Jump to content

New Guy SO Insecure


Recommended Posts

Hello people.

 

Ok i have been dating this guy for 3 months now & he is SO insecure, I don't know what to do anymore! I made a list of everything he does that bothers me. What would you guys do??? HELP!!

 

ALWAYS thinks I’m lying to him

 

Always thinks I’m flirting – when I just have a friendly outgoing personality

Flirt with uncle?? That’s disgusting to even think that

 

Got mad at me Saturday night for NO reason at all Everything was great & then did a complete 180 on me – for no reason

 

Have to answer his questions RIGHT away, if I don’t he thinks I’m lying to him - Can’t hesitate, can’t think about it, NOTHING

 

Says I turn him down for sex when I NEVER once did! NOT ONCE. He turned me down 4 or 5 times.

 

Questions everything I do

Every time I have to babysit my niece he questions me

Questions me when I go to HH. Thinks I go to HH to hook up

 

If I don’t answer my phone right away when he calls or answer his emails right away, he thinks something is up. – thinks I’m up to no good

 

I get restricted numbers calling my phone – He says its someone calling for booty calls

 

I wear skirts to work or wear shorter shorts – He says that I want all the guys to look at my legs.[/FONT]

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lauriebell82

He's not insecure he's CONTROLLING!!!! Lose this guy as soon as you can..this has the potential to turn into abuse.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Insecure, no; an erotic delusional disorder, most likely.

 

We're not talking garden variety early relationship male insecurity, here. Your bf seems intensely jealous, suspicious and paranoid.

 

All the warning signs are there: ignore them at your peril.

 

Leave now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Yeah and its only 3 months into it, he's supposed to be on his best behavior.

 

Grogster is there such a thing as an erotic delusional disorder?

 

Would u believe he told me that my personality is TOO friendly that he thinks its flirting & if it continues HE will have to re-revaluate our relationship!!!

 

He is constantly accusing me of flirting, lying & up to no good!

It is driving me CRAZY!

 

He told me that we should take some time & not see each other till the weekend so we both could think about things!! ALL because i'm a friendly person. Could u imagine if i REALLY did something wrong????

 

I never saw someone so paranoid & suspicious like this before. What makes someone like this?? I will not live my life like this if he doesn't change!!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lauriebell82
Yeah and its only 3 months into it, he's supposed to be on his best behavior.

 

Grogster is there such a thing as an erotic delusional disorder?

 

Would u believe he told me that my personality is TOO friendly that he thinks its flirting & if it continues HE will have to re-revaluate our relationship!!!

 

He is constantly accusing me of flirting, lying & up to no good!

It is driving me CRAZY!

 

He told me that we should take some time & not see each other till the weekend so we both could think about things!! ALL because i'm a friendly person. Could u imagine if i REALLY did something wrong????

 

I never saw someone so paranoid & suspicious like this before. What makes someone like this?? I will not live my life like this if he doesn't change!!!!

 

Oh please do not think you are going to be able to "change" him! Codependant women always think that they can change their abusive partner. It dooesn't work!!!! Get out while the relationship is still new.

 

He already said that you guys should take the weekend to thik about things..even though his reasoning for that is whack it could give you the perfect excuse for an "out." (not that you even need one, I think you need to run as far away from this dude as you can!)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yeah and its only 3 months into it, he's supposed to be on his best behavior.

 

Grogster is there such a thing as an erotic delusional disorder?

 

Would u believe he told me that my personality is TOO friendly that he thinks its flirting & if it continues HE will have to re-revaluate our relationship!!!

 

He is constantly accusing me of flirting, lying & up to no good!

It is driving me CRAZY!

 

He told me that we should take some time & not see each other till the weekend so we both could think about things!! ALL because i'm a friendly person. Could u imagine if i REALLY did something wrong????

 

I never saw someone so paranoid & suspicious like this before. What makes someone like this?? I will not live my life like this if he doesn't change!!!!

 

Yes, there is. Delusional disorders (DD's) are very difficult to treat.While some DD's focus on work other DD's focus on the GF/wife. I would be concerned about this guy losing his moorings and sinking deeper and deeper into obsessive paranoid jealously.

 

I know DD's because my long ended affair was with a MW who was married to a man with a work-focused DD. He believed that his boss was tapping his phone and spying on him at home. It's very scary.

 

DD's mostly afflict males.

 

When my MW was dating her husband-to-be, there were no signs. Then 10 years into the marriage he starts talking about his co-workers and boss spying on him and conspiring against him: Long, obsessive monologues about wiretaps, etc.

 

Be careful.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Would u believe he told me that my personality is TOO friendly that he thinks its flirting & if it continues HE will have to re-revaluate our relationship!!!

 

He is constantly accusing me of flirting, lying & up to no good!

It is driving me CRAZY!

 

He told me that we should take some time & not see each other till the weekend so we both could think about things!! ALL because i'm a friendly person. Could u imagine if i REALLY did something wrong????

 

I never saw someone so paranoid & suspicious like this before. What makes someone like this?? I will not live my life like this if he doesn't change!!!!

 

 

Do you really need this??? And he won't change.

 

I'd take him up on not seeing each other 'til the weekend then tell him you thought about it. Then tell him goodbye and have a nice life.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

NO u all r right, I do not need this! I am ALWAYS walking on eggshells when I am around him & its very stressful & not fun at all.

 

I can't just break up with him on the phone or email right?

I should meet him & show him my list & tell him I will not live like this.

 

Most likely he will get PO'd & want things over anyway!

 

Its a shame cause he was a nice guy. If i don't find lyers or cheaters, I find paranoid guys! I give up!! I'm so done with men!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lauriebell82
NO u all r right, I do not need this! I am ALWAYS walking on eggshells when I am around him & its very stressful & not fun at all.

 

I can't just break up with him on the phone or email right?

I should meet him & show him my list & tell him I will not live like this.

 

Most likely he will get PO'd & want things over anyway!

 

Its a shame cause he was a nice guy. If i don't find lyers or cheaters, I find paranoid guys! I give up!! I'm so done with men!!

 

You can break up with him however way you'd like! You could show him the list if you want, but I think you'd be better off just telling him it's not working out and be done with it. Why add any fuel to the fire?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I know what i have to do, but its gonna hurt, i do love him!

But I just can't live like this

Link to post
Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx
I know what i have to do, but its gonna hurt, i do love him!

But I just can't live like this

 

Sometimes you have to be cruel. But he does sound like he needs therapy. Guys who act like that are most prone to start abusing their SOs.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Insecure, no; an erotic delusional disorder, most likely.

 

We're not talking garden variety early relationship male insecurity, here. Your bf seems intensely jealous, suspicious and paranoid.

 

All the warning signs are there: ignore them at your peril.

 

Leave now.

 

Perhaps some venus flytrap hurt him badly, I was like this after a girl cheated on me. I recovered though, maybe the OP should have a heart to heart with him. 3 months is not long enough to know enough about her bf's history.

 

Also what's with the lose him mentality, this is why so many marriages etc break down, because no one is prepared to give another person a second chance. We live in a disposalble society.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I know what i have to do, but its gonna hurt, i do love him!

But I just can't live like this

#Love after three months? Ok! :lmao:

Link to post
Share on other sites
Crestfallen_KH

I agree with the others (as if you needed more reassurance or motivation)!

 

This is controlling, manipulative, egotistical behavior. Ditch him now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

We had a fight about a month ago & he told me that he has insecurity problems & he has to work on it. Well it did get better for a month but then kicked right back in last week.

 

Yes, after 3 months I do love him!

 

He does go to talk to a shrink every wednesday, but it doesn't seem to be helping.

 

I don't know what to do anymore!

 

I usually see him on wednesdays but he emailed me yesterday saying that maybe we should take some time & think about things, it will benefit both of us. He wants to wait til the weekend to talk things out.

 

Doesn't want to see me all because i have a friendly personality. He said if my friendly personality continues, he will have to re-evaluate our relationship. Could u imagine if i really did something wrong.

 

The more i think about him not wanting to see me on his only day off, it makes me not want to see him this weekend.

 

(he works monday, tuesday, thursdays & fridays 2pm - midnight.)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Jilly Bean
He said if my friendly personality continues, he will have to re-evaluate our relationship.

 

Knock, knock. Um, Marie? Hello? Do you hear insanity knocking?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Perhaps some venus flytrap hurt him badly, I was like this after a girl cheated on me. I recovered though, maybe the OP should have a heart to heart with him. 3 months is not long enough to know enough about her bf's history.

 

Also what's with the lose him mentality, this is why so many marriages etc break down, because no one is prepared to give another person a second chance. We live in a disposalble society.

 

If a prospective mate has paranoid delusions, dispose of him or her. Why marry someone who will torment you for the rest of your life about imagined affairs, flirting, etc. Why?

 

The guy sees a shrink weekly. Hello, is that not an additional indication on top of his paranoid rants that he's not long term relationship material.

 

Better insensitive than assaulted.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Jilly Bean
The guy sees a shrink weekly. Hello, is that not an additional indication ...that he's not long term relationship material.

 

I STRONGLY disagree with this statement. I think therapy can be of a great benefit. I wouldn't consider someone in treatment not LTR material.

 

He's a nut bag for a host of other reasons, but not for seeking help.

 

(Thank you for reading this PSA)... ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites
I STRONGLY disagree with this statement. I think therapy can be of a great benefit. I wouldn't consider someone in treatment not LTR material.

 

He's a nut bag for a host of other reasons, but not for seeking help.

 

(Thank you for reading this PSA)... ;)

 

I agree. I worded it wrongly. I meant to say that in the context of everything else, weekly counseling is not a good sign.

 

Therapy's not a deal-breaker for me, either. But this guy's got more red flags than a May Day parade.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This behavior is scary, I would walk away now. I wouldnt be suprised if he becomes obessive or even stalker guy on you. I get out know while its still early.

Link to post
Share on other sites
toughcookie

don't necessarily ditch him now like everyone else is saying, 3 months is not much time but it is enough time to realize what kind of person he really is. maybe he had a problem in the past with a different girl cheating on him and flirting with others behind his back and he just remembers being used. seriously i would ask him about that. the poor kid is scared he's gona loose you to someone else, so yes if my point is the case then this is insecurity.

Link to post
Share on other sites
sally4sara

Did I read it correctly that he accused you of cheating with (hopefully at least HIS) uncle?

 

Would his last name rhyme with mallard? I know its unlikely, but the similarities are eerily similar.

Link to post
Share on other sites
sally4sara
don't necessarily ditch him now like everyone else is saying, 3 months is not much time but it is enough time to realize what kind of person he really is. maybe he had a problem in the past with a different girl cheating on him and flirting with others behind his back and he just remembers being used. seriously i would ask him about that. the poor kid is scared he's gona loose you to someone else, so yes if my point is the case then this is insecurity.

 

Ah, but see. I dated a guy just like she has described and he told me the sob story of how badly his ex cheated on him. Even supposedly cheated with his uncle. After the mess I went through with him I don't even believe she cheated ever. I believe he watched the controlling and jealous relationship of his parents and knows no other way of behaving. I never did any of the things he always assumed and accused me of doing (including also accusing me of sleeping with his Bob Seegar looking uncle). I tried to get rid of him so many times and it became more and more stalkerish and violent finally resulting in me forcing him out of my home by knife point. And of course, I learned later than I became the newest "cheating whore" he tells girls he dates about. I would imagine all the girls he dates and then scares off end up described this way.

Link to post
Share on other sites
ImaManDammit

and I am not that I disagree with ending it.

 

I have the exact same issues as he does. What lead me here, was a verbally abusive father, a bad marriage and a cheating girfriend. I can almost be sure that there was series of events have lead this guy to this type of behaviour.

 

Yet I have never been or ever will be abusive. Accuasatory without proof, jealous, insecure, mistrusting yes, but never verbally or physically abusive. I am neither a phyco or a lunatic. With the exception of issues while in relationships, I function like everyone else in society.

 

Having said that, as a person who can see it from his side. You still need to leave MarieD. He needs to understand, and frankly, experience, some regret of losing you. He needs that for him to fully understand that just because of what has happened to him in the past he cannot group people in a single category and therefore treat them the same way. He is insecure, and needs to find value in himself to secure, no one can tell him he has value, he needs to realize that on his own.

 

Who knows, maybe after some time you may recconnect and it will be better, but right now, whatever issues he's dealing with, he's not ready for you, and you don't need this.

 

My 2 cents.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...