worst night of my life? feeling guilty about lack of physical attraction

[my body is a cage]

So I just had the ****tiest night I think I've ever had.

 

This guy who graduated from my college last year was back in town for the weekend. We became close towards the end of the year last year, and on the last day of school, we hooked up... nothing too serious or anything.

 

The thing is, he had a really cool personality and all, but I wasn't really physically attracted to him I hooked up with him because I felt guilty/shallow that I wasn't attracted to him just because of his appearance, thinking it wasn't an issue in the future.

 

Well anyway, when I ran into him on Thursday, I was really happy to see him and talk, but I had to leave the party I was at early. On Friday I contacted him saying I wanted to hang out, because I did, I really like him as a person, but then I got really sick and couldnt go out (over 100 degree fever).

 

Yesterday I met up with him at a party he was at, even though I was still pretty sick/ had lost my voice. He was clearly being really flirtatious, and I didn't know what to do... I was unsure of whether I wanted to hook up with him again.

 

We were walking to this party with a bunch of my other friends, and they walked ahead of us. In the middle of a field, he pulls me aside and starts making out with me. I really had no idea what to do, and I didn't want the situation to go further, so I said something about being sick. It may have come off as mean/ standoffish, because I sometimes come off that way when I feel uncomfortable.

 

Anyway, it was the MOST awkward thing EVER. We kept walking, I met my friends went inside, came outside, he was gone, he came outside, was talking to another girl, came over to where I was talking, then talked to the other girl for like half and hour, then left with her.

 

AHHH

 

I just feel guilty and angry about the whole situation. On one hand, I feel really bad, I feel like he knows that I was unsure about wanting to hook up with him because of his appearence

 

On the other hand, what a dick thing to do to leave with that other girl after that! Or was that qualified based on my reaction to him making out with me?

 

ughh. I guess basically my question is do you guys think I'm a terrible person? Do you guys think he thinks I'm a terrible person and hates me now? That was all SO awkward and bad.

[cybersister]

I am sure you are not a terrible person.

You are concerned about how you are being percieved- that cannot be terrible.

You were not feeling well., so cannot have been expected to be at your best.

Maybe he did leave someone else because he was PO with you.

It was an awkward evening . These things happen.

Just decide how you want to play your next encounter with him.

[spookie]

I don't think you ever need to feel guilty for not being attracted to someone.

 

IMO he was the jerk in this situation. If he were a real friend he wouldn't have left you at a party to go hook up with some other girl.

[ed-205]

You are not a terrible person, and neither is he.

My guess is that if you were unsure whether you wanted to "hook-up" with him or not, then in the long run you really didn't.

In any case, why begrudge him the opportunity of meeting up with someone else who maybe isn't so indecisive?

Having been "ditched" more than a few times myself, I know how awkward it feels, but I try not to take it too personally, it's just the way some people are.