he thought he was cheating on me with my friend. They joked around because my bf looked like Keanu Reeves and my friend had a Trinity-like outfit, and so they dressed up for a party (which I was at too). She was going out with his best mate (who was there too).
My friends were mean to him - I told them not to be because I didn't want to be a bitch, just wanted him to leave me alone! The next year, once everyone moved out of the hall, he showed up a couple of times at my house but I was flatting with a girl who he HATED (she is Catholic and he is Protestant, but she knew far more about both denominations than he did so would catch him out) so I would just get her to answer the door and tell him I wasn't there. He seems to have found a girlfriend since then I still see him around. *shudder*
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Old 29th September 2008, 1:41 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by hendersongirl View Post
I've been pseudo-stalked once before - there was this guy at my hall who everyone thought was someone's younger brother because he looked about 12. When he hadn't left a good two weeks after everyone else's family had, we figured he was living there too... Turned out he was 22 and had a medical condition which stunted his growth, and also prevented him from coming to uni earlier.
So one day I notice he is in my Politics class (I barely ever went to lectures so I hadn't seen him before) and there was a spare seat next to him, so I thought 'he's probably a nice guy, who knows? and he's in my hall he'd probably appreciate some friends' so I sat next to him. We didn't even talk, except to exchange names and determine which essay question we were going to do. After class, I went home and within literally 10 minutes he was knocking on my bedroom door (he must have looked my picture and first name up in the RA's book, and found what floor I was on) with a stack of paper he printed off the internet from some website he thought was useful for our essay. I thought it was a BIT keen, accepted graciously and let it go. But he continued to follow me around, knocked on my door at 4am, one time fell asleep on the floor next to my bed when I had left the door unlocked. When I woke up I got the hugest fright and he said sorry he was just watching me sleep and dozed off. I locked the door from then on... When I started going out with a guy at the hall, he would come and listen to us have sex outside my and/or his door. One time he showed me the red dots all over his wrinkly stomach and back, and then showed me how they go blue when he gets cold. It was an odd experience because he was saying it in this 'sexual' voice. We were the only ones in the common room - up late writing essays for the politics class. Oh and one time he took me aside and told me I should break up with (boyfriend at the time) because he thought he was cheating on me with my friend. They joked around because my bf looked like Keanu Reeves and my friend had a Trinity-like outfit, and so they dressed up for a party (which I was at too). She was going out with his best mate (who was there too).
My friends were mean to him - I told them not to be because I didn't want to be a bitch, just wanted him to leave me alone! The next year, once everyone moved out of the hall, he showed up a couple of times at my house but I was flatting with a girl who he HATED (she is Catholic and he is Protestant, but she knew far more about both denominations than he did so would catch him out) so I would just get her to answer the door and tell him I wasn't there. He seems to have found a girlfriend since then I still see him around. *shudder*
He fell asleep on your floor after watching you sleep?

Now THAT is stalking.
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Old 29th September 2008, 1:49 AM   #6
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I still say... that's when you call the cops! People get away with stuff like this because other people are too nice and don't want to cause problems to the stalker. The thing is, you never know how far the person will go, and... if the person never learns how not-OK the behavior is, they might do it over and over again to other nice people.
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Old 29th September 2008, 1:49 AM   #7
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As a proffesional stalker of many women I like to swing by the myspace& facebook page download all the hot pictures memorize the likes and dislikes and figure out where they work when they have classes I also hope to stalk all of you ladies on this site and if you send me some links to nudes of you that could really hasen the selection process on my end
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Old 29th September 2008, 1:50 AM   #8
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I still say... that's when you call the cops! People get away with stuff like this because other people are too nice and don't want to cause problems to the stalker. The thing is, you never know how far the person will go, and... if the person never learns how not-OK the behavior is, they might do it over and over again to other nice people.
I've seriously considered reporting my stalker. He stands to lose his professional license (they will TOTALLY discipline him for his BS) as I have documented proof of all his BS.

Still, I don't want to take someone down like that. I tell myself that he'd never hurt me, so whatever.
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Old 29th September 2008, 1:54 AM   #9
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^ Certain things are illegal for a reason. Just something to keep in mind.
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Old 29th September 2008, 1:54 AM   #10
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I still say... that's when you call the cops! People get away with stuff like this because other people are too nice and don't want to cause problems to the stalker. The thing is, you never know how far the person will go, and... if the person never learns how not-OK the behavior is, they might do it over and over again to other nice people.
or is it that people are to nice and thats why they have these lame little stalkers who arnt stalkers at all
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Old 29th September 2008, 1:55 AM   #11
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He fell asleep on your floor after watching you sleep?

Now THAT is stalking.

It is marginally better than it sounds, but only because we all used to sleep in each other's rooms all the time (not including him, just my friends and I), sometimes we would have six on a tiny smaller-than-single bed. Not sexual in the least, just to see if we could... He knew about this, so he may have just assumed it was the norm. But yeah, I was pretty creeped out for ages and asked my mates to yell through the door who it was and not to just knock so I would know it wasn't him...
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Old 29th September 2008, 1:56 AM   #12
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It is marginally better than it sounds, but only because we all used to sleep in each other's rooms all the time (not including him, just my friends and I), sometimes we would have six on a tiny smaller-than-single bed. Not sexual in the least, just to see if we could... He knew about this, so he may have just assumed it was the norm. But yeah, I was pretty creeped out for ages and asked my mates to yell through the door who it was and not to just knock so I would know it wasn't him...
I would've beaten him if I awoke in the middle of the night to find a strange guy on my floor (as a reflex of course).
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Old 29th September 2008, 1:58 AM   #13
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Unfortunately, when you report sh*t like this, it only gets worse. Someone who wants to be around you but is told they can't be due to some silly piece of paper (a restraining order) will only become incensed... Be careful.
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Old 29th September 2008, 1:59 AM   #14
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or is it that people are to nice and thats why they have these lame little stalkers who arnt stalkers at all
Yes. I think I said that... up top. How many beers have YOU had tonight, sir? How'bout you post a link to your nudes instead, and we can find a nice stalker for you. I think you're the kind of guy who would appreciate one.

"This girl! I don't know what it is about me, but the women just won't leave me alone!"

You know you want to...
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Old 29th September 2008, 2:03 AM   #15
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Yes. I think I said that... up top. How many beers have YOU had tonight, sir? How'bout you post a link to your nudes instead, and we can find a nice stalker for you. I think you're the kind of guy who would appreciate one.

"This girl! I don't know what it is about me, but the women just won't leave me alone!"

You know you want to...
I got confused is that a quote from a movie or game? And I read your post above very good but not what you were saying in the post I quoted you. I wouldn't have a stalker because I'm a man who has balls. They have no balls so they can get in certain situations where they don't want to be mean or what ever. I mean most of these girls stories are about guys who anoyed them not real stalkers... like an exhusband who is comming after you
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