Cancelled our plans...was I blown off for good?

[Far Behind]

I have begun dating this guy, and we get along really great. The first night we went out, three weeks ago, we could have had sex but we didn't, and we have not as of yet. The first night we got a little buzzed and were making out, but I wouldn't go back to his house with him. Since then, we have gone out quite a few times, he met my daughters, and last night I met his son. He continues to tell me he really likes me, and I really like him, too. Both of us have always jumped quickly into relationships and are not into doing that right now. We agreed going slowly and getting to know each other was the way to go. So far, so good, all on the same page.

 

The fireworks we were supposed to watch last night got rained out and it was rescheduled for tonight, and so we made plans to try again tonight. He called me earlier today and we spoke about it, he asked if my girls had fun, how'd they like his son, etc. He said his son had fun as well. All seemed good. Around 5 this afternoon, we spoke and he said he was cooking something or other, and I said well what time do you want us to head over there? He said he really wasn't into trying the fireworks again because the weather is crappy again. I didn't care about the fireworks either. But he didn't say anything about doing something else, either. Said he just felt like chilling at home, and asked what I was going to do. I said probably the same thing, watch a movie. He asked if I was mad, and I said no, because I'm not. I am disappointed because I was looking forward to being together again tonight, but I didn't say that either because I really didn't want to make a big deal about it. He said he'd call later.

 

Now, I'm inclined to not answer my phone if he calls later. The more I thought about it, the more disrespectful I thought it was to cancel plans at 5:00 and not make alternate ones. It isn't about the fireworks, like I said. I am just feeling rejected and it doesn't feel good. Am I making more of this than I should? I mean, maybe he is just tired and wants to chill and it's not about rejecting me at all? We have spent a lot of time together lately, but like I said, we have not had sex yet, though he is affectionate and does tell me often that he likes me. I'm very confused because I want to do things right. I think sex would screw it up right now if he's conflicted about whether or not he wants to be in a relationship.

 

We have both been single about the same length of time, but he has some weird issues with his ex and his older 2 kids. He is trying to get custody of the one I met last night.

 

Ugh, I'm starting to ramble now. I'm just conflicted because I like the guy, I think I could develop feelings for him, especially if we had sex, and I don't want to get hurt. Your thoughts would be appreciated.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Does he have his son with him today?

 

You just met his son yesterday, maybe he is just being protective of the son and doesn't want him to have the impression that you two are going steady or get too close.

 

Since as you said, you are just getting to know each other.

 

Just take it easy, it's different when children are involved.

[Far Behind]

Thank you...yes, he does have his son. I tend to get insecure (he does NOT know that side of me thankfully) and I played it real cool, like I said. I don't think he's blowing me off either, I will just take it at face value and go about my business with my daughter. My older daughter is sleeping over a friends, so it's just me and my 14 year old. We can watch a movie and hang out and have fun!

[Event Horizon]

You both agreed to take it slow so I don't see any issues here yet. I wouldn't do the not answering the phone thing yet either. He'll just know(or will assume) you're upset about the cancellation.

 

My advice would be to let it ride. If this is an issue of his you'll know soon enough anyway.

 

Let him think you don't care about the cancellation and had other things to do anyway. Remember, take it slow, not so much with him, but with your heart.

 

E..H

[Far Behind]

I had already decided that if he calls I will answer the phone. I hate game playing and there's no reason for it. I feel much better now. I tend to take things too personally and read too much into it sometimes, but I don't think that's the case right now!

[lemony fresh]

Yes, I think you may be making too much of it. You spent time together last night, and even though you discussed seeing the fireworks again, he didn't want to because th the continuing iffy weather. No biggie, right?

 

So you spent last night together and have just started dating pretty much. He just wants a night with his kids alone or something. He probably realizes that you are spending a lot of time together and just needed to "chill" tonight without you. Two weekend nights is a lot of time to expect with the guy this early in the relationship. Also, if he has his kids at his place again, he might want to take it easy before his and your kids get too attached too soon...they are now a part of the picture, too. I mean meeting the kids is a big step. Don't want to have too much too soon, though. It isn't always easy for kids to adjust to dad's new girlfriend, and possibly not your kids to him, either.

 

Just wait until he contacts you again, I think he probably will. Just enjoy a night to yourself, rent a movie, take a bath, do something fun with your kids, relax.

[Far Behind]

Yep...that's the plan. She and I are watching Knocked Up and eating ice cream!!!

Now, question: my friend keeps telling me not to answer the phone if he calls. That just seems daft at this point; I hate games. What do you think? I know earlier someone said it's too soon for that, and I agree. Just wondering any other thoughts?

[Ariadne]

Yep...that's the plan. She and I are watching Knocked Up and eating ice cream!!!

Now, question: my friend keeps telling me not to answer the phone if he calls. That just seems daft at this point; I hate games. What do you think? I know earlier someone said it's too soon for that, and I agree. Just wondering any other thoughts?

 

That's retarded.

[Far Behind]

I agree, lol. Thanks!

[lemony fresh]

No, I disagree with your friend. You should answer the phone. You already told him you were staying at home and "chilling" so if you don't answer the phone, he will catch on that you're playing games.

[refurb]

I had already decided that if he calls I will answer the phone.

 

Smart move. Games usually just backfire on you.

 

If you were disappointed, you should have said something. You don't have to say it in a whiny, emotional way. When he said the fireworks were off, you could have said "So our plan is off?".

 

It would at least give him a chance to explain himself. If he was canceling without a good reason, you would have at least made him feel like an ass for doing it!

 

RF

[Far Behind]

So I never heard from him last night, which was fine. I would have answered the phone though, because I really am not into games. I think maybe he feels he needs to pull back a little bit since we talked about going slowly and taking time to get to know one another, then saw each other 6 out of 10 days, and the kids...wow, that's a LOT! I really like him and want to spend more time with him, so I will just follow his lead for now, because I don't want to get hurt. I have never gone slowly, neither has he. Always jumped in heart first, think later. Don't want to do that anymore. In 3 weeks, other than a little making out, we haven't done anything yet. Hmmmmm. Something to look forward to!

[sid3]

Yes guys hate games. Your wise to not listen to your friend. There are far too many people dishing out crap dating advice.

[Event Horizon]

so I will just follow his lead for now, because I don't want to get hurt.

If this guy isn't meeting your needs in a reasonable amount of time though, you dump his ass, okay? Taking it slow is fine, but don't settle or sell yourself short.

 

I've read your posts and you are a nice chick who deserves someone that treats you right.

 

Good luck,

 

E..H

[Far Behind]

If this guy isn't meeting your needs in a reasonable amount of time though, you dump his ass, okay? Taking it slow is fine, but don't settle or sell yourself short.

 

I've read your posts and you are a nice chick who deserves someone that treats you right.

 

Good luck,

 

E..H

Thank you for saying that...I know I deserve someone to treat me right! This has been a tough year, to say the least. I see some potential in this guy, but I am listening to all he says, too. Honestly, I don't expect to hear from him for a couple of days now. But I don't think it's forever, just needs to get some perspective. He is going through all kinds of stuff with his ex and older two kids, and I know he is not ready to be in a relationship. He has said he likes me and wants to date and get to know each other slowly. Given my past, I have no problems with that either. That being said, I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket, and as far as I'm concerned at this time, dating others is an option. We are not exclusive; heck, we're not even sleeping together. I don't rule anything out and I'm not counting on anything, either. I don't want to get hurt.

[imbewildered]

If this guy isn't meeting your needs in a reasonable amount of time though, you dump his ass, okay? Taking it slow is fine, but don't settle or sell yourself short.

 

I've read your posts and you are a nice chick who deserves someone that treats you right.

 

Good luck,

 

E..H

 

THis is retarded advice. It is based in "I am a princess " thinking.

The guy has done nothing wrong or out of line. HE and the OP are not "official" and have had NO "talk" about being exclusive .She is entitled to NOTHING yet.

The OP is suffering from ANXIETY not abuse or neglect.

 

He sounds like a good guy. 'Not answering the phone ' games are teenage foolishness which never produce the desired outcome.

The OP needs to accept that he has a life as an parent and is not going to be focussed on her UNLESS and UNTIL she proves herself to be qualified to be an SO.

Not answering the phone out of spite disquaifies her from being taken a seriously as an applicant.

 

Be patient, lady.

[Far Behind]

THis is retarded advice. It is based in "I am a princess " thinking.

The guy has done nothing wrong or out of line. HE and the OP are not "official" and have had NO "talk" about being exclusive .She is entitled to NOTHING yet.

The OP is suffering from ANXIETY not abuse or neglect.

 

He sounds like a good guy. 'Not answering the phone ' games are teenage foolishness which never produce the desired outcome.

The OP needs to accept that he has a life as an parent and is not going to be focussed on her UNLESS and UNTIL she proves herself to be qualified to be an SO.

Not answering the phone out of spite disquaifies her from being taken a seriously as an applicant.

 

Be patient, lady.

 

Whoa...I am NOT being impatient and I'm NOT not answering my phone...I said that someone had suggested I do that, and I also said I thought that was daft. Yes, I get anxious due to my own insecurities, but I'm not worried nor do I feel abused or neglected. I think EH was simply saying that I deserve someone who treats me right, and IF I decide that is not happening here, to move on. I have no problem accepting that he has a life as a parent, as I have a life as a parent as well. Chill out on the hostility, this is just a pleasant conversation.

[tkgirl]

lol...

anyways, saw that latest post.. some poeple are so quick to be all negative on here sometimes eh? you are doing GREAT! stay strong!!!

love ya girlie...

signed, your fav LS friend

"tkgirl" aka Trish

[Far Behind]

lol...

anyways, saw that latest post.. some poeple are so quick to be all negative on here sometimes eh? you are doing GREAT! stay strong!!!

love ya girlie...

signed, your fav LS friend

"tkgirl" aka Trish

 

Baby, you ROCK!!!!!:love::bunny::bunny:

[D-Lish]

So, did he call you when he said he was going to?

 

As for answering or not answering the phone- I wouldn't stress about it! If you are there and free when he calls, answer.... if you are busy or otherwise engaed doing something else, call him back when it's convenient for you. That's not game playing! Purposely not answering your phone or ignoring him would be playing a game.

 

I don't know- I think it's cool you are taking it slow. It gives you guys an opportunity to really get to know one another.

 

I have been seeing someone pretty casually for about 5 weeks... and whenever he calls and can't get a hold of me he gets a little whiney...lol.

 

It's up to him to reschedule since he was the one who had to cancel. I am sure he will- I think having kids changes the dating game a bit. I know there are things I would forgive someone because having children shifts priorities and sometimes unexpected things come up that need to be tended to.

 

It sounds like the two of you are enjoying one another- which is great. Simply enjoying each other's company is a nice, reasonable expectation to have this early on in your relationship. I say just relax and enjoy it!

[sid3]

You seem to be sensible about the situation. I think although he canceled going to the fire works, at lest he didn't completely blow you off. How would you respond to that, say he didn't call, nothing. Then the next time you spoke he didn't even apologize. That just happened to me. pretty crappy feeling. Would that be a deal breaker for you OP? Don't mean to jack your thread. just hoping to get an opinion from someone who is in a similar yet different situation.thanks

[Far Behind]

Thanks, D...I haven't spoken to him now since yesterday when he canceled, but like I said I'm really not worried. I do have anxiety issues, but that's my deal, not anything he's done or said. He so far seems like a truly nice guy who has been honest and respectful. He will have his son now for 2 weeks, so I imagine I won't see too much of him. We'll see after that. I'm not going to call him, though he has told me often I don't have to wait for him to call me. Likewise, I would never purposefully not answer my phone. I like him and he knows it; I don't have to play a game.

[Ariadne]

He said he'd call later.

 

So I never heard from him last night, which was fine.

 

And you haven't heard from him still? Sunday eve?

 

Ok, now I'm starting to get a little nervous.

 

This is pretty crappy and probably is making you anxious.

 

(I mean, it was an important day to meet the children, now is not a good time to pull away)

 

Well, good luck, hope he calls soon.

[lemony fresh]

Whatever, HE has to prove himself to HER to, by showing consistency and caring to her. It's about HER needs, too.

 

 

 

THis is retarded advice. It is based in "I am a princess " thinking.

The guy has done nothing wrong or out of line. HE and the OP are not "official" and have had NO "talk" about being exclusive .She is entitled to NOTHING yet.

The OP is suffering from ANXIETY not abuse or neglect.

 

He sounds like a good guy. 'Not answering the phone ' games are teenage foolishness which never produce the desired outcome.

The OP needs to accept that he has a life as an parent and is not going to be focussed on her UNLESS and UNTIL she proves herself to be qualified to be an SO.

Not answering the phone out of spite disquaifies her from being taken a seriously as an applicant.

 

Be patient, lady.

[D-Lish]

Thanks, D...I haven't spoken to him now since yesterday when he canceled, but like I said I'm really not worried. I do have anxiety issues, but that's my deal, not anything he's done or said. He so far seems like a truly nice guy who has been honest and respectful. He will have his son now for 2 weeks, so I imagine I won't see too much of him. We'll see after that. I'm not going to call him, though he has told me often I don't have to wait for him to call me. Likewise, I would never purposefully not answer my phone. I like him and he knows it; I don't have to play a game.

 

You have the right attitude. That's good. When you've been in a few relationships and actually understand the potential for being hurt, it's natural to have anxiety about new relationships.

 

I do agree that he should be the one to contact you next.

 

Hey, I have been guilty of some game playing with not answering my phone in the past and I am in my 30s... I use that tactic sparingly and only after someone has treated me inappropriately though. I had a guy cancel on me three nights in a row, and he did so last minute each time. I told him I was unimpressed after the second time- so when he did it on day #3...I got cool with him for a couple days and didn't pick up us calls or return them. I was actually going to break up with him- but he started making a huge effort after that and we had a talk about respect and expectations.

 

I think if the guy continuously cancels or just doesn't make a concerted effort to get together...then you can rethink the situation and whether or not it suits you.

 

Having kids does complicate things though- and understandably so. He has his kids for 2 weeks- so it's wise to see how he handles things both during this time and after.