Can't understand Soldier mentality - ex Marine!

[MissCroft]

Hi

 

Hoping someone can help out

 

I'm totally taken by this guy at work, ex Marine, military family, spent his whole life moving cause his dad was stationed at different bases

 

Really cleancut guy, smart, VERY direct. I can tell that he likes women who are very girly and put on lots of makeup, lipstick, etc. Whenever I wear the heels and lipstick around him its really cute/noticable, he starts stuttering and staring at my bod for the entire conversation. Whereas usually he's in "military mode" shouting (yes shouting) orders at everyone nearby, man or woman. Needless to say he's not the most popular guy around the office.

 

A mutual friend sent me a copy of an email he sent out. It was a joke about the proper way to salute the flag. You don't put your hand over your heart to salute, you put your hand over the boob of the woman standing next to you. get it? Har har. The other part of the email was an argument between a man and a woman. You spend all our money on beer! she whines. I wish I could spend it on makeup to look pretty for you instead. But honey, he retorts, that's what the beer is for. Har har.

Why do I care about this guy?

I don't know

 

I know he's been married before cause his ex comes over to drop off his kids every few weeks. She cheated on him and left him for a doctor who bought her a Lexus. Now he pays child support. She is very pretty though, but whenever she visits you can hear them yelling at each other in his office.

 

I don't know why I'm drawn to him. He seems like a 'tough buy' outside but so wounded inside.

 

This man is like an entirely foreign species of human being.

I'm TOTALLY CONFUSED!! I'm friendly and accepting, get along with most people. Shy or outgoing, they tend to gravitate to me. He gives off a distinct vibe that no one has anything in common with him, but I know that's not true - we're both former athletes, college educated, decent people. I don't understand him or his attitude about fighting and yelling and seeing women as these whiny, greedy creatures with big bouncy breasts. I definitely have the big bouncy breast aspect, but I'm not whiny or greedy. I'm a very low maintenance bookish type.

 

I get the feeling he wants a woman to go up to him and start yelling at him and bossing him around, so then he can feel sorry for himself and complain.

But, is that fair? Maybe that's not what he wants. I can't read him at all. The problem is I just can't get past his shell!!! This man is a mystery to me. Totally bizarre, unfathomable and unintelligible. I feel like grabbing him and shaking him. Don't you want friends!?? Don't you want a woman you can trust!!?? Don't you want people to like you??!! WHY does everything have to be a fight??!! Do you ever just hang out like a normal person and not argue?!! Aaarrggh!

I don't know if it is him or me though. I wonder if that's why his ex left. Maybe she never got past his shell either.

[You'reasian]

First off, there's a difference between Marines and Soldiers.... Soldiers are in the Army, whereas Marines are in the Department of the Navy (joking for any jarheads out there - lots of respect).

 

You should suggest that you guys go out on a date, find out what makes him tick and then deliver - work on showing him that you're the bouncy, girly type that he likes AND that you've got a good head on your shoulders.

[daphne]

There's a certain type of military guy that has an inferiority/superiority complex. Special forces, and probably marines are taught that they are better than others. They have to be brainwashed to fight for their country and do the things they have to do. THeir egos tend to be pretty big as a result.

 

There's a fairly high percentage of violence/cheating in military marriages. I'd say the same is probably true for cops and other people who serve and protect. It's a very rough environment, and hard for someone who's passive to survive. He's loud and aggressive because he was surrounded by that type of people before. Maybe he was that way to begin with, who knows.

 

It sounds like from your post that you'd like to break through and maybe change him. This isn't going to happen. If you want to fix him and make him someone better than he is, you might want to scoot. Military guys are no cake walk. I was married to one. And from my vast experience around them, there aren't many that go in that really have a solid head on their shoulders and do it for the right reasons to begin with. Lots of loners, misfits, guys that don't know if they can make a living on the outside. Not to slam them all, because I've known a couple of really good ones. Just saying' not a lot.

[InLimbo2]

Sounds to me like you are lookin to snag yourself what me and my friends affectionately call a "knuckle-dragger". Harkens back to the days when men were men - they are very strong men - not macho in a bad way - a very healthy and reassuring maleness. They stereotypically are very loving and protective -believe it's their job to protect 'their women'. That doesn't mean they are chauvinists - they adore smart strong women - but they never forget they are women. They believe in loyalty, honor, and strength. And they have usually been hurt by a woman - and put the walls up to protect their heart, and to make sure nobody can see the vulnerable inside - a testament to just how sensitive they are underneath. But - oh girl - if you manage to break through that shell - the payoff! Wonderful loving affectionate man who's supportive and loyal. What they won't do is put up with a bunch of senseless crap, they most definitely won't let you walk all over them - they'll treat you as an equal and you better treat them as such too.

 

I found mine - or we found each other - just over 2 years ago - it took me over 40 years - but finally found the right man. A couple of my gf's have found theirs too. A whole bunch of my friends look at us and wonder where theirs are. It's not easy - but if you go for it and succeed - you will not be sorry

 

 

Hi

 

Hoping someone can help out

 

I'm totally taken by this guy at work, ex Marine, military family, spent his whole life moving cause his dad was stationed at different bases

 

Really cleancut guy, smart, VERY direct. I can tell that he likes women who are very girly and put on lots of makeup, lipstick, etc. Whenever I wear the heels and lipstick around him its really cute/noticable, he starts stuttering and staring at my bod for the entire conversation. Whereas usually he's in "military mode" shouting (yes shouting) orders at everyone nearby, man or woman. Needless to say he's not the most popular guy around the office.

 

A mutual friend sent me a copy of an email he sent out. It was a joke about the proper way to salute the flag. You don't put your hand over your heart to salute, you put your hand over the boob of the woman standing next to you. get it? Har har. The other part of the email was an argument between a man and a woman. You spend all our money on beer! she whines. I wish I could spend it on makeup to look pretty for you instead. But honey, he retorts, that's what the beer is for. Har har.

Why do I care about this guy?

I don't know

 

I know he's been married before cause his ex comes over to drop off his kids every few weeks. She cheated on him and left him for a doctor who bought her a Lexus. Now he pays child support. She is very pretty though, but whenever she visits you can hear them yelling at each other in his office.

 

I don't know why I'm drawn to him. He seems like a 'tough buy' outside but so wounded inside.

 

This man is like an entirely foreign species of human being.

I'm TOTALLY CONFUSED!! I'm friendly and accepting, get along with most people. Shy or outgoing, they tend to gravitate to me. He gives off a distinct vibe that no one has anything in common with him, but I know that's not true - we're both former athletes, college educated, decent people. I don't understand him or his attitude about fighting and yelling and seeing women as these whiny, greedy creatures with big bouncy breasts. I definitely have the big bouncy breast aspect, but I'm not whiny or greedy. I'm a very low maintenance bookish type.

 

I get the feeling he wants a woman to go up to him and start yelling at him and bossing him around, so then he can feel sorry for himself and complain.

But, is that fair? Maybe that's not what he wants. I can't read him at all. The problem is I just can't get past his shell!!! This man is a mystery to me. Totally bizarre, unfathomable and unintelligible. I feel like grabbing him and shaking him. Don't you want friends!?? Don't you want a woman you can trust!!?? Don't you want people to like you??!! WHY does everything have to be a fight??!! Do you ever just hang out like a normal person and not argue?!! Aaarrggh!

I don't know if it is him or me though. I wonder if that's why his ex left. Maybe she never got past his shell either.

[MissCroft]

thanks!

 

you have all really helped me

 

when I said he seemed like a foreign species I meant, he is literally the first person I have ever been around from the military. He says the word "duty" a lot, like it's your duty to do this and my duty to do that.

 

When I first met him, I thought he was a character from a really violent video game. Gears of War meets the office. This guy can't be for real, I thought.

 

I was raised by my mom, no dad, no uncles, three single aunts on a Kentucky farm. Piano lessons, ballet. All of them divorced or widowed. My grandpaw, the only man in my childhood, was totally bossed around by my granny, he was a quiet and timid man. The thought occured to me last night, maybe metal gear office guy is an average normal man and I AM THE WEIRD ONE! I wonder how out of touch I really am. Being raised by women sure didn't help. For example, why does wearing revealing clothing bring him to his knees? That's so silly. Who cares what I'm wearing, it's still me! The same person! Me! Hello? That makes no sense! Being around him is like stepping into some twilight zone universe where boobs trump logic and duty trumps everything else.

[bayouboi]

Next time he says "duty" you should say "Duty? It is your duty to please this booty!"

[refurb]

First off, there are no "ex-Marines". Only "former-Marines".

 

Seems to me that you're trying to guess what this guy is really like. The only way you'll know for sure is to get to know him.

 

As for the shell, like most guys, he puts it up stop himself from being hurt. Often guys like that have entirely different personalities once you get to know them.

 

RF

[InLimbo2]

For the same reason it might make you stutter or bring you to your knees if George Clooney (or insert hotty of your choice) appeared and spoke to you. Attraction is a very powerful thing - and it's what's kept the human species alive for millenniums. People don't fall in love because of logic darlin

 

 

For example, why does wearing revealing clothing bring him to his knees? That's so silly. Who cares what I'm wearing, it's still me! The same person! Me! Hello? That makes no sense! Being around him is like stepping into some twilight zone universe where boobs trump logic and duty trumps everything else.