xenopower Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 SHORT: This chick secretly left her share for our date in my car!!! Is this her way of canceling out our date? LONG: So I just started working and since I still go back to school to visit, I met this great undergrad girl (she is one year younger than me). We went on a great first date. Lasted like from 4PM-12PM. Great conversation and stuff. I paid for everything, but she offered her share, which I politely declined. Well this morning when I go to work, I clean out my car a bit and discover HER MONEY!!!!! I am so upset...is this her way of not owing me anything so that its not really a date? Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 No. It's her way of ensuring that she paid for part of the date without having a big discussion or argument about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Frankasy Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Hmmm well maybe she dropped it. You never know. But if she left it on purpose it doesn't mean that she doesn't wanna go out with you anymore. It means that you two are still at the beginning, you still are "strangers" and that she feels uncomfortable with you paying for everything. Try to be calm and be cool when you ask her about the money (If you plan to). Link to post Share on other sites
Author xenopower Posted September 22, 2008 Author Share Posted September 22, 2008 Hmmm well maybe she dropped it. You never know. It was carefully folded and sneakily placed in the passenger side armrest...I am just so upset, cause other than this hiccup, everything else was perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Why do you consider this such a "horrible horrible thing"? She paid half for her meal/date. Big deal. It doesn't mean that she will insist on paying half for an engagement ring. It may just mean that she is aware and kind about how some guys don't make tons of money and that dating doesn't have to be a financial hardship on someone, or maybe it just means that she likes to pay her own share bc her XBF told her that he thought she was a leech. Link to post Share on other sites
djhall Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 I would guess it means either: She has a hard time accepting gifts, which is often due to insecurity, and feels better knowing she has not caused anyone to be out any money because of her.She is an independent person and wants to pay her own way and carry her own weight as a matter of pride and principle.She wants to avoid feeling like she accepted anything from you because she doesn't intend to continue seeing you, she isn't sure if it is going anywhere yet, or she is concerned that it might lead to you or her feeling like she "owes you something" down the road, if you know what I mean.Don't assume the worst. Don't make a big deal out of it. Do thank her and accept it graciously, so she knows you found the money and aren't going to become a total control freak about it. Ask her out again if you liked the first date and see where it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Frankasy Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 It was carefully folded and sneakily placed in the passenger side armrest...I am just so upset, cause other than this hiccup, everything else was perfect. I didn't expect her to accidently drop it either but said it to make you feel a little bit better. If you had a great time like you're saying, there would be no reason for her to stop dating you and even if there was(Which is highly doubtful), she would tell you in a more mature way other than leaving money in your car and supposing that you'd guess the idea. Link to post Share on other sites
ianandris Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Next time you go on a date with her, have her drive and return the favor. Might even wrap the money in a playful little note or something. Problem solved. I wouldn't worry about what kind of signals she's sending by leaving the money. Some girls honestly feel bad having the guy pay. If you had a good time, you were feeling good vibes, run with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xenopower Posted September 22, 2008 Author Share Posted September 22, 2008 I guess I am just confused as I don't have too much experience. I thought a girl turning down your offer to pay for the date was a subtle message that she doesnt want to date you or something. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 You could try asking her out again and seeing what she says. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 You could try asking her out again and seeing what she says. I've missed your presence around here, Tan! I totally agree... Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Why not use the money that she accidentally dropped as a reason to see her again? Stop by unannounced, make it short and simple. Hi, I think this must have fallen out of your purse and I wanted to return it. If she admits to leaving it then tell her with a sly smile on your face that she could always invite YOU to coffee and use it pay but that from now on if she accepts an offer from you that you will be paying. Then head on your merry way! Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 I've missed your presence around here, Tan! Thanks! It's good to be back. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 Why not use the money that she accidentally dropped as a reason to see her again? Stop by unannounced, make it short and simple. Hi, I think this must have fallen out of your purse and I wanted to return it. If she admits to leaving it then tell her with a sly smile on your face that she could always invite YOU to coffee and use it pay but that from now on if she accepts an offer from you that you will be paying. Then head on your merry way! No..um...never do that.:eek: But- It is not a bad sign. She probably only wanted to put in her fair share. Some people have a hard time accepting generosity. Hint-Hint... I would NEVER spend that long with someone I wasn't "into"! An 8 hour date??? She likes you. Ask her out again. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 I would guess it means either: She has a hard time accepting gifts, which is often due to insecurity, and feels better knowing she has not caused anyone to be out any money because of her.She is an independent person and wants to pay her own way and carry her own weight as a matter of pride and principle.She wants to avoid feeling like she accepted anything from you because she doesn't intend to continue seeing you, she isn't sure if it is going anywhere yet, or she is concerned that it might lead to you or her feeling like she "owes you something" down the road, if you know what I mean.Don't assume the worst. Don't make a big deal out of it. Do thank her and accept it graciously, so she knows you found the money and aren't going to become a total control freak about it. Ask her out again if you liked the first date and see where it goes. Sums it up nicely. It could be any of the above. Don't assume - just do as Captain Obvious suggests and ask her out again. That's the only way to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xenopower Posted September 22, 2008 Author Share Posted September 22, 2008 Hmmm I asked her out again today, but she says she is busy the next couple of days, so I guess we will just have to wait and see I did not bring up finding the money. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 Hmmm I asked her out again today, but she says she is busy the next couple of days, so I guess we will just have to wait and see I did not bring up finding the money. Did she/you try to make alternate plans or what happened during the conversation? Link to post Share on other sites
Author xenopower Posted September 23, 2008 Author Share Posted September 23, 2008 Nope, just said shes busy with whatever. Shes been like this sometimes, only to come back to me a few days later. So I am left to assume that she is ACTUALLY busy. Link to post Share on other sites
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