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I only get a stinkin' kiss on the cheek?


audrey_1

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I spent all weekend with the guy I've been seeing casually for over a year. Yes, the guy I always blog about.

 

Stayed with him three nights; we hiked, had dinner, watched movies, etc. Great time. I have been wrestling with the fact we haven't been intimate in three months, and why it stopped and what I can do about it.

 

In the beginning, sex was amazing, and I always looked forward to it, with HIM. But now... nothing. I'm beginning to feel undesirable, and that seems contrary to the situation, because we work out together and are getting in better shape together, not that we were in bad shape to begin with.

 

He was flirty and complimentary as always, mentions me in future plans. I assume we'll at least be friends in the future, if I don't jump ship due to being torn and unwilling to accept the situation.

 

Anyway, I'm getting ready to leave. I have a two hour drive back to my place. I thank him for a nice time, get in my car, and he walks over, sticks his head in my window and asks if he can kiss my cheek.

 

Men are so confusing.

 

Why not just leave it platonic?

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The kiss on the cheek is platonic.

 

I do it with friends, but when I am interested in a women I will try to kiss her on the lips(usually from the 2nd date).

 

CHeers,

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Seems pretty odd to me. I think men tend to me more direct especially if you already had a relationship. I would guess he has something else going on and he doesn't want to risk starting up with you again. Why not just ask him what is up, if he is not straight with you move on.

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Instead of letting him kiss my cheek, I pecked his lips. His response was "soft cheek." I said he could kiss my cheek if he wanted, which he did. Then he promptly walked inside and closed the door to his house as I was pulling out of the driveway.

 

It seems to me, that if you want to steer a relationship platonic with someone you've previously had relations with, you shouldn't kiss them at all.

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audrey_1..

 

Either you just move on or confront the issue..

 

I personally would have a conversation with him about this.. even if it was more for you and understanding WTF happened..

 

Any time I have swap bodily fluids with a girl and then I didn't keep it going or going forward with more sex I had already checked out and just didn't know how to handle telling her..

 

I think he has checked out and he just doesn't know how to tell you so he just doesn't come on to you and initiate sex.

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audrey_1..

 

Either you just move on or confront the issue..

 

I personally would have a conversation with him about this.. even if it was more for you and understanding WTF happened..

 

Any time I have swap bodily fluids with a girl and then I didn't keep it going or going forward with more sex I had already checked out and just didn't know how to handle telling her..

 

I think he has checked out and he just doesn't know how to tell you so he just doesn't come on to you and initiate sex.

 

I agree with this. You said you have been casual for over a year..is there a reason your relationship didn't move to the next level? Does he/you just not want to be committed?

 

I think AC hit it on the nose, he doesn't view you as a gf anymore, but doesn't have the balls to tell you. When is the last time ANYTHING was physical? Does it just feel more like you are friends now? I think that if you feel he is not interested, then you should just end it yourself. He obviously doesn't know how to, so it would be appropriate for you to just end it. If you two want to be friends that's great, but as far as a romantic partner goes, I don't think that's why this guy is in it.

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audrey_1..

 

Either you just move on or confront the issue..

 

I personally would have a conversation with him about this.. even if it was more for you and understanding WTF happened..

 

Any time I have swap bodily fluids with a girl and then I didn't keep it going or going forward with more sex I had already checked out and just didn't know how to handle telling her..

 

I think he has checked out and he just doesn't know how to tell you so he just doesn't come on to you and initiate sex.

 

He expects me to stay at his house while I'm in town. That's the biggest thing that confuses me; my parents live in town, but he makes references to what we'll do when we get up in the morning, etc. He falls asleep facing me, and I can feel him looking at me, but we don't touch anymore. We mirror body language but don't hug or show any physical affection. He buys our meals and opens doors for me.

 

I agree with this. You said you have been casual for over a year..is there a reason your relationship didn't move to the next level? Does he/you just not want to be committed?

 

I think AC hit it on the nose, he doesn't view you as a gf anymore, but doesn't have the balls to tell you. When is the last time ANYTHING was physical? Does it just feel more like you are friends now? I think that if you feel he is not interested, then you should just end it yourself. He obviously doesn't know how to, so it would be appropriate for you to just end it. If you two want to be friends that's great, but as far as a romantic partner goes, I don't think that's why this guy is in it.

 

True, he probably doesn't have the balls to tell me how he seems me, whether just as a friend or otherwise. We do have independent streaks that cause us to admittedly drag our feet when it comes to commitment. We live in different states and he is at a career crossroads, which are reasons he stated in the beginning were keeping him from being in a relationship. We only do the cheek pecking at the end of an evening now. We flirt a bit, he sticks his finger in my ear, that sort of thing, but nothing noticeable for three months.

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why not ask for clarification?

 

seems simple really... you have a question - he has the answer. so ask.

 

then you'll know where you stand and you can make a decision if you want to accept it the way it is or move on.

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why not ask for clarification?

 

seems simple really... you have a question - he has the answer. so ask.

 

then you'll know where you stand and you can make a decision if you want to accept it the way it is or move on.

 

Frankly, I'm afraid to ask in case I don't like what I hear. I know I need to have clarity. It's so important to me to keep my mind at ease and not "worry" about stuff, least of all "where I stand" with someone.

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Frankly, I'm afraid to ask in case I don't like what I hear. I know I need to have clarity. It's so important to me to keep my mind at ease and not "worry" about stuff, least of all "where I stand" with someone.

 

What is your fear? That he will say that he is not interested anymore? Are you going to be upset if he says he'd rather leave the relationship platonic? If you need clarity then you are just going to have to ask him. It doesn't sound like you are happy with the whole "peck on the cheeck" deal, so it may be better for you to just get that closure and move on.

 

I mean, would you rather him just "fake it"? You could be missing out on dating a great guy who is really interested in you!

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What is your fear? That he will say that he is not interested anymore? Are you going to be upset if he says he'd rather leave the relationship platonic? If you need clarity then you are just going to have to ask him. It doesn't sound like you are happy with the whole "peck on the cheeck" deal, so it may be better for you to just get that closure and move on.

 

I mean, would you rather him just "fake it"? You could be missing out on dating a great guy who is really interested in you!

 

Yes, I'm afraid he will say that now he only sees me as a friend. This guy said I was his biggest crush when we were kids, that he always thought I was beautiful, a breath of fresh air. He was so shy, but I always liked him. Now fifteen years later, he finds ME, we begin dating, and I begin to fall for him. And now I have no idea where I stand with him. And now he may only see me as a friend after I allowed him into my heart. Yesterday he said I still looked the same as I did back then WHEN he had a crush on me.

 

But it's gone beyond that. We've had in-depth conversations on a number of topics, laugh together, have hiked many miles together...

 

I'm moving back to my home state in two months (where he is), and the reasons I'm moving are other than him, though he's a tiny reason in the back of my mind. I'm wondering if I should keep my mouth shut and see if things change once I'm relocated, or go ahead and get it out. I'm so tired of feeling what I feel for him but that I'm totally unfulfilled. It's draining.

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It is what it is, trying to hide from it will be harder than hearing it and accepting it. At least that way you know and can come to terms with your feelings, leaving it unresolved will make you an emotional wreck.

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Yes, I'm afraid he will say that now he only sees me as a friend. This guy said I was his biggest crush when we were kids, that he always thought I was beautiful, a breath of fresh air. He was so shy, but I always liked him. Now fifteen years later, he finds ME, we begin dating, and I begin to fall for him. And now I have no idea where I stand with him. And now he may only see me as a friend after I allowed him into my heart. Yesterday he said I still looked the same as I did back then WHEN he had a crush on me.

 

But it's gone beyond that. We've had in-depth conversations on a number of topics, laugh together, have hiked many miles together...

 

I'm moving back to my home state in two months (where he is), and the reasons I'm moving are other than him, though he's a tiny reason in the back of my mind. I'm wondering if I should keep my mouth shut and see if things change once I'm relocated, or go ahead and get it out. I'm so tired of feeling what I feel for him but that I'm totally unfulfilled. It's draining.

 

Okay, something struck me. You have said that your relationship has been very casual, but you have fallen for him. How do you feel about that? You feel seriously about a guy who you aren't in a serious relationship with. That must be very difficult. Did you ever communicate this to him? He may think that YOU just want the relationship to be platonic. Who is the one who stopped initiating sex? After the sex stopped, did you try to initiate any other physical contact. (sorry I bombarded you with questions, just trying to get more info :))

 

Now I really suggest you talk to him. He may not even know that you FEEL this way. If he says he just wants to be freinds, then I can see that would be hard for you. But isn't it better to find someone who is actually interested in you? You don't sound happy AT ALL, and most likely it will not get better if you do not do something.

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together...

 

I'm moving back to my home state in two months (where he is), and the reasons I'm moving are other than him, though he's a tiny reason in the back of my mind. I'm wondering if I should keep my mouth shut and see if things change once I'm relocated, or go ahead and get it out.

 

huh? it will be much easier if you begin by being at LEAST honest with yourself...

 

mouth shut = no clarification and more pain for not knowing what the truth is... just simply ask... then you know what you're dealing with.

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It is what it is, trying to hide from it will be harder than hearing it and accepting it. At least that way you know and can come to terms with your feelings, leaving it unresolved will make you an emotional wreck.

 

By next week, I will probably be calmed down and can put it all on the backburner without saying anything to him.

 

Right now it's just so raw. If I can just wait it out and not say anything. We don't have any plans to see each other as of now, and we never call each other. Rarely text these days. Maybe it will just disappear on its own.

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By next week, I will probably be calmed down and can put it all on the backburner without saying anything to him.

 

Right now it's just so raw. If I can just wait it out and not say anything. We don't have any plans to see each other as of now, and we never call each other. Rarely text these days. Maybe it will just disappear on its own.

 

oh ya - just ignore it and it will just all go away... :rolleyes:

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Okay, something struck me. You have said that your relationship has been very casual, but you have fallen for him. How do you feel about that? You feel seriously about a guy who you aren't in a serious relationship with. That must be very difficult. Did you ever communicate this to him? He may think that YOU just want the relationship to be platonic. Who is the one who stopped initiating sex? After the sex stopped, did you try to initiate any other physical contact. (sorry I bombarded you with questions, just trying to get more info :))

 

Now I really suggest you talk to him. He may not even know that you FEEL this way. If he says he just wants to be freinds, then I can see that would be hard for you. But isn't it better to find someone who is actually interested in you? You don't sound happy AT ALL, and most likely it will not get better if you do not do something.

 

I am very unhappy. Actually, I'm most unhappy that I've fallen for him. My feelings for him are the genuine, true kind like I have only felt for my first love. I'm now 33. This has gotten my attention and scared the $hit out of me. I've avoided being in relationships because I wasn't ready to commit; I even broke an engagement a couple years ago to a man who idolized me and would have seen me financially secure for the rest of my life, because I didn't reciprocate.

 

This has all thrown me for a loop. Truly.

 

It is probably my fault the sex stopped. I struggled possibly falling into an FWB trap, which I didn't want. I want to be intimate with him, but I don't want to be seen as easy or that I'm not something to be earned. He said that he didn't plan on sleeping with me in the beginning, that it just happened, that my companionship is what he enjoys. My mixed signals on the subject either caused him to lose potential romantic interest or to withdraw any physical intimacy if he thought it would be problematic for me, since we're not in a place to be committed, if that's even an option for the future anymore.

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I'm moving back to my home state in two months (where he is)

 

So this has been a year-long long distance sort of relationship, Maybe he's taking his time, not trying to rush things waiting for you to come back to then try to make the determination of whether or not you guys can work as a couple.

 

He may not know whether you're likely to change your mind about going back, I probably would be hesitant (although I can't say for sure because I don't know the whole story)

 

Definitely talk to him about it when you do get back there.

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So this has been a year-long long distance sort of relationship, Maybe he's taking his time, not trying to rush things waiting for you to come back to then try to make the determination of whether or not you guys can work as a couple.

 

He may not know whether you're likely to change your mind about going back, I probably would be hesitant (although I can't say for sure because I don't know the whole story)

 

Definitely talk to him about it when you do get back there.

 

Yes, an LDR of sorts.

 

Everything about our interaction is like a relationship; he mentions me in future plans, asks my opinion about really important things, I mean, if we're not mutually drawn to each other romantically, he's closest to the best friend that I have.

 

Patience is definitely one of his strong suits, so if he's taking his time, he's a master at it. He's doing better than me. I want to rip his clothes off.:love:

 

He's asked me several times what percentage was I sure I would be moving back. He said the other day that he knew I would like it, since I have so many friends there, and that when he gets settled there, I will have one more.

 

Oh, and he let me drive his sports car up in the mountains yesterday. Do you just let friends drive your toys? He knows I appreciate a good German vehicle. It was so fun. I couldn't wipe the smile from my face as I hugged the corners at 70 mph.

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So this has been a year-long long distance sort of relationship, Maybe he's taking his time, not trying to rush things waiting for you to come back to then try to make the determination of whether or not you guys can work as a couple.

 

Rod, would you sleep with a woman, on the same bed, 3 nights in a row and do nothing with her, just because you want to take your time and not rush things with her?

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Oh, and he let me drive his sports car up in the mountains yesterday. Do you just let friends drive your toys? He knows I appreciate a good German vehicle. It was so fun. I couldn't wipe the smile from my face as I hugged the corners at 70 mph.

 

This would take some serious confidence from me on her and her driving skills before I let her loose on my 08 convertible stang! Curves at 70 mph in a mountain!??! I don't know... I'm thinking of Shennandoah and you can't really do that without driving off the road and into the abyss.

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Rod, would you sleep with a woman, on the same bed, 3 nights in a row and do nothing with her, just because you want to take your time and not rush things with her?

 

I could... and if I truly believe that she is the one, then I would. I love sex as much as the next person but I have no problem controlling myself, I find it that the anticipation can be just as enticing as the act itself, plus when we do get to do it, it would be so good... every single round ;)

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