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Should I stay with my long-distance guy when I go visit him?


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Old 15th July 2008, 9:55 AM   #1
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: England
Posts: 183
Should I stay with my long-distance guy when I go visit him?

Hi guys, I'd really appreciate your input on this.

At the end of my one-year stay abroad I met this great guy and we started dating a few weeks before I had to leave. We are both in our 30's but did not go beyond kissing, partly because we both had room-mates and partly because we were taking it slow.

Anyway, next week I am flying back to his town on the other side of the planet in order to spend more time with him and find out whether there is potential for a joint future. He just informed me that he got his own place and invited/expects me to stay with him. I am not so sure whether I should.

Yes, I am going there to spend time with him, but if I stay with him in his one-room apartment he is probably expecting me to sleep with him, right? It is not that I don't want to, but I don't want it to be a given but rather for it to happen naturally, if it happens at all. I also think I would miss the excitment you feel at the end of a date when you wonder whether he is going to kiss you and make a move or not. I think the beginning of a relationship is a magical time and I don't want to miss out on it.

Also, if I go back there and we should realize that our connection is gone, it would be much easier and less obvious for the both of us to keep our distance without anyone getting hurt or being disappointed if I have my own place. He is my main reason for going back there, but I do know some people and have other things to do there as well.

On the other hand, I know he is going to work about 60hrs a week, so staying with him would facilitate us spending as much time together as possible. I am only going to be there for a week or so, so it is not like we have all the time in the world. Plus he already suspects I am not going back there to see him but because I like his town, so if I tell him I will stay at a hotel he might feel rejected and think I am less interested in him than I actually am. And if we want this thing between us to have a chance, I think it is important for both of us to feel confident and let our guard down a little. We have both been hurt in the past, so this is not the easiest thing for us to do.

My friends think that as long as I am flying half-way across the world to see him, I might as well stay at his place and save the money for a hotel. Seeing as I am extremely low on cash right now, this is a valid point too.
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